Disaster 'verse: How to survive a disaster
Tittle: How to survive a disaster
Pairing: J2
Word count: 7900
Summary: Settled three years after Of natural disasters and miracles, which you can read HERE Jared and Jensen are making a life as a family with Jensen’s daughter Sophie. It’s not always easy. Then, something happens that turn their world upside down all over again.
Warnings: NC-17 for language, mpreg, sexual situations and graphic birth.
Disclaimer: None of this is true (yeah, no kidding.)
Thanks to: : The fabulousyohkobennington for her beta work the day before she had to go under surgery!. Thanks to disneymagics, my usual partner in crime, for the second look and the cheers.
It’s the beginning of April in Boston and it’s been raining on and off for days. Jared’s students have been broody and agitated all week and when the bell finally rings, it’s a relief.
“Okay, guys, what do we say now?” Jared asks as the kids make a beeline for the door.
“T-G-I-F!” They recite, practically scream, and Jared can’t help but smile, tousle Mia’s blond hair and pinch Gabriel’s nose as he goes to open the door.
Less than five minutes later, with the students safely seated in their school bus, Jared goes back inside, takes his bag and quickly goes through the small underground tunnel that leads to the day care center for children of the school’s staff.
Maria, one of the educators, winks at him when he steps inside the big common room decorated with bright colors. She nods toward the large foam mattress on the left, where Sophie is building an ambitious pyramid with wooden blocks. Her tongue is sticking out of her small heart-shaped mouth and she frowns, reminding Jared of Jensen whenever he concentrates on something.
Sophie doesn’t look much like her father. She has dark, wavy hair, tanned skin tone and almond shaped grey eyes, but Jensen’s genetics are therein all of her expressions and mannerisms.
“Hey, Soo-phie…” Jared coos softly, taking a couple of steps forward.
The three year old raises her chin and her expression shifts from seriousness to complete joy in less than a second. She has Jensen’s mind blowing smile, and it moves something deep inside Jared each time she smiles at him.
“Papa!” She says, standing up and walking straight through her construction, not caring anymore when Jared kneels and spreads his arms.
“Hey, princess!” He says, taking her into her arms and standing up.
She kisses his cheek and rubs her nose against the skin of his neck. Sophie is a very tactile kid.
“Did you have a good day?”
“Uh-huh. It were strawberries for desert!”
“Really? You lucky girl. I told them, you know: Sophie doesn’t like to eat anything except broccoli. Guess they didn’t listen to me.”
Sophie giggles the whole time Jared gets her ready to go. She’s in a good mood, which is great. Sometimes, she’s tired after a whole day at the day-care center, and gets grumpy.
“Remember we’re going to see Aunt Megan.”
“With daddy,” Sophie adds, looking unsure all of sudden.
“No, daddy’s sick today. So you, lucky girl, are going to sleep over at Meg’s apartment. I think she may order pizza.”
Sophie lowers her eyes and plays with the hem of Jared’s shirt. “Wanna go see daddy,” she repeats, her chin wobbling.
“I know baby, but daddy isn’t going to be a lot of fun. He’s gonna sleep and tell us to be quiet and look all grumpy.”
Jared pouts and crosses his eyes, and as simple as that, Sophie’s smile slowly returns.
“You ready?”
“We go see Auntie Meggie.”
“Exactly, Baby. Come on now.”
::: :::
Megan lives with her boyfriend in a small apartment near Boston Architectural College, where they both study. It’s a short ride from the elementary school and the traffic goes smoothly. As soon as Meg opens her door, she grabs Sophie in her arms and tickles her, making a big deal about how HAPPY she is to baby-sit her and how AWESOME tonight will be since Mike is visiting his parents and they will have a girl’s night and do all sorts of AMAZING things.
Initially shocked by this display of affection, Sophie finally goes with it and asks if there will, in fact, be pizza. Megan nods seriously and puts her down.
“I rented movies. You wanna pick the one we’re going to watch first? They’re on the couch.”
Sophie shifts from one foot to the other, biting her lips just like Jensen does so often. Then, she tugs on Jared’s hand until he crouches beside her.
“Love you, papa,” she murmurs, kissing him on the cheek.
“Love you too. See you tomorrow, okay?”
“A kiss for daddy too,” Sophie adds, pressing her small lips on Jared’s other cheek.
He hugs her. His daughter, he thinks, heart swelling with pride and possession. It’s only been official for the last six months: the adoption papers and procedures were hell to get through, after Jensen had asked him if he wanted to do it. It doesn’t really matter, though. He’s always felt the same about Sophie. Isn’t he the one who helped her come into the world after all?
Sophie finally let go of him and disappears into the living room, dragging her small Rapunzel luggage behind her.
“We’ll be fine,” Megan says. “Don’t worry.”
“I’m not.”
“Ah, when your eyes get all glassy, Jay… It’s Jensen, isn’t it?”
Jared shrugs. “Well, maybe there's nothing more to it than exhaustion. I mean, he’s going to graduate in what… six weeks?… And he's had a lot of things going on at school, but still, it’s getting progressively worse. He doesn’t eat much and he sleeps a lot and he’s snappy. He threw up this morning and he was all dizzy and stuff and still, I had to practically force him to stay home.”
