I should have a Xander icon...
Xander's acceptance of Spike is all part of his character arc in becoming “the one who sees everything,” as Caleb says. He spends a lot of season 6 being blind to things that are right in front of him, both in his relationship with Anya, and in not recognizing Buffy's and Willow’s spirals into self-destruction. Part of his blindness is his failure to recognize the changes in Spike (changes he’d previously begun to accept in seasons 4 and 5), and his persistence in seeing him in black and white - evil, soulless thing, incapable of love or redemption, etc.
But Xander’s arc is all about overcoming that blindness and seeing things as they truly are. He starts to do this in "Seeing Red," when he acknowledges that he hasn't been there for Buffy. We see him face Willow’s issues head-on in "Grave," when he understands her well enough to keep her from ending the world. And it continues in season 7, as he gains perspective on his relationship with Anya, sees Dawn as special when she’s the only girl in the house who doesn’t have a special destiny, and is able to see Buffy in what I think is the truest light of the entire series - not as a potential girlfriend or an object to be won, not as an idealized hero (or one who's failed to live up to his ideals), but as a human being, a friend, and a leader. And again, Spike ties into this arc, as Xander is able to let go of his old beliefs and prejudices and see him for who he truly is, who he has become.
This also fits into the larger arc of repeatedly building Xander up and then knocking him down again. When we first see him, he’s an outcast, a loser - only two friends to his name, mocked by the popular kids, and it’s implied that he’s dumb as a box of rocks. But over seasons 1-3, we see him grow - he becomes athletic (or at least, he’s on the swim team), he's no longer teased, he's dating the most popular girl in school, and even losing her doesn’t hurt his confidence. Plus, he’s managed to make himself a useful and valuable member of the Scooby gang, even with no special powers to rely on.
But then they graduate high school, and Xander is bumped back to the bottom when he can't make the transition. His friends go off to college; he’s stuck in the basement. He's the loser again, left out, useless. The next two seasons see Xander fighting his way back up - with a new girlfriend, a new career, and a new apartment. By the end of season 5, he’s got just about everything he could want. And then he proposes to Anya…
…and down he goes again. He’s making another transition, this time from an independent young adult to a real man, and he spends most of season 6 struggling with that concept. If this were a literal growth story, his arc probably would’ve ended with him being married and having babies, having finally finished growing up. (But when has Joss ever told that story?) Instead, Xander’s final stage of maturity is his philosophical journey. In season 6, he's challenged in a lot of ways - in his friendships, in his relationship, and in his worldview. A lot of people have mentioned in various contexts the shift from simplistic black-and-white morality to shades of grey as a sign of maturity, and I think it's very true for Xander. In season 7, he's lost his prejudices, he's less judgmental (of both friends and enemies), he accepts people for who they are and recognizes their strengths, even when others may overlook them. And he finally knows what his place is, as "the one who sees everything."
It's interesting to look at the end of season 7 as another turning point - maybe it's losing his eye, maybe it's losing Anya, maybe it's just the upheaval of having your hometown destroyed and changing the world and having to deal with it. But it makes me wonder what the next stage of Xander's ups-and-downs would be, how he'll fall and pull himself back up. I don't think we've really seen that in the comics yet (unless you count spending a year with Dracula... which I guess would be a pretty low point, especially if he was a bug-eating butt-monkey the whole time). I'd be curious to see if there are fics out there that explore that pattern further.
So, yeah. Probably more than you ever wanted to hear from me about Xander. I know there are a lot of people who hate him some or all of the time, and while I can certainly see the low points (but then, who doesn't have flaws?), it's pretty cool to step back and look at the ebb and flow of his character.
But Xander’s arc is all about overcoming that blindness and seeing things as they truly are. He starts to do this in "Seeing Red," when he acknowledges that he hasn't been there for Buffy. We see him face Willow’s issues head-on in "Grave," when he understands her well enough to keep her from ending the world. And it continues in season 7, as he gains perspective on his relationship with Anya, sees Dawn as special when she’s the only girl in the house who doesn’t have a special destiny, and is able to see Buffy in what I think is the truest light of the entire series - not as a potential girlfriend or an object to be won, not as an idealized hero (or one who's failed to live up to his ideals), but as a human being, a friend, and a leader. And again, Spike ties into this arc, as Xander is able to let go of his old beliefs and prejudices and see him for who he truly is, who he has become.
This also fits into the larger arc of repeatedly building Xander up and then knocking him down again. When we first see him, he’s an outcast, a loser - only two friends to his name, mocked by the popular kids, and it’s implied that he’s dumb as a box of rocks. But over seasons 1-3, we see him grow - he becomes athletic (or at least, he’s on the swim team), he's no longer teased, he's dating the most popular girl in school, and even losing her doesn’t hurt his confidence. Plus, he’s managed to make himself a useful and valuable member of the Scooby gang, even with no special powers to rely on.
But then they graduate high school, and Xander is bumped back to the bottom when he can't make the transition. His friends go off to college; he’s stuck in the basement. He's the loser again, left out, useless. The next two seasons see Xander fighting his way back up - with a new girlfriend, a new career, and a new apartment. By the end of season 5, he’s got just about everything he could want. And then he proposes to Anya…
…and down he goes again. He’s making another transition, this time from an independent young adult to a real man, and he spends most of season 6 struggling with that concept. If this were a literal growth story, his arc probably would’ve ended with him being married and having babies, having finally finished growing up. (But when has Joss ever told that story?) Instead, Xander’s final stage of maturity is his philosophical journey. In season 6, he's challenged in a lot of ways - in his friendships, in his relationship, and in his worldview. A lot of people have mentioned in various contexts the shift from simplistic black-and-white morality to shades of grey as a sign of maturity, and I think it's very true for Xander. In season 7, he's lost his prejudices, he's less judgmental (of both friends and enemies), he accepts people for who they are and recognizes their strengths, even when others may overlook them. And he finally knows what his place is, as "the one who sees everything."
It's interesting to look at the end of season 7 as another turning point - maybe it's losing his eye, maybe it's losing Anya, maybe it's just the upheaval of having your hometown destroyed and changing the world and having to deal with it. But it makes me wonder what the next stage of Xander's ups-and-downs would be, how he'll fall and pull himself back up. I don't think we've really seen that in the comics yet (unless you count spending a year with Dracula... which I guess would be a pretty low point, especially if he was a bug-eating butt-monkey the whole time). I'd be curious to see if there are fics out there that explore that pattern further.
So, yeah. Probably more than you ever wanted to hear from me about Xander. I know there are a lot of people who hate him some or all of the time, and while I can certainly see the low points (but then, who doesn't have flaws?), it's pretty cool to step back and look at the ebb and flow of his character.