Misplaced Childhood -Part 1: Chapter 1
Jared stays in the hospital for a whole week. They have tests to do, and they say he’s dehydrated so he needs a drip. His mom and dad are there with him. His mom cries a lot. There is a nice policewoman who comes and asks questions. Everybody is murmuring and looking at him like he could break at any time. Jared gets annoyed. He wants to go back home and play with his toys, with Jeff. He wants to sleep in his room, watch TV, and hold his baby sister. He wants to go outside. It’s summer now, which is strange because it was winter when Jared got taken by The Man. His parents told him he spent six months in The Man’s basement.
Most of all, though, Jared wants to know about Jensen. He’s been taken to a different hospital and no one seem to want to answer him until Jared throws a fit because he’s scared that Jensen was too sick -that he’s dead, and no one knows how to tell him. The police officer finally explains him that the doctors were very worried about Jensen for a while, and that’s why no one could answer him. He’s getting better now, even if he’s going to stay in the hospital for a long time.
Jared doesn’t give up. He goes home, and nothing is the same anymore. Megan is crawling now and making all sort of noises, and Jeff doesn’t tease him like he used to, and his dad asks him if he wants a puppy. Jared wants to make sure Jensen is alright, so he keeps asking. One day he hears his parents murmuring together, and then his dad spends a long time on the phone before he comes to see Jared where he’s watching TV in the living room. Jared likes the living room now because there are a lot of windows, and he wonders how he didn’t realize it before.
Dad sits next to him and shuts the TV off. He wraps an arm around Jared’s shoulders and Jared tenses a second because this reminds him of the Man, but then he thinks very hard that this is his dad, and Dad would never hurt him.
Dad smiles. “How are you doing, sport?”
“Fine.”
“So, I’ve talked to Jensen’s mother.”
Jared gets all nervous and excited, and he feels like he’s going to cry.
“He’s still pretty sick and he won’t talk to anybody. He said your name, though.”
“That’s why, that’s why I need to see him, he needs me,” Jared blurts out, and now he’s crying, like a big baby.
Dad holds him tighter and kisses the top of his head. Dad does this all the time now. He never used to do it before. “Calm down, Jared. I know it’s important to you. One of the special doctors who takes care of Jensen thinks it might be a good idea if you came to visit him.”
“Yes it is, it is, Dad, I’ll be good, I promise.”
Dad’s chin is trembling a little and he clears his throat, tries to smile, except that it comes out more like a grimace. “I know you will, son.”
::: :::
It’s Jared’s dad who takes him to the hospital. Jared’s mom has bought a teddy bear for Jensen, all soft and silky, just like the one Jared has. Jared holds onto it tight as they go through sliding doors. “You have to be careful not to upset him,” Dad murmurs, “because he’s still very sick, you understand?”
Jared nods, almost impatiently. He knows Jensen, his father doesn’t.
The room is quiet, and there's a lady that must be Jensen’s mother sitting near the bed. Jensen looks even smaller than back in the basement. His face is white with red stains on his cheeks. His eyes are barely opened because they’re all swollen and bluish. He doesn’t have a drip on his hand like Jared did, but something is stuck in his neck with lots of bandages. Machines are beeping all around him, and he has this strange tube under his nose that goes around his ears and makes a soft, wush-y sound.
“Jensen,” Jared says, maybe a little too loudly because the lady jumps in her seat and her face gets all pinched-up.
“Careful,” Jared’s dad repeats.
Jared gets close to the bed and Jensen’s eyes get huge. He tries to sit, but he can’t. His mother presses a hand on his belly. “Don’t hurt yourself, honey.”
“Jared,” Jensen says, his voice all tiny and raspy.
He smiles a little. Jared puts the teddy bear next to him. “I wanted to come before,” he states. “You were too sick.”
Jensen stretches a hand and Jared knows what it means. Of course he knows. He takes off his sneakers and starts to climb on the bed. His father holds him back, though, and Jensen’s mother stands up suddenly, telling him he can’t do it, he’s going to hurt Jensen.
“No, it’s okay, let him climb,” a woman’s voice states.
Jared turns his head and sees the nice-looking lady that visited him at the hospital. She had said she’s a special doctor, she'd asked a lot of question about what had happened to Jared, but she’s fun too. She makes jokes and always has treats and little toys with her. Her name is Dr. Huffman, but only the nurses and Jared’s parents have to call her that. Jared can call her Laina. She winks at him and makes a sign with her hand.
Jared doesn’t have to be told twice. He climbs onto the bed with the help of his father, being very careful of all the different tubes and stuff. Jensen’s mom seems to be frozen in place, and she looks at Jared like she’s mad at him. Jared doesn’t really care, though. As soon as he’s lying next to his friend, Jensen moves slowly on the bed until they touch. Jared takes Jensen’s hand. He grabs the teddy bear in his other.
“My mom bought this for you. I have the same, except the fur on mine is brown instead of golden.”
