Inside of stillness, & silence I've never before seen/I had a nightmare of light that burned my eyes

[silence_excolo]

Tuesday, May 18 [Day 352]
About noon
Along the river by the bridge

For too long I've been... directionless. No, that's not the right word. Letting Fate take the reins, I've had direction, but... but I've not really chosen, just followed the pull, never knowing why. Just going, knowing I'll eventually learn, eventually be needed. Part of me knows, just

Comments

[silence_excolo]

She smiles & accepts my offer, which now that I think of it, was kinda... odd for me to make. I guess. But hey, it's a nice day, why spend it alone?

"I have been there," I answer, nodding. "They've got great fries-"

"It's a wonder you never gain weight, the way you eat!" She's laughing. I just shove another fry in my mouth & shrug. But I smile. I'm just glad she's laughing again.

"Hey, seriously tho, I'm glad you called. I been wanting to show ya somethin'."

"Mar, you don't have-"

"No, it's- it's not another gift, I swear!" She holds her hands up, waving as if to dismiss the thought. The scar is still visible, raised against her wrist. "It's just... well, I've starting painting again," she says, a bit quieter than before.

"Marion, that's great!" I say, swallowing the food down. "I'd be happy to see it."

"Well, I hope so... cuz it's kinda... you."I blink hard a few times & look around. Marion? No, it's Dana. We were walking towards the Miskatonic... but what a strange thing to remember... Dana's looking at me expectantly

[silence_excolo]

I'm really not sure about what to do at this point- things are almost swimming in my head, rushing, the noise getting too dense. I can hardly distinguish between it & the growing crowd in the cafe. So when Dana makes the suggestion we go elsewhere I'm nodding yes almost before she finishes.

I pay the waitress when she returns with our bags. "I need someplace quiet," I mutter, looking around at the little shops & such. "Maybe the river?" I offer. I feel... bad for her. Not like she needs to get pulled in to my crap, but there it is. Maybe... she's supposed to be here?

[danashee]

Silence seems grateful for my offer, accepting it almost before i have finished making it. I summon the waitress and soon we have exchanged Silence's money for our food and we leave.

I need someplace quiet,Maybe the river? my little mage says quietly as she looks about. I smile mas I agree. I was going to offer the privacy of my room but perhaps the river would be better.

"Alright, the river it is. I know of a pleasant place we can share our meal." And with a touch of glamour I can ensure our privacy from any wandering mortals. I take her arm to lead her there in case another rush of memory should trouble her balance on the way.

[silence_excolo]

She takes my arm & I have to stop myself from pulling away, especially when I see that sparkle. She's used her glamour on me? But I feel unaltered- ah, I get it. Just a cloak, is all. I relax & let her guide me; I think I can trust her.

We walk for a time, neither of us speaking. The noise in my head seems to lull, & I realize I can remember the names & faces of other cabal-mates I once knew. So strange to think I'd forgotten them for so long: Jade, who always had an argument for everything; Silhouette, the closest thing to a sister I'd ever known; Ember, who reminds me so much of Dana it's eerie.

No wait. That's the other way around.

We arrive at the river, a bit away from both town & Carnivale, & I sit on a patch of grass. I'm suddenly very tired, it seems. I don't know if it'll happen again, but it's taking a lot out of me.

"Thanks," is all I can think of to say. "Wish I could explain, but..."

[danashee]

At first I think she's going to pull away and waste my work but then she relaxes and we walk to the river without speaking. This stretch of river is nice enough, not too close to town.

Silence sinks to the ground as if tired. I try not to look worried as I settle beside her. Thanks, Wish I could explain, but... And I try to hide my small flinch at that word. She probably doesn't know that you do not thank the fae. I wave one hand airily to dismiss any obligations.

"It will be alright. We know enough of what is happening, explanation may come later when more is known." I reach for the bags of food. "Are you hungry?"

[silence_excolo]

"Yes, actually," as I reach out to accept the bag. "Starved." And I almost have to laugh at that. I could go without the food if I had to - did it before, during my travels, sometimes not eating much of anything for weeks at a time. I would get skinnier, sure, maybe a bit weaker, but I could always bounce back once I fed. I probably could starve to death, but how long would it take?

I never really... questioned it till now, the fact that I'm so long-lived. Guess I didn't know enough to till now. I unwrap the sandwich & bite into it. I'm pretty sure I'm not immortal. I'm also pretty sure my thoughts aren't usually so morbid.

"How long is it," I blurt out, mouth half full, "that you've been here, Dana?" Swallow the food down. "In the human world, that is." Maybe listening to her will keep my mind off of me for a while...

[danashee]

She says yes as she reaches eagerly for the bag with her food, and she looks amused and something else under it. Something a bit dark. I open mine only a bit slower. I too am hungry.

How long is it,that you've been here, Dana? She asks, not even finishing her mouthful of food, In the human world, that is. She qualifies her question. I pause with a fry half way to my mouth and give her a smile. This is my first trip here to the Iron World but I am not sure I should reveal that. Or that I should give her an entirely honest answer.

Instead I frown as if thinking and then say, "Perhaps a bit less than a full year, this time." And then I calmly eat the fry. I feel a little unhappy deceiving her and so I add, "It was winter when I arrived."

[silence_excolo]

She thinks a bit on my question, saying it's been less than a year, from winter it seems. "This time, huh," I say, chewing on a fry. "Been to other places than Excolo?" But as soon as I ask I realize I'm... what's the word? Prying. "You don't have to tell me, if you don't wanna." Cram another fry in my mouth. Really not so good at this conversation stuff.

"Um, so. You ever find that kid? From the dream, I mean." Figure if she's real & here in Excolo, might be good to know. Seemed pretty important at the time. Maybe it still is.

[danashee]

I should have expected the next question, This time, huh,Been to other places than Excolo? I can't help the slight stiffening of my shoulders at this and this think she noticed. You don't have to tell me, if you don't wanna.

I relax slowly for all that her next try is hardly any less blunt in asking for information I would like to keep to myself. You ever find that kid? From the dream, I mean. She already knows something about that. And she could probably find Fiona on her own if she started looking hard enough.

I nod, smiling gently, "Yes I did." I take a breath and ask a question back. "Have any of your returning memories been of family?"

[silence_excolo]

She decides not to answer my question on places she's been, but that's just as well. Some people like talking about their travels, others don't. Maybe she's running from something & would rather not leave a trail. Maybe she just doesn't trust me enough.

But she does say she found the girl, & I smile at that. "That's good. She's safe, then?" but that doesn't really need answering, seeing as she's smiling, too.

"Have any of your returning memories been of family?" & I find my smile is frozen. I don't know why that question caught me so off guard. I should've expected it, asking about her family & such, but- I rub my neck, trying to relax