I am very nonthreatening and patient at work. At home? Hahahahaha. I've apparently burned through my reserves of patience by the time I get home and have to help a screaming child.
We do the limited choices part already for other stuff, like picking the shirt he'll wear or which sneakers. I count to three, and if he hasn't done what we want by three, he gets the time out. That part? Not so hard. Trying to apply it in other areas is kind of hit or miss sometimes, tbh. It's the getting to time out, having him take it, having him process it... Sigh.
Jason says it's because the baby gloms onto me so hard that he's trying to get my attention. Which I know logically. My coworker thinks that I should stop stressing the eye contact so hard, but otherwise I don't know if he's really listening to me. This morning, he kept looking out the window and talking about the neighbor's dog. Jason thinks he's worried that the dog will get into the house again (he kinda made a beeline in when a parent was picking up Maddy's friend after their play date) and that's why he couldn't focus on what I was saying. My problem is that apparently once they step over my line, I start screaming. I try to take deep breaths like I tell the kids to, but they keep going and then I lose it. ::facepalm:: Not a good place for me to be. :(
One of the (many) reasons I chose not to have children was knowing that I would take out the day's frustrations on them, just as my dad always did on us. I have nothing but admiration for parents who can get through the illogic of little guys and make things work.
I can see competing for attention. What about a hand signal that he can give you to show he's listening? Like, I don't know, a dinosaur head made from fist and forearm up like a brontosaurus, that nods or shakes? It takes enough concentration to make the pose and gesture that it probably wouldn't become absent-minded. Then again, non-verbal may not be the best choice either. (Since I rarely am around guys that little anymore, except for one nephew, I just don't know. Maybe you should tell me to shut up with my ignorant self!)
Could you say "You are crossing Mommy's line" as a warning phrase? (Possibly again with the shutting up, over here :P )
I dunno, maybe I'm being too hard on myself right now. I don't usually take out the day's issues on my family, and I don't discuss work with them except in the most tangential ways. ("Mommy had a hard day work" can cover insurance snafus, the computer system going wonky, having to hospitalize someone, etc.) The kids generally brighten when they see me coming home and run to greet me, so I'm not that terrible, at least! ^^;
I'm willing to try anything to stop the cycle of screaming, so it's okay. I need ideas that can shake it all loose. Zach likes dinosaurs, so maybe a hand signal might help? I try telling him to look at my nose or forehead instead of my eyes if it's too hard to look at my eyes. Maybe I just totally freak him out. Telling him I'm starting to get irritated hasn't helped, and saying when I'm starting to get angry hasn't changed much. ::throws up hands::
Hopefully when I'm calmer, he and I can talk after dinner while Maddy takes her shower and I put Nick to bed. We prolly need Mommy-Zach time, because we really don't get it right now other than reading a bedtime story, and sometimes that doesn't happen with family movies or him wanting extra cartoon time instead. :(
I'll see how that goes... He was so excited when we changed our schedules for summer and I can bring him to day care in the morning. Tho he runs off to play with other kids as soon as he gets there, too. :)
We do the limited choices part already for other stuff, like picking the shirt he'll wear or which sneakers. I count to three, and if he hasn't done what we want by three, he gets the time out. That part? Not so hard. Trying to apply it in other areas is kind of hit or miss sometimes, tbh. It's the getting to time out, having him take it, having him process it... Sigh.
Jason says it's because the baby gloms onto me so hard that he's trying to get my attention. Which I know logically. My coworker thinks that I should stop stressing the eye contact so hard, but otherwise I don't know if he's really listening to me. This morning, he kept looking out the window and talking about the neighbor's dog. Jason thinks he's worried that the dog will get into the house again (he kinda made a beeline in when a parent was picking up Maddy's friend after their play date) and that's why he couldn't focus on what I was saying. My problem is that apparently once they step over my line, I start screaming. I try to take deep breaths like I tell the kids to, but they keep going and then I lose it. ::facepalm:: Not a good place for me to be. :(
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I can see competing for attention. What about a hand signal that he can give you to show he's listening? Like, I don't know, a dinosaur head made from fist and forearm up like a brontosaurus, that nods or shakes? It takes enough concentration to make the pose and gesture that it probably wouldn't become absent-minded. Then again, non-verbal may not be the best choice either. (Since I rarely am around guys that little anymore, except for one nephew, I just don't know. Maybe you should tell me to shut up with my ignorant self!)
Could you say "You are crossing Mommy's line" as a warning phrase? (Possibly again with the shutting up, over here :P )
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I'm willing to try anything to stop the cycle of screaming, so it's okay. I need ideas that can shake it all loose. Zach likes dinosaurs, so maybe a hand signal might help? I try telling him to look at my nose or forehead instead of my eyes if it's too hard to look at my eyes. Maybe I just totally freak him out. Telling him I'm starting to get irritated hasn't helped, and saying when I'm starting to get angry hasn't changed much. ::throws up hands::
Hopefully when I'm calmer, he and I can talk after dinner while Maddy takes her shower and I put Nick to bed. We prolly need Mommy-Zach time, because we really don't get it right now other than reading a bedtime story, and sometimes that doesn't happen with family movies or him wanting extra cartoon time instead. :(
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Mommy/Zach time sounds like a good idea - if it's attention he wants more of, even five minutes together alone would probably help him.
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