new one direction fic - zayn/liam
this was supposed to be 2 or 3k of zayn and liam not knowing they're dating and turned into 8k of snarky banter and boys being dorks. I have no idea.
it is also a belated bday fic for lissa_bear so I hope you like it, lady!
thanks to harriet_vane for letting me torture her every day for the past week when I was writing this. (really, no one should have me for a friend. you wake up in the morning to seven hysterical emails from me like, almost daily) and thanks to mediaville for the fabulous beta, as per usual!
title - you're the answer to the question I didn't know I was asking
pairing - zayn/liam
rating - R
word count - 8200
summary - everyone thinks that zayn and liam are shagging. that is, everyone except for zayn and liam
you're the answer to the question I didn't know I was asking
Liam is in the middle of writing an email to his mum when Harry lets himself in Liam’s room and drops down next to him on the couch.
“So, Louis and I have discussed it,” Harry says, “and we’ve decided to forgive you.”
Liam has no idea what Harry’s going on about and tries to ignore him. He shoves Harry’s feet off where they’re currently burrowing under Liam’s thigh and keeps typing.
“Did you hear me, Liam?” Harry asks when the silence reaches, oh, five or six seconds.
“I did, yes,” Liam says.
“And?” Liam chances a look at Harry from the corner of his eye, and all right. Harry is sitting there, wide-eyed, clearly waiting on some kind of response from him. Harry catches him looking and makes an expectant face; rolls his hand in the air. “You can properly apologize at any time, mate,” Harry says, and Liam gives up.
“Right, then. I’ll play along.” Liam signs out of his email and carefully closes the laptop before putting it down on the center of the table in front of them. “What am I apologizing for this time?”
It could be anything, really. His failure to properly prank Niall the night before. (Liam doesn’t care what Louis said, Niall would get sick if they replaced his toothpaste with glue.) His unwillingness to go to their last sound check in nothing but his pants. (It was chilly in the theater, and honestly, what good would it do anyone if any of them caught a cold? Not any good at all, is the answer.)
But he’s fairly unprepared for when Harry says, “For not telling us that you and Zayn decided to make it official.”
Because…what?
Liam feels his forehead crinkle but before he gets a chance to say anything, Harry waggles his eyebrows and elbows him right in the ribs. “I mean, no one’s surprised, really. You two have been half going at it from the day we all met, seems like, but still. To make a decision like that, take such a big step and not even think to tell your best mates-“
And whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Liam shakes his head because Harry isn’t making any sense. He’d thought it to be a joke at first, but the way Harry keeps going on about it, the thread of actual hurt in his voice that Liam didn’t tell him something so important has Liam taking a breath and placing his hand on Harry’s arm.
“You’re not making any sense, Harry,” Liam says carefully. Something in his voice must tip Harry off because he stops talking, trails off slowly until there’s a strangely awkward silence between the two of them. “What are you talking about, Zayn and me?”
Harry waits a beat. “You know,” he says, and raises his eyebrows a little bit. “You. And Zayn.”
“Harry, are you pissed already?” Liam asks. It’s the only thing that makes sense. “Because it’s only half past noon and we have to leave for an interview in less than an hour. If you want me to I’ll call Paul and let him know you need to have a lie down before we go or something-“
“Don’t be a twat.” Harry stands up and plants his hands on his hips. “Game’s over, Liam. Louis and I figured it out. We thought it was a bit shit you never told us yourselves, but fine. If that’s how you want to be-“
And Liam jumps up because Harry looks mad now. Harry is leaving and Liam still doesn’t understand why.
“Harry, wait,” he says and grabs Harry’s wrist. He gives him a little tug, feels bad at the hurt expression on Harry’s face, but apparently he has more important issues to address than Harry’s being sore at him. “I just. I want to make sure I understand this right.” Harry sniffs but lets him keep going. Very carefully, Liam says, “You and Louis, think Zayn and I…”
“Are shagging,” Harry finishes for him, and wow. Liam has to sit back down. “Dating. Whatever you’re calling it. It’s obvious to everyone, really.”
“Shagging.” Liam says weakly. “Zayn and I.” He drops his head into his hands, presses his fingers against his eyes.
“That’s right,” says Harry.
“And everyone…” Liam is mortified. He can feel his cheeks heating and presses the palms of his hands there to try and cool himself off. “Everyone knows about it, yeah?”
“Well. Possibly not everyone,” Harry clarifies. “You, for example seem quite surprised by it.”
“I,” Liam stutters. This is so very not good. “I am a bit surprised, yes.”
“Oh. Hmm.” Harry has the decency not to say anything for a minute, and then, “So let me ask you.” He pauses. “Would Zayn be surprised by this news as well?”
Liam laughs sharply. He sounds a bit hysterical even to his own ears. “Zayn would be shocked.”
“Ahh. Well then.” When Liam looks up Harry has the decency to blush a bit himself. “So…no shagging, really?”
“No shagging, Harry.”
“Huh.” Harry shrugs and chews on his bottom lip. “Louis is going to be so disappointed.”
*
The interview that afternoon is one of the stranger one’s Liam’s ever been involved with.
It’s a radio interview, and the DJ’s are most interested in Niall (and Niall’s accent, and how many pints he drinks back home, and what size boxers he wears, and all sorts of nonsensical information) which is fine with Liam. He feels that they all deserve some time in the spotlight and it’s more than time Niall has his turn to shine.
The problem with being in One Direction is that if some members of One Direction aren’t kept occupied at nearly all times (Harry and Louis), they get bored and fidgety and start sticking pencils in their mates’ hair (Zayn and Liam) or pinching their mates’ nipples (Zayn and Liam) or hiding behind their mates’ backs and making ridiculous kissing faces (of course, Zayn and Liam.) Liam hardly ever pays it any mind, but with the conversation with Harry still fresh in his mind Liam feels his cheeks flush every time Louis nudges him closer to Zayn with his knee. He breaks out in a sweat every time Harry pretends to hang all over Louis in an obvious parody of the way him and Zayn are sitting and it’s just…
It’s a very long interview.
Liam takes a deep breath and rubs at his temples. He can hear things wrapping up and all he wants to do is get back to the van and close his eyes. He just…he needs a few minutes peace, is all, and of course, Zayn picks up on that.
“You feeling all right?” Zayn whispers. His breath is warm against Liam’s ear. Liam can feel Zayn’s hand curl over his thigh and squeeze gently and behind them Harry and Louis are giggling like they’ve gone mental. Liam gestures behind his back to wave them off.
“I’m good,” he says quietly. “Just a little tired.”
And because it’s the two of them and this is what they do, Zayn takes the opportunity to slide an arm around Liam’s waist and pull him closer until his head is against Zayn’s shoulder.
“Just relax, mate,” Zayn says softly. Liam can hear Harry murmur, “Awww,” but Zayn is warm and comfortable and Liam is too tired to even manage to tell Harry to bugger off.
This is fine, Liam thinks. This is just how he and Zayn are. Harry and Louis are insane.
*
“Niall!”
Liam climbs into the van the next morning and shuts the door behind him. Niall looks up at him guiltily from the breakfast sandwich he’s eating and Liam can’t figure out why until he sees the crumpled up wrapper on the floor by Niall’s feet with the name LIAM scrawled across it in Paul’s messy handwriting.
Liam sighs. “Again?”
“I thought you already ate!”
On a regular day, Liam would point out that how could he have already eaten when his sandwich was in the van with Niall when Liam wasn’t there? How could he have already eaten when Niall was actually eating his sandwich? Then Niall would turn red and look embarrassed for a second before apologizing and spending the rest of the day slipping Liam packs of biscuits and bags of crisps when no one was looking to make up for it. It’s hardly like this is the first time it’s happened.
Today, though, is not a regular day.
“Never mind,” Liam says and waves his hand in the air. Niall shrugs and tucks into the rest of the sandwich chewing happily for a moment, before realizing that Liam is in the van not to eat breakfast but to stare at Niall uncomfortably.
“Uhm,” Niall says around a mouthful of food. “Something on your mind, mate?”
Liam opens and closes his mouth a few times. He has no idea how to start this conversation, he just knows that since Harry brought up the idea of Liam and Zayn…together he’s been able to think of nothing else and he needs another opinion. Normally he’d go to Zayn with something like this, but Liam feels that would be somewhat counterproductive.
“Yes. Well, I mean,” Liam starts, then stops. He clears his throat and tries again. “Yesterday, Harry said--he said something rather disturbing.”
Niall rolls his eyes and takes another bite. “Oi. Well that’s nothing strange. That happens on a near hourly basis, you ask me.”
Liam feels the edges of his lips quirk in a smile, but he keeps going. He needs to get this out before he loses his nerve. Hear what Niall thinks. He takes a deep breath and says, “Harry said that he and Louis were angry that I’d - well, that Zayn and me - that we were-“
“Oh. Ahh.” Niall has the decency to look away as Liam rambles on. He puts the sandwich down next to him on the seat and rubs his mouth with his hand. “You and Zayn.”
“Right!” Liam feels relieved. Niall looks strangely uncomfortable so he must be as shocked and confused as Liam is about the whole thing. He starts to feel a little better about it, thinks that maybe with Niall’s help he can figure out what to say to Harry and Louis that will get them off this crazy idea.
So he’s more than a little disturbed when Niall takes the time to lean over and pat Liam’s knee before he says, “Don’t worry, Li. I’m sure Harry and Louis will be total prats about not knowing, but I understand why the two of you wanted to keep things under wraps. I’m not angry.”
And, what? Has the whole world gone mad? Liam is so confused he feels like he can’t even think. He looks over and Niall is still watching him, still smiling and squeezing his knee, and Liam puts his head down and takes a deep breath. He might actually pass out if this goes on any longer.
“Are you…” Niall trails off. He scratches his fingers in the short hairs at the back of Liam’s neck. “Are you upset that we all said something to you, Liam?”
Liam laughs, but it sounds choked and more than a little desperate. “No.”
“Are you…hmm.” He can almost hear Niall thinking. After a minute Niall slowly says, “Liam. You and Zayn are, in fact-“
Liam shakes his head decisively back and forth. “No. We’re not, in fact-“
“Oh,” Niall says. “Oh. Well. That is a problem then, mate, yeah?”
