Music, Movies and Maudlin Melodramas
Title: Music, Movies and Maudlin Melodramas aka 30 times Puck and Kurt had to suffer through the indignity of pop culture revealing deep meaningful truths.
Author: emo_chick_87
Pairing,Character(s): Puck/Kurt
Rating: PG
Word Count: 15 859 in two parts
Spoilers: Season 1
Genre: Angst/Fluff
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Summary: My contribution to the puckurt 30 day drabble challenge.
AN: I started this thinking that each drabble would be a oneshot. After the first week, I noticed that they were all linked. Now thirty days later, they read kinda like a complete story.
Read Day 1-15: here.
Day 16- As Long As You're Mine
The wind seemed to bounce of the thick walls of trees surrounding them. The slight noises of the town were silenced in the park. Kurt's feet sank deep into the wet sand and he cringed slightly as he sat on the swing. The tiny droplets of water seeping through the thin material of his jeans, let him know that the sky had opened up while they were in the darkness of the movie theater.
Kurt glanced over to Puck and let the thought of being with him wash over him. Puck was leaning against the metal bar of the swing set. The long line of his body pulling Kurt's attention with every downward swing. They talk about everything. About their favorite movies, their favorite songs. About family and about the family they've made for themselves.
Kurt's breath comes in slight puffs as he swings back and forth. His neck burns in embarrassment as the light mist of sweat flattens his hair against his forehead slightly. Puck talks and Kurt swings. It goes that way for hours. Their spell is broken by a drunken phone call from Finn. The sometime screaming, sometime babbling call that meant he had gotten in a fight with one of the girls. Kurt really couldn't tell which one this was about though. It was always a bit hard for him to keep track. He gave Puck a sympathetic look and gave him a grateful smile as he nodded.
They walked back to the house in silence with their shoulders brushing lightly with every step. Music blared out of the house and sent a silent thank you to the universe for their parents being away for the week. He was about to go inside the house when he realized Puck wasn't following him.
“Puck, what's the matter?”
The frown on Puck face intensified.
“This could work, ya know? We could work.”
“I know that, Puck.”
“No. I don't think you do. This could be it. You need to decide if that's okay with you.” Puck's words dissolved into mumbles.
“Noah, why would I say yes to going out with you if I didn't want to try?”
“No, Kurt. It's not about trying. It's about whether or not you're okay only being with me. This might be it. This feels kinda like it. But I can't start this if you're just gonna dump me in a year cause you want to get on someone else's dick.”
Kurt tried to respond but Puck put his hand up to silence him.
“Don't decided now. I want you to think about it.” Puck's words skated over his lips just before he pressed them into a soft kiss.
“Just in case.” Puck muttered as he pulled away.
“Just in case, of what?”
Puck turned away and headed to his truck. The music coming from the house penetrated his mind. Rachel. Finn had gotten in a fight with Rachel. It's the only reason he would be listening to that.
Every moment
As long as your mine
I'll wake up my body
And make up for lost time
Puck's words were almost lost in the rumble of his truck starting.
“Just in case, you don't let me do that again.”
Kurt watched him drive away. His eyes filling with tears. His lips still tingling. The rain water from the swings metal still clinging to his hands. Kurt watched him drive away.
Day 17- The Princess Would Never Let Go Of Her Scruffy-Looking Nerf-herder!
The loud pulsing of the club makes Kurt's head swim. His fake id feels like it's burning a hole in his back pocket. As the sea of sweaty bodies press against him, he remembers why he never wanted to come to a place like this. He was perfectly okay with the idea of gay clubs. He looked forward to the day he could bring his boyfriend to one and they could dance openly. But he never wanted to be alone at one. He could feel the eyes on him and they made him uncomfortable.
He knew that he was not the kind guy that could make heads turn. He's more than learned his lesson. He paid attention to the jabs spit at him the the hallway. He listened to the sad lilt in his dad's voice when he mentioned getting a boyfriend. He understood that part of it was the way his gayness made them all feel. But he'd heard it enough that it kind of started to be about something else all together. He had to be the most unsexual person on the planet.
He would spend hours in front of the mirror trying to find something sexy. Each night ended in tear-stained pillows and extra concealer in the morning. The fact the Puck even wanted to kiss him made him wary. People weren't supposed to want him.
That's why he's in a bar that looks like it's out of Star Wars. Puck wanted him to see if Kurt could live with Puck being his one and only. He looks to him left and wishes he could see Puck standing beside him.
As the patrons smell fresh meat, Kurt can't help but think about what Puck said the night before. He thought they might be it. The thought both terrifies and exhilarate him. He's been struggling to think if they could work. The more he think about it though, the more it makes sense. Sitting in this bar, he can't help but draw parallels. He's totally Leia. With his princess, diva- like behavior. His sharp tongue. His fierce fashion sense. The ill-advised flirtation with her brother Luke ala Finn Hudson.
Puck is definitely Han. With his rakish good looks. His half-dirty smile. The way his eyes sparkle when Kurt calls him a name. Bad boy with a heart of gold.
As a cute boy approaches him, Kurt squares his shoulders and exits the club. In his mind he's thinking about the end of Jedi. Han and Leia definitely end up together. And Leia would never let anything stand in the way of her getting her man.
He was on his way to claim Puck in a very Princess Leia type way. He smiled to himself as he thought of Puck. His very own Han Solo.
Day 18- I Don't Wanna Wait For Our Lives To Be Over
Staring up at his bedroom ceiling, Puck couldn't help but curse himself. He'd sent Kurt away. He's tasted him. Held his hand. Grazed the tiny reality that he could be with him completely. But standing on Kurt's front lawn with Kurt blushing and As Long as Your Mine blasting out of Finn's bedroom, something struck Puck. He could get this close. Maybe even pull Kurt a little bit closer and Kurt might walk away anyway. He might let himself love Kurt with everything and he might leave him. Fear closed up his throat and he told Kurt that he had to be sure. Told Kurt that this wasn't a Dawson/Joey will they/won't they. This is a Pacey/Joey inevitability.
He had always thought that he wanted to be like Dawson. Stalwart, smart, creative. They kind of guy you would love to introduce to your parents. He thought for the longest time that he wanted to be just like Dawson. Then he fell in love with Kurt. Kurt with his Joey-like sharp tongue. The biting insults that would bounce off of Puck's skin and make the hairs of his arm stand up. All that attention, all that intensity focused on him for that brief moment. Kurt with his crazy hats and the different ways he smiled. The singing voice that bowled him over. Kurt with his expectations. Kurt knowing that Puck was a better man than he was being. Loving Kurt made Puck wish he was Pacey.
Puck wanted to be the knight in shining armor. He wanted to buy Kurt a metaphorical wall. He wanted to fight for him. He wanted all those things but then he thought about the collage years and Pacey feeling like he wasn't enough. He thought about distance and separation. He asked Kurt to be sure because he wasn't strong enough to handle getting that close and losing him.
Staring at the ceiling, all Puck can think about is Kurt deciding that he doesn't want to try. He thinks about whether or not that will crush him. He thinks that he can live with loving Kurt from afar if that's what it takes for Kurt to be happy. Loving Kurt was never really about Puck. Loving him was about being dazzled. Tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. He wants to be close enough to see Kurt's flush. He wants to be close enough for Kurt's belly to hit his with every exhalation. He wanted to have Kurt's feet draped over his lap as he read, glasses perched on the end of his nose. He wanted to be kissing Kurt long enough to be able to say that he knows the way Kurt tastes when he's mad or happy or horny.
Downstairs the doorbell rings. He pulls himself up and looks out the window. Kurt is standing with his arms crossed over his chest and is tapping his toes in a frustrated way that is all too familiar. Puck can't stop himself from smiling.
Puck had spent his life wishing for the Dawson/Joey will they/won't they. Now all he wanted was the Pacey/Joey inevitability. Watching Kurt furiously knock on his front door, made him think that he might just get his wish.
Day 19- The Music Might Change But The Words Remain The Same
Kurt had spent most of the night parked outside of Puck's house. Trying to get the courage to knock on the door. As the sun rose he realized that enough was enough. He cringed as he noticed how early it was. He promised himself he would make it up to Puck's family after he made things right with Puck.
He stands in front of the thick oak door for long enough that he is just about to leave. The door slides open to reveal a small little girl on the other side. His heart catches in his throat as he realizes that she must be the little baby that he clutched to his chest so protectively all those years ago. He stood there stunned. The wide brown eyes were so familiar. Her thumb was wedged firmly in her mouth and she stared at him just as intently. Kurt really doesn't know how long they stay like that but his haze is broken when a pair of strong hands pulls the little girl up in the air. Puck settles Sarah on his hip and fixes Kurt with a questioning stare.
“We need to have a discussion, Puckerman.”
Puck nods and puts Sarah back on the couch to watch her cartoons. He presses his forehead against her and her lips pucker to kiss his nose. He hands her the juice box on the coffee table as he ruffles her hair.
Kurt follows Puck silently upstairs. The silence falling over them makes the hair on Kurt's arm stand on end. As they walk into Puck's room Kurt can't help but notices the rumpled bedspread. The copy of Pride and Prejudice on his bedside table. All of a sudden Kurt is left wondering what it would be like to curl under the sleep-warmed blankets as Puck's low voice rumbled against his ear. The words of Jane Austen clinging to Puck's voice. The thought makes something in Kurt snap.
