And the Next Chapter Begins

[elless18]

Title: And the Next Chapter Begins
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: R for some swearing and boy touching
Word Count: 9500
Disclaimer: I can only fantasize that this is really going on. Alas, it's not. Unless it is, and if so, I want photographic evidence, dammit!
Summary: A look at the boys' lives after Supernatural ends.
A/N 1: This is for hd_obsession who's wanted the boys-as-daddies fic for awhile now, and I kept teasing her with this. Hope you like it, hon! :D
A/N 2: Thanks as always to rain388 for being the bestest EVER. *kisses*
A/N 3: Don't ask me how this is our story turned into a whole huge verse. It's not essential that you read that story first, but it's short and schmoopy and I think you should anyway. :)

Three months after Supernatural ends, neither of them have talked about what they’re doing now or even looked at any scripts. Jared’s too busy catching up on sleep and enjoying hanging around the house all day doing nothing with Jensen. And maybe ignoring the subject. He figures Jensen’s doing the same thing, because he gets this look on his face sometimes, like he wants to say something but changes his mind at the last second. Jared knows, even though no one’s said it in so many words, that his future is tangled up with Jensen’s, one way or another they’ll be together. That’s never been a question. It’s the where and the when and how much time they’ll actually get to spend together and the uncertainty of it all that worries Jared. They’ve had five seasons of being costars and best friends and boyfriends, of getting to know each other and sometimes learning too much, of always being a phone call and a short drive away, and Jared wants to hang onto that forever. He doesn’t want to contemplate an everyday without Jensen in it.

So for three months, he sleeps in late, wakes Jensen up with a slow, lazy kiss or a firm hand around his hardening erection, and the first thing he tastes is Jensen’s tongue on his, the first thing he feels is Jensen’s sleepy smile against his lips. He takes the dogs for a run while Jensen lies in bed, trying to wake up fully. Jared drags Jensen into the shower once he gets home, and sometimes they actually manage to get clean. After that, they don’t plan anything else. They watch TV or read or attempt to cook new recipes or whatever the hell they feel like doing. And, a lot of times, they tumble back into bed, curtains still closed and phones off, and Jared relearns Jensen’s body, explores all the tiny details he loves for hours. Then Jensen flips them over and pays him back, excruciatingly slowly. Those are his favorite days.

It eats at him, though, the not knowing exactly where they stand and what’s gonna happen next for them and where their careers will take them, this constantly nagging thought at the back of his mind that he can’t completely ignore. He wishes he could focus on this uninterrupted time with Jensen, but he’s never been very good at that kind of thing.

They’re sitting on the living room floor, backs to the couch as they play Madden, when Jared finally breaks down and brings it up, throwing out a casual “So, got any auditions lined up?”

Jensen frowns and stares straight ahead, hands moving furiously on the controller. “Nah, haven’t found anything good. You?” he asks, voice strained.

“No, not yet. Not sure I want to right away. It feels good to take a break,” he admits quietly. They’ve been going nonstop since Supernatural started, and they do deserve a break for awhile. And he’s just worn out.

“Yeah. But we’ll need to eventually, though. Go back to LA and do the Hollywood thing again.” He sounds less than enthused about the idea.

“Or we could stay here and get married,” Jared suggests teasingly, bumping his shoulder into Jensen’s. Jensen turns to look at him then, eyes wide and mouth dropped open in surprise, and Jared realizes that what he meant as a joke is suddenly serious and really scary.

“Jared,” Jensen murmurs, recovering somewhat to angle his body toward him, their game loud and forgotten on the big screen in the background.

He panics for about two seconds, then it hits him just how much he does want to stay in Vancouver and marry Jensen and adopt babies with him and never, ever do the Hollywood thing if they can help it. He swallows nervously. The last time he proposed to someone, it hadn’t exactly ended the way he expected, and the last thing he wants is to lose Jensen by pushing him into something he’s not ready for. Jensen’s still looking at him expectantly, though, so he tamps down on his nervousness and blurts, “What do you think? About marrying me, I mean?”

Jensen smiles slowly, eyes crinkling at the corners, and cups the side of Jared’s neck. “Thought you’d never ask.”

Jared gapes at him stupidly for a moment till Jensen smirks at him, then he whoops excitedly and knocks Jensen on his back onto the floor, kissing him hard and messy. He’s gonna have a rug burn on his elbow and he’s kneeling on one of the Playstation controllers and he might’ve hit his head on the coffee table, but Jensen’s hands tighten in his hair and Jensen rocks his hips up against him and sucks on his tongue and everything is just how it’s always been between them- easy and perfect.

Jared’s nervous on their wedding day. More precisely, he’s shaking like a leaf and about two seconds away from throwing up again. It’d been fun up till now, telling their families and everyone, celebrating the engagement with lots of nakedness, sitting back and letting their mamas plan the whole thing. Now it’s real, though. It’s about to happen, and Jared has butterflies the size of kittens rolling around in his stomach. He doesn’t have cold feet or regret asking Jensen to marry him, but this is a big step and the best day of his life. He doesn’t want to fuck anything up. He wants it perfect, for Jensen.

“Jesus Christ, would you quit squirming? I’m gonna choke you, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want that,” Chad grumbles as he tries to do up Jared’s bowtie.

