Bisexuality & statistics: Twice as many dates?

[emanix]

[Edit, 8th of October 2015: I reworked this essay into an illustrated 'comic' format, which you can check out below the original text!]

I've seen it in all sorts of places, the assumption that bisexuality has to mean that a person is equally attracted to both sexes, not notice the difference between, and so forth... Marcus Morgan has a lovely

Comments

[world_rim_walke]

People have actually told you that they won't date you because you're bisexual? That is weird.

[emanix]

Yup, they really have - I guess it makes a change from the cliche 'guy who will only date me because he thinks there might be a chance at a threesome'. I've a post about that brewing to at some point - why exactly is the threesome sold as the holy grail of straight relationships?

[softfruit]

The Bisexual Recruitment Army press office tell me it's cos no-where sells affordable beds sturdy enough for five :P

[emanix]

LOL - nice comeback!

(IKEA used to, but they just discontinued it - very sad!)

[sunspiral]

Good essay! As a straight boy I have one objection - I'm perfectly capable of aesthetically appreciating other males even if I'm not sexually attracted to them. Makes people-watching with weegoddess and creating art much more fun.

[softfruit]

I've done this exact same maths rant and even delivered it (calmly!) in workshops at LGBT spaces.

There is a certain wiggle room in that e.g. if you mostly socialise in gay spaces or have a social network that is not a random cross-section of the wider public, you may increase your girl numbers.

The counterweight to that is the tendency for mixed-sex relationships to be more socially rewarded, which is diminishing but still there.

[softfruit]

Damnit, there's always "and another thing" with my LJ comments.

Mixed-gender flirting is generally safer than same-sex for boys, while for girls there is often a higher level of acceptable social intimacy leading to "is she just being friendly" questions: both of which make making the first move more tricky and so skew things further toward mixed gender outcomes.

[emanix]

Yup, not to mentin the 'lesbian sheep' phenomenon, which a friend as pointed out to me may skew the numbers even more for most women (I am a terrible flirt with *everybody*, so I'm probably exempt from this, however) - I may well make a separate journal post about that.

We were JUST talking about this on Wednesday after the poly discussion group..

[zaiah]

And then there is also the antipathy from the lesbian community towards bisexual women who can/do 'pass' - and have that advantage they have eschewed and think other people should to. or even the rare 'I don't want to be where any man has been' negativity.

[joreth]

This is exactly the problem I have with "research" that asks the participants to give their orientation or gender by *identity*, not by practical application, and those that do not make allowances for the differences between desire & practice

[emanix]

Ooh that complexity... My answer to this when designing studies is to include both identity/preference and genetics/practice if it's at all relevant, though it's a long time since I last threw one out. Not much use if you're limited on the number of questions, I suppose.
I start to get the feeling lately that I may get drawn into doing research again, whether I like it or not. Hanging out with too many academics to not feel the pull.

By the way was it you that linked to the survey studying bisexual women on surveymonkey? I sent a critique via email and got a really nice reply from the author. Lovely when that happens :)

[joreth]

No, I don't think that was me :-)

I agree, if the study is not limited in some way, having both preference/identity or genetics/practice options would be ideal. It would also highlight the discrepancy between "identity" and practice or genetics. But sometimes researchers have to make choices, and it is my opinion that the choice that more accurately reflects reality is always the better option. Giving people the option to just identify as "lesbian" when they are, in a behavioural and/or attracted-to sense, bisexual, hurts the data and the communities (as one example).

[just_becky]

An excellent read, and good ammunition for future discussions with "normal people" thank you!