The tinny click of the door closing behind them is lost in the thump of Puck's back connecting with the door. Kurt forces his lips onto Puck's like a challenge. Like he's asking Puck to fight back. To fight for him. To fight for a chance. Puck surges forward. All they know is teeth and lips and heat. When Puck pulls away, Kurt slaps his chest.
“How dare you kiss me like that and even doubt that you won't be enough. I don't want anyone else, you prick.” Kurt said, breathlessly.
Puck pulls Kurt down onto the bed. The words that flow have nothing to do with Jane Austen or Elizabeth Bennett or Mr. Darcy. The words aren't about pop songs or television parallels. They aren't Kevin Smith movies or Barenaked Ladies albums. They aren't Matthew Good lyrics or Wicked songs.
Puck takes the words and makes them his own. He talks about waiting. He talks about Kurt. He talks about forever. He talks about meant to be. He talks about fate. But most of all, he talks about love.
Day 20- Summer Fades
September looms large. Both Puck and Kurt had kept the sense of impending doom away. They stayed hidden under the sheets. Chased away the panic as they chased the summer rain down each others skin. Mumbled words borrowed from seemingly ancient novels filled the silence. Victorian landscapes made the crude sounds of skin against skin and lips against lips more romantic. It made Puck think about New York City plays and the thin streak of motor oil on Kurt's cheek. It made Kurt think of Puck sharing a Popsicle with his baby sister and grass-stained Levis. They lost themselves so deep in summer that autumn felt like a slap in the face. They hide themselves in secrets long enough that the truth felt impossible.
The night before the first day of school, Puck tossed in his bed for most of the night. The warm blanket of summer sun gave way to the sticky autumn heat that made his sheets cling to his bare thighs. Made sleep an impossible feat. In a way, Puck was glad for the heat. It gave him an excuse for his lack of sleep. That way he could tell himself that he didn't see the sad look on Kurt's face. That way he didn't have to admit that when Kurt kissed him, it felt like goodbye. Kurt's acceptance that this was a summer fling. The easy way he resigned himself to having to give Puck up in the harsh light of fall. All of it chased sleep away.
His eyes were dark, hidden behind the thick sunglasses. The light sun mixes with the soft breeze and Kurt's giggle carries across the parking lot. Puck clenches his hands at his sides to stop the shaking. He knows what he has to do and it's that giggle that moves him forward. That giggle tells him everything he needs to know. The tight grasping sound that clings to the laugh. The notes that only Puck can recognize. The fact he knows that Kurt is faking happiness hurts him just as much as the shadows that darken under Kurt's eyes.
Puck walks over to him. They stand in a deadlock. Puck hiding behind his glasses and Kurt begging him to make the decision for both of them. If Puck walks away now, that's it. They're over. Puck glances to his sides and feel the eyes resting heavy on his back. He takes another look at Kurt and sees what life could be like out in the open. He sees the bricks through windows and panicked 911 calls. He sees slurs and shoulder checks. Words sound loudly from the back of his mind.
Stop trying to bray it up with the rest of the sheep
And live the way it makes sense for you, you fuckin' ass.
Puck squares his shoulder and bends Kurt back into a deep kiss. In that kiss Puck sees what life out in the open could be. He saw backyard barbeques and daughters with pigtails chasing puppies through badly blown bubbles. He saw sons with Superman backpacks and his wedding day. He saw simple gold bands and father/daughter dances. He saw the life he always wanted. He saw his life with Kurt.
They kissed in the sunshine. Summer faded into the background and autumn clung heavy to their shoulders. Fingers laced together, they take the first steps into surviving the fall.
Day 21- Hockey Night In Lima
Burt sat at one end of the table. Puck sat at the other. The wide expanse of the kitchen table stretched between them. Kurt watched from his spot by the door. He eyes darting between his boyfriend and his father. As he watched Burt's nostrils flare, he couldn't help but sigh. He really didn't think all the dramatics were necessary. Before Puck was introduced as Kurt;'s boyfriend, they all had spent more hours than he could count in front of the television. Kurt spent it admiring the cute boys in unfortunate uniforms and Puck's voice mixed with Burt's as they lamented every suspect call.
His dad knows that Puck is a good guy. He likes him. But that doesn't stop the thick feeling of dread from settling in his stomach. His dad's acceptance means more that Kurt can really put into words. Kurt watches as the two men he loves most in this world stare each other down like gunslingers. Locked in a silence that makes the hair on Kurt's arm stand up.
Burt breaks the silence by slamming the flat of his palm against the table. Kurt flinches wildly. Puck doesn't. Kurt kinda thinks that was the point because after the loud booming sound, Burt pushes his chair back from the table. The legs of the chair scraping like nails on a chalkboard. He walks over to where Puck is sitting. He gives him a hard look before extending his hand. Puck looks at it for a moment before shaking Burt's hand.
Burt places a hand on Puck's shoulder before turning to walk out of the kitchen. He bumps Kurt's shoulders playfully as he passed and the hockey game ignited in the living room. When Kurt sits down next to Puck he can see the thin lines of sweat that make his t-shirt cling to his lower back.
Puck's eyes brighten and he pulls Kurt into a kiss. Kurt can feel the oak of the table under his forearms. Just like he can feel the faint ghosting of sweat on Puck's upper lip. They don't flinch as Burt walks into the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge.
Just like that, Puck is Kurt's boyfriend. They still spend the hours in front of the television. Just like before Burt and Puck still rail against all the unfair calls. Almost everything is the same. It's just now Kurt spends his time sneaking glances at Puck. Fire rushing through his veins. Not much has changed. Except now Puck's hand never leaves it place locked with Kurt's.
Just like that, Kurt isn't alone anymore. And just like that, Kurt actually knows all the rules to all the sports they watch. Just like that, Kurt is the kind of boy that kisses the man he loves in the same room as his father. Just like that, Kurt feels like he belongs.
The game music breaks the spell. Kurt braces himself. He takes a deep breath. The whistle sounds loudly.
Let the games begin.
Day 22- If You Gave Me A Million Years to Ponder, I Would Never Have Guessed That True Romance and Lima Would Ever Go Together .
Kurt and Puck become a fixture at the Angelica. Every other Sunday they have theme marathons. They both tuck into the back corner. Eating licorice and chocolate-covered raisins over salty popcorn. The sneak kisses and say the words under their breath. They are there so much that the old red seats have started to leave their dye on the back of Kurt's thighs.
This weekend it's Tarantino. They lose themselves in the Bride getting revenge and Aldo the Apache killing Nazis. Death Race and adrenaline shots. By the time the last movie started, Kurt's head has come to rest on Puck's shoulder. His eyelashes and soft breath playing over the thin fabric of his shirt. As True Romance started to play, Puck realized that this was the one film in the lineup he hadn't seen.
As Alabama's lilting Florida accent drifts through the theater, Puck settles back. Kurt snuffles against his neck just as Clarence is fighting for Alabama with her pimp Drexel. Kurt stays asleep for the entire movie. Puck feels tears prickle at the corners of his eyes by the end. He imagines getting the happy ending that Clarence and Alabama got. Her voice echoes in Puck's head.
Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool.
As the credits play, Kurt wakes up into an exaggerated stretch. The darkness of the night shocks Puck's system. When they had gotten into the theater the sun was shinning and the thin layer of snow had practically melted. Now the town was covered in a thick blanket of fluffy snow and the moonlight bathed the world in silver light. Kurt pulled his jackets closer to his body and tucked further under Puck's arm.
When they get to Puck's house, Sarah is waiting outside for them. The feet of her footie pajamas are wet from the light dusting of snow the managed to make it way to the porch. The minute she sees them she started running towards Kurt. He pulls himself from under Puck's arm and runs towards her too. She launches herself towards him and he catches her with a familiar ease. He spins her around the yard, singing You Are My Sunshine as they twirl. When he finally puts her back down on the porch she runs into the house. Screaming that there is something that Kurt just has to see.
Kurt goes to follow her through the front door when Puck caught him around the waist. His hands settle on Kurt's hips and Kurt's arms move to rest on his shoulders. Puck gets a soft look on his face and just stares at Kurt.
“What?” Kurt whispers as a blush covers his cheeks.
Puck's voice is soft and full of wonder. “You're so cool.”
Kurt ducks his head against Puck's chest and he can feel Kurt's warm cheek against his collarbone. Puck presses light kisses against the top of Kurt's head. They get lost in the smell of snow and moonlight. In the warmth of each others body.
When she realized that Kurt wasn't behind her, Sarah went back outside to drag Kurt inside. Her tiny hand wraps around his and pulls him deep into the house. From the porch, Puck can hear the way their giggles blend together. Warmth fills him despite the cold. The words echo through his head. They mean that he's grateful Kurt chose him. They mean that Puck is starting to believe that they are forever. They mean that he'll gladly spend his life with that laugh and Kurt falling asleep on him in movie theaters.
When he walks inside, he sees Kurt on the floor with Sarah draped across his stomach. In that moment he is Alabama caught in that gunfight. He is her sitting on that beach in Cancun. He is her thinking about what might have happened if the bullet was two inches to the left. As he watches Kurt play fight with his sister, the words echo endlessly.
You're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool.
