FIC: 'Cause It's You And Me (PG; Brian/Justin, Ethan)

[etharei]

I love school. I love learning. But it leaves me so darn TIRED, and I can't write fic.

However, here's one that I completed a while ago and got beta'd, but only just had the time to look through. I hope you guys like it!

Title: ‘Cause It’s You And Me
Author: Etharei
Fandom: Queer as Folk (US)
Characters: Brian/Justin, Ethan
Prompt: 4 (Dance)

Comments

[suzvoy]

Hmm. I'm not sure how I feel about this one, to be honest. I was enjoying it until the moment Brian and Justin started dancing. To me it just didn't feel realistic from that point on - it could be that it's the kind of thing I actually need to see visually (rather than picturing it in my head) for me to appreciate it.

I think you're a fab writer, but this one just didn't work for me :)

[etharei]

*huggles* That's perfectly all right, sweets, and I really appreciate you telling me so! I mean, I have a habit of not commenting when a fic doesn't work for me, but it's hard to improve if people don't tell you what works and what doesn't. So I love you for taking the time to say so :-D

Yes, I can see how you might have gotten detached at that bit. I mean, the premise itself is kind of dodgy and out there. Plus I added quite a lot of overlapping images, and sometimes words aren't adequate in describing a scene, so the effect is lost. And there's a light fantastical element, too, which is arguably inappropriate for QAF.

Thank you again, Suz! *glomps*

[suzvoy]

:) :)

[tamalinn]

yeah. i was thinking the same thing. this is a really beautiful fic, but then the dance at the end seems slightly unrealistic. it doesn't take away from the beauty of the writing, but it makes the story seem more dreamlike.

[paddies]

OMG I have no words to tell you how much I love this. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.

It's totally, utterly perfect. ♥

Can I archive?

[etharei]

LOL, and now I have no words to say, except a great big sloppy THANK YOU. And to think, I was actually considering scrapping this altogether before I sent it to beta ^_^

YES! yesyesyesyesyesyes....

Wheeeeeeee! You don't know how happy you've made me!

*GLOMPTACKLEHUGSMOOCHES*

[paddies]

Seriously, I totally adore it, especially the parallel between the actual prom dance and this "new" one....
I love that now they're both somehow damaged and imperfect but at the same time they fit together in such a perfect way that everybody, even Ethan, can see "teh love". ♥

Also, I absolutely adore the way you decided to "trigger" Justin's memory...the "Justin remembering Prom" is always been a very favorite "plot bunny" of mine, but it's often quite difficult to do it "right" (whatever right means).

I do think the way you did it it's absolutely perfect and totally believable. :D

In conclusion: *adores*

And I wouldn't mid a B/J centered sequel...*is greedy*

[paddies]

I wouldn't MIND, even. :|

*kicks LJ and its "not-edit-comments* rule*

[shadownyc]

I found this beautiful and touching. I like the way you did the POV's and I found the transitions fluid and clear.

I thought Ethan viewing B/J through the eyes of a piece of music was lovely and it gave it a true sense of completion.

Well done.

[etharei]

Thank you very much :-D I was quite worried about the transitions, as a matter of fact, and I know that technically changing from first to second to third POVs is a big no-no in writing.

Ethan was another concern, as I really don't like him and didn't relish the prospect of trying to get into his head. But the second-person view helped me get over that :-D I thought that he'd see things in a very dramatic way, and a part of his mind would always be on music.

♥

[etharei]

Awwww! *squishes RC*

I'd like to think that I like experimenting almost as much as Brian likes, erm, experimenting ^_^ (OK, three 'likes' in one sentence? o_O I'd be scandalized at myself, if the use of them weren't valid and, like, non-Valley Girl)

Anything for you, hon ;-) I haven't forgotten that I owe you something!

[erynlinia]

Even though some of the 'flashbacks' and overlaps did make it feel a little crowded, I thoroughly enjoyed the entire thing! It was nice to see Justing come to grips with that night and able to put it behind him. It was eating at him deep down. And even though others might have found it a bit of a stretch, I just melted when Brian 'felt' Justin's distress.

Just call me an old softy though everyone thinks I'm some evil Anti-Christ! *grins*

*glomps & snogs*

**huggles & smoochies**

[etharei]

The detail is kind of saturated, isn't it? *bites lip* I'm very glad that you enjoyed this, nonetheless :-D Really, it's perfectly OK to tell me when things don't work; it's better for my writing than just receiving blanket approvals.

I wanted to write a "remembering prom" fic, and while thinking up of times to set it that were not post-513, I decided that the confrontation with Chris Hobbs probably dissipated a lot of the anger and hatred in Justin's head, and so set it during the cancer arc.

LOL, I don't see why anyone would call you Anti-Christ :-) I'm sekritly an old softie, too- I like angst, but at the end of the day I want a happy ending.

*squishes*

[erynlinia]

Me, too! I love getting good feedback, but some construction feedback is great, too!!
The more you write those kind of scenes and stuff, the better you'll get at it! You'll go, does that sentence/paragraph REALLY need to go there? I go back and read my first drafts then my final and go, cool!! Good I took out that 'fatty' parts!
But like anything else, we just have to do it more.

So get back to work!!! *grins*