On past relationships and P.A.'s...a cautionary tale and disclosure.
Anyone who reads this knows that something happened over the past few weeks that has me back in the "dating pool" again...the situation got very complicated, and I take responsibility for my own actions that contributed to the complications. I also said in my last post on the subject that it is past history, and I mean that. Good intentions won't do any more good--sometimes they can be like picking scabs off old wounds--so please, no more. What's done is done, old adversaries will remain unanswered, and those involved have moved on to new challenges and opportunities. End of story. Period.
World AIDS Day was Tuesday. There were many thoughtful and thought-instigating entries about it from a range of people impacted directly and indirectly by HIV. And I wanted to do an entry myself, but couldn't manage to frame it the way I wanted while I was also staying up to put together a presentation in front of 150 people the next day. And I wasn't feeling too great either...let's just say that I have a far better understanding now of what some people live with. Here's why.
I've never had any issues being involved romantically with men living with HIV. Now that I'm dating again, that is front-and-center once more, since so many gay men who are serious about dating happen to be HIV-positive. I started chatting with a guy from A Bear Website who fully-disclosed his status, knew that I had a negative antibody test some months ago, and we decided to have a date on Sunday. I met him--and he informed me he already ate dinner; he didn't want to see a movie afterall, and my paltry collection of DVDs didn't appeal. He made it clear that he wanted one thing, despite my attempt to take a different approach this time: he wanted some booty. I've gotten dicked by other men with P.A.'s, so we rolled a rubber over his 0-gauge, and along we went. It didn't take him long before he came...then we discovered that the rubber...BROKE. Full butt-load of cum. He was beside himself. I wound up comforting *HIM*. I saw him off the next morning and went to see my doctor. I'm now taking full-dosage prescriptions of Kaletra and Combivir as a prophylactic through December. The RNA testing came back today--negative. I go back in two and a half weeks from now for a follow-up test, and if it's still negative (since I was put on medication less than 24 hours after potential exposure), then chances are very good that there either was no transmission or that the medications stopped it along with my own immune response.
The lessons I'm learning from this? NEVER again will I get dicked by a guy wearing a P.A. It comes out if dick is going in. The medication is a life saver, yes, but I have a newfound appreciation for the immediate side-effects that anyone taking it has to deal with--it is NOT pleasant, and it's hard on your system. "The Day After" pills are an emergency treatment, full-dosage with no ramping-up, and VERY costly--nearly $500 for a month's supply, *after* my very good insurance paid for three-quarters of the cost--so this is no more a substitute for playing responsibly than abortion is a contraceptive...the physical and financial costs are just too great. But it's *available* when all else fails.
I'm respectful from this experience, and I'm not *looking* for seroconversion. I'm looking for someone who has the right blend of personality, character, and attraction...regardless of his sero-status or age or any other set of variables. And I have managed to be very sexual for 25 years with many poz men, without incident until now. That is something I want my readers to carry away as my World AIDS Day message--don't stop living a full life because of having HIV or NOT having HIV...and don't let sero-status be a qualification for who you love or who you let love you. Living life is about taking risks every day, and many of us take the words of Shelby in "Steel Magnolias" to heart: "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." I'm a diabetic too.
World AIDS Day was Tuesday. There were many thoughtful and thought-instigating entries about it from a range of people impacted directly and indirectly by HIV. And I wanted to do an entry myself, but couldn't manage to frame it the way I wanted while I was also staying up to put together a presentation in front of 150 people the next day. And I wasn't feeling too great either...let's just say that I have a far better understanding now of what some people live with. Here's why.
I've never had any issues being involved romantically with men living with HIV. Now that I'm dating again, that is front-and-center once more, since so many gay men who are serious about dating happen to be HIV-positive. I started chatting with a guy from A Bear Website who fully-disclosed his status, knew that I had a negative antibody test some months ago, and we decided to have a date on Sunday. I met him--and he informed me he already ate dinner; he didn't want to see a movie afterall, and my paltry collection of DVDs didn't appeal. He made it clear that he wanted one thing, despite my attempt to take a different approach this time: he wanted some booty. I've gotten dicked by other men with P.A.'s, so we rolled a rubber over his 0-gauge, and along we went. It didn't take him long before he came...then we discovered that the rubber...BROKE. Full butt-load of cum. He was beside himself. I wound up comforting *HIM*. I saw him off the next morning and went to see my doctor. I'm now taking full-dosage prescriptions of Kaletra and Combivir as a prophylactic through December. The RNA testing came back today--negative. I go back in two and a half weeks from now for a follow-up test, and if it's still negative (since I was put on medication less than 24 hours after potential exposure), then chances are very good that there either was no transmission or that the medications stopped it along with my own immune response.
The lessons I'm learning from this? NEVER again will I get dicked by a guy wearing a P.A. It comes out if dick is going in. The medication is a life saver, yes, but I have a newfound appreciation for the immediate side-effects that anyone taking it has to deal with--it is NOT pleasant, and it's hard on your system. "The Day After" pills are an emergency treatment, full-dosage with no ramping-up, and VERY costly--nearly $500 for a month's supply, *after* my very good insurance paid for three-quarters of the cost--so this is no more a substitute for playing responsibly than abortion is a contraceptive...the physical and financial costs are just too great. But it's *available* when all else fails.
I'm respectful from this experience, and I'm not *looking* for seroconversion. I'm looking for someone who has the right blend of personality, character, and attraction...regardless of his sero-status or age or any other set of variables. And I have managed to be very sexual for 25 years with many poz men, without incident until now. That is something I want my readers to carry away as my World AIDS Day message--don't stop living a full life because of having HIV or NOT having HIV...and don't let sero-status be a qualification for who you love or who you let love you. Living life is about taking risks every day, and many of us take the words of Shelby in "Steel Magnolias" to heart: "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." I'm a diabetic too.