“As a college student, all I can say is that the end of a semester can do that to someone. It’s a lot of work, man.”
“Hey, I know, I’ve been there. Maybe he caught a virus on top of all the stress. Anyway, I went home on my lunch break and he was sleeping on the couch. I mean, he was out like a light. Never woke up. I thought he needed a little rest, hence the presence of your niece.”
“I’m sure he’s fine. One night of sweet lovin’ and he’ll be all fixed up.”
Megan rises to the tip of her toes to pinch Jared’s cheeks and he can’t help but laugh. After a few more minutes of discussion with the usual recommendations and reminders of Sophie’s habits, he leaves to get home as soon as possible.
::: :::
The Hudson River is dark and agitated when Jared gets home. His, Jensen and Sophie’s home, for three years now. The apartment is a little small for three people, but they have managed so far. Jensen had fallen in love with the view as soon as he'd gone inside the first time.
They live on the third floor and the elevator is slow, or maybe Jared is just tensed. He knows it gets on Jensen’s nerve, whenever he feels that Jared is worrying about him. “We’re in a relationship, we’re equals. You don’t have to… take care of me like you did when we were kids.”
Maybe Jensen is right, or maybe it’s the androgyne talking, the one who had lived through discrimination and mockery, sometimes cruelty from other kids. Andros aren’t lesser-men, nor are they some kind of genetic abomination, and for Jensen, it’s like he needs to prove it to himself, as well as to the rest of the world, every single day.
He’s been working so hard for the last three years. Studying, raising Sophie, always insisting on doing more than his share of work in the apartment, on paying half of their expenses. The first year and a half, he’d been reluctant to let Jared take care of Sophie, of going out and leaving her with him. Not that he didn’t trust him. It was his damn pride speaking, his fear of scaring Jared off by putting too much on his shoulders.
At one point, when Jensen had asked him if he could babysit for a couple of hours, Jared had gotten mad, really mad at his boyfriend, for the first time since the beginning of their relationship. “No, I’m not going to baby-sit Sophie! I’m not, because I feel like she’s my daughter and I’ve been living with her since she was born and parents don’t baby-sit their kids. They take care of them. You’re my boyfriend, not my roommate, and we’re a family. If that's not the way you see things, then too bad. That’s what I want.”
He had left that day and had only come back the morning after, missing Jensen and Sophie so much, scared he had said things that would effectively put an end to their relationship. He had found Jen sleeping on the couch with the baby cradled against his chest. He’d been crying. Jared had opened his mouth but couldn’t get a word out before Jensen had apologized in a murmur so as not to wake Sophie up.
“I’m sorry. I want what you want. And you are Sophie’s father, as much as me, Jay. I want you to adopt her.”
It's been better since then, but Jensen will always need to prove to himself that he’s worth something. Jared lets it go, most of the time, but he tells himself that they have all their lives together to fix it.
Because of all those reasons, he thinks maybe Jensen has just been pushing himself too hard. He’s going to be a licensed physical therapist in less than two months, head of his class, with already a job contract signed with Boston General, and he’s earned it. Jared doesn’t want it to be ruined because his stubborn boyfriend can’t seem to give himself a break.
That’s why Jared's doing it for him. Giving him a break.
When he opens the door, the apartment is silent. Jensen’s sneakers are not at the same place near the door as they were when Jared came home at noon, and there is an empty pharmacy bag on the kitchen table. Good, maybe he finally realized he was sick and decided to take care of himself.
The couch is empty, so Jared goes to look in the bedroom. That’s where he finds Jensen, asleep again. The curtains are closed and his boyfriend is buried under the covers, only his hair sticking out. Jared sighs and sits on the bed, lowers the comforter a little.
Jensen’s face is as pale as it had been this morning, except for red blotches on his cheeks. His eyes are swollen and he's breathing unevenly, as if he’s dreaming.
It takes a couple more seconds for Jared to realize there is a small damp spot on the pillow and that the tracks under Jensen’s eyes are small rivulets of drying tears.
Jared’s heart swells painfully in his chest and he has trouble swallowing. This, this isn’t normal. This isn’t Jensen.
He caresses his boyfriend’s hair and whispers his name.
Jensen groans and blinks.
“Hey, come on, sleepy head. I’m home. It’s almost five o’clock.”
Jensen blinks again, then he turns onto his back and slowly opens his eyes, rubbing at his face at the same time. His first reflex is to lift on his elbows and look around the room.
“Where’s Sophie?” He asks, still a little out of it.
“At Megan’s. She’s going to sleep there tonight. I thought you could use the rest.”
“Jay, m’okay, you shouldn’t have-“
“No, I should have. And I did. You’ve been crying, Jensen. What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Did someone…”
“I don’t think I can do this again, Jay,” Jensen cuts him off, eyes filling with tears.
“What? Do what? What’s going on?”
Jensen sits up next to Jared and wipes his eyes. Then, he takes something from under the pillow and gives it to Jared with a shaking hand. Jared frowns, stretches his arm to turn on the nightstand light.