Jensen smiles a little. He looks around, wincing, and it must hurt because there is yellow stuff stuck at the corner of his eyes. It leaks a bit.
“Wanna ask you a question,” Jensen murmurs, caressing the fur of his new stuffed animal.
He turns his head so that he can speak directly into Jared’s ear. “Where’s the Bad Man now?”
Jensen’s mother makes some sort of strangled noise and Laina says: “please Mrs. Ackles,” but Jared doesn’t really care. He looks at Jensen in the eyes. “He’s in jail. Mom says he’ll never, ever get out. They locked him up. Jensen, we’re safe.”
“Cause I’m scared,” Jensen admits in the same murmured voice.
Jared nods. He’s scared too. He knows the Man can’t hurt him anymore. The nice police officer, she said that he would be in jail until the Trial, where a lot of people and a judge are going to tell him that he has to stay locked up because he did forbidden things.
Still, it doesn’t change anything, Jared knows. The Man -he has a name, Benton Glass - is still there with him in his head.
“We should give them a moment,” Laina says.
Jared can hear the footsteps of his father and him saying: “I’ll be right outside, Jared.”
Jensen’s mom shakes his head. “But I’m not sure.”
“Please Mrs. Ackles” Laina repeats again, and she moves away from them.
“I want you to stay with me,” Jensen tells Jared in a conspiracy voice. “Mommy cries all the time, I think she’s scared too.”
“My mom cries a lot too,” Jared says, because even if he’s only seven, he knows he can’t stay with Jensen at the hospital. He just doesn’t know how to say it.
“They looked for us for a very long time and they were worried, and now they’re sad because of what the man did to us,” he tries to explain.
Jensen nods and closes his eyes. Jared stays quiet, just hold his hand and waits. That’s what they used to do back in the basement.
Jared knows exactly when Jensen falls asleep, when there is this hitch in his breathing rhythm before it slows down a little. He feels good. Wishes that he could stay.
::: :::
Jared goes to see Laina twice a week at her office. He likes it, even if sometimes he doesn’t feel like talking about the Man and everything that’s different now. Laina says he can talk about whatever he wants, which is good, and when Jared feels upset and angry inside, she lets him punch a big cushion and it feels a little better. She explains a lot of things to him, and it’s easier than with Mom and Dad. Jared doesn’t like when his mother gets all sad and starts crying, and his father’s face tenses like he’s really, really angry. It happens sometimes when he talks about the Man. With Laina, though, it’s easier, and she never says he’s too young to know something. She tells him it’s normal to still be scared, to have trouble sleeping alone in his room and not to feel safe even though the Man is locked up. She reassures him when Jared starts to wet his bed again like a baby.
Jared hears a lot of stuff his parents and other adults talk about when they think he can’t hear them. Some of this stuff is scary. He now knows that The Man, Benton Glass, did bad stuff to other kids. He learns that Tommy is dead, and, although he’s not surprised, it scares him so much he can’t breathe anymore and when he cries, it hurts. Laina says she understand and lets him calm down. Jared had heard that they had found two little boys buried in The Man’s backyard. He doesn’t know the other one, but it’s still hurting him, thinking that maybe Jensen too would have been buried in the backyard if the cops hadn’t come and save him. Laina explains it all to him. She even tells him about the journalists that sometimes call home or knock at the door, and why it makes his parents so upset.
“When something like this happens to kids, Jared, there is a law that protects them, and people don’t have the right to write their name in the papers or say it in the news on TV. When you disappeared, though, a lot of people put a lot of efforts in finding you. Your photo was everywhere. So people know who you are anyway. Same thing goes for Jensen.”
“But why do they want to talk to me?”
Laina smiles. “Maybe they just think you’re a very brave boy and they want everybody to know. Journalists like stories, and stories like yours and Jensen’s are stories that interest a lot of people, even if they’re sad ones. Your parents just want to protect you, and they’re right.”
Jared has all kind of worries, like how things will be when he gets back to school, and will his parents ever go back to the way they were before, because now they’re never mad at him, even if he does something bad. Jeff gets grounded, but Jared only gets soft words. It angers him, so he punches the cushion, and after that he feels tired and spent, but there is no more fire burning in the pit of his belly.
The most important reason why Jared loves Laina so much, though, doesn’t have anything to do with the way she treats him, or what he’s allowed to do in her office. He loves Laina because she’s the one who told Jensen’s mom that it would be a good idea to let them see each other once a week. Jensen’s mom wasn’t sure, but Laina convinced her because she’s a doctor. Jared’s not supposed to know this, but he overheard. He keeps it like a warm secret inside of him.
It’s easy to see Jensen because he has to come and visit Laina too. Once a week, they meet at her office and play together in the large room full of toys and soft cushions and chairs that’s right next to Laina’s office. Their parents wait outside, which is good because Jensen still doesn’t like to talk, but when he’s alone with Jared, he does. They like to make a huge pile of cushions and sink in it, Jensen holding Jared’s hand. Sometimes they play. Sometimes they talk. Sometimes they just stay together close enough to touch, and Jared always feels good afterward. Jensen needs him. It’s not like back home where Jared’s family treats him like he’s a fragile, tiny baby like his sister. With Jensen, Jared feels confident and useful and grown-up, and it’s wonderful to have this impression that although everything around him is wrong, Jensen still looks at him like he did the first time he saw him. Jensen trusts him.
