Brokeback Manor (8/9)
Title: Brokeback Manor
Authors: et_muse and angelzbabe1989
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, also mentions of Gwen/Rhys, Owen/Tosh
Rating: Mature/R (This chapter: PG)
Disclaimer: We asked for Jack and Ianto for Christmas, but no one came through...
Summary: The Doctor provides some explanations...
Spoilers: Reference to Doctor Who s3
Authors' Note: And so we come to the final 'proper' chapter (part 9 is an epilogue) - we hope this will serve as a nice silly fluffy antidote to the angst and evil cliffieness some stories have run into lately (you know who you are!)
Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four
Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Jack's question was echoed silently by the rest of the group as they stared expectantly at the Doctor.
Rocking back on the heels of his Converses, the Doctor shoved his hands in the pockets of his long jacket. “Now that is a very good question, you see... actually, this might take some explaining. Do you have somewhere we can sit down with a cup of tea?”
Ianto sighed as everyone's eyes turned to look at him eagerly. “Of course.” he capitulated. “And coffee too, Sir,” he added, noticing Jack's petulant look.
Still a little stiff from their days spent lying on Jack's office floor, they all trooped to the conference room, settling around the table while they awaited Ianto's return. When he slid through the door carrying his habitual silver tray stacked with mugs, a tea set and assorted other goodies, the idle chatter silenced. The Doctor began his story as Ianto finished distributing mugs of hot tea and coffee, instinctively knowing the preference of each person around the table.
“Ok, so how best to start,” the Doctor mused out loud, a thoughtful look on his face.
“How about you just tell us what happened to us?” Martha inquired demandingly.
“Well, the short answer is that you were temporarily incapacitated by a Melomarn Dreamlife Projector, but I'm sensing you want something longer than that.”
“A melon what? There's alien fruit now?” Rhys exclaimed, finding it all a little hard to take in.
“Not Melon, Mel-o-marn,” the Doctor corrected patiently. “They're a race of fairly peaceful beings from the Montagne Quadrant. Harmless really, but not particularly bright. They also have a rather bad habit of losing things.”
Pausing, he took a sip from his mug.
“They... you know,” he broke off, instantly distracted by the taste of the tea. “This really is rather good. Especially considering you're only working with Earth tea-leaves. I could introduce you to some Rakaro leaves from Axkoria that would make this seem...”
“Get to the point SpaceMan, we've got better things to do than listen to you ramble on about tea-leaves all day.” Donna interjected.
Shaking his head slightly, and making a mental note to talk tea with Ianto later, the Doctor resumed his explanation.
“Now, since the Melomarn lose things so often they've placed tracking devices in anything important so they can find it again.”
“And we found something they lost?” Tosh deducted.
“Right! Always knew you were a smart one. It must have fallen through the Rift,” the Doctor replied. “And once they knew it was missing, they came to retrieve it.”
“This might sound ridiculous,” Gwen posed, “but couldn't they just ask us for it?”
“No, don't do well with communicating the Melomarn you see. It’s only cause I've got the TARDIS translation circuit that I can talk to them at all. And since the last time they ended up here - completely by accident back in 1947 in Roswell, they got lost and tried to stop to ask for directions, I did mention they aren't too bright didn't I - well I'm sure you all know what happened then.”
By this point both Owen and Rhys were looking increasingly confused as they tried to follow the Doctor's unstructured rambling.
“None of this tells me how we came to believe we lived in a trashy romance novel” Owen grumbled.
“I'm getting there, I'm getting there,” the Doctor admonished.
“So, anyway, to avoid the problems of trying to communicate with the locals, the bright sparks on the Melomarn home planet eventually developed the Dreamlife Projector. It temporarily places whatever life forms it is used on in a sort of coma, giving the Melomarn time to find whatever artifact it is they lost - it can take a while, their tracking devices aren't all that accurate at short range. And just in case the species it’s working on is genetically inclined to fight any form of mind control, it’s programmed to provide them with a representation of their normal lives. Unfortunately, from what you've told me, it seems that the only data source they had for Earth was a Regency bodice ripper. And they just assumed it was non-fiction.”
“Ok, so that explains the strange dream, but how did you get involved in all this?” Jack queried.
“Well, I got a bit worried when Martha wasn't answering her phone,” the Doctor started.
“Excuse me, we got a bit worried,” Donna added, suddenly recalling why she had been trying to call Martha in the first place. “And, Martha, please tell me you did not defeat some evil alien witches using Harry Potter.”
It took Martha a moment to switch gears and recollect the incident Donna referred to. “Oh yes, Expelliarmus. Didn't think I'd ever hear Shakespeare using that word.”
The Doctor grinned at Donna. “Told you.”
Donna shook her head in disbelief as the Doctor continued.
“We got worried, and I remembered Martha mentioning coming down here for a visit, and I thought 'Well there's trouble', so we decided to pop by.” The Doctor ignored Jack's glare as he carried on. “Once I saw the Melomarn going through your archives...”
At this Ianto gained a look of severe apprehension and dismay.
“... I knew what had happened. I found them what they were looking for - much faster, I might add, than they would have found it themselves - they deactivated the Dreamlife Projector, and left me to wait for you lot to wake up. And, well, you know the rest.”
Draining the last dregs out of his cup, the Doctor looked pleadingly at Ianto. “Any chance of another?”
The End (Well, except for the Epilogue...)