Liam keeps his head on his lap and lets Niall keep rubbing his head and the back of his neck. He has a feeling this is only the beginning of the problem.
*
They have movie night that night in Harry and Louis’ room. Liam brings copies of The Muppets and The Hangover, and isn’t surprised when The Muppets win with one hundred percent of the vote.
Sometimes, Liam really loves his friends.
“So, Liam,” Louis says, squeezing himself into the far too small space between Liam and Niall on the couch.
“Bloody hell, Tommo,” Niall says, and gives him a shove. “Nearly spilled my pint.”
“Oi, then get off your arse and get a new one,” Louis says around a laugh.
Louis slaps Niall on the thigh as he gets up and Niall rolls his eyes and grins. Liam tries to motion to Niall to get him to stay. Send him some kind of distress signal so Niall won’t leave, but if he notices it he ignores it and Liam wants to die. One look at the manic grin on Louis’ face and Liam’s stomach sinks.
“Oh, Liam,” Louis says, tsk-ing quietly. “Liam, Liam, Liam.”
Liam resigns himself to the fact that this conversation is going to happen whether he wants it to or not. “Yes, Louis?”
“So I’ve given a lot of thought to your situation.”
Louis is smiling and nodding. He looks so proud of himself, is the thing, and with Zayn safely across the room getting bowls of crisps set up with Harry in the kitchenette Liam decides to let Louis have his say for a moment. If nothing else it will be entertaining.
“All right,” Liam says, and turns to face him. “Have at it. What’s my situation.”
Louis rolls his eyes so far back Liam is fairly certain he saw the inside of his skull. “The situation of you and Zayn and how to get you two lovebirds together!”
Liam huffs. This is exactly as bad as he thought it would be. “And the fact that Zayn and I do not, in fact, feel that way about each other-“ he tries reasoning.
But Louis is nothing if not unreasonable. “Doesn’t matter a tick,” he says, and Liam slightly loses it.
“How can you say that!” he says a little too loudly and throws his hands in the air, and oh. Oops. The rest of the room goes silent and when he looks over and he finds Harry and Niall smirking at him, and Zayn watching him with a carefully curious expression. He waves them off and turns back to Louis.
“What I’m saying,” Liam says, a little bit calmer, “Is that Zayn and I…we’re fine the way we are.” Louis tries to interrupt but the others are heading over and Liam gives Louis a shove so Zayn can sit beside him like always. Louis raises his eyebrows at that and Liam shakes him head. He has half a mind to smack Louis’ hand like an errant child or bop the top of his head like a bad dog. “No,” he says sharply, behind Zayn’s head. “Just…mind your business.”
Louis’ eyebrows pinch together and he points a finger at Liam. “We’re not finished with this,” he hisses, and Zayn raises his head from Liam’s shoulder.
“What’s Lou going on about now?” Zayn asks.
Liam shakes his head and pulls Zayn closer, ignoring the way Harry is poking him in the back of his head. His friends really are twats.
“Nothing,” he says, and Zayn smiles. “I think he hit his head earlier. Possibly he has a brain injury.”
“That would explain a lot,” Zayn whispers, and Liam laughs.
*
By the time the credits are rolling, the only ones left awake are Liam and Harry. Niall is passed out on the floor, his face half inside the empty pizza box and Louis in the soft, leather armchair in the corner that he and Harry are always fighting over. Zayn is curled into Liam’s side, his fingers twisted lightly in Liam’s t-shirt. His breath is warm against Liam’s neck.
“You should think about it,” Harry says quietly.
Liam doesn’t have to look at Harry to know what he’s talking about. He shakes his head a little, and Zayn stirs, presses closer and keeps sleeping.
“I’m fine,” Liam says.
Harry waits a beat and when Liam chances a look at him he’s surprised by how serious Harry is being. His eyes are crinkled at the corners and his lips quirk in a small smile. “You love him,” he says.
Liam waits a beat. “I love you all,” he says and his voice is surprisingly even, because Liam is nothing if not honest. He’s not being entirely truthful though, and Harry narrows his eyes because he knows it.
“You know what I meant.”
Liam is saved from having to answer by Zayn waking up, his hand patting against Liam’s chest. “Ugh. Sorry, Li.”
“No worries,” Liam tells him, and smiles. “It’s not the first time you’ve had a lie down on me.”
Zayn laughs and stands up, stretching his arms high over his head. His shirt pulls up and Liam can see a flash of skin just above the waist of his trousers. He bites his lip and looks away.
“Night, Harry,” Zayn yawns, and holds his hand out for Liam to take. “You heading out too?”
Liam nods and lets Zayn pull him up from the couch. They say their goodnights, and Harry pinches Liam on the side as he passes, tries to send him a message through wiggling eyebrows and absurd finger pointing.
“Night, Harry!” Liam says, blatantly ignoring him and snickers as the door closes behind him and Zayn. He can almost feel Harry glaring at him from back inside the room.
The walk to Zayn’s room is short; they tend to all stay on the same floor whenever they can, and they pause at the door while Zayn fishes his key from his pocket. Liam is steadfastly not thinking about how close he’s standing to Zayn. How he can feel the heat of Zayn’s body against his chest. How he spent most of the movie watching how Zayn looked with his head on Liam’s shoulder. The shadow Zayn’s eyelashes cast against his cheek.
The door beeps softly, and Zayn cracks it open. He leans back against the jamb and Liam is struck again by how handsome Zayn is. The light blue t-shirt he has on is old, slightly pulled out at the neck and Liam can see the design of Zayn’s tattoos against his collarbone. He wonders if it would be soft if he were to touch him there, or hot where the ink thrums under his skin.
“You want to come in?” Zayn asks, and Liam feels the breath get stuck in his chest. He could kill Harry and Louis and Niall for making him think like this. For making him notice. For giving a name to the twisting heat Liam feels in his belly sometimes when he looks at Zayn and thinks what if? For making him wonder.
He licks his lips and Zayn sways a little closer. Liam can smell the product from his hair and the soap he used in his shower and Zayn and he almost says yes. Almost thinks, why not, but then Zayn grins and the moment is broken. Maybe it was never even there to begin with.
“We could see if there’s a game on the telly or something, yeah?” Zayn says with a smile, and of course that’s what Zayn meant. Liam tries to shove the disappointment down, and then hates that he feels disappointed at all.
“No, I’m-“ Liam forces himself to smile. “I’m a bit knackered myself. Didn’t have a two hour long nap before, yeah?”
Zayn chuckles and claps him on the shoulder. “All right then. Well…night, Li.”
“’Night, Zayn,” Liam says, and heads down the hallway to his room. A few seconds later he hears the click of Zayn’s door shutting behind him, and he tells himself that he’s fine, he’s being ridiculous. All he needs is a good night’s sleep and everything will go back to normal in the morning.
Liam doesn’t get very much sleep that night at all.
*
“All right,” Liam says the next morning as he bangs the door to Harry and Louis’ room open. “Now I’m cross.”
He takes a look around and oh good. Harry is sitting on the counter in the kitchenette kicking his legs against the cabinets and eating eggs and toast, while Louis and Niall wrestle around on the floor in a mass of flailing limbs, shouting bloody murder.
Liam tosses a look at Harry who shrugs. “There was a Sponge Bob toy in the Cheerios,” he says blandly.
“Well that explains everything,” Liam says.
Louis and Niall have the decency to stop arguing long enough to look over and acknowledge he’s there. “Why are you cross, mate?” Niall asks.
Liam clenches his hands in fists and bangs them against his thighs and growls in frustration. “You all…the lot of you just…” but Liam is never one to stay mad, and his anger quickly fades. He slumps down into one of the small kitchen chairs and puts his head down on his arms. “Uggggh,” he moans.
There’s a lot of footsteps and shuffling (Louis shouting, A-ha! which Liam takes to mean he got the toy in the end, like usual), and then a hand is gently rubbing into the hair at the back of Liam’s neck. He’s fairly certain it’s Harry.
“You all right, Li?” Harry asks, and Liam’s not surprised. Harry can be a twat but he’s surprisingly sensitive when he wants to be.
“I am. I just. I never really thought-“ he stops though, because that’s not entirely true. “I never really let myself think about…things, until you all said something. And now…” He trails off.
“Now what?” Niall asks, and Liam buries his head so far down he’s actually lying on the tabletop. His life is so sad.
“Now I think maybe you all were right,” he says quietly. “About Zayn. And…me.”
There’s a moment of silence, and then Niall is whooping out loud in the air, jumping around from the sounds of it. He hears hands clapping and Harry is squeezing his neck and patting him on the back and oh, this is not good. This is just…so very bad.
He lifts his head up and waves his hands in the air. “What is wrong with the lot of you?” he asks. “This is just - this is terrible!”
“Nah, mate, this is wonderful news!” Niall says, and claps him on the back. “You’ve finally come to your senses and now we can all help you, yeah?”
Liam shakes his head. He has no idea what he’s going to do, but he’s fairly certain that whatever it is he’ll be better off without any of their help. “No,” he says sternly. “No helping. I can…whatever I do I can do on my own.”
That idea is met with a three-part chorus of disapproval. “Oh, Liam,” Louis says as he pulls a chair out and straddles it in front of where Liam is sitting. “Liam, Liam, Liam. Have you given any thought as to how you’re going to woo our young Zayn? Any thought at all?”
And Liam is confused, because no, of course he hasn’t. “I just realized I-“ he wants to say…something - like him like that, want to be with him - but the words get stuck in his throat. “I just realized things and I haven’t thought about much at all other then tell you lot. Lord knows why I did.”
“You did because you realize you need our help, Liam!” Louis exclaims and claps his hands together. “Harry get me paper and a pen, we’re going to make a list.”
Liam shakes his head. “I don’t need a list, Louis.“
“Of course you do.”
“A list of what?” Liam is actually confused by this.
Louis rolls his eyes, as if Liam is the most frustrating person he knows. Well, Liam thinks snidely, now he knows how it feels.
“A list of dates,” Louis says, and rolls his eyes. “For the two of you.”
Liam physically backs away from him. “Dates? Oh no. I’m not going to…” he trails off. “I’m not going to date Zayn.”