“Sorry,” he says for about the 50th time. He wonders how Chad’s put up with him all day.

Chad rolls his eyes at him and steps back, tie finally done. “Whatever, dude.”

They look up as the door opens and Jared’s brother ducks in. “I have a message from your boy, Jared,” Jeff tells him, smirking.

Jared grins, a little calmer simply from the mention of Jensen. “Yeah?”

“He says to calm the fuck down and he can’t wait to marry your gigantic, dorky ass.”

“He said that?”

Jeff waves his hand, then smoothes down the lapels of Jared’s jacket. “I may have taken some liberties with the exact words. Come on, let’s go get you married.”

That sets the butterflies off again, and he takes a deep breath to stop his nerves from jangling.

They’d had a friend rent a hall for them, ostensibly for a birthday party, to throw the press off the scent. It was bad enough when an inadvertent comment during an interview accidentally outed them during the hiatus between the fourth and last seasons. It could’ve been worse. He’s grateful they’re not bigger, more well-known celebrities. They were in the tabloids for a couple months, got their share of hate mail, and Jared got dropped from a film project for “budgetary” reasons, but the whole thing died down pretty quickly. Yeah, it could’ve been worse, but that doesn’t mean they want Us Weekly and a few thousand fangirls to show up to their wedding.

Their mamas outdid themselves on the decorations. Everything looks great, beautiful and tasteful without being over-the-top like he feared. If he didn’t know better, he’d swear they were in Texas, not in a small hall in the middle of frozen Vancouver. They put this together fairly quickly, despite their mamas protests that less than five months isn’t long enough to organize a wedding. Jensen wanted to keep everything small and private, though, and Jared agreed with him. He might’ve once dreamed of a big Texas wedding with half of San Antonio there, but his dreams shifted and changed when he started dating Jensen. He couldn’t imagine it any other way now. They’re having a big reception down in Dallas for their families in a couple weeks, after the honeymoon, so it all works out.

His heart kicks up a beat the closer they get to the main room, and he wipes his sweaty palms on his pants legs. They discussed whether or not to walk down the aisle, whether to even have an aisle, and how traditional they wanted the vows and everything, and finally decided to kinda wing it. They adapted vows to fit them, adding in their own twist to it, and nixed the aisle thing.

When he, Chad, and Jeff enter the room, Jensen’s already standing by the altar with Josh and Mike. He has no idea whose idea it was (he suspects Mike and Chad conspired and isn’t that a scary thought), but all four of their witnesses are wearing pink shirts and gray ties to match their dark charcoal suits. It makes him grin and roll his eyes, quieting the worst of his anxiety. Seeing Jensen helps even more. The smile he flashes at Jared trembles around the edges, but he stands straight and sure beside Josh. It takes effort not to hurry his pace or touch Jensen when he finally reaches him.

“Hi,” he whispers, smiling so big his cheeks hurt.

“Hi,” Jensen mouths back and squeezes his hand.

The minister, a friend of a friend, clears her throat softly, and Jared jumps guiltily. Jensen smirks at him as they turn their attention to her. She smiles and says, “Don’t worry, boys. I’m used to it.”

A murmur of laughter ripples through the hall. Jared blushes and shuffles his feet until Jensen squeezes his hand again. He looks at Jensen then, really taking him in for the first time, and his throat goes dry. Jensen is always gorgeous, whether he’s naked or in jeans and a t-shirt or dog hair-covered sweats, but right now he’s so beautiful Jared’s chest aches. They’re both wearing the same black tuxes, white shirts, midnight blue vests, and blue bowties, but Jensen looks 100 times better in his than Jared does. He barely stops himself from kissing Jensen right there, before the vows and everything else.

Luckily, the minister begins the ceremony then, and before Jared can blink, it’s his turn to recite the vows. His voice shakes, as do his hands in Jensen’s grip, but Jensen hadn’t done much better, so he doesn’t think about it, just smiles over at Jensen and repeats the vows they’d chosen.

“I love you. You are my best friend.
     Today I give myself to you in marriage.
     I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you,
     and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle.
     I promise to love you in good times and in bad,
     when life seems easy and when it seems hard,
     when our love is simple, and when it is an effort.
     I promise to love you, and to always hold you in my heart.
     These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life.”

When directed, he breaks away from Jensen’s intense gaze to get the ring from Jeff. It’s a simple gold band, engraved with intertwined J’s and the date, but it seems heavier than its size should warrant. This is it, he thinks, the last step before Jensen’s my husband. His pulse spikes as he rubs the ring laying in his palm. His hands shake even more when Jensen tries to place the ring on his finger, so much it takes him two chances to slide it on. Jared shrugs apologetically, but Jensen simply lifts his hand up to kiss the gold band now there, and it’s unbelievable, but Jared falls in love with him even more in that moment. He slips Jensen’s ring on with much steadier hands after that.

And then it’s the best part, because the minister grins and declares them legally bound in marriage and Jensen’s in his arms, kissing him fiercely, hands cupping his jaw. Jared smiles against Jensen’s mouth, goes for a grand ending, and dips him. Jensen sputters as Jared rights them, gripping his sleeves to stay balanced.