Call him stupid, he doesn’t immediately know what he’s holding. He looks at the small plastic stick, turns it in his hands, and opens his mouth to ask Jensen what the hell it is when he finally sees the little plus sign in a small window on the stick. His heart jumps in his chest.
“This is a pregnancy test,” he rasps, still unsure because…
“Yeah, a positive one.”
“That’s why you went to the drugstore this afternoon?”
Jensen nods. He keeps his head lowered, like he’s afraid of meeting Jared’s eyes.
“You… That means you’re…”
“Pregnant,” Jensen rasps.
“Oh god. You’re pregnant? With my kid? You’re…”
The turmoil of emotions is cutting off Jared’s breath. It’s a deep, intense mix of fear and uncertainty, of exhilaration as well. He doesn’t know what to say, but anything he says needs to be right because Jensen is visibly on edge and this close to a complete breakdown.
“I should’ve stayed on the pill,” is what his boyfriend mumbles. “Fucking condoms.”
“Pills make you sick.”
“Well, what about now? I can’t, Jared. Not after what happened last time.”
“Listen.” Jared softly touches Jensen’s cheek. “Let’s not imagine the worst just yet. We need to talk about this.”
Jensen nods. He shivers and presses himself against Jared. “I’m sorry.”
“About what?”
“All I do is fuck things up.”
“What? Christ, Jensen, you didn’t make this baby by yourself.”
“S’just… Now it’s there and I can’t Jared. I just can’t.”
Jensen repeats it over and over again until Jared feels his own fears crawling back through his veins.
The helicopter ride after Sophie’s birth. Jensen pale but smiling, the doctor attending to him and then the blood. “I feel weird,” Jensen had said before he’d lost consciousness.
Blood dripping from the gurney, Sophie crying in the nurse’s arms and Jared trying to make sense of everything.
“I know,” he finally says, pressing his lips against Jensen’s temple. “Hey, calm down. Now, I want you to take a shower and eat something, if you feel up to it. Then we’ll talk.”
Jensen is pliant as Jared leads him into the bathroom. He adjusts the water’s temperature and asks if he wants him to get into the shower with him. Jensen shakes his head. “I’m okay.”
“Call if you need me.”
“I’m not sick, Jay. It was freaking morning sickness,” Jensen replies, annoyed, and Jared retreats before this mess turns into a fight. That’s the last thing he wants.
In the kitchen, Jared cleans up a little and heats some soup, forcing himself not to think about the small plastic stick and all the implications going with it.
He knows how hard it had been for Jensen after Sophie had been born. Hell, he'd been right there with him. And he knows his boyfriend well enough to recognize that the unusual darkness in his green eyes is fear.
Jensen had hemorrhaged in the helicopter on the way to the hospital that autumn day he had given birth to his daughter in the Catskills, with only Jared to help him. When they had finally landed, he'd been unconscious and hadn't responded to stimuli. If that hadn’t been bad enough, two days later, he'd developed a uterine infection. He'd already been weak from the blood loss and the recent delivery. It had turned into septicemia. He’d spent two whole weeks in the intensive care unit, most of the time so out of it he didn’t even recognize Jared and his family. After he'd finally been well enough to leave the ICU, he’d learned that the couple he had signed the contract with to give Sophie to was thinking about suing him to get custody of the baby. That’s when his moral had broken. He’d cried all the time, held Sophie against his chest each time his mother brought her to visit. Jared, who’d fallen in love sometime between Sophie’s birth and the helicopter ride, wouldn’t leave his side. At one point, Alan Ackles had had enough and had hired a lawyer way more expensive than they could afford. It had been settled before the case was heard in court, but Jensen knew what it had cost his family and he felt awfully guilty about it.
Yes, saying that things had been hard is an understatement, Jared thinks. Jensen had been permitted to go home one month after Sophie’s birth. It had been so difficult for him, seeing his parents care of his daughter, this little stranger who he'd never really had time to get acquainted with. Two weeks later, he had knocked at Jared’s door with his luggage and his daughter strapped to his chest, asking for a place to stay until he could find an apartment of his own.
Jensen had been an emotional mess by then. That night, his mom had called Jared, telling him she knew Jensen was with him and to take good care of her son, that he needed to feel like a dad and to learn to be one. Maybe it had been for the best. Jensen’s parents had been so awesome. Jared’s as well.
It had slowly gotten better after that. Jared smiles, remembering one crazy night when Sophie wouldn’t stop crying and Jensen and him had ended up crying as well, not knowing what to do, until Jared’s upstairs neighbor, a nice old lady, had come down to see what was going on. Mildred, her named had turned out to be, and as soon as she'd gotten Sophie into her arms, of course, the baby had stopped crying.
Jared smiles when Jensen joins him in the kitchen, his hair still wet and his features tense, but looking calmer.
“What’s so funny?”
“Thinking about that night with Mildred. Remember?”
Jensen rolls his eyes and there's a small smile quirking his lips as he sits in front of his bowl. “God, we must have look like a couple of idiots.”
“You were the one crying so hard there was snot coming out of your nose.”