“Well what was your bright idea, mister smarty pants?” Louis asks.
Liam hazards a look up at the other two, and while they’re not openly endorsing Louis’ psychotic plan they’re not voicing their disapproval either. He wonders again how he wound up with them as his best friends. What did he ever do in his life to deserve this?
“I’m going to…” Liam takes a deep breath, and says, “I’m going to tell him.”
Louis blinks. “You’re going to what?”
“Tell him,” Liam says again. “I’m going to talk to him. Honestly.”
“Oi,” Niall says from the other side of the room. “Mate, that’s a terrible plan.”
“What?” Liam asks. He can’t believe this but Harry and Louis are nodding along like Niall has just said the smartest thing ever. “It’s not terrible, it’s the truth. The truth can never be terrible!”
“No,” Louis says again, ignoring him and looking down at the pad of paper Harry had slid under his hand. “You need our help. Clearly. We’ll think up your dates for you since you seem to be utter crap at it.”
“I can date!” Liam says, offended. “I just think my plan-“
“Your plan isn’t really a plan, though,” Louis says. “I mean, are you just going to walk up to him after two years and out of nowhere and be all, Hey, mate. Fancy a shag? That’s not going to work. You have to woo him. Zayn is mysterious. He’s from Bradford.”
“He’s not that mysterious,” Liam mutters.
“I don’t know, Lou,” Harry says, chomping down on a piece of toast. “The fancy a shag line might work. It would work with me,” he says and shrugs.
“Yes, but Zayn isn’t a shameless slag like you are, Harold. He needs to be wooed.”
“I just.” Liam huffs. “I was just going to go what I did with Danielle. I talked to her. We went out. It was fine.”
“Yes, right. For two years until she dumped you over Twitter,” Louis says, not unkindly, and yelps when Niall and Harry both hit him. He doesn’t stop, though. He just leans over and curls his fingers around Liam’s wrist. “Trust me,” he says, his bright blue eyes staring into Liam’s. “This is going to be great. Yeah?”
And Liam has no idea why, but he does.
*
Louis decides that the first place Liam and Zayn should go is to the movies.
Liam tries to argue that he and Zayn have been to the movies loads of times and what would make this any different, but then Louis starts talking about how Liam should move in close to Zayn when they’re sitting and try to snog him during the opening credits and Liam punches him on the shoulder until Louis cries uncle.
“I’m not going to just lean over and snog him the minute the movie starts, you arsehole,” Liam says. Harry and Louis pretend to gasp in surprise at Liam’s language while Niall eats all the Cheerios straight from the box.
“Well it’s as good of a plan as yours was,” Louis says, still rubbing his shoulder. “Snogging is much better than talking.”
Harry nods. “He’s right about that.”
Liam is too tired to argue with them now. He barely slept the night before and now he’s going to go to Zayn’s room to ask him on a date apparently and he really doesn’t have it in him to quarrel. “I’m just…” he gestures to the door. “Going to go, and-“
He all but runs from the room.
And, all right. This is fine. Liam can do this. It’s just Zayn, after all. There’s really no need to feel like his stomach is twisting in knots at the thought of talking to his best mate. He takes a deep breath and marches the short distance to Zayn’s room, hesitating before he knocks when he hears the door he just came from click open at the end of the hall.
“Remember, Liam,” Louis hisses. “Mysterious.” And then Liam can see a hand and hear Louis yelp as someone yanks him back into the room.
Liam shakes his head and knocks at the door. He really is being ridiculous.
But then Zayn answers and all of Liam’s thoughts effectively fly out of his brain because, oh.
Oh.
Liam has seen Zayn first thing in the morning a million times before. This is nothing new. He wonders, then, why Zayn looks so different today. Liam thinks that possibly Zayn’s hair has gotten longer, or he’s been working out, or maybe his stubble had never been quite grown in like this, because really, he almost refuses to believe Zayn was always this attractive and he never noticed. He just. He definitely would have noticed, right?
Zayn blinks because Liam is just standing there. “Morning, Li,” he says, voice still rough from sleep, and Liam’s stomach twists. He feels his palms go clammy and wipes them on the thighs of his jeans.
“Hey. Uhm. Morning to you as well.”
Zayn is still standing there, almost waiting for something it seems, and then Liam realizes, yes, he’s most likely waiting for Liam to say something since he did wake Zayn up. He’s such being such a tosser about this.
“So. Uhm. I was thinking,” Liam stutters. Zayn is smiling at him softly, and Liam wants nothing more than the push the fringe back where it’s covering Zayn’s eyes. Trail his fingers over Zayn’s forehead and through his hair. “We have some free time today and I was planning on heading to the movies. I. Uhm. Was wondering if you’d like to come.”
Liam’s hands are curled into fists, and he tries to stop fidgeting. Zayn doesn’t seem to notice that Liam’s uncomfortable, thank goodness, and he pushes off from the doorway and grins, wide and bright.
“That sounds great. Are the rest of the lads coming as well?”
And, oh. Hmm. Liam thinks he probably should have been prepared for this. It’s foolish that he isn’t. Part of him wants to say; yes! Of course! They’re waiting for us now, let’s head on out! And ditch this entire dating endeavor, but no. That’s not what he wants. Not really.
“Uhm, no,” he says, and clears his throat. “I thought it could just be me and you. Like a…” he can’t actually say it though. Can’t say the word date. “Like a day out.”
Zayn smiles again, waves Liam in and says, “Wait here. I’ll be ready in twenty minutes.”
Liam grins and nods and thinks, well all right. We’re going on a date.
*
It winds up not being much of a date at all.
By the time Zayn finishes getting ready (and really, by now Liam should know that Zayn’s twenty minutes is like no other twenty minutes in the entire universe) and they get Paul to get them a car and get them to the theater all the movies have already started. They don’t have enough free time to sit around and wait for the second showing so they get tickets to the Avengers which they’ve already seen, that way they won’t really be missing anything.
The problem is that Zayn loves the Avengers. Really and truly loves it. So any thought Liam had of trying to lean over and talk to him quietly, or maybe even put his arm around Zayn’s shoulder is effectively dismissed by the way Zayn sits perched on the edge of his seat for the entire two hours, whooping and cheering at the screen.
That and the fact that Liam’s phone is buzzing every twenty seconds with messages from Louis (ranging from the innocent: r u having fun?? to the racy did u go down on him in the theater?) have Liam more tense and on edge than he’s ever been in any movie he’s ever seen in his entire life. Ever.
Zayn doesn’t seem to mind though. As they leave and head to back to the car Zayn walks closer to Liam’s side and pushes under Liam’s arm until he curls it over Zayn’s shoulder. “That was fun,” Zayn says, and Liam just smiles and agrees.
*
Their second date is for dinner.
“Dinner?” Liam asks. He’s sitting at the table in Harry and Louis’ room again, waiting for Zayn to come meet him there after his shower. “Really?”
Louis wrinkles his eyebrows. “Well, yeah. Dinner. What’s wrong with dinner?”
“Nothing!” Liam exclaims. “That’s the part that’s wrong!”
Niall and Harry are playing Mario Kart on the X-Box and Niall barely looks up when he says, “Liam, I hate to say it but you’re not making any sense.”
Liam sighs and puts his head in his hands. He wonders again how he got into this mess to begin with. “It’s wrong because we always do dinner,” he explains. “Like, every night. For two years almost. I just don’t see what’s so special about it.”
“The special part is that we’re not going to be there, mate,” Louis says. He yanks Liam’s hand away from his face and puffs out his cheeks like Liam’s a petulant child that needs cheering up. “It’s just going to be you and Zayn and you can make all your moves on him as much as you want without Harry there distracting everyone in a five kilometer vicinity.”
“I’m right here,” Harry says. “I can hear you.” He never takes his eyes off the TV, though, and a minute later Niall is leaping up, cursing and shouting.
“You cheated! Again! You’re a bloody cheater, Harry Styles, and you can just sod off and-“
Thankfully, Zayn picks that moment to walk in and Liam jumps up, afraid of what might happen if Louis gets to him first.
“Hey,” Zayn says. He’s smiling again, wearing a red shirt that pulls tight across his shoulders and chest. He smells amazing; clean and spicy and Liam reaches out, curls his fingers around Zayn’s wrist without even realizing he’s doing it.
He thinks he sees Zayn’s cheeks flush, but it’s hard to tell.
“So what’s going on tonight?” Zayn asks.
And before Liam can even think to answer Louis jumps up, throws his arm around Zayn’s shoulder and says, “Dinner! For you two! I mean, we’re all busy, right lads?” Harry and Niall barely acknowledge them from where they’re rolling around on the floor trying to grab each other in a headlock. “See?” Louis says. “Very busy. You two have fun now!” and he all but pushes them out the door.
Liam is mortified. He honestly wonders if Louis has some kind of mental deficiency that makes him think his insanity is actually helpful to others. That would at least explain some things.
Zayn is rubbing his hand across his mouth, but Liam thinks he’s smiling a little bit, so there’s that at least.
“So…” Liam trails off. Zayn looks at him. Grins and shrugs, and Liam says, “Dinner for two?”
“Sounds great,” Zayn says, and Liam thinks, all right. Maybe this will be it. This will be the date.
*
It’s not a date.
Liam honestly doesn’t know how much less of a date it could have been. If he were on a reality show called: “Ways In Which Your Night Was Not Really A Date” they would have been able to feature his and Zayn’s night out, that’s how much of a date it wasn’t.
For starters, Liam doesn’t have a whole lot of experience, but he’s fairly certain that most people (couples, what have you) don’t get mobbed by a throng of screaming thirteen year olds when they’re heading into a fairly non-descript steakhouse. Half an hour of autograph signing later and Liam is slightly cranky and more than slightly sweaty and all he wants is to collapse at a table, have something cold to drink and get something to eat. Possibly talk to Zayn for a little while, just the two of them.
But then Zayn’s mum calls, and Liam would never fault him for taking that call. He waves Zayn off and sips his water. The waitress comes by and they order and just as Zayn finishes and is leaning back Liam thinks, all right, now we can finally talk And then his own phone buzzes in his pocket.