On the couch, he watches. A smile etched on his face. Puck was staring to realize that the title of the movie wasn't ironic. True Romance. He was starting to think he could get used to that.
Day 23- I Have Not A Need, I Do Have Desire
Back before they were a we, Kurt used to think about what loving Puck would be like. What it would feel like to be skin to skin with him. What it would be like to wake up smelling like him. Back then, when he would only let himself think about it in the darkness of dreams, he always thought it would be just that.... dark. It would be powerful and hard. The intensity would shoot through his fingertips and cloud Kurt's eyes. Back then, he thought Puck was the kind of boy that could only love him in the dark.
I Love a little Loving In The Morning Light,
A Little reminder that it's alright.
Now he knows better. Puck doesn't like the lights off. Ever. He watches as light plays off of Kurt's skin. The intensity of his gaze sometimes makes Kurt long for the cover of darkness. Puck doesn't want him to be hidden. He doesn't want secrets. He wants making love with the sunlight streaming through the windows. He wants to be allowed to count the freckles on Kurt's shoulders.
It takes Kurt a long time to get used to being that exposed. The fiery looks more than make up for the lack of blankets and just like everything else, Kurt begins to crave it. The light. The honesty. The sleep-rumpled blankets around his feet. Somewhere in the wandering eyes and frantic touches, he realizes that Puck had spent years in the dark. Hiding in closets from his mom's friends. Sliding through half-opened doors and second floor windows. He spent years in the dark and as someone's secret.
Kurt giving himself to Puck in the sunshine made Puck remember that he doesn't have to hide anymore. Just like Puck wanting to really look at Kurt makes him remember that he's not alone.
They make love in the sunshine. And they remember that they're not in hiding. They make love in the morning light. As the world wakes up. Because Puck was always the kind of boy that could love him in the sunshine.
Day 24- Tell Us About The Boy From New York City
Mr Schue doesn't even blink when Puck plucks a room key from his hand. Just like he doesn't flinch when Puck throws Kurt over his shoulder and yells that they're going to be roomies as he descends down the hall. He looks down at the remaining keys then up to the expectant faces of the rest of the club. It's senior year. The last time they'll all be at Nationals. The last time they'll be the kind of family that you see every day. This is the last time it won't be about catching up when they come back to visit. He throws the keys down on the table in front of them. As he watches them pair off, all he can think about is the sense of loss that grows in his belly.
From the sounds that echo through the adjoining rooms, Puck and Kurt didn't have the same kind of night that the others had. They giggled as every exaggerated moan that would filter through the walls. Puck and Kurt didn't spend their first night in New York having sex.
They spent it sharing a scalding hot shower and curling up under the blankets. They watched a shitty pay per view movie that had Kurt throwing handfuls of microwave popcorn at the TV. They had the kind of night that left Kurt tasting like butter when they kiss goodnight.
Morning comes too quick for Kurt. The delicious smell of coffee wafts under his nose and he is pulled from his dream. He scowls at Puck's smiling face. He grabs the coffee from Puck's hand and pulls the blankets over his head. He doesn't emerge again until the cup is half empty. In the meantime Puck has picked out his clothes for him. The threadbare Superman t-shirt and the less than skinny jeans tell him the Puck has a plan. He glances out the window and sees the New York skyline before sparing another look at the clothes on the bed. He shrugs as he brings the paper cup back to his lips. He's in New York. He'll go along with whatever Puck wants to do.
They manage to slip past the crack team that was supposed to watching them. The streets hum against Kurt's skin. The last time they were in New York he felt like a tourist. He felt alone in a city that was way too big for him. This time Puck is by his side. This time New York feels like home.
He doesn't know where Puck is taking him but he learned along time ago not to mind Puck's surprises. The last year and a half had been all about following Puck to places he's never seen. He figured he could handle one more. Commuters in suits rush past them. Puck pulls him towards a building he doesn't recognize right away. He can barely hear the loudspeaker over the sound of buskers singing loudly in the terminal.
Everytime he says he loves me chills run down my spine
Everytime he wants to kiss me he makes me feel so fine
Oo ah oo ah Kitty
Tell us about the boy from New York City
Puck pulls him towards the ticket counter. As the words leave Puck mouth, Kurt feels nervous excitement flood his belly. The bustle of Penn Station mixes with the street musicians and the sound of Kurt's heart beating in his ears.
“Are we really going? For real?”
“Of course, babe. You didn't think we'd get this close and not go, did you?”
Puck laces his fingers with Kurt's as the descend down the escalator that leads to the trains. When Kurt presses a kiss under his jaw before they make it to bottom, he thinks he got it right.
Day 25- Snootch To The Nootch
He's only felt this feeling five times in his life. The moment he first sang in front of someone that wasn't his mom. The first time Puck kissed him in the kitchen. The first time he woke up to the feeling of Puck watching him sleep. The second time Puck said I love you and now there's this.
He was standing out front of the building he dreamed about going to since the moment he first heard about this place. He'd spent the the entire train ride over fussing in his seat. Excitement threatening to burst through his seams. Here is was. Thousands of miles away from home. His secret geeky wet dream. Puck had taken him there.
35 Broad Street. Red Bank, New Jersey. Mother Fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash.
Puck held the door open while he held his breath. Alice Cooper played over the stereo and the tell-tale laugh of Walter Flanagan sounded from the back of the store. Fuck. Not only had Puck taken him to the place he wanted to visit almost as much as Broadway, but he'd managed to work it so they were there for when they recorded the Tell Em Steve-Dave podcast.
Years later Kurt's won't remember the finer details. He'll know that he spent almost five hundred dollars of his savings in the store. He'll remember that he managed to make it out of the store without fanboy-ing all over the place. He'll know that he actually got pulled back to talk to Bry, Walt and Quinn as they recorded. Puck by his side the entire time. He'll know he'll have that episode of the podcast on every version of an ipod he'll ever known.
He'll be sure of all those things. But the details will be fuzzy. Lost in a haze because of everything else that happened that day. But that's a story of another day.
Day 26 Red Bank Redux
After leaving The Stash, Puck ducked into the restaurant next door. Kurt waited for him outside, leafing through one of his recently purchased comics. Kurt felt his stomach growl as the heady smell of good food poured out of the restaurant door as Puck came to meet him on the sidewalk. Puck laced the fingers on his free hand with Kurt's. They walked down to the nearest park and found a bench. Kurt smiled at the girls playing double dutch and hopscotch.
Years later, Kurt will remember everything. The way the lettuce of the taco exploded wonderfully in his mouth. The crisp air on his cheeks. The thin layer of grease that clung to the corner of his mouth. Puck's thigh pressed firmly against his. The shrill sound of one of the little girls asking Kurt to join them. He'll remember it all.
The small girl beckons him over. Her tiny hand flapping as she speaks. She swivels her neck at him. She tells him that they need another person to jump rope with them and that he best believe that person is going to be him. He smiles to himself as recognizes that she's the kind of girl that will grow up to be like Mercedes. All brash wit, sharp tongue, a strong shoulder to cry on. She'll grow up to one of the women he hopes his future son will end up with.
Lisa gives him a nod and counts him in. Just like that, in a 1,2,3 Kurt is playing double dutch for the first time. The feeling rushes through his veins as he remembers all the days he would sit on the park benches and watch the girls jump rope, wishing they would ask him to join. His feet are shaky at first but Lisa is patient and soon enough he gets it.
Half an hour later, Kurt stumbles back to the park bench where Puck has been watching him from. His brow sweaty and his breath coming in sharp pants.
“Having fun?”
Kurt nods in a shy way that makes Puck sure this is the moment. His hands shake as he pulls the velvet box out of his pocket. The sound of the box creaking open is covered by Kurt's breath. Kurt turns to say something to him but his words catch in his throat. He sees Puck running a finger over the silver band. Puck's voice breaks the silence as soon as he realizes Kurt is looking at him. Puck's eyes stay locked on the open box the entire time he speaks.
“I know that it's not much. But I found it about six months ago and thought of you. I know we're too young right now but I like the idea of not being just your boyfriend. I want to marry you Kurt. I want to call you my fiance. I want to call you mine.” His voice kind of trails off.
Kurt is quiet for a second before he pulls Puck into a deep kiss. He is nodding the whole time they kiss. His nose awkwardly bumping into Puck's cheek. Puck is so lost in the moments, in the feelings that he doesn't hear Lisa's voice through the din.
“Ooooohhhh, Kurt's got a boyfriend.” Lisa teases.
Kurt breaks away from Puck. “No, honey. Kurt's got a fiance.” he responds just as lightly. Lisa makes teasing kissing noises as Kurt jumps up to chase her back towards the jump ropes. Their laughter echoes as they jump back into the game.
See, Kurt remembers everything. The slight taste of onion still lingering in Puck's mouth as they kissed. Puck's stubble running across his chin. Lisa's lilting voice. The slight click of the jump ropes skimming the pavement. The sound of four feet hitting that concrete in tandem. The warm sun on his face. He remembers it all.
All Puck will remember is the sight of Kurt holding Lisa's hands as they play double dutch. The high pitched, out of breath purity of Kurt's laugh. The ropes catching on Kurt's foot and the ropes stuttering at their feet. The sunlight catching the ring on Kurt's finger and all Puck will remember is that feeling.
All he'll remember is love.