“Shut up. You chin was wobbling.”
“Was not.”
“Oh yeah, man, and you couldn’t even form whole sentences because of all the hiccupping.”
It’s quiet, for a few seconds. Jensen stares at Jared and bites his lips.
“I… I don’t know what to do, Jay.”
“I know.”
“I think I must be two months pregnant already.”
Androgynes’s cycles are irregular, most of the time, and since they don’t actually have periods like women, but only a little clear fluid loss, it’s very easy to forget about it.
“I should’ve been more careful,” Jensen adds, playing with his soup without eating it.
“Hey. I already told you. You didn’t make this baby alone.”
Jensen shrugs. And then Jared feels it growing inside him, again, this exhilaration at the thought that, right now, something that’s part of himself is growing inside Jensen, someone who’s still so small it’s barely there, but who’ll end up alive and needy and as wonderful as Sophie. The words are out of his mouth before he can stop himself.
“I want us to keep it.”
“What?” Jensen’s eyes widen in surprise, his mouth drops open, just like a cartoon character.
“Fuck, I told myself I wouldn’t pressure you, but Jen-“
“How could you?”
It’s Jared’s turn to be confused. “What?”
“After the hell I’ve put you through. Jay, you were right there next to me and I was… Well, barely alive at first but then, I was a mess, and I imposed myself and Sophie on you. Had no idea how to be a father and I was throwing fits and I-
“No, that’s not what happened, you remember wrong.”
“Jay-“
“You didn’t put me through anything I didn’t want be part of. And it was hard when we started to live together with Sophie, but hard in a good way. I wouldn’t change anything. Well… The barely-alive stuff and the fucking law suit, but as for the rest, I think you managed pretty well for all the shit you'd gone through.”
“That’s because you always refuse to see my flaws. You look at me like I’m some wonder or… You’re not objective. Never were. You’re too indulgent, Jared.”
“And you’re too hard on yourself. So what? Were you upset because you didn't think I'd want this baby?”
“It’s… The thought of getting an abortion, it makes me sick,” Jensen murmurs, eyes lowered once again. “Sometimes I look at Sophie and think that I could’ve given her away, never gotten to know her… Then I can’t breathe and... But another baby?”
“You know, now the circumstances are different, Jen. You have time to graduate before the baby’s born. I’ll be there with you every step of the way. And I swear to god we won’t be spending any time in the Catskills for at least two months before your due date.”
Jensen snorts, but it sounds awfully like a sob and Jared has this lump in his throat that keeps swelling and they’re the gayest couple ever, he thinks.
“I want this baby, with you. I really, really want this baby.” He says as firmly as he can.
“Fuck,” Jensen says, shaking his head softly. “Fuck, Jay.”
“Is that a yes?”
“More like a: don’t you bail out on me now that you've said you want it.”
“I would never do that.”
“Then, it’s a yes, I guess.”
Jensen looks at him under his long, dark lashes, and it’s like Jared’s falling in love all over again.
“So we’re going to have a baby.”
“Yeah.”
“We’re going to have a baby,” Jared repeats in awe, trying to wrap his head around it.
“Yeah, Jay. Are you okay?”
“Me?” Jared smiles as wide as he can. “I’m just glad I’m sitting down right now.”
So it’s Jensen who gets up and walks to him, sits on his lap and kisses him.
::: :::
It’s not perfect: nothing ever is. They realize soon enough they have to move and finding an apartment big enough for a family of four that they can afford is a real puzzle. They fight over it, because Jensen won’t be able to start working after his graduation, the expenses are going to be on Jared’s shoulders, and Jensen feels it’s unfair, which angers Jared because hell, Jensen is pregnant, not staying home, sitting on his ass and watching TV. At least the fights mean a lot of make-up sex during the first months and in the end they always get through to each other.
Jared’s parents suspiciously decide that their house, located in the Boston suburbs, is way too big for just the two of them and practically force Jared and Jensen to buy it at a price so ridiculous none of them will ever tell their friends, or anyone really.
Jensen graduates with honors the second week of May. Since he’s already been hired by Boston General, they can’t fire him because of his pregnancy, and his benefits pay a small allowance for pregnancy leave.
During the twenty week ultrasound, they find out that the baby’s an androgyne, and Jensen doesn’t take it well. Jared is angry at him because the miracle of seeing his child moving on the screen is enough. Girl, boy or andro, what difference does it make? It takes him a few days to calm down enough to realize Jensen doesn’t like this child any less because he’s an andro, but he's scared for him. Scared for him going through what he’s been through himself. Times change, Jared tells him. Already have since Jensen himself was a kid. And it’s true. Jared makes himself a promise not to let his son ever suffer because of his difference, by any means, and to protect Jensen from his own insecurities.
Jensen’s belly swells and he’s gorgeous. Sophie is so excited that around the sixth month, she starts asking the baby to “Come out, now!” practically screaming into Jensen’s jutted navel, like this is a direct link to communicate with the baby, somehow.
