Hi, I'm poly and I don't exist.

[emanix]

Hi, I'm a polyamorous woman, and I don't exist. In fact, I don't believe that polyamorous people exist.

“Huh?” I hear you say. “But you just declared yourself polyamorous. Up there! It says so!”

I did, and I do. I call myself polyamorous because I see this as an important part of how I relate to other people in my life. So I call myself poly in the

Comments

[joreth]

I contend that we are not "naturally a monogamous species", but that doesn't contradict any of what you're saying, and it certainly does not say anything about any given individuals.

It's long been my position that poly and monogamous people are not inherently different from each other other than the differences that arise between *any* individuals or group of people. That, in fact, if we had the ability to produce reliable statistical data, we'd find that the entire range of behaviours, emotions, and feelings that one group experiences is the same range as the other group.

As far as I can tell, the only difference seems to be one group is *more likely* to be intentional about their relationships than the other, but, again, that doesn't say anything about any individual's likelihood of being intentional, and it may ultimately show that even that criteria is more evenly matched than I suspect.

[joreth]

Although, there does seem to be evidence for *certain* hyper-religious individuals to be "hard-wired" for hyper-religiosity ;-)

But the overall point is that there are a lot of things that go into making any individual person any particular thing, some of which may be "nature" (going all the way back to the arguments against "free will"), some of which may be "nurture", and the most reasonable explanation so far is that it's some combination of the two. In that, we are, as a species, "plastic" - we have the ability to adapt and mold ourselves to our surroundings and to *also* mold and adapt our surroundings to us. Which makes the whole nature vs. nurture debate really pretty irrelevant.

[lscribbens]

I don't agree with a couple points, but it in no way diminishes the importance of what you are saying.

I feel that there are certain innately human traits, such as we are naturally omnivores. Being a vegetarian is a choice, just as someone who decides to be strictly a carnivore. Our natural state is to eat a diet of both meat and plants.

I also believe that as a species we are innately non-monogamous and we choose to be monogamous, be non-monogamous and deceptive or be non-monogamous and open and honest about our behavior. I feel being non-monogamous is natural and what we do with it from there is choice.

That said, I agree fully with you that there is too much argument and taking one side or the other, being confrontational and overall judgmental of others and their relationship and life choices just because they do not match our own. Other's choices should be respected for what they are and recognized as equally valid to our own without judgment and divisiveness.

[struuth]

In my opinion being poly or mono are choices that we make and neither of them is more right or wrong. What I beleive is wrong is not being honest with your partner / partners and in truth this is a trait more commonly found in people who would call themselves monogamous!

[emanix]

(belatedly

[self_etcetera]

well said. I am enjoying reading your essays! Thank you.