Day 27- Like Amorous Lovebirds Do
Kurt's head falls against the glass window. The thick frame vibrates as the train hurled down the track. His ipod streams folksy guitar music that lulls him into a half-sleep. His thumb runs over the callouses on his fingers. They are a testament to the long form essays he's been pouring his soul into. Thin, haphazard stray marks across his skin and they remind him of the little laugh Puck always gets when he's making fun of him for being so old-fashioned. For being the guy that believes in writing on paper and reading the kind of letters that tell you how someone is feeling.
The thick volumes that encapsulate their lives together. Their collection of love letters that Puck keeps on the top shelf of his side of the closet. The cramped, hurried scrawl of Kurt feeling vulnerable and insecure. The airy loops that usually meant the sun was shining when Kurt sat down to write. The dancing jumps of consonants that meant Kurt was excited or happy or horny. Puck giggled when Kurt would put pen to paper but he would always anxiously await to see what the words would tell him.
In his sleepy state, Kurt tries to outline the next letter he would write to Puck. It would be full of thank you for the sleepless nights of cramming before the last final of the last class and love and lust. It would be full of things his sleepy brain wouldn’t filter out.
As the train takes him closer to Puck, he drifts further into sleep. His breath leaving clouds on the glass. He tries not to think about the new internship that starts two weeks after graduation. He tries not to worry about the beautiful blonde that is Puck's assistant on the new downtown build project. He tries to remember that they've spent five years building a life. He tries to forget how much that blonde looks like Quinn.
His body jerks to full alert as the train skids to a stop. He loves that his body knows when he's home. The evening air is cool on his skin but the musty air still hangs in their hallway. The five floor walk up is so much easier without all the books yet so much harder because Kurt is starting to realize what their absence means.
The light smell of food filters from the apartment. When Kurt opens the door, he sees the half empty containers on the counter. He pulls some chow mien into a small bowl and wanders around the apartment. As Wong Foo's explodes on his tongue he can't help but notice the muddy boots by the front door or the blueprints covering the kitchen table. He puts his empty bowl in the sink before he heads to the bedroom.
Kurt shakes his head as he hears the Kurt Isn't Here, So It's Okay To Be Schmaltzy mix playing over the speakers. Puck's face is shiny with remnants of dirt and sweat. A hard days work written on his skin. His long body is sprawled out on their bed and Kurt can't resist the urge to crawl in beside him. The soft music folk music whispers from the speakers and Puck rolls over to pull Kurt against him. Kurt's body fits into the curve of Puck's body like he was made to be there.
who who who who who
like amorous lovebirds do
who made my world seem new
'tis, 'tis you you you you you
you make me feel like i'm seventeen again
you make everything beautiful seem true
i can't wait to go to sleep and dream again
cause every dream i dream is a dream of dreamy little you
As the evening sun filtered through the windows, he felt his body give into the pull of sleep. Puck's arm tightened along his belly and pulled him in closer. A sleep-mumbled mmmm, love you was whispered into Kurt's neck. Even though he knows Puck won't hear him, he whispers I love you back.
He loves that his body knows when he's home.
Day 28- Saturday Supermen and Words No Longer left Unsaid
Kurt had been wearing the ring Puck had given him for six years. Through the rest of high school. Through every day of college. Every agonizing minute of his first year interning at Pink Paper. Through every sleepless night that came when Puck would stay late at the office to draw up plans for the next new building he would build. Through the being promoted to the entertainment/fashion editor of the most popular underground gay magazine in New York. He had worn Puck's ring because they were together. They were a team. In six years, Kurt has never taken off his ring. In six years, Puck has never worn one.
Puck isn't entirely sure why he didn't wear an engagement ring. Sometimes the light would reflect off of Kurt's and the rush of pleasure would mix with a longing he didn't understand. But he still couldn't wear a ring. He ached for the comforting weight on his finger but he knew it wouldn't feel right until they were married. And Puck felt that time approaching with every passing day. All the reasons they waited were quickly evaporating.
He watched Kurt asleep on the couch. One in the afternoon on a Saturday. The TV played old cartoons as Kurt dozed in his pajamas. Puck cooked their breakfast/lunch and marveled at how he could be so lucky. He thinks about all the time they've already created together. Each year bleeds into the next. Shared accomplishments, pain, love. All of it written on the walls of their bedroom. Puck thinks that might be why he'd waited as long as he has. You aren't supposed to meet the love of your life in high school. High school is for the misguided flings and lovers that make you bury your face in your hands when you remember them ten years later.
He knows that if he were to say the word everything would move fast. He could be married to Kurt in a few short months maybe even weeks if he told Kurt he was ready.
The waffles warm the inside of his arm as he carries their food over to the couch. Kurt mumbles when the smell of food hits his nose. He pulls himself up, stretching as he wipes sleep from his eyes. Kurt looks at him and smiles. Holding his hands out for the plate. He settles the plate against his chest and digs into the food. A tiny line of syrup drips on Kurt's chin and Puck leans forward to catch it before it can fall.
As he pulls his thumb into his mouth, Kurt smiles at him again before turning back to look at old rerun of The Justice League. And all of a sudden he knows. He's the only one that knows that Kurt watches cartoons on Saturday or that grazing the back of his knee will turn him into a shaking mess. He's the only one that can measure Kurt's mood by how he takes his coffee. Black means stress and nervousness. Light and sweet means the day is just that. It means that Kurt is happy.
As the butter flavored syrup explodes on his tongue he looks at Kurt and just he knows. He runs his thumb over his bare ring finger as he tells Kurt. Superman saving the day becomes the soundtrack of him telling Kurt what he'd know since he was seventeen.
He's gonna marry that boy.
Day 29- If I'm The Joke Then Your The Punchline
She's all pink and dark curls. She's so small in Puck's arms that he's afraid to hug her too tightly to his chest. Her eyes blink slowly open and he sees the shock of blue. He knows that they probably won't stay like that but it makes her look like theirs. Puck's hair and Kurt's eyes. He runs his knuckles over her tiny cheek and the platinum ring on his left ring finger warms against her skin.
He can hear Kurt whispering to the surrogate from across the room. He's brushing the sweaty hair off of her forehead and frantically kissing her cheeks. She seems to bask in the warm gratitude and Puck gets just as lost in Kurt's excitement.
It took eight and a half years to get where they are. Through high school and internships. Through success and tiny perceived failures. Through nights ending with one of them sleeping on the couch and mornings with one of them making apology pancakes.
You've been famous since your birth.
A silent one it was til they told me its a girl and everybody gasped.
I know how to raise you right, teach you how to read
And your math,yeah, toys, spelling, names, and alphabet and how to be polite.
Kurt leaves his place by the bed and leans down to kiss their new baby girl on the cheek. His eyes gaze longingly at the squirmy mass in Puck's arms before pressing a heated kiss against Puck's lips. That kiss says it all. It's thank you and can you believe it?. It's we did it and what are we gonna do?. It's I love you.
She will always have Kurt's eyes and Puck's unruly, curly hair. She'll be able to sing like her daddies. She will always be a dream come true and one day she'll make the best big sister in the world. They name her Grace but they'll call her Gracie.
Day 30- Kitchen Kisses
Most days Kurt doesn't really think about how they all got here. He's too easily lost in the day to day of Gracie's kindergarten class or Jake's first brush with teething. He gets lost in doing laundry as Noah puts the kids to bed. In making love quietly in the first moments of the morning before the sun has even started to break through the skyline. He gets lost in magazine deadlines and trying to wash permanent marker of his kid's face. But today isn't most days.
Kurt runs his finger over the rim of his coffee mug as he hears the chatter from across the room. Burt slides next to him against that counter and bumps his shoulder off of Kurt's in the same way he's done since Kurt was twelve. Kurt glances at his father and it struck by how well the years have treated both of them. The life they've lived has etched happy marks down their cheeks and Kurt's face even shows some well-worn laugh lines.
“This kitchen has seen it all , huh bud?” Burt's voice sparkles.
Kurt just nods and leans further against his father's side. They share the same wistful smile as Burt sees too few years of singing Be My Yoko Ono to the girl he loved and Kurt saw stolen kisses laced with the days of making Puck coffee the morning after.
Burt puts a hand on his shoulder for a brief moment before moving to join the kids. Kurt was so lost in watching Jake smear pancake on his face that he doesn't notice Puck sneaking up behind him. He turns Kurt around and pulls him up to sit on the counter. Puck wedges himself between Kurt's splayed thighs. They share a heated look before Puck presses a soft good morning kiss on Kurt's lips.
Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name
Music seems to sound in Kurt's ears as all of a sudden he's seventeen. He's nervous and shaky as Kevin Smith movies play in the living room. He's twelve years old on a frightening school bus that longs to have the loud, messy life of the people that lived in Lima Height Adjacent. He's just about eighteen, playing double dutch and promising his life to the boy he loved. He's back in the days of five floor walk ups and blueprints on the table. He's the boy that wishfully doodled Kurt Puckerman in the margins.
Their children's laughter floats over to them from the table. They smiled at each other again before moving to join their family. Gracie's front tooth wriggles as she shows Grandpa Hummel how close she is to losing her first tooth. Jake gums at a soggy piece of pancake before holding it up to Kurt's mouth. Without thinking, Kurt pulls the pancake into his mouth and his dad smiles at him. Most days, Kurt forgets how far they've come. How much they love each other.