“Asshole,” he mutters in Jared’s ear, low but laced with laughter.

“But you love me anyway,” Jared replies, palming the back of his neck.

“God only knows why.”

Jensen rolls his eyes, but he’s already moving back in, separating the short distance between them to tug Jared in for another kiss.

They’re snuggled on the couch, lights on low and TV on for background noise, when Jared nuzzles into his neck and whispers, “I wanna have a baby with you.”

Jensen’s first instinct is to go for the joke, to make a crude comment to cover for the odd swoopy feeling in his gut. But Jared’s serious; he can tell by tremulous quality to his voice and slightly uneven breathing, and he just can’t tease him at a moment like this. “You sure?” he asks instead, sliding a hand up Jared’s back to curl around his neck.

“Yeah. I know we’ve only been married a couple months and we’re still newlyweds and everything, but I’m ready to be a daddy, as long as you are, ‘cause I don’t want to force you into anything, but I really want this.”

“Okay,” he says once Jared stops rambling.

“Okay? Really?” Jared twists around to stare at him, a hopeful expression on his face.

“Yeah.” It’s not something he ever really gave much thought, except in an offhand, maybe someday way, so he’s surprised by how much he does want it, how much he wants to start a family with Jared. He knew from the moment Jared introduced himself all those years ago with a dimpled smile and huge hug that Jared would change his life. He never would’ve guessed this, though, not at all.

Jensen smiles at the look of joy on Jared’s face, then grunts as Jared bowls him over, pinning him to the couch with his knees and raining kisses all over his face amid a litany of “I love you’s.” He sinks his hands into Jared’s thick hair and licks into his mouth, pulling Jared down to settle on top of him.

Much later, when they’re both boneless and sated and sleepy, Jared rolls off the couch, still bare-ass naked, and returns with a pile of brochures and packets. He dumps them on Jensen’s lap and sits down next to him, suddenly shy and quiet. It’s mostly from various adoption agencies, but there are a few things about surrogates and egg donors and other options. He flips through a few before glancing up at Jared.

“How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Since we got engaged?” He shrugs sheepishly and ducks his head, but looks up when Jensen nudges his shoulder. His eyes are bright and shining, his cheeks flushed pink, and Jensen’s heart clenches with sudden, overwhelming love.

They spend some time going through everything, but there’s something wrong about reading brochures about egg donors when you’re both naked. It’s late, and Jensen’s mind is still hazy from the sex earlier, so Jared carefully stacks everything on the coffee table, whistles for the dogs to follow them, and gently leads Jensen upstairs to their bedroom. He’s just about to tip over the edge to unconsciousness when Jared presses a kiss to his temple and curls around him, murmuring “I love you” in this soft, awe-filled voice.

Over the next few days, they talk about it a lot and narrow down their choices. They decide to adopt and debate which agency is the best for what they want. Jared is beyond excited, restless and anxious with it, bouncy and super annoying, because he won’t stop talking about it. Jensen has other things on his mind, like finding jobs to pay the bills so they can afford to have a baby, and Jared’s constant switching of the topic back to adoption agencies grates on his nerves. They get into their first fight as a married couple because of it, but the make up sex on the kitchen floor is incredible, though it’s messy and leaves them both covered in bite marks and bruises.

In the end, they choose an agency that suits them and start the process. Jensen feels nauseous the day they fill out the paperwork, and Jared sticks close to him the whole time, clutching his hand and flashing him a trembling half-smile every once in awhile. It’s crazy and scary and maybe too soon and awesome and one of the best days of his life. They sign a book’s worth of papers and have home inspections from their social worker, take daddy-to-be classes and CPR, listen to all their friends and family, who suddenly have the best parental advice, and wait. And wait.

Jared gets a part in a Bruckheimer/Hanks project without even trying, proving that it’s who you know in Hollywood. It’s an ensemble period piece, set during the Cold War, and Jared’s ridiculously good as an FBI agent questioning whether he’s doing the right thing. They shoot in New York and DC for almost two months, leaving Jensen at loose ends in Vancouver. He becomes slightly obsessed with walking the dogs and perfecting his mama’s fried chicken recipe (He never tells Jared about the three pans he absolutely ruins.). Jared calls every night, and they talk about all sorts of things, except how miserable Jensen is without him. He knows Jared gets it, even if he never says it.

He doesn’t spend all his time twiddling his thumbs and moping, despite what Mike claims. He makes the rounds, doing some guest spots for a couple of the shows that film in Vancouver. It’s not ideal, maybe, but it’s work and he has a good time. Right before Jared comes home, he films a pilot for the fall. He’s not the lead or even the second lead, but there’s the potential for his character to be recurring. Even though it’s not like working with Jared (nothing will ever compare to that) his cast mates are pretty awesome, and he knows quite a few of the crew from Supernatural, which makes it easier. After five years of the hard grind of Supernatural, he’s more than happy to sit back and let someone else carry the show.

Jared comes back from DC high off working with Tom Hanks, and Jensen’s just glad he’s home. He doesn’t have another job lined up for awhile, so he talks to someone Kim knows about teaching some acting classes at the local community center between films.

“It’s never something I considered, but it’s fun,” he says one night while they get ready for bed. “Weird, though, too. They have these eager little faces, all looking to me to guide them, and I just- I don’t wanna screw them up.”

