Audio

[emptyyourself]

[That last post? He does not remember any of it. Or most of it. Not even the creepy game of horrific death. He doesn't have the journal portion of his journal equipment - just the communicator - and has been sleeping since he made his long, rambling post that will shame him horrifically later

Comments

Private-audio.

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha just sounds tired.]

Well, I'm guessing you don't remember how stoned you were yesterday. She'd died, but the Doctor didn't bring her here to revive.

And I don't think that's a good idea, Severus.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha frowns for a moment, and then glances at his journal.]

Saxon's back, you should know before you see it.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[Something changes slightly in his expression - concern, for the most part. His jaw clenches; he's not sure whether she would want him asking after her at this point.]

You've spoken with him, I assume.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[There was a bit of a loosening in Martha's body, and she took a deep breath and wished that everything horrible hadn't happened at once and the Master could have waited another day to have been such a git. But then again, it was the Master and the thing that he did best was wreck everything.]

I have. He remembers everything from when he was here before in December.

[Everything being Martha's murder and the subsequent threat to kill him over and over if she needed too.]

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

Of course he does.

[It made far too much sense. Aztec sacrifices, beheadings, and the Master to round it all out for a lovely weekend.

He glanced down at the journal, tempted to find out exactly what had been said, but decided now was probably not the best time. Hesitantly, he held out a hand to her.]

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

I had hoped, because he didn't before...

[Martha left the sentence hanging for a moment, and then when he held out the hand to her, she wavered for a moment before she stepped forward and took it, giving his fingers a quick squeeze before she sat on the edge of his bed. She spoke softly.]

Do you remember anything that we talked about?

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

No.

[He held up his journal with a grimace.]

I seem to have recorded everything for posterity, however.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha did have the grace to look slightly sheepish at that, and then frowned.]

What I'm talking about didn't happen over the journals, sadly.

[This would be so much easier if it had, and Martha frowned and touched the side of her face, which was a rather lovely shade of the purple color that she so loved.]

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[He's not entirely sure how to take that. Did he say something hurtful? From the looks of things, he had been cheerful enough.]

Whatever was said -

[Wait, what if hadn't been hurtful?]

You might tell me what I said before I apologize for it.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha took a deep breath and looked around, because she didn't want to go telling tales to everyone, and when she spoke she leaned very close to him, so close that their heads were almost touching.]

You told me that it was the only way that you knew, because you were worried that you'd resent me for it if you lost that bit of yourself. You also said that you'd do it anyway.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[It was the only way he knew?

Lying, of course.

His expression went neutral - his default for hiding what he might have going on internally - and he looked away. After giving himself enough time to sort out what should be said, he glanced back at her.

He didn't doubt for a moment that he had said those things, or something very similar. He'd thought it often enough. Carefully and quietly, he replied.]

So I would.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Well, that was both a relief and hurt a bit. Martha was terribly worried about him resenting her for this, or for any other number of reasons, but this was likely to be the worst. She took a deep breath, and then she reached out and touched his cheek, just holding her hand there. What she really wanted to do was just to curl up with him and fall asleep, but given where they were and the timing, that just wasn't possible. She felt like she hadn't slept in weeks.]

And then I told you that I'd spoken to the Doctor, and that he was going to come up with a way to test and see if your magic worked in my world, and if it doesn't, then there are other ways and other places to go about it. I still mean that.

We can figure something else out between this being it and this not being it.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

I'll speak to him once more, if you like.

[He looked doubtful. The Doctor had seemed perfectly certain on the matter when they'd spoken, but if this was what it took to satisfy her, he'd let her get on with it.

He had to screw up the courage to continue:]

I won't lie to you again, Martha.

[Not that she had any reason to believe him this time, of course.]

I thought I could spare you - [He hesitated.] - something of what I felt, but the price of that was far greater than I imagined.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

He's going to do some testing with the TARDIS and see if he can create the environment, and then we'll try that. He said that it didn't imply that something wouldn't work when it's a part of what makes you you.

[Martha understood how important magic was to him, and she wouldn't ever want to put him into a position where he would need to be without it. It would be like beheading him herself.]

If that doesn't work we'll try something else, and if that doesn't work, then I'll make a deal with the Admiral to make it work.

[The words were spoken with a quiet determination, and Martha really wasn't going to give up on this, which probably (hopefully) answered some of Severus's lingering questions about Martha's intent with this relationship--she wasn't going to give up on it.

When he said that he wouldn't lie to her anymore, Martha took a deep breath and watched him for a moment before she nodded.]

You have to trust me enough to understand things like this. Don't lie to me in order to spare my feelings. I know why you did it, I

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

Don't alter your deal for this.

[As she gave her ultimatum, he simply listened. It wasn't entirely unexpected, though he couldn't help but wonder why she was with him in the first place, much less right now.

No, he'd seen that the damage done by his dishonesty was far worse than anything else he might have said or done.]

I understand.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

Don't be mental! This is exactly the sort of thing that I should be altering my deal for! Severus, don't you get it yet? I love you, and I want to see you happy, and it would kill me to see you without part of yourself.

[Martha's voice was soft, and she was whispering but in a sharp fashion. She really wished that they weren't doing this in the middle of the infirmary, because well... she'd preferred it to have been private, especially considering how Severus had spoken about her in his journal. It was sweet, but she would have rather that if people found out about them, it wasn't in the same entry where he called Mozenarth a Judas and accused everyone else of being fictional.

(The bit about people not seeing her was probably the worst though, cause she'd hate to think that people knew she'd talked to him about that.)

She paused and then she leaned over and spoke slightly shyly against his lips.]

I'm an idiot, but I love you.