I really wish I was creative. That way when I get into moods like this, I could use it for good. Turn frustration into a brilliant piece of art, turn heartbreak into a wonderful song, turn disappointment into a great written work.

But I'm not. So instead I put my efforts into trying to do schoolwork in vain and writing crappy livejournal

I'm happy. It's a simple emotion but it really confuses me. I seriously overanalyze everything.

And I think it's odd that I think I'm acting all girly (which I hate), when I think it might just be happiness. I really am neurotic.

I hate how I let people get to me. Why do I care what others think about me? Especailly if they are people who I don't really like myself. I hate how these people hold this power over me to make me feel bad about myself. I hate myself for giving them this power. I don't even know that I'm doing this until I realize it later ( Read more... )

I just finished a novel that I got from the library on Tues. (btw I went to the local library on Tuesday and got my very own super cool Maryland library power card. Aren't you jealous?) It's called Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld. I never thought a fiction book could speak so much to me at one moment as this one did. The main character is so ( Read more... )

I really am neurotic. My brain won’t shut up and is constantly thinking negative thoughts. The thing that scares me most in the world is rejection of any type. Not even outright rejection, but implied or suspected rejection. And not just in the romantic sense, in a large variety of types of interactions. I still attribute all of my insecurity ( Read more... )

Got back from Spring Break. It was wonderful and upsetting and eyeopening and more all at the same time. I'll add more later but I just want to say how great the Avenue Q soundtrack is. It is a musical featuring foul-nouthed puppets but it speaks so well to me. I put it on because I had been doing a lot of soul searching this week and just ( Read more... )

Dedication is over. And now I am sad. I think this really kicks off the end of everything for me. It closes a chapter of my life and I'm really going to miss it. The people from Habitat are just so great. And it's weird thinking I'm never going to see that house again. This was 3 years of my life ( Read more... )

I'm being all freaky and paranoid and worried. Really need to stop thinking and also stop looking online at people's journals. I should know better.

Saw Ghost World with Megan. Was good movie but made me sad. Felt so sorry for all the the characters but was a very genuine movie.

Now off to sleep and not to think godammit!

Need to stop thinking. Just saw The Magdalene Sisters. Horribly depressing. Went by self. Now am in a funk. Don't think it has that much to do with the movie. People suck. I suck for feeling this way. Don't want to be this type of person anymore. Seriously should stop thinking.