He pulls it out expecting to see a ridiculous text from Louis or one of the others, but realizes with a start that it’s Ruth and answers it in a hurry.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs to Zayn. “It’s my sister and I have to-“
“No, Liam, of course,” Zayn says. “It’s fine.”
So Zayn eats while Liam talks (and everything was fine with Ruth, really. Liam doesn’t shout at her “IS THERE AN ACTUAL REASON TO YOUR CALL?” but he does think it once or twice. He is only human, after all) and then Liam eats and before he knows it the check is on the table and Zayn is messing around texting on his phone or something and Liam is just. Disappointed. None of this is really going that way he planned.
There must be something on his face, because Zayn looks up and his eyebrows crease a little. “You all right, Liam?”
Something stabs hard in Liam’s chest, but he manages to smile past it. “Right as rain,” he says, and then calls Paul for the car to come and get them.
*
“All right,” Louis says. He standing in front of Liam, rubbing his shoulders and touching their foreheads together. Liam is reminded of when he used to box and wonders what would happen if he hauled back and clocked Louis in the jaw. He’s sure he would feel badly, but he can’t help but hold Louis slightly responsible for the shoddy “dates” he and Zayn have been on, so maybe he wouldn’t feel that badly at all.
“All right,” Liam repeats. “This is going to be it, right?”
“Yes,” Louis says. “Definitely.”
“Ok. All right then.” Liam takes a deep breath. “What have you come up with.”
Louis pats Liam on the shoulder, claps the back of his neck and kisses him on the cheek. “Tea,” he says, before all but running away.
Liam thinks he’s possibly losing his mind.
“Tea?” he says, and then, “Tea?”
“Well I don’t know, Liam!” Louis shouts and throws his hands in the air. “I never thought I’d have to plan this many!”
“It’s three!”
“This is what I’m saying! Three whole dates and nothing yet! Not even a snog!” Louis shakes his head mournfully. “All I’m saying is if I knew you were such utter crap at this I’d have thought twice before saying yes when you asked for my help.”
Liam blinks. “When I - when I asked you for help? I begged you not to help me! I pleaded with you all to let me do this my own way and you wouldn’t listen!” Liam feels slightly hysterical. Like his head might actually explode at any given moment.
Naturally, that’s when Zayn chooses to arrive.
Louis flees, and Liam’s glad for it. When this is all over he’s declaring himself on a Louis Tomlinson vacation. He loves his friend, but he’s never needed a break from him more.
Zayn is leaning with his back against Liam’s counter, a tiny smile touching the edges of his lips. “Everything all right, mate?”
“Fine. Yes. It’s.” Liam drags his hands through his hair and closes his eyes. When he opens them again Zayn is still standing there, watching him with a small grin. “Everything’s fine. You want to go for tea?”
Because, honestly. Sod it all. Liam doesn’t have much else.
Zayn nods. He looks off to the side and bites down on his lip and Liam tries not to stare. Makes himself look away, busies himself with getting two glasses from the counter and filling them with water from the tap.
“Yeah, sure,” Zayn says. He heads out of the kitchen and into the living room and says over his shoulder, “I’ll call the others and see if they’re free.”
Liam wants to stomp his feet and pout. He wants to yell and shout and cry and do any manner of things to show just how displeased he is at the way things have been turning out. Nothing has gone the way he’s planned. He’s tried for days to try and do something, show Zayn something, get him to notice, and nothing is turning out right. If he were a lesser man, he’d lie down on the floor and weep in a ball at the injustice of it all.
As it is he just hangs his head down. His fingers curl around the edge of the kitchen counter and he says, “Yeah. Fine. Do that,” with as much forced enthusiasm as he can muster.
When Zayn comes back into the kitchen Liam doesn’t even hear it.
“Liam,” Zayn says, and Liam starts. He presses his face against the inside of his arm and chokes out a small, desperate laugh. Zayn’s fingers press between Liam’s shoulder blades. He squeezes gently and says, “You want to tell me what’s been going on, mate?”
And Liam just. He can’t do it anymore. He knows what Louis had said and he tried, he really did. But either he’s not good at dating, or him and Zayn aren’t good at it together, he’s not entirely sure. All he knows is it’s been days and he’s been thinking about Zayn more than ever and not any closer to doing anything about it and that’s not what Liam wants.
He turns around and squares his shoulders. Zayn drops his hand to his side and looks up at him, eyes wide and curious and all Zayn, and Liam thinks first, my god, I really love him, and then, please, don’t let me mess this up.
“This is just. This isn’t really working,” Liam finally says.
Zayn looks suitably confused. “What’s not working?”
Liam waves a hand around trying to encompass everything between the two of them. “This. Us. Our-“ he stops and takes a deep breath. “Our dates.”
“Our what?”
“Our dates,” Liam says firmly, and tries not to notice how Zayn pales when he hears the words.
“Our dates?” Zayn repeats and Liam nods. “What dates? You mean the past few days?” Liam nods again. He’s starting to feel slightly ill. Zayn’s still going though. Liam doesn’t know if he could stop Zayn if he tried. “Did I know they were dates?” Zayn asks, slightly hysterical. “Did you say they were dates?”
“Well. Erm. No, not exactly-“
“So then how can you say, our dates aren’t working Zayn, when you never said that we were dating in the first place!”
Liam is getting a little frustrated. “I asked you to the movies!” he says. “And dinner! And tea!”
“And we do that all the time, Liam,” Zayn says, trying to be patient but failing. “For it to be a date you need to do something. Say something. You have to snog someone on a date.”
Liam can see the way Zayn’s face flushes when he says ‘snog’. How he’s stepping closer to Liam even as he’s yelling at him. “I was-I was going to do that,” Liam says. “Talk to you, I mean. And, uhm, snog you, maybe.”
“Well why the bloody hell didn’t you!”
Zayn is laughing at him, Liam realizes, and what comes out of his mouth next doesn’t help his case any. “Because the others said we needed to date first, and I thought-“
“The others? You mean Louis and Harry and Niall?” Zayn says and waits until Liam nods. He’s staring at Liam like he’s the mental patient and Liam can’t say he likes it very much at all. “You, Liam Payne, took dating advice from Harry bloody Styles. Really.”
Liam feels his face heat. He stares down at the floor, scuffs the tile with his trainer. “Well when you say it like that,” he mutters.
Zayn is stepping closer though. Liam can feel when his shadow falls over him, and then Zayn is there, right in Liam’s space and Liam can’t stop himself from reaching out and curling his hands around Zayn’s waist. Pulling him that much closer, until they’re almost touching at the chest and hip and thigh.
“And people say you’re the smart one,” Zayn mutters, and tips his head up, and kisses him.
Liam hasn’t kissed very many people in his life. There was Jenny Wilkins in year ten behind the bleachers in the school gym. She tasted of cherry bubble gum and he kissed her on a Friday and by Monday she was holding Andrew Boyd’s hand and ignoring Liam when he tried to talk to her outside of maths. Next there was James Higgins. They snogged at one of the only parties Liam had attended at school and then a few times after, but then the X-Factor happened and Liam and he sort of lost touch.
Then there was Danielle.
And now Zayn.
Even in Liam’s very limited experience he knows that Zayn is an excellent kisser. His hands are tight on Liam’s waist, pulling him in closer. He bites at Liam’s lips, licks into his mouth and Liam can’t stop the whimper that escapes his throat when he can taste Zayn, sweet and smoky and somehow familiar even though they’ve never done this before. He knows Zayn, knows every single thing about him, and this is just one more layer, one more thing Liam can love about him.
“Tell me the truth,” Zayn says, pulling back slowly. His eyes are darker than Liam has ever seen and something flares tight and hot in his belly when Liam thinks, that’s because of me. I did that. “What do you want?” Zayn asks, and Liam doesn’t have it in him to hide anymore.
“Honestly?” he says. Zayn nods, and Liam leans down once more, kisses Zayn’s mouth. The corner of his smile. “I fancy you quite a lot, and I want…” He trails off. “I want a lot of things,” Liam says, so quietly he hopes Zayn can hear him. His chest feels tight when he says it because he knows that once the words are out there they’re not just his anymore. They’re out there for Zayn to hear. For him to know.
Zayn drops his head a little and Liam pulls him closer without even thinking about it. Zayn’s nose drags over Liam’s chest and Liam slides his fingers into the short hairs at the base of Zayn’s neck. “What about you,” Liam whispers, and holds his breath.
“I.” Zayn clears his throat. His voice is scratched and rough. When he looks up at Liam he’s possibly the most beautiful thing Liam’s ever seen. “You know I love all of you, right? By now you do at least.”
Liam nods because he understands. It wasn’t as easy for him or Zayn to love everyone as fast as the others did. They’re just not like that, they both keep their emotions much closer to the chest, and Liam knows how hard it was for Zayn to be comfortable with the rest of them. It was just as hard for Liam, after all.
“But you, Liam…” Zayn trails off. Leans up to kiss him one more time, quick and fierce. “You were never a question.”
This time Liam kisses Zayn. He pulls him closer and tries to tell him all the things he’s never been able to say. How beautiful he thinks Zayn is, and how lucky Liam is to have him. He wants Zayn to know that he’s serious about this. That he wants them to be themselves and try and maybe they can be even more amazing as them than they ever were apart.
Zayn kisses him back like he’s agreeing. Like every kiss is saying yes, and okay, and I love you too.
They break apart with small smiles and chuckles. Liam rests his forehead on Zayn’s, and he can see Zayn’s dark eyes twinkling. It’s possible Liam’s never loved him more. “So see?” Zayn says after a moment. “If nothing else, this should teach you to never listen to Louis when it comes to important things. His plans are crap.”
Liam grins, easy and bright. “I’ll make sure to trust my own plans from now on.”
“I mean, unless someone had just a snogging plan,” Zayn hedges, then grins. His smile is brilliant and Liam laughs, his chest feeling lighter than it has in days.
Liam pushes Zayn back a little into the main room with the couch and the chair and the bed, and says, “Harry did, I think. His plan was all snogging and shagging.”
Zayn curls his fingers through Liam’s hand and pulls him toward the bed. “All right,” he says, and shrugs. “I take it back. Harry’s plan was pretty all right. We’ll do Harry’s plan and then one of yours. Deal?”
