Odd Internet/LJ Etiquette question

[eric_hinkle]

Of late I find myself telling a lot of folks on LJ that I'm glad to hear that things have gone well for them work or art or holiday/family wise, usually expressed as "I'm happy to hear that everything is going so well for you. All of you take care and best wishes" or the like. And I've found myself wondering, should I be saying it

Comments

[jeriendhal]

Honestly, there's nothing wrong with posting an 'attaboy' on someone's LJ entry. If they didn't want to hear it they could disable comments.

[eric_hinkle]

Thanks, but there have been a few times where someone looked like they were asking for condolences or the like, and when they got them they flew off the handle, so I'm wary these days. To be fair, though, I've seen this happen as often IRL as online.

[dennisthetiger]

I'd just say follow standard netiquette.

That said, contrary to the note about not commenting, what I've learned is that, as a general rule, if they're saying something about a death, they're actually looking for support - and not offering that support is not going to be a good thing for them.

[eric_hinkle]

as a general rule, if they're saying something about a death, they're actually looking for support - and not offering that support is not going to be a good thing for them.

Thanks, and I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Though I sometimes still feel odd about it, offering my condolences and I'm-so-sorries to folks that I like but barely really know.

Just something from the parents, I guess; they disliked people who would offer sympathies to others without ever really doing something to help.

[headnoises]

It's not like you can bring over a casserole.

If they're going to the interwebs and posting, they are asking for something, something that's not material.

I know I've been greatly helped by a kind word at times.

[eric_hinkle]

It's not like you can bring over a casserole.

At least not until someone perfects the transporter. Of course, given what the Internet is like, they'll probably use it for porn first. Ewwww...

If they're going to the interwebs and posting, they are asking for something, something that's not material.

I know I've been greatly helped by a kind word at times.

Thank you, and that is good to know. Take care!

[tuftears]

I think it's perfectly reasonable to wish someone well, offer condolences, or sympathize - offering advice or telling them to do something is where it goes over the line. If they post about something that has made them sad or upset, then they implicitly want support and empathy from their peers.

[eric_hinkle]

I think it's perfectly reasonable to wish someone well, offer condolences, or sympathize - offering advice or telling them to do something is where it goes over the line

Yeah, I like to think I avoid doing that, unless they're asking for a reference (book or site for more information) and I know of one.

If they post about something that has made them sad or upset, then they implicitly want support and empathy from their peers.

Okay, and thanks again.

[redvixen]

*grins* Since I'm one of the ones you commented to, I don't object at all

[eric_hinkle]

*shrugs* Seriously, I can't tell you how others feel about this. My attitude is that if I post and leave comments available, I'm looking for some comments. Therefore, any other person who posts and doesn't disable comments, or specify that they are simply letting people know what is going on in their lives and would appreciate if no comments on the bad things were made, is also looking for some recognition that their friends are reading and care enough to comment.

Best advice i can give you is to judge how well you know the person involved and how he/she has reacted in the past to similar comments.

Thanks for the helpful words. None of this was aimed at you in case you're wondering; you're a delight to speak with.

As for how you were raised, my assumption would be that the attitude referred more to giving advice on how to handle the situation rather than simply expressing a sentiment that you care enough to read and comment. To me, meddling means telling someone how to do something or handle some situation, not simply expressing a

[redvixen]

*chuckles* I didn't think it was aimed at me. And thanks for the compliment.

I can understand your parents' attitude since they had been taken advantage of at times. I'm wary about being taken advantage of myself however I don't let that stop me from being the person I want to be. It simply means that I think before posting any comments and I only offer to help if I know I can actually do something. =^.^=

Since the usual local response was to refuse offers of help that definitely is a cultural thing. The offers were most likely appreciated even if not accepted.

[headnoises]

Well, from a common sense angle, if they made it so you can see it, they are inviting some sort of response-- just without the demand of directly contacting you.

[eric_hinkle]

Thanks, but given the flakiness of some folks online (and in real life), I've been stung a few times when I responded with what was deemed unnecessary or unwanted (from me) sympathy.

[headnoises]

Truth.

Sometimes having is not so good as wanting, and folks that are hurting are likely to lash out.