But today isn't most days.
**
Author: emo_chick_87
Pairing,Character(s): Puck/Kurt
Rating: PG
Word Count: 15 859 in two parts
Spoilers: Season 1
Genre: Angst/Fluff
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Summary: My contribution to the puckurt 30 day drabble challenge.
AN: I started this thinking that each drabble would be a oneshot. After the first week, I noticed that they were all linked. Now thirty days later, they read kinda like a complete story.
Read Day 1-15: here.
Day 16- As Long As You're Mine
The wind seemed to bounce of the thick walls of trees surrounding them. The slight noises of the town were silenced in the park. Kurt's feet sank deep into the wet sand and he cringed slightly as he sat on the swing. The tiny droplets of water seeping through the thin material of his jeans, let him know that the sky had opened up while they were in the darkness of the movie theater.
Kurt glanced over to Puck and let the thought of being with him wash over him. Puck was leaning against the metal bar of the swing set. The long line of his body pulling Kurt's attention with every downward swing. They talk about everything. About their favorite movies, their favorite songs. About family and about the family they've made for themselves.
Kurt's breath comes in slight puffs as he swings back and forth. His neck burns in embarrassment as the light mist of sweat flattens his hair against his forehead slightly. Puck talks and Kurt swings. It goes that way for hours. Their spell is broken by a drunken phone call from Finn. The sometime screaming, sometime babbling call that meant he had gotten in a fight with one of the girls. Kurt really couldn't tell which one this was about though. It was always a bit hard for him to keep track. He gave Puck a sympathetic look and gave him a grateful smile as he nodded.
They walked back to the house in silence with their shoulders brushing lightly with every step. Music blared out of the house and sent a silent thank you to the universe for their parents being away for the week. He was about to go inside the house when he realized Puck wasn't following him.
“Puck, what's the matter?”
The frown on Puck face intensified.
“This could work, ya know? We could work.”
“I know that, Puck.”
“No. I don't think you do. This could be it. You need to decide if that's okay with you.” Puck's words dissolved into mumbles.
“Noah, why would I say yes to going out with you if I didn't want to try?”
“No, Kurt. It's not about trying. It's about whether or not you're okay only being with me. This might be it. This feels kinda like it. But I can't start this if you're just gonna dump me in a year cause you want to get on someone else's dick.”
Kurt tried to respond but Puck put his hand up to silence him.
“Don't decided now. I want you to think about it.” Puck's words skated over his lips just before he pressed them into a soft kiss.
“Just in case.” Puck muttered as he pulled away.
“Just in case, of what?”
Puck turned away and headed to his truck. The music coming from the house penetrated his mind. Rachel. Finn had gotten in a fight with Rachel. It's the only reason he would be listening to that.
Every moment
As long as your mine
I'll wake up my body
And make up for lost time
Puck's words were almost lost in the rumble of his truck starting.
“Just in case, you don't let me do that again.”
Kurt watched him drive away. His eyes filling with tears. His lips still tingling. The rain water from the swings metal still clinging to his hands. Kurt watched him drive away.
Day 17- The Princess Would Never Let Go Of Her Scruffy-Looking Nerf-herder!
The loud pulsing of the club makes Kurt's head swim. His fake id feels like it's burning a hole in his back pocket. As the sea of sweaty bodies press against him, he remembers why he never wanted to come to a place like this. He was perfectly okay with the idea of gay clubs. He looked forward to the day he could bring his boyfriend to one and they could dance openly. But he never wanted to be alone at one. He could feel the eyes on him and they made him uncomfortable.
He knew that he was not the kind guy that could make heads turn. He's more than learned his lesson. He paid attention to the jabs spit at him the the hallway. He listened to the sad lilt in his dad's voice when he mentioned getting a boyfriend. He understood that part of it was the way his gayness made them all feel. But he'd heard it enough that it kind of started to be about something else all together. He had to be the most unsexual person on the planet.
He would spend hours in front of the mirror trying to find something sexy. Each night ended in tear-stained pillows and extra concealer in the morning. The fact the Puck even wanted to kiss him made him wary. People weren't supposed to want him.
That's why he's in a bar that looks like it's out of Star Wars. Puck wanted him to see if Kurt could live with Puck being his one and only. He looks to him left and wishes he could see Puck standing beside him.
As the patrons smell fresh meat, Kurt can't help but think about what Puck said the night before. He thought they might be it. The thought both terrifies and exhilarate him. He's been struggling to think if they could work. The more he think about it though, the more it makes sense. Sitting in this bar, he can't help but draw parallels. He's totally Leia. With his princess, diva- like behavior. His sharp tongue. His fierce fashion sense. The ill-advised flirtation with her brother Luke ala Finn Hudson.
Puck is definitely Han. With his rakish good looks. His half-dirty smile. The way his eyes sparkle when Kurt calls him a name. Bad boy with a heart of gold.
As a cute boy approaches him, Kurt squares his shoulders and exits the club. In his mind he's thinking about the end of Jedi. Han and Leia definitely end up together. And Leia would never let anything stand in the way of her getting her man.
He was on his way to claim Puck in a very Princess Leia type way. He smiled to himself as he thought of Puck. His very own Han Solo.
Day 18- I Don't Wanna Wait For Our Lives To Be Over
Staring up at his bedroom ceiling, Puck couldn't help but curse himself. He'd sent Kurt away. He's tasted him. Held his hand. Grazed the tiny reality that he could be with him completely. But standing on Kurt's front lawn with Kurt blushing and As Long as Your Mine blasting out of Finn's bedroom, something struck Puck. He could get this close. Maybe even pull Kurt a little bit closer and Kurt might walk away anyway. He might let himself love Kurt with everything and he might leave him. Fear closed up his throat and he told Kurt that he had to be sure. Told Kurt that this wasn't a Dawson/Joey will they/won't they. This is a Pacey/Joey inevitability.
He had always thought that he wanted to be like Dawson. Stalwart, smart, creative. They kind of guy you would love to introduce to your parents. He thought for the longest time that he wanted to be just like Dawson. Then he fell in love with Kurt. Kurt with his Joey-like sharp tongue. The biting insults that would bounce off of Puck's skin and make the hairs of his arm stand up. All that attention, all that intensity focused on him for that brief moment. Kurt with his crazy hats and the different ways he smiled. The singing voice that bowled him over. Kurt with his expectations. Kurt knowing that Puck was a better man than he was being. Loving Kurt made Puck wish he was Pacey.
Puck wanted to be the knight in shining armor. He wanted to buy Kurt a metaphorical wall. He wanted to fight for him. He wanted all those things but then he thought about the collage years and Pacey feeling like he wasn't enough. He thought about distance and separation. He asked Kurt to be sure because he wasn't strong enough to handle getting that close and losing him.
Staring at the ceiling, all Puck can think about is Kurt deciding that he doesn't want to try. He thinks about whether or not that will crush him. He thinks that he can live with loving Kurt from afar if that's what it takes for Kurt to be happy. Loving Kurt was never really about Puck. Loving him was about being dazzled. Tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. He wants to be close enough to see Kurt's flush. He wants to be close enough for Kurt's belly to hit his with every exhalation. He wanted to have Kurt's feet draped over his lap as he read, glasses perched on the end of his nose. He wanted to be kissing Kurt long enough to be able to say that he knows the way Kurt tastes when he's mad or happy or horny.
Downstairs the doorbell rings. He pulls himself up and looks out the window. Kurt is standing with his arms crossed over his chest and is tapping his toes in a frustrated way that is all too familiar. Puck can't stop himself from smiling.
Puck had spent his life wishing for the Dawson/Joey will they/won't they. Now all he wanted was the Pacey/Joey inevitability. Watching Kurt furiously knock on his front door, made him think that he might just get his wish.
Day 19- The Music Might Change But The Words Remain The Same
Kurt had spent most of the night parked outside of Puck's house. Trying to get the courage to knock on the door. As the sun rose he realized that enough was enough. He cringed as he noticed how early it was. He promised himself he would make it up to Puck's family after he made things right with Puck.
He stands in front of the thick oak door for long enough that he is just about to leave. The door slides open to reveal a small little girl on the other side. His heart catches in his throat as he realizes that she must be the little baby that he clutched to his chest so protectively all those years ago. He stood there stunned. The wide brown eyes were so familiar. Her thumb was wedged firmly in her mouth and she stared at him just as intently. Kurt really doesn't know how long they stay like that but his haze is broken when a pair of strong hands pulls the little girl up in the air. Puck settles Sarah on his hip and fixes Kurt with a questioning stare.
“We need to have a discussion, Puckerman.”
Puck nods and puts Sarah back on the couch to watch her cartoons. He presses his forehead against her and her lips pucker to kiss his nose. He hands her the juice box on the coffee table as he ruffles her hair.
Kurt follows Puck silently upstairs. The silence falling over them makes the hair on Kurt's arm stand on end. As they walk into Puck's room Kurt can't help but notices the rumpled bedspread. The copy of Pride and Prejudice on his bedside table. All of a sudden Kurt is left wondering what it would be like to curl under the sleep-warmed blankets as Puck's low voice rumbled against his ear. The words of Jane Austen clinging to Puck's voice. The thought makes something in Kurt snap.