Jensen smiles, crawling across the bed to where Jared’s standing by the side, forgotten sock in his hand. “You won’t, Jay.”

“I could.”

“You won’t,” he repeats and swallows Jared’s next protest with his mouth. Jared drops the sock, pressing Jensen back into the covers with a dimpled grin and suggestive roll of his hips. Jensen’s not sure, really, how good of an acting teacher Jared will be, but he knows Jared is good at this.

Over the summer, Jensen works sporadically, thinks about doing some theatre, which Jared encourages, and watches Jared leave several times for auditions in LA. He goes with him the first time, but the other ones stupidly interfere with the few guest spots he has.

His mama and sister visit at the end of June, and Jensen doesn’t admit how happy he is to see them. The four of them play tourist for a week, since he and Jared were always working too much to really explore Vancouver before. It honestly is a beautiful place, and taking the time to see it this way makes him glad they didn’t move back to LA.

He takes his mama and Mac out to lunch a couple days before they go back home. Jared’s at his acting class that day, so it’s just the three of them. When the thing with Jared first started, after that first tentative kiss and awkward conversation about what they both wanted, they agreed not to tell anybody (for the usual reasons of career, show, and not expecting friends or family to get it when they didn’t understand it completely themselves). It was Mac that first noticed Jared standing too close to him and subtly trying to touch his hand under the table, the first to say something, and the first to tell them congratulations and welcome Jared into their crazy family (even though they’d only been dating for a short time and the future wasn’t something they ever really talked about). He’s never found a way to properly thank her for that, for her acceptance and love and unwavering support when things got bad after that stupid article outed them. They may tease each other unmercifully, but he couldn’t ask for a better sister.

The conversation inevitably turns to kids, and Jensen can’t think of a way to divert his mama’s question when she asks if they’ve heard from the adoption agency. “Not for awhile,” he answers, shrugging. It’s a sticking point between he and Jared sometimes, causing arguments and dumb fights, but they’ve learned to let it go. Mostly.

“I’m sure it’ll happen soon,” Mac assures him, smiling and patting his hand. He just shrugs again.

“Having a baby is the most frustrating, amazing thing you’ll ever do,” his mama says, smiling wistfully. “But you can’t force it. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to, Jensen, and not a moment sooner.”

As she kisses his cheek, he flashes her a grateful smile, then picks his fork back up.

She’s right, too. It’s not until he stops thinking about it that the agency calls to tell them there’s a day-old baby boy for them, if they’re still interested.

Jared lights up like Christmas came early. He grabs Jensen in a hug and kisses him hard, grinning, and Jensen kisses him back. Then they freak out.

“Shit, Jen! We’re not ready! We don’t have anything!” Jared exclaims, eyes wide and unfocused. “We need a crib and clothes and diapers and blankets! And a car seat! And-”

“Dude, calm down. We have a couple days before we need to panic. It’ll be okay.” Jared looks at him as if he’s grown an extra head, and he smiles softly. “Come here.” He takes Jared’s hands and pulls him onto the couch, wrapping his arms around Jared’s shaking body and kissing his temple. “We can hit some stores today, all right? But we don’t need to buy everything right now. The baby won’t notice if we only have the basics.”

“Okay,” Jared murmurs, resting his head on Jensen’s chest and blowing out a breath. Jensen brushes his bangs back and kisses his temple again, and Jared visibly relaxes.

They pick up the essentials- a car seat and crib, onesies and some clothes and lots of diapers. Elena, their social worker, said she’d call with more details about the baby and when they could pick him up, but they don’t hear from her the rest of that day and well into the next. Jensen leaves messages for her, anxious and worried with a similarly-feeling Jared beside him. By the time she returns their calls, Jensen’s going a little crazy.

“I’m so sorry, Jensen,” Elena breathes when he picks up. “I should’ve called sooner, but- God, I am so sorry, Jensen, but she changed her mind.”

“What?” His heart stops beating, then lodges in his throat.

“The mother. That’s why I didn’t get back to you. When it came time to turn the baby over to us, she started having second thoughts. We’ve been working with her for the last couple days, and I’m so sorry, but she decided to keep her baby.”

Jensen hangs up the phone with nerveless fingers and collapses into the closest chair. When he tells Jared what happened, Jared’s whole face falls, and it kills Jensen to see it, to see his beautiful and happy and excited Jared hurt so much. Jared kneels on the floor in front of Jensen’s chair and buries his head in Jensen’s lap, arms snaking around his waist in a tight grip. Jensen runs his hands through Jared’s hair over and over while Jared cries, his own tears falling unnoticed down his cheeks.

Jared’s quiet for the next couple of days, spends a lot of time by himself. Jensen gives him the space, though what he really wants, needs, is Jared here with him. He’s only ever seen Jared this depressed once before, when he broke up with Sandy, and he hates to watch him withdraw like this.

“Hey,” he says quietly, approaching Jared carefully as he sits on the deck steps, staring blankly at the backyard. He settles next to Jared and breathes a little easier when Jared shifts closer to him and lays his head on Jensen’s shoulder. “It just wasn’t the right time, Jay,” he tells him, remembering what his mama said.

