Maybe someday I'll be enough

Broken AF... Trying to find my way...

Depression has been winning this past week. It's been difficult to do much of anything. And I have so much to get done. The house is going to be sold soon and i need to pack up and leave. I don't have anywhere to go yet. I'm not sure what's going to happen. And that's where a lot of my depression is coming from. That and loneliness. I have no real ( Read more... )

But when does it start to actually get better...? I continue to be the"good guy". I continue to do what is right, to be the"good guy". But what does that get me? Not an immediate payoff... I can never stray from who i am and what my values are, but things are so dismal lately it's hard to see the light when it's so far away...

Today feels like a culmination of all of the shitty things that have been going on in my life recently. Sephira got sick like a week ago and in turn got Finn, Haleigh and myself sick too. Finn and Haleigh came over this morning and the 4 of us opened presents. It was nice. But here I am, by myself at 7pm feeling like garbage and needing to clean my ( Read more... )

We're in such a shitty place right now. Every time i try to talk to her about how i feel it just fucks things up worse. That's not at all what i want. I just want to love and feel loved again. I'm so fucking lonely and sad now... It seems all she wants to do is be mad at me and find reasons to be mad at me...

My fucking heart... It feels like i don't even have the opportunity to make it right. So much love to give and nothing being returned... How can she just be so ready to throw all of this away?

Millions of emotions harbored deep inside
Cause a rift unto this, the tide is quick to rise.
The force with which we have come to
This emotion genocide
Has brought me to my knees
My thoughts can only cry.
The path in which we carried on
No longer has a sign
To carry on with fission trips
Will cause us to go blind.
No matter how we might bestow
Our troubles ( Read more... )

I mostly just vent in my head these days. I often forget i have a livejournal.

Felt mansion is nice, but expensive and far away. It turns out that finding the perfect venue is difficult. I hope we come to a decision soon.