One day toward the end of the summer, Laina comes to see Jared at home. It’s the first time she's done that, so Jared is a little nervous. She wants to speak with his parents first and Jared is scared he did something really wrong, although he can’t figure out what. He waits in his room, playing with his new puppy. It’s a girl, a Dalmatian, just like he asked for. He named her Blue because she has one blue eye and it’s very rare.
When Laina comes to see him, Blue is asleep on Jared’s lap. Laina sits on Jared’s bed and gently pats the puppy’s head. Blue blinks and yawns and it makes Laina smile.
“I have come to ask you something, Jared,” Laina tells him. “I had to ask your parents first and they’re okay with it, but I want you to know that you don’t have to say yes. No one will be angry with you if you refuse to do it.”
“Do what?”
Laina asks him if he knows what a trial is. Jared does, kind of. His mom watches a lot of shows where there are trials with a judge and lots of people like lawyers, and it’s the Law, so when someone does something bad, he has to have a trial so the judge can send him to jail. Laina says he’s right, and that although Benton Glass is already in jail, he has to have a trial too so that a judge can say he will never be able to get out. Ever.
That’s a good thing. There is a lawyer whose job is to tell the judge everything The Man did wrong, and he thinks Jared could help him with this. Jared won’t have to go to the Courthouse, though. The lawyer is going to ask him questions and there will be a camera filming him. Jared’s parents will be there, Laina as well. It’s his choice, she says.
“Will Jensen do it too?”
“No,” Laina shakes her head, smiling. “He’s still very young and he has trouble talking about what happened. He’s scared, doesn’t know how to talk about it.”
“Can I tell the lawyer what he did to Jensen too?”
It’s important, Jared thinks, that the judge understands this, how wrong and bad the Man had been, not only with him, but with Tommy, then with Jensen.
“You can say whatever you want, Jared. And I think it’s very brave of you.”
“Okay,” Jared says. “I can talk to the lawyer.”
It happens soon enough. The lawyer’s name is Jeffrey and he looks like a nice man. They’re sitting at the table in Laina’s playing room and there is someone from the Courthouse who, Jeffrey tells Jared, is going to be responsible for the camera and make sure that everything they do is okay with the Law, and the judge. Jared’s parents are sitting with Laina behind the camera. Jeffrey tells Jared not to worry, that there aren’t any wrong answers to his questions, and that he can stop whenever he wants. Jared agrees. Then he starts talking. The questions are easy at first, and when Jeffrey starts with the really difficult ones, Jared is comfortable enough with him to say everything he remembers. He tries not to forget anything because this is important. This is for the judge to make his decision, and Jared wants The Man to stay in jail forever.
At some point, Jeffrey takes strange dolls out of a bag. They’re in white cotton and have butts and penises, but no face. Jeffrey wants Jared to show him with the dolls what Benton Glass did to him. Jared doesn’t like this part -and apparently, his mother as well because she gets out of the playing room quickly, without making a noise. Laina smiles reassuringly to Jared and nods, so he goes on. He’s shivering now because he can still remember being in the white room, how sick he felt, with the Man’s big hands all over him or his penis in Jared’s face, sticky and smelly, and him saying: “yes, come on, Jared, you’re a big boy. I want you to suck on it, just like a lollipop.”
Jared tells everything, and when Jeffrey thanks him and tells him how brave he’s been, how important what he just did is, he bursts out crying. He didn’t think that would happen, and it surprises him because he’s choking and he can’t stop, even if he wants to.
Laina gets up and kneels right next to him, rubbing his back and telling him that it’s over, but it’s not. Jared sees Jeffrey getting ready to leave and he panics.
“Wait,” he hiccups, “Wait, I want to say something because you didn’t ask and it’s important.”
Jeffrey nods and sits back. “I’m listening, Jared. Take all the time you need.”
“You have to tell the judge,” he pants, trying to catch his breath, “tell the judge that the Man did bad stuff to Jensen too and he doesn’t talk about it, Laina says, because he doesn’t know how, but… Tell the judge, alright, because the Man hurt him real bad and made him bleed and it was always him… Always him at the end.”
“Come on, Jared, try to slow down your breathing just like I showed you,” Laina tells him.
He tries. Very hard. His dad is up, ready to come to him too. It makes him feel a little better, but he’s not done. “Promise? he asks Jeffrey. “Promise you’ll talk about Jensen too.”
Jeffrey takes him by the shoulders and looks at him straight in the eyes, like Jared is an adult, not a scared little kid who can’t stop crying.
“I promise you, Jared. I’ll tell the judge everything.”
And Jared believes him.
Chapter 2
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