The tinny click of the door closing behind them is lost in the thump of Puck's back connecting with the door. Kurt forces his lips onto Puck's like a challenge. Like he's asking Puck to fight back. To fight for him. To fight for a chance. Puck surges forward. All they know is teeth and lips and heat. When Puck pulls away, Kurt slaps his chest.
“How dare you kiss me like that and even doubt that you won't be enough. I don't want anyone else, you prick.” Kurt said, breathlessly.
Puck pulls Kurt down onto the bed. The words that flow have nothing to do with Jane Austen or Elizabeth Bennett or Mr. Darcy. The words aren't about pop songs or television parallels. They aren't Kevin Smith movies or Barenaked Ladies albums. They aren't Matthew Good lyrics or Wicked songs.
Puck takes the words and makes them his own. He talks about waiting. He talks about Kurt. He talks about forever. He talks about meant to be. He talks about fate. But most of all, he talks about love.
Day 20- Summer Fades
September looms large. Both Puck and Kurt had kept the sense of impending doom away. They stayed hidden under the sheets. Chased away the panic as they chased the summer rain down each others skin. Mumbled words borrowed from seemingly ancient novels filled the silence. Victorian landscapes made the crude sounds of skin against skin and lips against lips more romantic. It made Puck think about New York City plays and the thin streak of motor oil on Kurt's cheek. It made Kurt think of Puck sharing a Popsicle with his baby sister and grass-stained Levis. They lost themselves so deep in summer that autumn felt like a slap in the face. They hide themselves in secrets long enough that the truth felt impossible.
The night before the first day of school, Puck tossed in his bed for most of the night. The warm blanket of summer sun gave way to the sticky autumn heat that made his sheets cling to his bare thighs. Made sleep an impossible feat. In a way, Puck was glad for the heat. It gave him an excuse for his lack of sleep. That way he could tell himself that he didn't see the sad look on Kurt's face. That way he didn't have to admit that when Kurt kissed him, it felt like goodbye. Kurt's acceptance that this was a summer fling. The easy way he resigned himself to having to give Puck up in the harsh light of fall. All of it chased sleep away.
His eyes were dark, hidden behind the thick sunglasses. The light sun mixes with the soft breeze and Kurt's giggle carries across the parking lot. Puck clenches his hands at his sides to stop the shaking. He knows what he has to do and it's that giggle that moves him forward. That giggle tells him everything he needs to know. The tight grasping sound that clings to the laugh. The notes that only Puck can recognize. The fact he knows that Kurt is faking happiness hurts him just as much as the shadows that darken under Kurt's eyes.
Puck walks over to him. They stand in a deadlock. Puck hiding behind his glasses and Kurt begging him to make the decision for both of them. If Puck walks away now, that's it. They're over. Puck glances to his sides and feel the eyes resting heavy on his back. He takes another look at Kurt and sees what life could be like out in the open. He sees the bricks through windows and panicked 911 calls. He sees slurs and shoulder checks. Words sound loudly from the back of his mind.
Stop trying to bray it up with the rest of the sheep
And live the way it makes sense for you, you fuckin' ass.
Puck squares his shoulder and bends Kurt back into a deep kiss. In that kiss Puck sees what life out in the open could be. He saw backyard barbeques and daughters with pigtails chasing puppies through badly blown bubbles. He saw sons with Superman backpacks and his wedding day. He saw simple gold bands and father/daughter dances. He saw the life he always wanted. He saw his life with Kurt.
They kissed in the sunshine. Summer faded into the background and autumn clung heavy to their shoulders. Fingers laced together, they take the first steps into surviving the fall.
Day 21- Hockey Night In Lima
Burt sat at one end of the table. Puck sat at the other. The wide expanse of the kitchen table stretched between them. Kurt watched from his spot by the door. He eyes darting between his boyfriend and his father. As he watched Burt's nostrils flare, he couldn't help but sigh. He really didn't think all the dramatics were necessary. Before Puck was introduced as Kurt;'s boyfriend, they all had spent more hours than he could count in front of the television. Kurt spent it admiring the cute boys in unfortunate uniforms and Puck's voice mixed with Burt's as they lamented every suspect call.
His dad knows that Puck is a good guy. He likes him. But that doesn't stop the thick feeling of dread from settling in his stomach. His dad's acceptance means more that Kurt can really put into words. Kurt watches as the two men he loves most in this world stare each other down like gunslingers. Locked in a silence that makes the hair on Kurt's arm stand up.
Burt breaks the silence by slamming the flat of his palm against the table. Kurt flinches wildly. Puck doesn't. Kurt kinda thinks that was the point because after the loud booming sound, Burt pushes his chair back from the table. The legs of the chair scraping like nails on a chalkboard. He walks over to where Puck is sitting. He gives him a hard look before extending his hand. Puck looks at it for a moment before shaking Burt's hand.
Burt places a hand on Puck's shoulder before turning to walk out of the kitchen. He bumps Kurt's shoulders playfully as he passed and the hockey game ignited in the living room. When Kurt sits down next to Puck he can see the thin lines of sweat that make his t-shirt cling to his lower back.
Puck's eyes brighten and he pulls Kurt into a kiss. Kurt can feel the oak of the table under his forearms. Just like he can feel the faint ghosting of sweat on Puck's upper lip. They don't flinch as Burt walks into the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge.
Just like that, Puck is Kurt's boyfriend. They still spend the hours in front of the television. Just like before Burt and Puck still rail against all the unfair calls. Almost everything is the same. It's just now Kurt spends his time sneaking glances at Puck. Fire rushing through his veins. Not much has changed. Except now Puck's hand never leaves it place locked with Kurt's.
Just like that, Kurt isn't alone anymore. And just like that, Kurt actually knows all the rules to all the sports they watch. Just like that, Kurt is the kind of boy that kisses the man he loves in the same room as his father. Just like that, Kurt feels like he belongs.
The game music breaks the spell. Kurt braces himself. He takes a deep breath. The whistle sounds loudly.
Let the games begin.
Day 22- If You Gave Me A Million Years to Ponder, I Would Never Have Guessed That True Romance and Lima Would Ever Go Together .
Kurt and Puck become a fixture at the Angelica. Every other Sunday they have theme marathons. They both tuck into the back corner. Eating licorice and chocolate-covered raisins over salty popcorn. The sneak kisses and say the words under their breath. They are there so much that the old red seats have started to leave their dye on the back of Kurt's thighs.
This weekend it's Tarantino. They lose themselves in the Bride getting revenge and Aldo the Apache killing Nazis. Death Race and adrenaline shots. By the time the last movie started, Kurt's head has come to rest on Puck's shoulder. His eyelashes and soft breath playing over the thin fabric of his shirt. As True Romance started to play, Puck realized that this was the one film in the lineup he hadn't seen.
As Alabama's lilting Florida accent drifts through the theater, Puck settles back. Kurt snuffles against his neck just as Clarence is fighting for Alabama with her pimp Drexel. Kurt stays asleep for the entire movie. Puck feels tears prickle at the corners of his eyes by the end. He imagines getting the happy ending that Clarence and Alabama got. Her voice echoes in Puck's head.
Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool.
As the credits play, Kurt wakes up into an exaggerated stretch. The darkness of the night shocks Puck's system. When they had gotten into the theater the sun was shinning and the thin layer of snow had practically melted. Now the town was covered in a thick blanket of fluffy snow and the moonlight bathed the world in silver light. Kurt pulled his jackets closer to his body and tucked further under Puck's arm.
When they get to Puck's house, Sarah is waiting outside for them. The feet of her footie pajamas are wet from the light dusting of snow the managed to make it way to the porch. The minute she sees them she started running towards Kurt. He pulls himself from under Puck's arm and runs towards her too. She launches herself towards him and he catches her with a familiar ease. He spins her around the yard, singing You Are My Sunshine as they twirl. When he finally puts her back down on the porch she runs into the house. Screaming that there is something that Kurt just has to see.
Kurt goes to follow her through the front door when Puck caught him around the waist. His hands settle on Kurt's hips and Kurt's arms move to rest on his shoulders. Puck gets a soft look on his face and just stares at Kurt.
“What?” Kurt whispers as a blush covers his cheeks.
Puck's voice is soft and full of wonder. “You're so cool.”
Kurt ducks his head against Puck's chest and he can feel Kurt's warm cheek against his collarbone. Puck presses light kisses against the top of Kurt's head. They get lost in the smell of snow and moonlight. In the warmth of each others body.
When she realized that Kurt wasn't behind her, Sarah went back outside to drag Kurt inside. Her tiny hand wraps around his and pulls him deep into the house. From the porch, Puck can hear the way their giggles blend together. Warmth fills him despite the cold. The words echo through his head. They mean that he's grateful Kurt chose him. They mean that Puck is starting to believe that they are forever. They mean that he'll gladly spend his life with that laugh and Kurt falling asleep on him in movie theaters.
When he walks inside, he sees Kurt on the floor with Sarah draped across his stomach. In that moment he is Alabama caught in that gunfight. He is her sitting on that beach in Cancun. He is her thinking about what might have happened if the bullet was two inches to the left. As he watches Kurt play fight with his sister, the words echo endlessly.
You're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool.
On the couch, he watches. A smile etched on his face. Puck was staring to realize that the title of the movie wasn't ironic. True Romance. He was starting to think he could get used to that.