Liam doesn’t remember a time when he’s been happier than at this very moment. “Deal,” he says, and kisses Zayn again.
-end-
it is also a belated bday fic for lissa_bear so I hope you like it, lady!
thanks to harriet_vane for letting me torture her every day for the past week when I was writing this. (really, no one should have me for a friend. you wake up in the morning to seven hysterical emails from me like, almost daily) and thanks to mediaville for the fabulous beta, as per usual!
title - you're the answer to the question I didn't know I was asking
pairing - zayn/liam
rating - R
word count - 8200
summary - everyone thinks that zayn and liam are shagging. that is, everyone except for zayn and liam
you're the answer to the question I didn't know I was asking
Liam is in the middle of writing an email to his mum when Harry lets himself in Liam’s room and drops down next to him on the couch.
“So, Louis and I have discussed it,” Harry says, “and we’ve decided to forgive you.”
Liam has no idea what Harry’s going on about and tries to ignore him. He shoves Harry’s feet off where they’re currently burrowing under Liam’s thigh and keeps typing.
“Did you hear me, Liam?” Harry asks when the silence reaches, oh, five or six seconds.
“I did, yes,” Liam says.
“And?” Liam chances a look at Harry from the corner of his eye, and all right. Harry is sitting there, wide-eyed, clearly waiting on some kind of response from him. Harry catches him looking and makes an expectant face; rolls his hand in the air. “You can properly apologize at any time, mate,” Harry says, and Liam gives up.
“Right, then. I’ll play along.” Liam signs out of his email and carefully closes the laptop before putting it down on the center of the table in front of them. “What am I apologizing for this time?”
It could be anything, really. His failure to properly prank Niall the night before. (Liam doesn’t care what Louis said, Niall would get sick if they replaced his toothpaste with glue.) His unwillingness to go to their last sound check in nothing but his pants. (It was chilly in the theater, and honestly, what good would it do anyone if any of them caught a cold? Not any good at all, is the answer.)
But he’s fairly unprepared for when Harry says, “For not telling us that you and Zayn decided to make it official.”
Because…what?
Liam feels his forehead crinkle but before he gets a chance to say anything, Harry waggles his eyebrows and elbows him right in the ribs. “I mean, no one’s surprised, really. You two have been half going at it from the day we all met, seems like, but still. To make a decision like that, take such a big step and not even think to tell your best mates-“
And whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Liam shakes his head because Harry isn’t making any sense. He’d thought it to be a joke at first, but the way Harry keeps going on about it, the thread of actual hurt in his voice that Liam didn’t tell him something so important has Liam taking a breath and placing his hand on Harry’s arm.
“You’re not making any sense, Harry,” Liam says carefully. Something in his voice must tip Harry off because he stops talking, trails off slowly until there’s a strangely awkward silence between the two of them. “What are you talking about, Zayn and me?”
Harry waits a beat. “You know,” he says, and raises his eyebrows a little bit. “You. And Zayn.”
“Harry, are you pissed already?” Liam asks. It’s the only thing that makes sense. “Because it’s only half past noon and we have to leave for an interview in less than an hour. If you want me to I’ll call Paul and let him know you need to have a lie down before we go or something-“
“Don’t be a twat.” Harry stands up and plants his hands on his hips. “Game’s over, Liam. Louis and I figured it out. We thought it was a bit shit you never told us yourselves, but fine. If that’s how you want to be-“
And Liam jumps up because Harry looks mad now. Harry is leaving and Liam still doesn’t understand why.
“Harry, wait,” he says and grabs Harry’s wrist. He gives him a little tug, feels bad at the hurt expression on Harry’s face, but apparently he has more important issues to address than Harry’s being sore at him. “I just. I want to make sure I understand this right.” Harry sniffs but lets him keep going. Very carefully, Liam says, “You and Louis, think Zayn and I…”
“Are shagging,” Harry finishes for him, and wow. Liam has to sit back down. “Dating. Whatever you’re calling it. It’s obvious to everyone, really.”
“Shagging.” Liam says weakly. “Zayn and I.” He drops his head into his hands, presses his fingers against his eyes.
“That’s right,” says Harry.
“And everyone…” Liam is mortified. He can feel his cheeks heating and presses the palms of his hands there to try and cool himself off. “Everyone knows about it, yeah?”
“Well. Possibly not everyone,” Harry clarifies. “You, for example seem quite surprised by it.”
“I,” Liam stutters. This is so very not good. “I am a bit surprised, yes.”
“Oh. Hmm.” Harry has the decency not to say anything for a minute, and then, “So let me ask you.” He pauses. “Would Zayn be surprised by this news as well?”
Liam laughs sharply. He sounds a bit hysterical even to his own ears. “Zayn would be shocked.”
“Ahh. Well then.” When Liam looks up Harry has the decency to blush a bit himself. “So…no shagging, really?”
“No shagging, Harry.”
“Huh.” Harry shrugs and chews on his bottom lip. “Louis is going to be so disappointed.”
*
The interview that afternoon is one of the stranger one’s Liam’s ever been involved with.
It’s a radio interview, and the DJ’s are most interested in Niall (and Niall’s accent, and how many pints he drinks back home, and what size boxers he wears, and all sorts of nonsensical information) which is fine with Liam. He feels that they all deserve some time in the spotlight and it’s more than time Niall has his turn to shine.
The problem with being in One Direction is that if some members of One Direction aren’t kept occupied at nearly all times (Harry and Louis), they get bored and fidgety and start sticking pencils in their mates’ hair (Zayn and Liam) or pinching their mates’ nipples (Zayn and Liam) or hiding behind their mates’ backs and making ridiculous kissing faces (of course, Zayn and Liam.) Liam hardly ever pays it any mind, but with the conversation with Harry still fresh in his mind Liam feels his cheeks flush every time Louis nudges him closer to Zayn with his knee. He breaks out in a sweat every time Harry pretends to hang all over Louis in an obvious parody of the way him and Zayn are sitting and it’s just…
It’s a very long interview.
Liam takes a deep breath and rubs at his temples. He can hear things wrapping up and all he wants to do is get back to the van and close his eyes. He just…he needs a few minutes peace, is all, and of course, Zayn picks up on that.
“You feeling all right?” Zayn whispers. His breath is warm against Liam’s ear. Liam can feel Zayn’s hand curl over his thigh and squeeze gently and behind them Harry and Louis are giggling like they’ve gone mental. Liam gestures behind his back to wave them off.
“I’m good,” he says quietly. “Just a little tired.”
And because it’s the two of them and this is what they do, Zayn takes the opportunity to slide an arm around Liam’s waist and pull him closer until his head is against Zayn’s shoulder.
“Just relax, mate,” Zayn says softly. Liam can hear Harry murmur, “Awww,” but Zayn is warm and comfortable and Liam is too tired to even manage to tell Harry to bugger off.
This is fine, Liam thinks. This is just how he and Zayn are. Harry and Louis are insane.
*
“Niall!”
Liam climbs into the van the next morning and shuts the door behind him. Niall looks up at him guiltily from the breakfast sandwich he’s eating and Liam can’t figure out why until he sees the crumpled up wrapper on the floor by Niall’s feet with the name LIAM scrawled across it in Paul’s messy handwriting.
Liam sighs. “Again?”
“I thought you already ate!”
On a regular day, Liam would point out that how could he have already eaten when his sandwich was in the van with Niall when Liam wasn’t there? How could he have already eaten when Niall was actually eating his sandwich? Then Niall would turn red and look embarrassed for a second before apologizing and spending the rest of the day slipping Liam packs of biscuits and bags of crisps when no one was looking to make up for it. It’s hardly like this is the first time it’s happened.
Today, though, is not a regular day.
“Never mind,” Liam says and waves his hand in the air. Niall shrugs and tucks into the rest of the sandwich chewing happily for a moment, before realizing that Liam is in the van not to eat breakfast but to stare at Niall uncomfortably.
“Uhm,” Niall says around a mouthful of food. “Something on your mind, mate?”
Liam opens and closes his mouth a few times. He has no idea how to start this conversation, he just knows that since Harry brought up the idea of Liam and Zayn…together he’s been able to think of nothing else and he needs another opinion. Normally he’d go to Zayn with something like this, but Liam feels that would be somewhat counterproductive.
“Yes. Well, I mean,” Liam starts, then stops. He clears his throat and tries again. “Yesterday, Harry said--he said something rather disturbing.”
Niall rolls his eyes and takes another bite. “Oi. Well that’s nothing strange. That happens on a near hourly basis, you ask me.”
Liam feels the edges of his lips quirk in a smile, but he keeps going. He needs to get this out before he loses his nerve. Hear what Niall thinks. He takes a deep breath and says, “Harry said that he and Louis were angry that I’d - well, that Zayn and me - that we were-“
“Oh. Ahh.” Niall has the decency to look away as Liam rambles on. He puts the sandwich down next to him on the seat and rubs his mouth with his hand. “You and Zayn.”
“Right!” Liam feels relieved. Niall looks strangely uncomfortable so he must be as shocked and confused as Liam is about the whole thing. He starts to feel a little better about it, thinks that maybe with Niall’s help he can figure out what to say to Harry and Louis that will get them off this crazy idea.
So he’s more than a little disturbed when Niall takes the time to lean over and pat Liam’s knee before he says, “Don’t worry, Li. I’m sure Harry and Louis will be total prats about not knowing, but I understand why the two of you wanted to keep things under wraps. I’m not angry.”
And, what? Has the whole world gone mad? Liam is so confused he feels like he can’t even think. He looks over and Niall is still watching him, still smiling and squeezing his knee, and Liam puts his head down and takes a deep breath. He might actually pass out if this goes on any longer.
“Are you…” Niall trails off. He scratches his fingers in the short hairs at the back of Liam’s neck. “Are you upset that we all said something to you, Liam?”
Liam laughs, but it sounds choked and more than a little desperate. “No.”
“Are you…hmm.” He can almost hear Niall thinking. After a minute Niall slowly says, “Liam. You and Zayn are, in fact-“
Liam shakes his head decisively back and forth. “No. We’re not, in fact-“
“Oh,” Niall says. “Oh. Well. That is a problem then, mate, yeah?”