They move into their new home two months before Jensen’s due date, which is October 23rd. It’s tough, because Jensen is tired, has some bad back pain and suffers from severe water retention. Jared’s school year has just started, and they decide it is better for both of them if he keeps all his vacation days for after the birth. Jensen doesn’t want Sophie to go to the day care center if he’s home, but in the end, he has to give in to Jared’s insistence.
They fluctuate between two names: Oliver, which is Jared’s favorite, and Alexander, Jensen’s pick. Andros are always considered to be male, for lack of a better solution, socially and linguistically speaking.
They can’t decide on which name, so they ask Sophie to choose, but she declares very seriously that the baby should be called Hiccup, which is a character in her favorite movie of the moment, How To Train Your Dragon. So they decide to let it go and wait to see what the baby looks like. His room is ready, Jensen has done a lot of reading about raising an androgyne child and Jared has dragged him to a special yoga pregnancy class.
As October finally starts, they can’t wait for the baby to be born. Jared because he’s impatient to meet his son, Jensen because “I’m fat and ugly and tired and I can’t do anything anymore and I hate sleeping on my back.” Jared just smiles and gives him a massage, speaks to his baby through Jensen’s stomach and Jensen tells him to stop being a sap, but they both know he likes it.
::: :::
All in all, Jared tells himself, considering the particular circumstances of Sophie’s birth, it is entirely understandable that Jensen wants to get to the hospital as soon as he feels a contraction.
But the third time they’re told that it’s only false labor by an exasperated nurse, who doesn’t seem to find Jared’s story about giving birth in the Catskills interesting, Jensen, completely humiliated, throws a fit in the car.
“I’m telling you, man, I’m going to give birth in our FREAKING BED!”
He has to stop to breathe because his belly is pressing against his diaphragm.
“Jen, it’s-“
“Don’t JEN me!” Jensen roars. “Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me. I’ve never been so humiliated in my whole life!”
He huffs and puts both of his hands on his stomach. His cheeks are blushed red, his hair a spiky mess and he has dark circles under his eyes. Jared kind of wants to kiss him, wants to find in himself comforting words, but at this point Jensen is beyond reach. He’s exhausted, and his pride is hurt. Also, he has this deadly glare that's really impressive.
The silence in the car is so heavy it can almost be felt. Jared glances at Jensen who’s wincing and breathing through his nose.
“Is it a-“
“NO! It’s not! Keep your eyes on the road.”
Jared does.
It’s October 15.
::: :::
As it turns out, Alexander-or-Oliver is in no hurry to come out. On October 26th, Jared wakes up early to find the bed empty, as so often happens these days. He goes to fetch Sophie in her crib and they find Jensen in the kitchen, washing the floor. On all fours.
He refuses to let Jared help him up.
“Anything that can get this baby out. I’ve read on the internet that physical exercise can start the labor. For real.”
They’ve already tried the sex -which didn’t work, and the chocolate -Jensen ate a whole cake by himself, then had bad stomach reflux for a whole day- and Castor oil. That was two days ago and Jensen had spent the night in the bathroom, then told Jared they were never going to talk about it. Ever.
So why not washing the floor, really?
Jared takes Sophie to the living room to watch some cartoons.
“Dad is a little scary,” she says to Jared in a conspiracy voice.
“Yeah, he is.” Jared agrees, then winks at her.
Jensen cleans the house until noon, then he falls asleep on the couch, but doesn’t go into labor.
The following night, Jared finds him in the living room, watching a rerun of Rosemary’s Baby while eating Cheerios straight from the box. His legs are resting on the coffee table and Jared winces when he sees how swollen his ankles are.
“Can’t sleep?”
“Nope,” Jensen munches on a handful of cereal. “Your baby is kicking so hard it actually hurts.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be watching this movie?”
Jensen rolls his eyes. “Yeah, because you made a pact with the devil so that he’d fuck me and get me pregnant with the antichrist,” he deadpans. Then he sighs deeply, his large belly amplifying the movement. He looks at Jared, his wide green eyes making him look so young.
“I had it all planned in my head, you know? Not being too far away from town near the due date, getting to the hospital in time and asking for an epidural as soon as I got admitted.”
“That's still the plan.”
“No,” Jensen says very reasonably. “No, because I’ll stay pregnant forever. I’m serious. He’s never going to come out.”
Jensen looks like he really believes it, like it’s a certainty. Jared can’t help but kiss him.
“They’re going to induce the labor if you get to forty-two weeks. And you’ll have your epidural and everything will be fine.”
“No, m’telling you, man. You’re stuck with a ready-to-burst pregnant andro for the rest of your life.”
::: :::
It finally happens so suddenly it’s like they’re not ready for it at all. It’s early the morning of October 30th and they’re all in the kitchen having breakfast.
Jensen gets up from the table and drags himself to the fridge. He's wearing old boxers and a crumpled t-shirt that has become too tight in the just last two weeks. He looks a little miserable, one hand resting on the small of his back to support his weight, the other rubbing at his swollen face. Then he stops all of sudden and groans.
“Oh.”
Liquid starts dripping down his thighs and then onto the floor, quickly enough to form a small puddle.
“Dad, you peed on the floor!” Sophie says, eyes wide. She presses her little hands on her mouth in shock and it would be funny if Jared wasn’t so shocked himself.