Day 23- I Have Not A Need, I Do Have Desire
Back before they were a we, Kurt used to think about what loving Puck would be like. What it would feel like to be skin to skin with him. What it would be like to wake up smelling like him. Back then, when he would only let himself think about it in the darkness of dreams, he always thought it would be just that.... dark. It would be powerful and hard. The intensity would shoot through his fingertips and cloud Kurt's eyes. Back then, he thought Puck was the kind of boy that could only love him in the dark.
I Love a little Loving In The Morning Light,
A Little reminder that it's alright.
Now he knows better. Puck doesn't like the lights off. Ever. He watches as light plays off of Kurt's skin. The intensity of his gaze sometimes makes Kurt long for the cover of darkness. Puck doesn't want him to be hidden. He doesn't want secrets. He wants making love with the sunlight streaming through the windows. He wants to be allowed to count the freckles on Kurt's shoulders.
It takes Kurt a long time to get used to being that exposed. The fiery looks more than make up for the lack of blankets and just like everything else, Kurt begins to crave it. The light. The honesty. The sleep-rumpled blankets around his feet. Somewhere in the wandering eyes and frantic touches, he realizes that Puck had spent years in the dark. Hiding in closets from his mom's friends. Sliding through half-opened doors and second floor windows. He spent years in the dark and as someone's secret.
Kurt giving himself to Puck in the sunshine made Puck remember that he doesn't have to hide anymore. Just like Puck wanting to really look at Kurt makes him remember that he's not alone.
They make love in the sunshine. And they remember that they're not in hiding. They make love in the morning light. As the world wakes up. Because Puck was always the kind of boy that could love him in the sunshine.
Day 24- Tell Us About The Boy From New York City
Mr Schue doesn't even blink when Puck plucks a room key from his hand. Just like he doesn't flinch when Puck throws Kurt over his shoulder and yells that they're going to be roomies as he descends down the hall. He looks down at the remaining keys then up to the expectant faces of the rest of the club. It's senior year. The last time they'll all be at Nationals. The last time they'll be the kind of family that you see every day. This is the last time it won't be about catching up when they come back to visit. He throws the keys down on the table in front of them. As he watches them pair off, all he can think about is the sense of loss that grows in his belly.
From the sounds that echo through the adjoining rooms, Puck and Kurt didn't have the same kind of night that the others had. They giggled as every exaggerated moan that would filter through the walls. Puck and Kurt didn't spend their first night in New York having sex.
They spent it sharing a scalding hot shower and curling up under the blankets. They watched a shitty pay per view movie that had Kurt throwing handfuls of microwave popcorn at the TV. They had the kind of night that left Kurt tasting like butter when they kiss goodnight.
Morning comes too quick for Kurt. The delicious smell of coffee wafts under his nose and he is pulled from his dream. He scowls at Puck's smiling face. He grabs the coffee from Puck's hand and pulls the blankets over his head. He doesn't emerge again until the cup is half empty. In the meantime Puck has picked out his clothes for him. The threadbare Superman t-shirt and the less than skinny jeans tell him the Puck has a plan. He glances out the window and sees the New York skyline before sparing another look at the clothes on the bed. He shrugs as he brings the paper cup back to his lips. He's in New York. He'll go along with whatever Puck wants to do.
They manage to slip past the crack team that was supposed to watching them. The streets hum against Kurt's skin. The last time they were in New York he felt like a tourist. He felt alone in a city that was way too big for him. This time Puck is by his side. This time New York feels like home.
He doesn't know where Puck is taking him but he learned along time ago not to mind Puck's surprises. The last year and a half had been all about following Puck to places he's never seen. He figured he could handle one more. Commuters in suits rush past them. Puck pulls him towards a building he doesn't recognize right away. He can barely hear the loudspeaker over the sound of buskers singing loudly in the terminal.
Everytime he says he loves me chills run down my spine
Everytime he wants to kiss me he makes me feel so fine
Oo ah oo ah Kitty
Tell us about the boy from New York City
Puck pulls him towards the ticket counter. As the words leave Puck mouth, Kurt feels nervous excitement flood his belly. The bustle of Penn Station mixes with the street musicians and the sound of Kurt's heart beating in his ears.
“Are we really going? For real?”
“Of course, babe. You didn't think we'd get this close and not go, did you?”
Puck laces his fingers with Kurt's as the descend down the escalator that leads to the trains. When Kurt presses a kiss under his jaw before they make it to bottom, he thinks he got it right.
Day 25- Snootch To The Nootch
He's only felt this feeling five times in his life. The moment he first sang in front of someone that wasn't his mom. The first time Puck kissed him in the kitchen. The first time he woke up to the feeling of Puck watching him sleep. The second time Puck said I love you and now there's this.
He was standing out front of the building he dreamed about going to since the moment he first heard about this place. He'd spent the the entire train ride over fussing in his seat. Excitement threatening to burst through his seams. Here is was. Thousands of miles away from home. His secret geeky wet dream. Puck had taken him there.
35 Broad Street. Red Bank, New Jersey. Mother Fuckin' Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash.
Puck held the door open while he held his breath. Alice Cooper played over the stereo and the tell-tale laugh of Walter Flanagan sounded from the back of the store. Fuck. Not only had Puck taken him to the place he wanted to visit almost as much as Broadway, but he'd managed to work it so they were there for when they recorded the Tell Em Steve-Dave podcast.
Years later Kurt's won't remember the finer details. He'll know that he spent almost five hundred dollars of his savings in the store. He'll remember that he managed to make it out of the store without fanboy-ing all over the place. He'll know that he actually got pulled back to talk to Bry, Walt and Quinn as they recorded. Puck by his side the entire time. He'll know he'll have that episode of the podcast on every version of an ipod he'll ever known.
He'll be sure of all those things. But the details will be fuzzy. Lost in a haze because of everything else that happened that day. But that's a story of another day.
Day 26 Red Bank Redux
After leaving The Stash, Puck ducked into the restaurant next door. Kurt waited for him outside, leafing through one of his recently purchased comics. Kurt felt his stomach growl as the heady smell of good food poured out of the restaurant door as Puck came to meet him on the sidewalk. Puck laced the fingers on his free hand with Kurt's. They walked down to the nearest park and found a bench. Kurt smiled at the girls playing double dutch and hopscotch.
Years later, Kurt will remember everything. The way the lettuce of the taco exploded wonderfully in his mouth. The crisp air on his cheeks. The thin layer of grease that clung to the corner of his mouth. Puck's thigh pressed firmly against his. The shrill sound of one of the little girls asking Kurt to join them. He'll remember it all.
The small girl beckons him over. Her tiny hand flapping as she speaks. She swivels her neck at him. She tells him that they need another person to jump rope with them and that he best believe that person is going to be him. He smiles to himself as recognizes that she's the kind of girl that will grow up to be like Mercedes. All brash wit, sharp tongue, a strong shoulder to cry on. She'll grow up to one of the women he hopes his future son will end up with.
Lisa gives him a nod and counts him in. Just like that, in a 1,2,3 Kurt is playing double dutch for the first time. The feeling rushes through his veins as he remembers all the days he would sit on the park benches and watch the girls jump rope, wishing they would ask him to join. His feet are shaky at first but Lisa is patient and soon enough he gets it.
Half an hour later, Kurt stumbles back to the park bench where Puck has been watching him from. His brow sweaty and his breath coming in sharp pants.
“Having fun?”
Kurt nods in a shy way that makes Puck sure this is the moment. His hands shake as he pulls the velvet box out of his pocket. The sound of the box creaking open is covered by Kurt's breath. Kurt turns to say something to him but his words catch in his throat. He sees Puck running a finger over the silver band. Puck's voice breaks the silence as soon as he realizes Kurt is looking at him. Puck's eyes stay locked on the open box the entire time he speaks.
“I know that it's not much. But I found it about six months ago and thought of you. I know we're too young right now but I like the idea of not being just your boyfriend. I want to marry you Kurt. I want to call you my fiance. I want to call you mine.” His voice kind of trails off.
Kurt is quiet for a second before he pulls Puck into a deep kiss. He is nodding the whole time they kiss. His nose awkwardly bumping into Puck's cheek. Puck is so lost in the moments, in the feelings that he doesn't hear Lisa's voice through the din.
“Ooooohhhh, Kurt's got a boyfriend.” Lisa teases.
Kurt breaks away from Puck. “No, honey. Kurt's got a fiance.” he responds just as lightly. Lisa makes teasing kissing noises as Kurt jumps up to chase her back towards the jump ropes. Their laughter echoes as they jump back into the game.
See, Kurt remembers everything. The slight taste of onion still lingering in Puck's mouth as they kissed. Puck's stubble running across his chin. Lisa's lilting voice. The slight click of the jump ropes skimming the pavement. The sound of four feet hitting that concrete in tandem. The warm sun on his face. He remembers it all.
All Puck will remember is the sight of Kurt holding Lisa's hands as they play double dutch. The high pitched, out of breath purity of Kurt's laugh. The ropes catching on Kurt's foot and the ropes stuttering at their feet. The sunlight catching the ring on Kurt's finger and all Puck will remember is that feeling.
All he'll remember is love.