Liam keeps his head on his lap and lets Niall keep rubbing his head and the back of his neck. He has a feeling this is only the beginning of the problem.
*
They have movie night that night in Harry and Louis’ room. Liam brings copies of The Muppets and The Hangover, and isn’t surprised when The Muppets win with one hundred percent of the vote.
Sometimes, Liam really loves his friends.
“So, Liam,” Louis says, squeezing himself into the far too small space between Liam and Niall on the couch.
“Bloody hell, Tommo,” Niall says, and gives him a shove. “Nearly spilled my pint.”
“Oi, then get off your arse and get a new one,” Louis says around a laugh.
Louis slaps Niall on the thigh as he gets up and Niall rolls his eyes and grins. Liam tries to motion to Niall to get him to stay. Send him some kind of distress signal so Niall won’t leave, but if he notices it he ignores it and Liam wants to die. One look at the manic grin on Louis’ face and Liam’s stomach sinks.
“Oh, Liam,” Louis says, tsk-ing quietly. “Liam, Liam, Liam.”
Liam resigns himself to the fact that this conversation is going to happen whether he wants it to or not. “Yes, Louis?”
“So I’ve given a lot of thought to your situation.”
Louis is smiling and nodding. He looks so proud of himself, is the thing, and with Zayn safely across the room getting bowls of crisps set up with Harry in the kitchenette Liam decides to let Louis have his say for a moment. If nothing else it will be entertaining.
“All right,” Liam says, and turns to face him. “Have at it. What’s my situation.”
Louis rolls his eyes so far back Liam is fairly certain he saw the inside of his skull. “The situation of you and Zayn and how to get you two lovebirds together!”
Liam huffs. This is exactly as bad as he thought it would be. “And the fact that Zayn and I do not, in fact, feel that way about each other-“ he tries reasoning.
But Louis is nothing if not unreasonable. “Doesn’t matter a tick,” he says, and Liam slightly loses it.
“How can you say that!” he says a little too loudly and throws his hands in the air, and oh. Oops. The rest of the room goes silent and when he looks over and he finds Harry and Niall smirking at him, and Zayn watching him with a carefully curious expression. He waves them off and turns back to Louis.
“What I’m saying,” Liam says, a little bit calmer, “Is that Zayn and I…we’re fine the way we are.” Louis tries to interrupt but the others are heading over and Liam gives Louis a shove so Zayn can sit beside him like always. Louis raises his eyebrows at that and Liam shakes him head. He has half a mind to smack Louis’ hand like an errant child or bop the top of his head like a bad dog. “No,” he says sharply, behind Zayn’s head. “Just…mind your business.”
Louis’ eyebrows pinch together and he points a finger at Liam. “We’re not finished with this,” he hisses, and Zayn raises his head from Liam’s shoulder.
“What’s Lou going on about now?” Zayn asks.
Liam shakes his head and pulls Zayn closer, ignoring the way Harry is poking him in the back of his head. His friends really are twats.
“Nothing,” he says, and Zayn smiles. “I think he hit his head earlier. Possibly he has a brain injury.”
“That would explain a lot,” Zayn whispers, and Liam laughs.
*
By the time the credits are rolling, the only ones left awake are Liam and Harry. Niall is passed out on the floor, his face half inside the empty pizza box and Louis in the soft, leather armchair in the corner that he and Harry are always fighting over. Zayn is curled into Liam’s side, his fingers twisted lightly in Liam’s t-shirt. His breath is warm against Liam’s neck.
“You should think about it,” Harry says quietly.
Liam doesn’t have to look at Harry to know what he’s talking about. He shakes his head a little, and Zayn stirs, presses closer and keeps sleeping.
“I’m fine,” Liam says.
Harry waits a beat and when Liam chances a look at him he’s surprised by how serious Harry is being. His eyes are crinkled at the corners and his lips quirk in a small smile. “You love him,” he says.
Liam waits a beat. “I love you all,” he says and his voice is surprisingly even, because Liam is nothing if not honest. He’s not being entirely truthful though, and Harry narrows his eyes because he knows it.
“You know what I meant.”
Liam is saved from having to answer by Zayn waking up, his hand patting against Liam’s chest. “Ugh. Sorry, Li.”
“No worries,” Liam tells him, and smiles. “It’s not the first time you’ve had a lie down on me.”
Zayn laughs and stands up, stretching his arms high over his head. His shirt pulls up and Liam can see a flash of skin just above the waist of his trousers. He bites his lip and looks away.
“Night, Harry,” Zayn yawns, and holds his hand out for Liam to take. “You heading out too?”
Liam nods and lets Zayn pull him up from the couch. They say their goodnights, and Harry pinches Liam on the side as he passes, tries to send him a message through wiggling eyebrows and absurd finger pointing.
“Night, Harry!” Liam says, blatantly ignoring him and snickers as the door closes behind him and Zayn. He can almost feel Harry glaring at him from back inside the room.
The walk to Zayn’s room is short; they tend to all stay on the same floor whenever they can, and they pause at the door while Zayn fishes his key from his pocket. Liam is steadfastly not thinking about how close he’s standing to Zayn. How he can feel the heat of Zayn’s body against his chest. How he spent most of the movie watching how Zayn looked with his head on Liam’s shoulder. The shadow Zayn’s eyelashes cast against his cheek.
The door beeps softly, and Zayn cracks it open. He leans back against the jamb and Liam is struck again by how handsome Zayn is. The light blue t-shirt he has on is old, slightly pulled out at the neck and Liam can see the design of Zayn’s tattoos against his collarbone. He wonders if it would be soft if he were to touch him there, or hot where the ink thrums under his skin.
“You want to come in?” Zayn asks, and Liam feels the breath get stuck in his chest. He could kill Harry and Louis and Niall for making him think like this. For making him notice. For giving a name to the twisting heat Liam feels in his belly sometimes when he looks at Zayn and thinks what if? For making him wonder.
He licks his lips and Zayn sways a little closer. Liam can smell the product from his hair and the soap he used in his shower and Zayn and he almost says yes. Almost thinks, why not, but then Zayn grins and the moment is broken. Maybe it was never even there to begin with.
“We could see if there’s a game on the telly or something, yeah?” Zayn says with a smile, and of course that’s what Zayn meant. Liam tries to shove the disappointment down, and then hates that he feels disappointed at all.
“No, I’m-“ Liam forces himself to smile. “I’m a bit knackered myself. Didn’t have a two hour long nap before, yeah?”
Zayn chuckles and claps him on the shoulder. “All right then. Well…night, Li.”
“’Night, Zayn,” Liam says, and heads down the hallway to his room. A few seconds later he hears the click of Zayn’s door shutting behind him, and he tells himself that he’s fine, he’s being ridiculous. All he needs is a good night’s sleep and everything will go back to normal in the morning.
Liam doesn’t get very much sleep that night at all.
*
“All right,” Liam says the next morning as he bangs the door to Harry and Louis’ room open. “Now I’m cross.”
He takes a look around and oh good. Harry is sitting on the counter in the kitchenette kicking his legs against the cabinets and eating eggs and toast, while Louis and Niall wrestle around on the floor in a mass of flailing limbs, shouting bloody murder.
Liam tosses a look at Harry who shrugs. “There was a Sponge Bob toy in the Cheerios,” he says blandly.
“Well that explains everything,” Liam says.
Louis and Niall have the decency to stop arguing long enough to look over and acknowledge he’s there. “Why are you cross, mate?” Niall asks.
Liam clenches his hands in fists and bangs them against his thighs and growls in frustration. “You all…the lot of you just…” but Liam is never one to stay mad, and his anger quickly fades. He slumps down into one of the small kitchen chairs and puts his head down on his arms. “Uggggh,” he moans.
There’s a lot of footsteps and shuffling (Louis shouting, A-ha! which Liam takes to mean he got the toy in the end, like usual), and then a hand is gently rubbing into the hair at the back of Liam’s neck. He’s fairly certain it’s Harry.
“You all right, Li?” Harry asks, and Liam’s not surprised. Harry can be a twat but he’s surprisingly sensitive when he wants to be.
“I am. I just. I never really thought-“ he stops though, because that’s not entirely true. “I never really let myself think about…things, until you all said something. And now…” He trails off.
“Now what?” Niall asks, and Liam buries his head so far down he’s actually lying on the tabletop. His life is so sad.
“Now I think maybe you all were right,” he says quietly. “About Zayn. And…me.”
There’s a moment of silence, and then Niall is whooping out loud in the air, jumping around from the sounds of it. He hears hands clapping and Harry is squeezing his neck and patting him on the back and oh, this is not good. This is just…so very bad.
He lifts his head up and waves his hands in the air. “What is wrong with the lot of you?” he asks. “This is just - this is terrible!”
“Nah, mate, this is wonderful news!” Niall says, and claps him on the back. “You’ve finally come to your senses and now we can all help you, yeah?”
Liam shakes his head. He has no idea what he’s going to do, but he’s fairly certain that whatever it is he’ll be better off without any of their help. “No,” he says sternly. “No helping. I can…whatever I do I can do on my own.”
That idea is met with a three-part chorus of disapproval. “Oh, Liam,” Louis says as he pulls a chair out and straddles it in front of where Liam is sitting. “Liam, Liam, Liam. Have you given any thought as to how you’re going to woo our young Zayn? Any thought at all?”
And Liam is confused, because no, of course he hasn’t. “I just realized I-“ he wants to say…something - like him like that, want to be with him - but the words get stuck in his throat. “I just realized things and I haven’t thought about much at all other then tell you lot. Lord knows why I did.”
“You did because you realize you need our help, Liam!” Louis exclaims and claps his hands together. “Harry get me paper and a pen, we’re going to make a list.”
Liam shakes his head. “I don’t need a list, Louis.“
“Of course you do.”
“A list of what?” Liam is actually confused by this.
Louis rolls his eyes, as if Liam is the most frustrating person he knows. Well, Liam thinks snidely, now he knows how it feels.
“A list of dates,” Louis says, and rolls his eyes. “For the two of you.”
Liam physically backs away from him. “Dates? Oh no. I’m not going to…” he trails off. “I’m not going to date Zayn.”
“Well what was your bright idea, mister smarty pants?” Louis asks.