“Your water broke,” he declares, like Jensen hadn’t felt any of it.
Jensen looks at him. “Yeah.”
“The baby’s coming, Jen.”
Jensen shakes his head. “No.”
“What?”
“I’m supposed to carve a pumpkin today. I told Sophie I would carve a pumpkin for Halloween.” He says in a dreamy voice.
Jared stands up and reaches for him just in time, because Jensen’s face tenses all of a sudden, a deep blush rises on his cheeks and he wraps both of his hands around his stomach.
“Oh,” he repeats. “I think I'm having a contraction.”
“I think you are,” Jared says, sliding an arm around Jensen’s thickened waist.
He tries desperately to stay calm. Jensen’s been on edge for the last two weeks and Sophie’s lower lip is wobbling dangerously. He smiles at her as enthusiastically as he can. “Your little brother is coming today. Isn’t it great?”
Sophie nods, still unsure. Jensen seems to realize how upset she is because he smiles at her too. “You’re going to be a big sister, honey.”
“Okay,” Sophie murmurs in a small voice. “And I’m going to be with granny.”
She’s starting to get used to being dropped in a hurry at her grandparent’s, but the water on the floor is a whole new game for her.
“That’s right,” Jensen says. “Come, give me a kiss, baby.”
Sophie shakes her head. “No. You peed, Daddy.”
Jensen laughs nervously at this, and suddenly the tension in the kitchen seems to dissipate.
::: :::
By the time they get themselves ready and drop Sophie at Jensen’s parents, barely an hour has passed, but Jensen’s contractions are steady at seven minutes apart, and they already seem intense and painful. He doesn’t say a word in the car, his jaw clenched and his eyes closed shut, breathing loudly through his nose when a contraction hits. Once Sophie is not in the car anymore, he grabs Jared’s arm.
“Drive faster, please.”
They’re in the middle of the morning traffic and Jared does the best he can, but it still takes them more than half an hour to drive the short distance separating the Ackles’ house from the hospital.
Jensen doesn’t complain when Jared practically runs out of the car to fetch a wheelchair. The three previous times, for the false labors, he had insisted on making his way to the labor and delivery ward on his feet.
The receptionist for the ward rolls her eyes when she sees them getting out of the elevator, but her face rapidly changes when Jensen bends over and groans through another contraction.
“Okay, I think this time we won’t be sending you back,” she says, pressing on a button to call a nurse.
“Yeah, no shit,” Jensen hisses.
Jared is kind of impressed by Jensen’s calm, since the last month and the false alarms have been so hard on him. He'd been ready for screams, or at least tears, but Jensen stays focused and lets the nurse settle him in his room without a word of complaint. Because his water broke and the contractions are now five to six minutes apart, she wants to check him as soon as possible. Jared helps him undress and put on the hospital gown. The nurse gets him into the gynecological position and waits for the contraction to be over before checking, putting on gloves and coating her fingers with lube. She seems a little nervous and Jared doesn’t like it. Jensen’s eyes are huge. He grabs Jared’s hand and squeezes hard when the nurse starts the exam.
“It’s okay,” Jared murmurs. “Almost over. You’re doing great.”
“Think it’s time to ask for the epidural?” Jensen says, trying for a smile.
“Definitely.”
“Wow,” the nurse says, sliding her fingers out. “Jensen, you’re already seven centimeters.”
“What?” He asks in disbelief.
“Yeah.”
“I want my epidural.”
“I’m sorry, honey but it’s too late for that.”
“What?”
The nurse is taking his legs out of the stirrups and covering him up. She still seems in a hurry.
“I’m going to call Dr. Thompson.”
“No-no-no, you’re going to call the anesthesiologist,” Jensen replies forcefully. “Because I want my epidural.”
“Seven centimeters is too far gone to-“
“No, it’s not!” Jensen shakes his head in disbelief. “You don’t understand, I’m supposed to have the epidural. Last time I gave birth it was in a freaking cabin in the middle of nowhere and it hurt like hell, and this guy-“
He points at Jared like he’s a stranger just passing by. “This guy had to deliver the baby! I’m in a hospital and I want my. FREAKING. EPIDURAL!”
“There isn’t time,” the nurse says, then she’s out of the room.
“I don’t want to give birth like this,” Jensen tells Jared. “Oh god, there’s another one.”
Whatever self-control Jensen had seemed directly related to the hope of an epidural. This time, his entire body becomes as tense as a bow string and he lets out a long cry. Jared takes his hand and tells him to breathe through it, but Jensen doesn’t seem to hear him. When it’s over, he bangs his head against the pillow, eyes closed shut.
“I’m scared,” he says. “I’m fucking scared. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I can’t do this again.”
“I’ll be right here with you. We’ll get through this, Jen.”
“I've had these nightmares, you know,” Jensen pants. “Since the beginning, I kept dreaming you would take me back in the Catskills even if I didn’t want to, but you wouldn’t listen to me and I… It’s like Sophie all over again.”
“Hey. It’s not. You’re in a hospital. You’re safe.”