Jared snorts against his neck. “That’s bullshit,” Jared replies roughly.

“Hey.” Jensen angles toward him and cups Jared’s face, tilting his chin up when he glares moodily at their feet. “I know you’re hurting, Jay. I am, too. But it’ll happen for us. Maybe not this year or next year, but one day the baby that’s right for us will find us, and we’ll spoil that little boy or little girl with love. We just have to wait for the right time.”

“I thought-” He stops and swallows before continuing. “You really want this, don’t you? I thought you agreed to shut me up or just to make me happy or whatever, but you really do want a baby.”

“Of course, I do. You honestly think I’d agree to be someone’s daddy if I wasn’t ready, just to make you happy?”

Shrugging, he smiles slightly. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Jared.” He shakes his head and gently presses a kiss to Jared’s mouth. “I love you. You’re crazy sometimes, but I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Jared murmurs and bends his head to kiss him, soft and sweet, until their hearts beat in tandem.

It’s better after that. Jared seems easier now that he knows Jensen shares his grief, and they work on healing together. But it’s not even two weeks later when Elena calls again to tell them about another possibility. Jared’s at his acting class again that day, and Jensen almost doesn’t want to tell him, doesn’t want to get his hopes up again and watch him fall apart. But he does. They’re cautiously optimistic when they meet with the birth mother. It’s an open adoption this time. Jensen’s not sure it’s better this way, to face the woman that holds their future in her hands. She’s young and alone and scared, but she likes them. It feels too good to be true when Kelly chooses them, and Jensen can’t trust it, not till he holds that baby in his arms and everything is official.

“Why us? I mean, out of all the couples, why choose us?” he asks her after the end of their fifth and final visit. Jared’s off talking to Elena, leaving him alone with Kelly for the first time.

“Because it’s obvious how much you love each other, and you take care of each other. I know you’ll do the same for my baby,” she answers softly, smiling.

Jensen can’t think of anything to say to that. How do you thank someone for something like this? So he just smiles and squeezes her hand.

Saying Jared is kinda nervous the day Kelly goes into labor is like saying the ocean is kinda deep. He’s nervous for Kelly and the baby, but also worried that she’ll change her mind once the baby’s born. He doesn’t think he could handle that again. They were devastated last time, and he can’t go through it again. He knows he’s annoying Jensen, and even the dogs are stepping warily around him today, but this a big deal, the biggest thing he’s ever done. Marrying Jensen was huge, yes, but this is taking responsibility for a new life, agreeing to raise them, to provide for and protect them, for the rest of their lives. So, yeah, he’s kinda nervous.

They wait all day for news, but nothing happens before they go to bed. The ringing phone wakes them up around 5 a.m. Jensen fumbles to reach it, flailing his arm across Jared’s chest and nearly knocking it down, then grunting a hello once he picks it up. He bolts upright in bed and smacks Jared on the arm.

“Wha? Go way,” he mumbles, rolling over to bury his head in the pillow.

“It’s a girl!” Jensen shouts, tugging on his t-shirt.

“Wha’s a girl?”

“The baby, you idiot. Come on, Jared, wake up! Elena said we can go see our daughter now!”

Our daughter. That penetrates his sleep-fuzzy brain more than anything else does, and he lets Jensen haul him out of bed and toward the closet in a haze of disbelief. Our daughter. He’s had a few weeks to get used to impending fatherhood, but right now it feels too incredible, too amazing, too scary.

He wakes up more on the drive to the hospital, enough for the nerves to set in once more. Jensen has a white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel, and Jared reaches over to caress his cheek. Leaning into the touch, Jensen smiles at him. He rides the rest of the way with his hand on Jensen’s thigh.

The maternity ward is quiet and empty when they step off the elevator. Elena meets them with a smile and a hug, then motions for them to follow her. There are other newborns in the nursery- three girls and four boys, with another smaller boy in an incubator off to the side- but Jared knows right away which one is theirs. Wrapped in the customary pink blanket, a white cap barely covers her blonde curls, and she’s sucking on the tip of her thumb. Jared presses his nose to the glass, trying to get closer, and feels Jensen trembling against his side.

“Do you wanna hold her?” Elena asks.

Jared turns his head to look back at her. “Can we?” At her nod, Jared murmurs, “Yes. Please.”

Jensen nudges him forward at the nurse’s amused “Who first?” Jared sends him a tremulous, grateful smile as he sits in the rocker and the nurse places the baby in his arms. She’s so tiny, much smaller than she seemed in the bassinette, and he’s afraid he might break this precious little miracle. She practically fits in one of his palms. He gently cups the back of her head and lightly traces over her softly smooth skin with a fingertip.

“She’s beautiful,” Jensen whispers, settling on the footrest and moving it closer. Reaching out, he holds her tiny fist, caressing the dimples in her knuckles.

“She’s ours,” he answers quietly and looks up to meet Jensen’s gaze, a kaleidoscope of emotions racing through his eyes. Bending down, he curls a hand in Jensen’s shirt and pulls him into a kiss. Jensen smiles against his mouth and leans in closer.

Elena eventually interrupts them by clearing her throat. “I need to go, guys. I’ll be back tomorrow morning at 9. Be here to sign some papers and then you can take her home.”