Liam hazards a look up at the other two, and while they’re not openly endorsing Louis’ psychotic plan they’re not voicing their disapproval either. He wonders again how he wound up with them as his best friends. What did he ever do in his life to deserve this?
“I’m going to…” Liam takes a deep breath, and says, “I’m going to tell him.”
Louis blinks. “You’re going to what?”
“Tell him,” Liam says again. “I’m going to talk to him. Honestly.”
“Oi,” Niall says from the other side of the room. “Mate, that’s a terrible plan.”
“What?” Liam asks. He can’t believe this but Harry and Louis are nodding along like Niall has just said the smartest thing ever. “It’s not terrible, it’s the truth. The truth can never be terrible!”
“No,” Louis says again, ignoring him and looking down at the pad of paper Harry had slid under his hand. “You need our help. Clearly. We’ll think up your dates for you since you seem to be utter crap at it.”
“I can date!” Liam says, offended. “I just think my plan-“
“Your plan isn’t really a plan, though,” Louis says. “I mean, are you just going to walk up to him after two years and out of nowhere and be all, Hey, mate. Fancy a shag? That’s not going to work. You have to woo him. Zayn is mysterious. He’s from Bradford.”
“He’s not that mysterious,” Liam mutters.
“I don’t know, Lou,” Harry says, chomping down on a piece of toast. “The fancy a shag line might work. It would work with me,” he says and shrugs.
“Yes, but Zayn isn’t a shameless slag like you are, Harold. He needs to be wooed.”
“I just.” Liam huffs. “I was just going to go what I did with Danielle. I talked to her. We went out. It was fine.”
“Yes, right. For two years until she dumped you over Twitter,” Louis says, not unkindly, and yelps when Niall and Harry both hit him. He doesn’t stop, though. He just leans over and curls his fingers around Liam’s wrist. “Trust me,” he says, his bright blue eyes staring into Liam’s. “This is going to be great. Yeah?”
And Liam has no idea why, but he does.
*
Louis decides that the first place Liam and Zayn should go is to the movies.
Liam tries to argue that he and Zayn have been to the movies loads of times and what would make this any different, but then Louis starts talking about how Liam should move in close to Zayn when they’re sitting and try to snog him during the opening credits and Liam punches him on the shoulder until Louis cries uncle.
“I’m not going to just lean over and snog him the minute the movie starts, you arsehole,” Liam says. Harry and Louis pretend to gasp in surprise at Liam’s language while Niall eats all the Cheerios straight from the box.
“Well it’s as good of a plan as yours was,” Louis says, still rubbing his shoulder. “Snogging is much better than talking.”
Harry nods. “He’s right about that.”
Liam is too tired to argue with them now. He barely slept the night before and now he’s going to go to Zayn’s room to ask him on a date apparently and he really doesn’t have it in him to quarrel. “I’m just…” he gestures to the door. “Going to go, and-“
He all but runs from the room.
And, all right. This is fine. Liam can do this. It’s just Zayn, after all. There’s really no need to feel like his stomach is twisting in knots at the thought of talking to his best mate. He takes a deep breath and marches the short distance to Zayn’s room, hesitating before he knocks when he hears the door he just came from click open at the end of the hall.
“Remember, Liam,” Louis hisses. “Mysterious.” And then Liam can see a hand and hear Louis yelp as someone yanks him back into the room.
Liam shakes his head and knocks at the door. He really is being ridiculous.
But then Zayn answers and all of Liam’s thoughts effectively fly out of his brain because, oh.
Oh.
Liam has seen Zayn first thing in the morning a million times before. This is nothing new. He wonders, then, why Zayn looks so different today. Liam thinks that possibly Zayn’s hair has gotten longer, or he’s been working out, or maybe his stubble had never been quite grown in like this, because really, he almost refuses to believe Zayn was always this attractive and he never noticed. He just. He definitely would have noticed, right?
Zayn blinks because Liam is just standing there. “Morning, Li,” he says, voice still rough from sleep, and Liam’s stomach twists. He feels his palms go clammy and wipes them on the thighs of his jeans.
“Hey. Uhm. Morning to you as well.”
Zayn is still standing there, almost waiting for something it seems, and then Liam realizes, yes, he’s most likely waiting for Liam to say something since he did wake Zayn up. He’s such being such a tosser about this.
“So. Uhm. I was thinking,” Liam stutters. Zayn is smiling at him softly, and Liam wants nothing more than the push the fringe back where it’s covering Zayn’s eyes. Trail his fingers over Zayn’s forehead and through his hair. “We have some free time today and I was planning on heading to the movies. I. Uhm. Was wondering if you’d like to come.”
Liam’s hands are curled into fists, and he tries to stop fidgeting. Zayn doesn’t seem to notice that Liam’s uncomfortable, thank goodness, and he pushes off from the doorway and grins, wide and bright.
“That sounds great. Are the rest of the lads coming as well?”
And, oh. Hmm. Liam thinks he probably should have been prepared for this. It’s foolish that he isn’t. Part of him wants to say; yes! Of course! They’re waiting for us now, let’s head on out! And ditch this entire dating endeavor, but no. That’s not what he wants. Not really.
“Uhm, no,” he says, and clears his throat. “I thought it could just be me and you. Like a…” he can’t actually say it though. Can’t say the word date. “Like a day out.”
Zayn smiles again, waves Liam in and says, “Wait here. I’ll be ready in twenty minutes.”
Liam grins and nods and thinks, well all right. We’re going on a date.
*
It winds up not being much of a date at all.
By the time Zayn finishes getting ready (and really, by now Liam should know that Zayn’s twenty minutes is like no other twenty minutes in the entire universe) and they get Paul to get them a car and get them to the theater all the movies have already started. They don’t have enough free time to sit around and wait for the second showing so they get tickets to the Avengers which they’ve already seen, that way they won’t really be missing anything.
The problem is that Zayn loves the Avengers. Really and truly loves it. So any thought Liam had of trying to lean over and talk to him quietly, or maybe even put his arm around Zayn’s shoulder is effectively dismissed by the way Zayn sits perched on the edge of his seat for the entire two hours, whooping and cheering at the screen.
That and the fact that Liam’s phone is buzzing every twenty seconds with messages from Louis (ranging from the innocent: r u having fun?? to the racy did u go down on him in the theater?) have Liam more tense and on edge than he’s ever been in any movie he’s ever seen in his entire life. Ever.
Zayn doesn’t seem to mind though. As they leave and head to back to the car Zayn walks closer to Liam’s side and pushes under Liam’s arm until he curls it over Zayn’s shoulder. “That was fun,” Zayn says, and Liam just smiles and agrees.
*
Their second date is for dinner.
“Dinner?” Liam asks. He’s sitting at the table in Harry and Louis’ room again, waiting for Zayn to come meet him there after his shower. “Really?”
Louis wrinkles his eyebrows. “Well, yeah. Dinner. What’s wrong with dinner?”
“Nothing!” Liam exclaims. “That’s the part that’s wrong!”
Niall and Harry are playing Mario Kart on the X-Box and Niall barely looks up when he says, “Liam, I hate to say it but you’re not making any sense.”
Liam sighs and puts his head in his hands. He wonders again how he got into this mess to begin with. “It’s wrong because we always do dinner,” he explains. “Like, every night. For two years almost. I just don’t see what’s so special about it.”
“The special part is that we’re not going to be there, mate,” Louis says. He yanks Liam’s hand away from his face and puffs out his cheeks like Liam’s a petulant child that needs cheering up. “It’s just going to be you and Zayn and you can make all your moves on him as much as you want without Harry there distracting everyone in a five kilometer vicinity.”
“I’m right here,” Harry says. “I can hear you.” He never takes his eyes off the TV, though, and a minute later Niall is leaping up, cursing and shouting.
“You cheated! Again! You’re a bloody cheater, Harry Styles, and you can just sod off and-“
Thankfully, Zayn picks that moment to walk in and Liam jumps up, afraid of what might happen if Louis gets to him first.
“Hey,” Zayn says. He’s smiling again, wearing a red shirt that pulls tight across his shoulders and chest. He smells amazing; clean and spicy and Liam reaches out, curls his fingers around Zayn’s wrist without even realizing he’s doing it.
He thinks he sees Zayn’s cheeks flush, but it’s hard to tell.
“So what’s going on tonight?” Zayn asks.
And before Liam can even think to answer Louis jumps up, throws his arm around Zayn’s shoulder and says, “Dinner! For you two! I mean, we’re all busy, right lads?” Harry and Niall barely acknowledge them from where they’re rolling around on the floor trying to grab each other in a headlock. “See?” Louis says. “Very busy. You two have fun now!” and he all but pushes them out the door.
Liam is mortified. He honestly wonders if Louis has some kind of mental deficiency that makes him think his insanity is actually helpful to others. That would at least explain some things.
Zayn is rubbing his hand across his mouth, but Liam thinks he’s smiling a little bit, so there’s that at least.
“So…” Liam trails off. Zayn looks at him. Grins and shrugs, and Liam says, “Dinner for two?”
“Sounds great,” Zayn says, and Liam thinks, all right. Maybe this will be it. This will be the date.
*
It’s not a date.
Liam honestly doesn’t know how much less of a date it could have been. If he were on a reality show called: “Ways In Which Your Night Was Not Really A Date” they would have been able to feature his and Zayn’s night out, that’s how much of a date it wasn’t.
For starters, Liam doesn’t have a whole lot of experience, but he’s fairly certain that most people (couples, what have you) don’t get mobbed by a throng of screaming thirteen year olds when they’re heading into a fairly non-descript steakhouse. Half an hour of autograph signing later and Liam is slightly cranky and more than slightly sweaty and all he wants is to collapse at a table, have something cold to drink and get something to eat. Possibly talk to Zayn for a little while, just the two of them.
But then Zayn’s mum calls, and Liam would never fault him for taking that call. He waves Zayn off and sips his water. The waitress comes by and they order and just as Zayn finishes and is leaning back Liam thinks, all right, now we can finally talk And then his own phone buzzes in his pocket.
He pulls it out expecting to see a ridiculous text from Louis or one of the others, but realizes with a start that it’s Ruth and answers it in a hurry.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs to Zayn. “It’s my sister and I have to-“
“No, Liam, of course,” Zayn says. “It’s fine.”
