Fic: The Forsaken (Charles/Eloise)

[elliotsmelliot]

Title: The Forsaken (5/6)
Characters: Charles/Eloise, Richard, Daniel, Ben, Sawyer, Juliet, Penny, Desmond
Disclaimer: Lost is not mine. Seriously? Seriously.
Rating: PG13
Words: 8000
Spoilers: Up to The Incident
Summary: It starts and ends with a prophecy, but there’s really nothing divine about the mess Charles and Eloise made over the course of

Comments

[elliotsmelliot]

Ahhhhhhhhh, in return. Your comment is so epic! It is the type of comment that makes all this worthwhile. Thank you for being so considerate and crazy and loving with your feedback.

I would think Richard had a plan of his own.

Maybe. To be honest I really did not think about what his agenda could be. I just needed something/someone to explain Eloise's mind changing about how to raise Daniel in The Variable. I could see Richard having some tenderness toward seeing a young man killed, but if I had to answer, I think he just wants to know more about time travel.

I really struggled with understanding why Eloise would send Daniel on quick path to death. To me her Plan A was safer, but I've presented her as very risky all along. So even though I see it being more plausible to read her actions as either having given up on the possibility of course correction or perhaps even using Daniel, I needed to give her more humanity here. I am not good at writing bad ass characters. I always make them a least a little good.

I love how you always

[valhalla37]

I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off -- so I'll be back to properly comment later -- but this is so good. So, so, so, so good. I now want to see an entire new series on Young!Dan's adventures in composing music and navigating his family's mysterious past and visiting the zoo. ;D

[valhalla37]

Aaaand, I'm back

[elliotsmelliot]

Thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed feedback during your busy day. That really means a lot to me. Just knowing you read and liked it is enough, but to have such detailed and enthusiastic feedback makes the writing process much less lonely.

This is actually my first direct Daniel POV, and I had to go and chose a time period to write him when he had yet to grow into his adult mannerisms and familiar characteristics. So it is especially rewarding to feel you actually thought this was a fitting piece and characterization of him. It was fun to imagine the world through, if not the-Dan-we-know's eyes, than Eloise's son.

I am trying to think the best of Charles and Eloise here, even though I really believe that, leaving out Daniel's murder, they were really poor parents, selfish at best and genocidal at worst. Still, it is nice to know I have made you feel some sympathy for the greater of the two evils, Charles.

That that would be Eloise's one request of Richard just kills me.I'm glad the shipper in you liked that detail

[op_de_radio]

I just read parts I-V and I've got to say that this is fucking amazing. Extremely well written.
I'm so happy someone is writing Eloise/Charles; they certainly intrigued me from the very beginning.
You really caught their personalities perfectly.
I also love it because Eloise is one of my very favorite characters on LOST. She's such an elaborate character; I'm ecstatic that they dove into her back story this season!

I really loved the whole bit with Daniel as a child. I could imagine little Daniel scaling a tree to eavesdrop.
Keep up the awesome work! I can't wait for the next chapter.

[elliotsmelliot]

Wow! Thanks for this great comment. It is exciting to think someone read this all in one sitting. Charles and Eloise are really fun to figure out. I have had lots of fun writing this series, even though at times trying to get inside their heads has been a challenge.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I hope you like the last chapter. It probably won't be posted for two weeks.

[sedauny]

So, is Daniel Eloise's magnum opus, or is Eloise and Richard's magnum opus? I won't count Charles, or I might have to slap him for Penny's sake. (Maybe I should slap him, for Penny's sake, just because

[elliotsmelliot]

Thanks for this detailed comment. It is always a pleasure to know what goes on inside your head while you read. I was quite nervous about young Daniel's characterization, so I am pleased it worked for you.

In terms of Magnum Opus, it was Eloise's way of thinking Daniel was Charles's greatest accomplishment. Good catch about my geography mistake with the eastern seaboard. I had not realized Essex was that near the shore. Then Daniel probably has caught a glimpse, though not with his mother who is steadfastly avoiding beaches/oceans etc. Is the Chiang book a novel?

Thank you so much for following this to the near end. I hope it will be a worthwhile journey for you.

[sedauny]

It's been a very worthwhile read for me so far, and I don't think the ending will let me down.

I hadn't thought about Eloise avoiding oceans--that seems appropriate for her, and of course Dan would pick up on her unease.

The Chiang story is a novella, and from what I read it won the Nebula award a few years ago. I meant to track it back down today and let the book it was in "accidently" fall on the photocopier a few times. I'll try to remember that tomorrow, or maybe I'll check and see if I can find it reprinted in something cheap, because I want to read it again, but maybe not keep it around forever. I wonder if my public library has the Nebula serial?

[elliotsmelliot]

Thanks for the info. I don't read much sci-fi, but this sounds promising. Good luck "finding" a copy!