“Thank you,” he says seriously, and Jensen echoes him.

Waving, she nods and smiles. “Congratulations, guys.”

After Elena’s gone, he glances back at Jensen. “You wanna take her, Jen?” Jared doesn’t really want to give her up, but that’s not exactly fair to Jensen.

“Yeah.”

They switch positions with only a little jostling, but the baby just keeps sleeping and sucking her thumb. At the beginning of their relationship, Jared used to do what Jensen referred to as the “creepy stalker thing” and watch Jensen sleep. They were new, and he couldn’t believe that it wasn’t a dream he’d wake up from, so he’d watch Jensen, loose and uninhibited in sleep, and catalogue every feature, every small noise or twitch. He can already imagine himself doing that for hours with the baby. It amazes him how he can love her so much, when it’s been such a short time, but he sees that same love shining in Jensen’s eyes. And the sight of Jensen holding their baby daughter makes his chest ache with too much happiness and love.

“She’s gonna need a name,” he mentions, propping his elbows on his knees and nudging Jensen.

Jensen’s brow furrows in his “thinky face” as he shifts the baby in his arms. They haven’t seriously talked about names yet, just joked around with suggestions like Dean and Sam or nixed names they definitely didn’t like. Jared didn’t want to jinx it by choosing a name ahead of time, but they need to now. She can’t always be baby girl Padalecki-Ackles (though until tomorrow, she has Kelly’s last name).

“How about Ella?” Jensen suggests after a minute.

“I like it.” Smiling, he kisses the baby’s forehead. “What do you think, Ella?” She scrunches up her nose, and if you tilt your head just right, it looks enough like a smile.

“I think she likes it, too.”

They grin stupidly at each other, and Jared can’t remember ever being this happy or anything feeling this right.

Jared’s amazed at how easily Ella slides into their lives. Not that it isn’t hard sometimes. She spends the first week waking up every hour, completely starving or with a wet diaper or just inconsolable until one of them paces the floor with her tucked over their hearts. But she just fits, like they were all just waiting for each other. And he may be a little loopy from lack of sleep.

Their families give them a few days to settle in, but there’s no keeping their mamas away from their granddaughter for long. Jared watches them coo over Ella and good-naturedly argue over who gets to hold her, and he honestly can’t contain the manic grin of pure happiness on his face. He stops in the doorway to the kitchen and leans against the jamb, so freaking happy he wants to dance or something. Jensen comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on Jared’s shoulder.

“Hey,” he says, linking his fingers with the hand Jensen’s lightly rubbing over his stomach.

“So, what do you think? Should we keep her?” Jensen asks, and Jared snorts.

“We’ll be lucky to get her away from our mamas.” Jensen nuzzles his neck, and he turns into it, humming softly. He wants to say something sappy or something profound to commemorate this moment, but he’s too tired to think of anything that makes sense. And really, Jensen holding him like this and listening to their parents fussing happily over Ella is enough. He can’t quite believe it’s happening and keeps expecting to wake up from a dream, but he’ll enjoy the ride as long as he can.

Ella decides she’s had enough attention and starts protesting, loudly. Jared knows he’s totally far gone for this little girl when he finds her crying adorable. Jensen slips away from him to retrieve a bottle, the reason they were in the kitchen to begin with, then heads to the living room. He smiles at Jared’s dad when he passes Ella to him, giving her the bottle with one hand while placing the burp cloth over his shoulder with the other. It’s natural, easy, as if they’ve been doing this for years, and the absolutely content look on his face as he gazes down at Ella just melts Jared into a squishy pile of goo. Of all the roles Jensen’s played, Jared thinks “daddy” fits him best.

Their parents stay for a week or so, thoroughly spoiling Ella and helping ease them into this next phase of their lives. They’re doing pretty well actually, but that doesn’t stop Jared from freaking out at every little thing. He calls his mama a lot in the first month, mostly to reassure himself that Ella’s normal and doing what all babies do, and he knows he’s probably annoying her, but she never acts like it. She seems excited to share all this with him and tells him several stories from his childhood that he never heard before. Or if he did, he didn’t appreciate them in the same way, since he can relate to her more now.

The first time he goes to LA, for some promo work and a couple auditions, it kills him to leave Ella and Jensen. He can’t get home quick enough. It’s one of the few times he regrets staying in Vancouver, but when he walks in the door and tracks Jensen down in the nursery, everything just kinda slips off his shoulders. Jensen’s sitting in the rocking chair Jared insisted they buy, Ella cradled in his arms. She’s mostly asleep, rousing every once in awhile to suck valiantly at her bottle before dropping off completely. The dogs both lie at Jensen’s feet, Harley sitting up expectantly when Jared comes in the room. It’s like a damn Rockwell painting or something, and Jared snaps a mental picture, keeping this close for the next time he has to leave, in a couple weeks for a meeting with the producers if his audition went well.

Jensen flashes him an exhausted smile, but his eyes light up and he melts into Jared’s kiss. “Welcome home,” he murmurs, curling his hand into Jared’s collar to pull him into another longer and more heated kiss.

They put Ella to bed and go to their own room and tap into some previously unknown energy reserves for a proper homecoming. Jared digs his fingers into Jensen’s hips and holds on tight, burying his nose in Jensen’s collarbone and wondering how his life got so fucking perfect.