Day 27- Like Amorous Lovebirds Do
Kurt's head falls against the glass window. The thick frame vibrates as the train hurled down the track. His ipod streams folksy guitar music that lulls him into a half-sleep. His thumb runs over the callouses on his fingers. They are a testament to the long form essays he's been pouring his soul into. Thin, haphazard stray marks across his skin and they remind him of the little laugh Puck always gets when he's making fun of him for being so old-fashioned. For being the guy that believes in writing on paper and reading the kind of letters that tell you how someone is feeling.
The thick volumes that encapsulate their lives together. Their collection of love letters that Puck keeps on the top shelf of his side of the closet. The cramped, hurried scrawl of Kurt feeling vulnerable and insecure. The airy loops that usually meant the sun was shining when Kurt sat down to write. The dancing jumps of consonants that meant Kurt was excited or happy or horny. Puck giggled when Kurt would put pen to paper but he would always anxiously await to see what the words would tell him.
In his sleepy state, Kurt tries to outline the next letter he would write to Puck. It would be full of thank you for the sleepless nights of cramming before the last final of the last class and love and lust. It would be full of things his sleepy brain wouldn’t filter out.
As the train takes him closer to Puck, he drifts further into sleep. His breath leaving clouds on the glass. He tries not to think about the new internship that starts two weeks after graduation. He tries not to worry about the beautiful blonde that is Puck's assistant on the new downtown build project. He tries to remember that they've spent five years building a life. He tries to forget how much that blonde looks like Quinn.
His body jerks to full alert as the train skids to a stop. He loves that his body knows when he's home. The evening air is cool on his skin but the musty air still hangs in their hallway. The five floor walk up is so much easier without all the books yet so much harder because Kurt is starting to realize what their absence means.
The light smell of food filters from the apartment. When Kurt opens the door, he sees the half empty containers on the counter. He pulls some chow mien into a small bowl and wanders around the apartment. As Wong Foo's explodes on his tongue he can't help but notice the muddy boots by the front door or the blueprints covering the kitchen table. He puts his empty bowl in the sink before he heads to the bedroom.
Kurt shakes his head as he hears the Kurt Isn't Here, So It's Okay To Be Schmaltzy mix playing over the speakers. Puck's face is shiny with remnants of dirt and sweat. A hard days work written on his skin. His long body is sprawled out on their bed and Kurt can't resist the urge to crawl in beside him. The soft music folk music whispers from the speakers and Puck rolls over to pull Kurt against him. Kurt's body fits into the curve of Puck's body like he was made to be there.
who who who who who
like amorous lovebirds do
who made my world seem new
'tis, 'tis you you you you you
you make me feel like i'm seventeen again
you make everything beautiful seem true
i can't wait to go to sleep and dream again
cause every dream i dream is a dream of dreamy little you
As the evening sun filtered through the windows, he felt his body give into the pull of sleep. Puck's arm tightened along his belly and pulled him in closer. A sleep-mumbled mmmm, love you was whispered into Kurt's neck. Even though he knows Puck won't hear him, he whispers I love you back.
He loves that his body knows when he's home.
Day 28- Saturday Supermen and Words No Longer left Unsaid
Kurt had been wearing the ring Puck had given him for six years. Through the rest of high school. Through every day of college. Every agonizing minute of his first year interning at Pink Paper. Through every sleepless night that came when Puck would stay late at the office to draw up plans for the next new building he would build. Through the being promoted to the entertainment/fashion editor of the most popular underground gay magazine in New York. He had worn Puck's ring because they were together. They were a team. In six years, Kurt has never taken off his ring. In six years, Puck has never worn one.
Puck isn't entirely sure why he didn't wear an engagement ring. Sometimes the light would reflect off of Kurt's and the rush of pleasure would mix with a longing he didn't understand. But he still couldn't wear a ring. He ached for the comforting weight on his finger but he knew it wouldn't feel right until they were married. And Puck felt that time approaching with every passing day. All the reasons they waited were quickly evaporating.
He watched Kurt asleep on the couch. One in the afternoon on a Saturday. The TV played old cartoons as Kurt dozed in his pajamas. Puck cooked their breakfast/lunch and marveled at how he could be so lucky. He thinks about all the time they've already created together. Each year bleeds into the next. Shared accomplishments, pain, love. All of it written on the walls of their bedroom. Puck thinks that might be why he'd waited as long as he has. You aren't supposed to meet the love of your life in high school. High school is for the misguided flings and lovers that make you bury your face in your hands when you remember them ten years later.
He knows that if he were to say the word everything would move fast. He could be married to Kurt in a few short months maybe even weeks if he told Kurt he was ready.
The waffles warm the inside of his arm as he carries their food over to the couch. Kurt mumbles when the smell of food hits his nose. He pulls himself up, stretching as he wipes sleep from his eyes. Kurt looks at him and smiles. Holding his hands out for the plate. He settles the plate against his chest and digs into the food. A tiny line of syrup drips on Kurt's chin and Puck leans forward to catch it before it can fall.
As he pulls his thumb into his mouth, Kurt smiles at him again before turning back to look at old rerun of The Justice League. And all of a sudden he knows. He's the only one that knows that Kurt watches cartoons on Saturday or that grazing the back of his knee will turn him into a shaking mess. He's the only one that can measure Kurt's mood by how he takes his coffee. Black means stress and nervousness. Light and sweet means the day is just that. It means that Kurt is happy.
As the butter flavored syrup explodes on his tongue he looks at Kurt and just he knows. He runs his thumb over his bare ring finger as he tells Kurt. Superman saving the day becomes the soundtrack of him telling Kurt what he'd know since he was seventeen.
He's gonna marry that boy.
Day 29- If I'm The Joke Then Your The Punchline
She's all pink and dark curls. She's so small in Puck's arms that he's afraid to hug her too tightly to his chest. Her eyes blink slowly open and he sees the shock of blue. He knows that they probably won't stay like that but it makes her look like theirs. Puck's hair and Kurt's eyes. He runs his knuckles over her tiny cheek and the platinum ring on his left ring finger warms against her skin.
He can hear Kurt whispering to the surrogate from across the room. He's brushing the sweaty hair off of her forehead and frantically kissing her cheeks. She seems to bask in the warm gratitude and Puck gets just as lost in Kurt's excitement.
It took eight and a half years to get where they are. Through high school and internships. Through success and tiny perceived failures. Through nights ending with one of them sleeping on the couch and mornings with one of them making apology pancakes.
You've been famous since your birth.
A silent one it was til they told me its a girl and everybody gasped.
I know how to raise you right, teach you how to read
And your math,yeah, toys, spelling, names, and alphabet and how to be polite.
Kurt leaves his place by the bed and leans down to kiss their new baby girl on the cheek. His eyes gaze longingly at the squirmy mass in Puck's arms before pressing a heated kiss against Puck's lips. That kiss says it all. It's thank you and can you believe it?. It's we did it and what are we gonna do?. It's I love you.
She will always have Kurt's eyes and Puck's unruly, curly hair. She'll be able to sing like her daddies. She will always be a dream come true and one day she'll make the best big sister in the world. They name her Grace but they'll call her Gracie.
Day 30- Kitchen Kisses
Most days Kurt doesn't really think about how they all got here. He's too easily lost in the day to day of Gracie's kindergarten class or Jake's first brush with teething. He gets lost in doing laundry as Noah puts the kids to bed. In making love quietly in the first moments of the morning before the sun has even started to break through the skyline. He gets lost in magazine deadlines and trying to wash permanent marker of his kid's face. But today isn't most days.
Kurt runs his finger over the rim of his coffee mug as he hears the chatter from across the room. Burt slides next to him against that counter and bumps his shoulder off of Kurt's in the same way he's done since Kurt was twelve. Kurt glances at his father and it struck by how well the years have treated both of them. The life they've lived has etched happy marks down their cheeks and Kurt's face even shows some well-worn laugh lines.
“This kitchen has seen it all , huh bud?” Burt's voice sparkles.
Kurt just nods and leans further against his father's side. They share the same wistful smile as Burt sees too few years of singing Be My Yoko Ono to the girl he loved and Kurt saw stolen kisses laced with the days of making Puck coffee the morning after.
Burt puts a hand on his shoulder for a brief moment before moving to join the kids. Kurt was so lost in watching Jake smear pancake on his face that he doesn't notice Puck sneaking up behind him. He turns Kurt around and pulls him up to sit on the counter. Puck wedges himself between Kurt's splayed thighs. They share a heated look before Puck presses a soft good morning kiss on Kurt's lips.
Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name
Music seems to sound in Kurt's ears as all of a sudden he's seventeen. He's nervous and shaky as Kevin Smith movies play in the living room. He's twelve years old on a frightening school bus that longs to have the loud, messy life of the people that lived in Lima Height Adjacent. He's just about eighteen, playing double dutch and promising his life to the boy he loved. He's back in the days of five floor walk ups and blueprints on the table. He's the boy that wishfully doodled Kurt Puckerman in the margins.
Their children's laughter floats over to them from the table. They smiled at each other again before moving to join their family. Gracie's front tooth wriggles as she shows Grandpa Hummel how close she is to losing her first tooth. Jake gums at a soggy piece of pancake before holding it up to Kurt's mouth. Without thinking, Kurt pulls the pancake into his mouth and his dad smiles at him. Most days, Kurt forgets how far they've come. How much they love each other.
But today isn't most days.
**