So Zayn eats while Liam talks (and everything was fine with Ruth, really. Liam doesn’t shout at her “IS THERE AN ACTUAL REASON TO YOUR CALL?” but he does think it once or twice. He is only human, after all) and then Liam eats and before he knows it the check is on the table and Zayn is messing around texting on his phone or something and Liam is just. Disappointed. None of this is really going that way he planned.
There must be something on his face, because Zayn looks up and his eyebrows crease a little. “You all right, Liam?”
Something stabs hard in Liam’s chest, but he manages to smile past it. “Right as rain,” he says, and then calls Paul for the car to come and get them.
*
“All right,” Louis says. He standing in front of Liam, rubbing his shoulders and touching their foreheads together. Liam is reminded of when he used to box and wonders what would happen if he hauled back and clocked Louis in the jaw. He’s sure he would feel badly, but he can’t help but hold Louis slightly responsible for the shoddy “dates” he and Zayn have been on, so maybe he wouldn’t feel that badly at all.
“All right,” Liam repeats. “This is going to be it, right?”
“Yes,” Louis says. “Definitely.”
“Ok. All right then.” Liam takes a deep breath. “What have you come up with.”
Louis pats Liam on the shoulder, claps the back of his neck and kisses him on the cheek. “Tea,” he says, before all but running away.
Liam thinks he’s possibly losing his mind.
“Tea?” he says, and then, “Tea?”
“Well I don’t know, Liam!” Louis shouts and throws his hands in the air. “I never thought I’d have to plan this many!”
“It’s three!”
“This is what I’m saying! Three whole dates and nothing yet! Not even a snog!” Louis shakes his head mournfully. “All I’m saying is if I knew you were such utter crap at this I’d have thought twice before saying yes when you asked for my help.”
Liam blinks. “When I - when I asked you for help? I begged you not to help me! I pleaded with you all to let me do this my own way and you wouldn’t listen!” Liam feels slightly hysterical. Like his head might actually explode at any given moment.
Naturally, that’s when Zayn chooses to arrive.
Louis flees, and Liam’s glad for it. When this is all over he’s declaring himself on a Louis Tomlinson vacation. He loves his friend, but he’s never needed a break from him more.
Zayn is leaning with his back against Liam’s counter, a tiny smile touching the edges of his lips. “Everything all right, mate?”
“Fine. Yes. It’s.” Liam drags his hands through his hair and closes his eyes. When he opens them again Zayn is still standing there, watching him with a small grin. “Everything’s fine. You want to go for tea?”
Because, honestly. Sod it all. Liam doesn’t have much else.
Zayn nods. He looks off to the side and bites down on his lip and Liam tries not to stare. Makes himself look away, busies himself with getting two glasses from the counter and filling them with water from the tap.
“Yeah, sure,” Zayn says. He heads out of the kitchen and into the living room and says over his shoulder, “I’ll call the others and see if they’re free.”
Liam wants to stomp his feet and pout. He wants to yell and shout and cry and do any manner of things to show just how displeased he is at the way things have been turning out. Nothing has gone the way he’s planned. He’s tried for days to try and do something, show Zayn something, get him to notice, and nothing is turning out right. If he were a lesser man, he’d lie down on the floor and weep in a ball at the injustice of it all.
As it is he just hangs his head down. His fingers curl around the edge of the kitchen counter and he says, “Yeah. Fine. Do that,” with as much forced enthusiasm as he can muster.
When Zayn comes back into the kitchen Liam doesn’t even hear it.
“Liam,” Zayn says, and Liam starts. He presses his face against the inside of his arm and chokes out a small, desperate laugh. Zayn’s fingers press between Liam’s shoulder blades. He squeezes gently and says, “You want to tell me what’s been going on, mate?”
And Liam just. He can’t do it anymore. He knows what Louis had said and he tried, he really did. But either he’s not good at dating, or him and Zayn aren’t good at it together, he’s not entirely sure. All he knows is it’s been days and he’s been thinking about Zayn more than ever and not any closer to doing anything about it and that’s not what Liam wants.
He turns around and squares his shoulders. Zayn drops his hand to his side and looks up at him, eyes wide and curious and all Zayn, and Liam thinks first, my god, I really love him, and then, please, don’t let me mess this up.
“This is just. This isn’t really working,” Liam finally says.
Zayn looks suitably confused. “What’s not working?”
Liam waves a hand around trying to encompass everything between the two of them. “This. Us. Our-“ he stops and takes a deep breath. “Our dates.”
“Our what?”
“Our dates,” Liam says firmly, and tries not to notice how Zayn pales when he hears the words.
“Our dates?” Zayn repeats and Liam nods. “What dates? You mean the past few days?” Liam nods again. He’s starting to feel slightly ill. Zayn’s still going though. Liam doesn’t know if he could stop Zayn if he tried. “Did I know they were dates?” Zayn asks, slightly hysterical. “Did you say they were dates?”
“Well. Erm. No, not exactly-“
“So then how can you say, our dates aren’t working Zayn, when you never said that we were dating in the first place!”
Liam is getting a little frustrated. “I asked you to the movies!” he says. “And dinner! And tea!”
“And we do that all the time, Liam,” Zayn says, trying to be patient but failing. “For it to be a date you need to do something. Say something. You have to snog someone on a date.”
Liam can see the way Zayn’s face flushes when he says ‘snog’. How he’s stepping closer to Liam even as he’s yelling at him. “I was-I was going to do that,” Liam says. “Talk to you, I mean. And, uhm, snog you, maybe.”
“Well why the bloody hell didn’t you!”
Zayn is laughing at him, Liam realizes, and what comes out of his mouth next doesn’t help his case any. “Because the others said we needed to date first, and I thought-“
“The others? You mean Louis and Harry and Niall?” Zayn says and waits until Liam nods. He’s staring at Liam like he’s the mental patient and Liam can’t say he likes it very much at all. “You, Liam Payne, took dating advice from Harry bloody Styles. Really.”
Liam feels his face heat. He stares down at the floor, scuffs the tile with his trainer. “Well when you say it like that,” he mutters.
Zayn is stepping closer though. Liam can feel when his shadow falls over him, and then Zayn is there, right in Liam’s space and Liam can’t stop himself from reaching out and curling his hands around Zayn’s waist. Pulling him that much closer, until they’re almost touching at the chest and hip and thigh.
“And people say you’re the smart one,” Zayn mutters, and tips his head up, and kisses him.
Liam hasn’t kissed very many people in his life. There was Jenny Wilkins in year ten behind the bleachers in the school gym. She tasted of cherry bubble gum and he kissed her on a Friday and by Monday she was holding Andrew Boyd’s hand and ignoring Liam when he tried to talk to her outside of maths. Next there was James Higgins. They snogged at one of the only parties Liam had attended at school and then a few times after, but then the X-Factor happened and Liam and he sort of lost touch.
Then there was Danielle.
And now Zayn.
Even in Liam’s very limited experience he knows that Zayn is an excellent kisser. His hands are tight on Liam’s waist, pulling him in closer. He bites at Liam’s lips, licks into his mouth and Liam can’t stop the whimper that escapes his throat when he can taste Zayn, sweet and smoky and somehow familiar even though they’ve never done this before. He knows Zayn, knows every single thing about him, and this is just one more layer, one more thing Liam can love about him.
“Tell me the truth,” Zayn says, pulling back slowly. His eyes are darker than Liam has ever seen and something flares tight and hot in his belly when Liam thinks, that’s because of me. I did that. “What do you want?” Zayn asks, and Liam doesn’t have it in him to hide anymore.
“Honestly?” he says. Zayn nods, and Liam leans down once more, kisses Zayn’s mouth. The corner of his smile. “I fancy you quite a lot, and I want…” He trails off. “I want a lot of things,” Liam says, so quietly he hopes Zayn can hear him. His chest feels tight when he says it because he knows that once the words are out there they’re not just his anymore. They’re out there for Zayn to hear. For him to know.
Zayn drops his head a little and Liam pulls him closer without even thinking about it. Zayn’s nose drags over Liam’s chest and Liam slides his fingers into the short hairs at the base of Zayn’s neck. “What about you,” Liam whispers, and holds his breath.
“I.” Zayn clears his throat. His voice is scratched and rough. When he looks up at Liam he’s possibly the most beautiful thing Liam’s ever seen. “You know I love all of you, right? By now you do at least.”
Liam nods because he understands. It wasn’t as easy for him or Zayn to love everyone as fast as the others did. They’re just not like that, they both keep their emotions much closer to the chest, and Liam knows how hard it was for Zayn to be comfortable with the rest of them. It was just as hard for Liam, after all.
“But you, Liam…” Zayn trails off. Leans up to kiss him one more time, quick and fierce. “You were never a question.”
This time Liam kisses Zayn. He pulls him closer and tries to tell him all the things he’s never been able to say. How beautiful he thinks Zayn is, and how lucky Liam is to have him. He wants Zayn to know that he’s serious about this. That he wants them to be themselves and try and maybe they can be even more amazing as them than they ever were apart.
Zayn kisses him back like he’s agreeing. Like every kiss is saying yes, and okay, and I love you too.
They break apart with small smiles and chuckles. Liam rests his forehead on Zayn’s, and he can see Zayn’s dark eyes twinkling. It’s possible Liam’s never loved him more. “So see?” Zayn says after a moment. “If nothing else, this should teach you to never listen to Louis when it comes to important things. His plans are crap.”
Liam grins, easy and bright. “I’ll make sure to trust my own plans from now on.”
“I mean, unless someone had just a snogging plan,” Zayn hedges, then grins. His smile is brilliant and Liam laughs, his chest feeling lighter than it has in days.
Liam pushes Zayn back a little into the main room with the couch and the chair and the bed, and says, “Harry did, I think. His plan was all snogging and shagging.”
Zayn curls his fingers through Liam’s hand and pulls him toward the bed. “All right,” he says, and shrugs. “I take it back. Harry’s plan was pretty all right. We’ll do Harry’s plan and then one of yours. Deal?”
Liam doesn’t remember a time when he’s been happier than at this very moment. “Deal,” he says, and kisses Zayn again.
-end-