Bath time is Jared's time. They've worked out a routine where Jensen puts Ella to bed and does the 2 a.m. feedings, and Jared gets her up in the morning. Sometimes, it overlaps. They'll help each other or switch or whatever. But bath time is always his alone time with Ella. She's not crazy about the actual cleaning part, even though he's careful about not getting water or soap in her eyes and making sure the water is the right temperature. She loves splashing the water, though, kicking her little feet and pounding her fists so the water sprays up and hits Jared. She has good aim for being so young and often gets him right in the eye or, once, in the mouth. Dirty bathwater? Pretty disgusting.

They bought this special seat for the tub so Ella stays mostly out of the water and won't drown, as long as Jared keeps an eye on her. He kneels beside the tub, hunched over and regretting all those years of slamming into walls on Supernatural, and lets her play for a few minutes before grabbing the baby soap. When they first started dating, he never really thought he and Jensen would have baby stuff crammed right next to all their things, never thought it would make him smile stupidly to see Ella's bottles crowded next to all of Jensen's coffee mugs in the cupboard, never thought he'd like having more toys than anything else strewn across the living room, never thought he'd love it so much. He's so domestic now it's crazy, and he doesn't care. He'd gladly put aside his career and stay home with Ella full-time, but Jensen feels the same way. One of them needs to work for a living. It's his turn right now, but not forever. That was one thing he and Jensen agreed on before they filled out the adoption paperwork.

He talks to Ella the whole time, telling her about his day, whether he actually filmed something or taught his acting class at the community center. He has some crazy students, and they always provide him with amusing stories. It doesn't really matter what he says to her. He thinks it's important that she knows his voice, because he is gone a lot. Too much. His agent is single, 20-something, and focused on her career. She doesn't understand Jared not wanting to be away from home and simply sends him good scripts, regardless of shooting locations. It's okay, though. At least Ella has Jensen when he's gone and not a nanny.

Sadie wanders in and plops down by his feet, tail wagging. She, much more than Harley, watches out for Ella. Harley just wants to play. They worked with the dogs before Ella came home to get them used to a baby, but Harley just sees another human that should pet him and throw his ball for him. Jared's lost track of how many times Harley's dropped the ball by Ella. Sadie, on the other hand, stands guard outside her door when she's sleeping and whines when Ella needs something. It's almost as if she's taken on a mothering role.

Ella squeals and kicks enthusiastically, spraying Jared right in the face. Sputtering, he sits back, wiping the water off with his shoulder.

“All right, baby girl. I think bath time is over.”

He lifts her out gently and wraps her in a towel, then carries her to her room. Setting her on the changing table, he blows raspberries onto her stomach, and she giggles. There's nothing in the world better than hearing his little girl laugh, even if Jensen teasingly mocks him every time he says it. After he dresses her in her favorite ducky pajamas (okay, his favorite ducky pajamas), he goes to look for Jensen. He's half-asleep on the couch, book on his chest and glasses slipping down his nose.

“Hey, old man, wake up,” Jared murmurs, kissing Jensen lightly and moving the book onto the end table.

“I'm awake,” Jensen insists, but he yawns on the end of his sentence, belying the statement. He sits up and stretches, then motions for Jared to let him have Ella, placing her on his chest and kissing the top of her head.

They take turns telling her bedtime stories, made up stuff or stories from their past (Jared's fond of telling her Jensen's most embarrassing moments, much to Jensen's disgruntlement.) or sometimes reading one of the many books they bought for her. There's only so many times you can read Dr. Seuss, though, before you go nuts.

“What do you want tonight, Ella?” Jared asks, curling next to Jensen and resting his head on Jensen's shoulder.

Jensen starts out, building on one of their stories about a magical mouse prince that saves the world through cheese, but Jared takes over when Jensen trails off, yawning again. By the time he finishes, Jensen and Ella are both down for the count, and Jared just smiles and holds his family close.

It’s not until Ella turns four-months-old that Jared realizes the significance of her birth date.

He’s sprawled out on the floor in front of their DVD shelves, reorganizing everything with the new ones he got for Christmas (nearly a month ago, but whatever). Jensen’s mostly ignoring him in favor of making faces at Ella as she lies across his lap. It’s their new game. He’ll make faces, and she’ll smile and flail around excitedly. He bends down and pretends to gnaw on her toes, and she squirms away, half rolling over.

“You know when Ella was born, right?” Jared asks suddenly, sounding amazed and slightly shocked.

Jensen rolls his eyes and gives him a “duh” look, but Jared’s too busy studying something in his hands. “Of course I do, man. I’m not that old. I still remember our daughter’s birthday. Right, baby girl?” He kisses her nose, laughing when Ella smooshes his cheeks between her tiny hands.

“September 13th,” Jared says, like it should mean something.

“I know, Jay.”

“No.” He turns around to face the couch, shifting into a cross-legged position and waving the DVD case in his hands. “September 13th is the day Supernatural premiered, Jensen.”

“Huh.”

It’s kinda creepy how several of the crew’s kids have been born on dates tied to Supernatural, but Jensen thinks its also pretty cool. He wouldn’t have any of this- Jared, Ella, the house and the dogs, this whole fucking life- if not for that show. He’d get down on his knees and kiss Kripke’s feet to thank him for it all, if that wasn’t so weird or disgusting.