Jensen shakes his head. “I just had this image in my mind where I would be all calm and stuff and… Hell, there are some bits of Sophie’s labor I don’t even remember because it hurt too much and. Shit. ‘Nother one. There’s no way five min- god, Jay-
“I got you.”
This contraction is bad. The nurse is already coming back with an I.V. line. It’s a precaution, she tells them, since Jensen had hemorrhaged after Sophie’s birth. He huffs through the contraction and Jared nods while his fingers are being seriously crushed.
“We can’t give you an epidural, but you can have some morphine,” the nurse adds, brandishing a syringe filled with clear liquid.
“Is it safe?” Jared asks.
“God, yes please!” Jensen says at the same time, looking at the nurse with so much gratitude in his eyes Jared feels guilty of even asking the question.
“It’s safe under medical supervision,” the nurse answers, already settling the I.V. line in the crook of Jensen’s arm.
“What’s your name?” He asks, indifferent to the needle piercing his skin.
“Kate.”
“I love you Kate,” he tells her with all sincerity.
Jared bursts out laughing.
“So, the morphine?”
“Coming right up,” the nurse smiles, pushing the syringe’s needle into the tube of the I.V.
“’Nother one,” Jensen mumbles, tensing.
He grabs both of Jared’s hands this time and starts panting. The nurse -Kate- frowns and rests a hand on Jensen’s hardened belly.
“They’re already closer?”
“I would say three minutes apart.” Jared hisses, afraid Jensen is actually going to break one of his bones.
Jensen moans. His legs jerk involuntarily from the pain. “The morphine isn't working!” He pants. “Jesus, what did you give me? A placebo?”
“I think I should check you again,” Kate answers.
Jensen screams and let go of Jared’s hands to grab the bed rail.
“You’re not going down there!”
“Try to breathe through it. The morphine is going to start working any minute now,” Kate says quickly. “I’ll be back.”
She practically runs out of the room. Jared doesn’t know what’s going on, but he’s starting to seriously worry. He remembers too well how things suddenly accelerated when Sophie was born. Doctor Thompson had warned them not to wait too long before checking into the maternity ward, and yeah, they had followed her advice to the letter. What if-
“I’m going to be sick,” Jensen warns, his face suddenly white as a sheet, and Jared blindly grabs the small basin on the bedside table, holding Jensen through violent spasms which only get out a long trickle of bile.
“Don’t feel good. Don’t… Oh god, Jay, you gotta-“
Another contraction hits and Jensen tries to get away from it, turning on his side and raising his legs against his stomach. He muffles a scream into the pillow, stopping only for a second to take a shuddering breath. “It burns. It burns,” he repeats in a panicked voice.
Jared grabs the bell on the wall and pushes the button, but Kate is already back with an older nurse who’s putting on latex gloves.
“He says it’s burning,” Jared tells her, trying to keep the fear out of his voice.
“Looks like the baby’s in a hurry,” the nurse says cheerfully. “I’m Lucy, by the way. Jensen, sweetie, we got to check you.”
Jensen groans but is already settling on his back. His face is covered with sweat and his teeth are chattering. “It burns,” he repeats. “There’s something down there….”
Kate puts Jensen’s feet into the stirrups while Lucy raises the sheet and peeks between Jensen’s legs.
“Okay, I don’t have to check, the baby’s crowning.”
“God, I have to push,” Jensen moans. “Why? Why do I feel like I have to push?”
“Because the baby’s coming. I can see the head,” Lucy repeats calmly.
Kate is hovering in the room, settling a medical cart near the bed and opening sterile packages with quick but precise movements.
“Wait. Aren’t we supposed to be moved to the delivery room?” Jared asks, feeling like everything is out of his hands.
“No time,” Lucy answers.
“What? Where’s the doctor? There’s supposed to be a doctor!” Jensen yells, and the scream ends up on an involuntary push.
“Believe me, boy, I’ve helped babies being born without doctors, don’t you worry. Everything will be fine.”
And then it’s like a very strange, very vivid dream. Jensen is settled in a sitting position. He keeps looking at Jared like all of this is a bad joke and Jared hold his hands and murmurs reassuring words he doesn’t really believe. The older nurse sits on a bench between Jensen’s legs while Kate assists her.
Jensen pushes three times. That’s all. He screams through each one, pleads with Jared to help him between long intakes of breath. Lucy coaches him calmly and Kate walks in and out of the room to bring new sterile packages, then an incubator. It goes so fast that Jared is scared he won’t be able to remember everything that happens. Lucy tells Jensen to give her his hands and wraps them around the bloody, gooey waist of the baby.
“Come on, Jensen, help your baby,” she says, and Jensen does, guided by the nurse, until their andro son, wiggling and crying, is resting on Jensen’s chest, his thick umbilical cord still attaching him to his father.
He cries so loud, face crumpled, his small hands closed into fists. His head is perfectly round. He’s perfect.
“Oh god,” Jared says, because really, what else can be said.
Kate is using a suction pump in the baby’s nostrils and mouth, then she starts rubbing his skin with a towel. Jensen looks down at the baby, trying to catch his breath, eyes full of unshed tears, like time has passed too quickly for him too, like he can’t reconcile the baby on his chest with the labor pains he'd just been suffering.