Authors: et_muse and angelzbabe1989
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairings: Jack/Ianto, also mentions of Gwen/Rhys, Owen/Tosh
Rating: Mature/R (This chapter: PG)
Disclaimer: We asked for Jack and Ianto for Christmas, but no one came through...
Summary: The Doctor provides some explanations...
Spoilers: Reference to Doctor Who s3
Authors' Note: And so we come to the final 'proper' chapter (part 9 is an epilogue) - we hope this will serve as a nice silly fluffy antidote to the angst and evil cliffieness some stories have run into lately (you know who you are!)
Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four
Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Jack's question was echoed silently by the rest of the group as they stared expectantly at the Doctor.
Rocking back on the heels of his Converses, the Doctor shoved his hands in the pockets of his long jacket. “Now that is a very good question, you see... actually, this might take some explaining. Do you have somewhere we can sit down with a cup of tea?”
Ianto sighed as everyone's eyes turned to look at him eagerly. “Of course.” he capitulated. “And coffee too, Sir,” he added, noticing Jack's petulant look.
Still a little stiff from their days spent lying on Jack's office floor, they all trooped to the conference room, settling around the table while they awaited Ianto's return. When he slid through the door carrying his habitual silver tray stacked with mugs, a tea set and assorted other goodies, the idle chatter silenced. The Doctor began his story as Ianto finished distributing mugs of hot tea and coffee, instinctively knowing the preference of each person around the table.
“Ok, so how best to start,” the Doctor mused out loud, a thoughtful look on his face.
“How about you just tell us what happened to us?” Martha inquired demandingly.
“Well, the short answer is that you were temporarily incapacitated by a Melomarn Dreamlife Projector, but I'm sensing you want something longer than that.”
“A melon what? There's alien fruit now?” Rhys exclaimed, finding it all a little hard to take in.
“Not Melon, Mel-o-marn,” the Doctor corrected patiently. “They're a race of fairly peaceful beings from the Montagne Quadrant. Harmless really, but not particularly bright. They also have a rather bad habit of losing things.”
Pausing, he took a sip from his mug.
“They... you know,” he broke off, instantly distracted by the taste of the tea. “This really is rather good. Especially considering you're only working with Earth tea-leaves. I could introduce you to some Rakaro leaves from Axkoria that would make this seem...”
“Get to the point SpaceMan, we've got better things to do than listen to you ramble on about tea-leaves all day.” Donna interjected.
Shaking his head slightly, and making a mental note to talk tea with Ianto later, the Doctor resumed his explanation.
“Now, since the Melomarn lose things so often they've placed tracking devices in anything important so they can find it again.”
“And we found something they lost?” Tosh deducted.
“Right! Always knew you were a smart one. It must have fallen through the Rift,” the Doctor replied. “And once they knew it was missing, they came to retrieve it.”
“This might sound ridiculous,” Gwen posed, “but couldn't they just ask us for it?”
“No, don't do well with communicating the Melomarn you see. It’s only cause I've got the TARDIS translation circuit that I can talk to them at all. And since the last time they ended up here - completely by accident back in 1947 in Roswell, they got lost and tried to stop to ask for directions, I did mention they aren't too bright didn't I - well I'm sure you all know what happened then.”
By this point both Owen and Rhys were looking increasingly confused as they tried to follow the Doctor's unstructured rambling.
“None of this tells me how we came to believe we lived in a trashy romance novel” Owen grumbled.
“I'm getting there, I'm getting there,” the Doctor admonished.
“So, anyway, to avoid the problems of trying to communicate with the locals, the bright sparks on the Melomarn home planet eventually developed the Dreamlife Projector. It temporarily places whatever life forms it is used on in a sort of coma, giving the Melomarn time to find whatever artifact it is they lost - it can take a while, their tracking devices aren't all that accurate at short range. And just in case the species it’s working on is genetically inclined to fight any form of mind control, it’s programmed to provide them with a representation of their normal lives. Unfortunately, from what you've told me, it seems that the only data source they had for Earth was a Regency bodice ripper. And they just assumed it was non-fiction.”
“Ok, so that explains the strange dream, but how did you get involved in all this?” Jack queried.
“Well, I got a bit worried when Martha wasn't answering her phone,” the Doctor started.
“Excuse me, we got a bit worried,” Donna added, suddenly recalling why she had been trying to call Martha in the first place. “And, Martha, please tell me you did not defeat some evil alien witches using Harry Potter.”
It took Martha a moment to switch gears and recollect the incident Donna referred to. “Oh yes, Expelliarmus. Didn't think I'd ever hear Shakespeare using that word.”
The Doctor grinned at Donna. “Told you.”
Donna shook her head in disbelief as the Doctor continued.
“We got worried, and I remembered Martha mentioning coming down here for a visit, and I thought 'Well there's trouble', so we decided to pop by.” The Doctor ignored Jack's glare as he carried on. “Once I saw the Melomarn going through your archives...”
At this Ianto gained a look of severe apprehension and dismay.
“... I knew what had happened. I found them what they were looking for - much faster, I might add, than they would have found it themselves - they deactivated the Dreamlife Projector, and left me to wait for you lot to wake up. And, well, you know the rest.”
Draining the last dregs out of his cup, the Doctor looked pleadingly at Ianto. “Any chance of another?”
The End (Well, except for the Epilogue...)