Looking at his watch, Jared realizes that they'd been home less than two and a half hours ago.
“Jay, he’s here,” Jensen says in an uneasy voice.
“I know. I know, baby,” Jared answers, pressing his lips to Jensen’s damp hair. “Love you so much. Look at him. You did it. We have a son.”
“Come on,” Jensen coos when the baby lets out another angry cry. “Come on, Oliver, you’re safe. You’re alright, baby.”
“So, Oliver? You sure?”
“Yeah,” Jensen smiles at him. “Unless you prefer Hiccup?”
“Oliver,” Jared smiles nervously. “He’s perfect. He looks so… strong.”
“It’s a big baby,” Kate says. “I’m curious to see how much he weights. So, dad, ready to cut the umbilical cord?”
Jared is done by the time Doctor Thompson finally arrives, her hair a curly mess, her eyes wide behind her glasses. “You missed one, doc,” Lucy says, working with Jensen to get the placenta out.
::: :::
Oliver weights nine pounds two ounces. Jared sees it on the scale and takes a pic of the number. Jensen shakes his head on hearing the news. The morphine is finally working and his eyelids are heavy. He has this goofy smile on his face. “Sophie was six pounds three,” he slurs. “I got a nine pound baby out of me in three pushes.”
He’s closely monitored for any unusual blood loss, but so far, everything seems normal. Oliver has his agpar test and is washed more thoroughly. He’s wrapped in a white cotton blanket and has a small yellow hat lowered on his eyes when the nurse gives him back to Jared. He’s calmer now, eyes closed, features still swollen from the birth, but Jared remembers how thin Sophie’s face had been, how delicate she'd looked in comparison.
“Can I feed him even with the morphine?” Jensen asks, still riding his drug high and clearly enjoying it.
“No problem.”
Kate helps him get settled in a feeding position and Jared brings Oliver, cradling him in his arms, feeling the heat emanating from the baby. His son, his andro. A brand new human being he'd helped to make.
“Get over here, you big sap,” Jensen says and Jared realizes he’s crying.
A few tears, really. No chin wobbling going on.
While Jensen nurses Oliver, Jared makes some calls. Donna Ackles answers on the first ring.
“So?” She asks. “Are they keeping you this time?”
“His name is Oliver. He’s nine pounds two and was born half an hour ago.”
And Donna Ackles, distinguished and sweet Donna, practically screams: “You are shitting me!”
After a few minutes, Jared asks to speak with Sophie. She must’ve heard Donna speaking because she yells over the phone with her high-pitched voice. “My little brother is born!”
“Yeah, he is. He’s okay, princess, perfect. We’ve called him Oliver.”
“Can I come see him?”
“Yes. Granny will bring you.”
“Is… Is daddy okay?”
“Daddy is fine.”
Jensen makes a gesture to his ear to Jared.
“Wanna talk to him?”
“YES!”
Jared holds the phone for Jensen who chats a little with Sophie. At one point, he rolls his eyes and huffs. “I didn’t pee on the floor, Sophie.”
Jared smiles and looks at Oliver sucking hungrily, making small snuffling noises, held securely in Jensen’s arms. If what he feels isn’t happiness, it’s damn close.
::: :::
It’s not perfect -nothing ever is. They all need an adjustment period. Jensen has baby-blues for the week following Oliver’s birth. Their little andro is demanding, drinks every three hours and doesn’t sleep much. When the doctor tells Jensen that he isn't producing enough milk for the baby’s appetite, which happens quite often with andro parents, Jared feels relieved to finally be able to help Jensen before he drives himself to exhaustion. Jensen’s mood quickly improves after that.
Sophie, as much as she loves her little brother, suffers from all the attention he gets. She becomes more withdrawn and quiet. It takes Jared and Jensen some time, and effort, to get their cheerful little girl back, but they manage.
Oliver is an exact replica of Jared, but he has Jensen’s eyes. He’s growing well, and is a perfectly healthy andro. In December, Jensen brings the baby to Jared’s classroom and Jared takes the opportunity to teach his students a little lesson about tolerance and acceptance. Andrew, the only andro in his class, looks especially proud to hear about his gender, to meet an adult andro who looks happy and confident, and to see a baby which looks just the same.
One night, Jared and Jensen are messing around under the sheets. Oliver is three months old and since his delivery, when they have sex, it's not of the penetrative kind.
“Can I fuck you?” Jared pants while sucking on one of Jensen’s nipples.
He gets a small hit on the back of his head.
“No, you can’t fuck me. I’m going to be the one doing the fucking for at least the next five years.”
Jared shrugs. “So, we’ll try for another kid then?”
“Shut up.”
“I don’t mind bottoming for you, baby.”
“You better not,” Jensen growls, then he flips them and goes down on Jared like it’s the last time they'll ever make love.
Jared really doesn’t mind bottoming for the next five years if that’s what he gets.
He doesn’t say “I love you” that night, but he figures his moans of pleasure are convincing enough.
Fin