Jared crawls over on his knees and places a hand on either side of Jensen’s thighs. “It was fate, huh, Ella?”

She answers by scrunching up her nose and popping her thumb in her mouth. Chuckling, Jared kisses the top of her head, then crowds in close to Jensen to press their lips together, gentle and sweet. It’s incredible how, after all this time, kissing Jared still sends a thrill through him, just like the very first time. He can’t see that ever going away.

At the end of the month, they celebrate their one year anniversary. Jensen can hardly believe it’s been a year already. So much has changed, but the important things, Jared and his love, have remained constant. Following traditional wedding anniversary gifts, Jared gives him a stack of magazines (“It’s paper, right?”), which is okay, because Jensen gives him that morning’s newspaper. Jared clutches it to his chest like it’s the best present he’s ever gotten, swooning dramatically.

“You are such a dork,” Jensen tells him fondly, rolling his eyes.

“But you love me anyway,” Jared singsongs, grinning brightly.

“Yeah. Most of the time I do.”

Jared tosses the newspaper aside with a growl and rolls onto Jensen’s side of the bed, pinning him to the mattress with his knees and elbows. When they come up for air, panting and clothes even more disheveled than before, Jared smiles down at him.

“Happy anniversary, Jen,” he says softly. He slides his nose alongside Jensen’s and, reaching blindly to the nightstand, places a box on Jensen’s chest.

It’s not until several minutes later that Jared lets him up enough to open it. After thanking him, Jensen hops off the bed and digs through the closet for Jared’s real present. Jared thanks him with plenty of tongue and a hand down his pants. Of course, that’s when Ella decides to wake up, and Jared stands up with a long groan.

“We’ll finish this later,” Jared declares from the doorway.

“Promise?” Jensen asks, licking his lips and looking up at Jared through his lashes.

“Hate you,” he growls, stopping to adjust himself in his boxers before heading down the hall.

“Love you, too, Jay!” he calls after him and laughs at Jared’s muffled “Shut up, asshole!”

Mike had agreed to come up to watch Ella and give them some alone time, which they haven’t really had since Ella was born. He’s not sure what’s worse, leaving Ella or leaving Ella alone with Mike. Jared drags him out of the house before he can dwell on it too much, though, and it is pretty nice to enjoy a good meal without any interruptions. They haven’t been a real “date” in God knows how long. It’s even better later, when Jared shuts the hotel room door and backs him up until they hit the bed. Jensen swallows Jared’s moans with his mouth and meets every roll of Jared’s hips.

Jensen doesn't know why it always seems like Jared’s leaving him, but it does. He knows it's stupid, that Jared’s just going to the set or to shoot on location or to teach his acting class, but he can't help but worry every time Jared walks out the door. Jared tells him he's overdramatic, rolls his eyes and kisses Jensen’s nose and then leaves, like it's no big deal. Jared never seems to care when Jensen leaves, though that doesn't happen very often. He mostly does guest spots on TV and the occasional bit part in a movie since they adopted Ella, and he doesn't mind that, being the "housewife" while Jared furthers his career, but Jared could at least show some sort of concern or anguish or whatever. But it's not like he needs to worry. He knows Jared would never really leave him or cheat on him or anything, knows Jared loves him and Ella more than anything. There's probably some sort of deep-seated, fear of abandonment issues lurking in his psyche, some forgotten memory of being left at a store as a child or whatever, but he feels what he feels, and Jared should show some sympathy. That's not too much to ask for, right?

All this flashes through Jensen’s mind as he watches Jared finish packing and zip up his suitcase. He's sitting cross-legged on the bed, Ella lying across his legs and kicking her tiny socked feet, and tries hard not to show how upset he is. Jared, though, of course, senses it anyway. He leans over and kisses Jensen softly.

"It's not that long, Jen. I’ll be home before you know it," he says, cupping Jensen’s face in his hand and caressing under his jaw with his thumb. It’s more than he usually gets. Maybe Jared’s finally catching on.

"I know." He bites his lip and drops his head to look at Ella instead, not able to meet Jared’s eyes. She smiles at him, blowing raspberries and giggling. Okay, so he can't feel entirely bad when he has this little miracle in his life.

"I’ll call you everyday."

"You better," he warns.

"You'll get sick of talking to me, Jen, you know it."

"That's true." Ella grabs onto his finger and starts gnawing on it, slobbering all over it and squealing happily.

"Hey." Jared nudges him till he looks up, then smiles. "I’ll be home soon, okay?"

"Yeah."

Jared kisses him again, slower this time, and Jensen doesn't cling to him like he wants to, though it’s hard not to throw his arms around his waist and hold tight. A loud honking outside interrupts them, and Jared groans. "That's the cab. I’ve gotta go." He scoops Ella into his arms, and she burrows into his neck. Jensen’s slightly jealous of his daughter in that moment. "You be good for daddy, baby girl, and take care of him. He's lost without me." Jensen protests, but Jared just grins. Another insistent honk sounds from out front. "I love you," he murmurs, hugging Ella for a moment longer before settling her back on Jensen’s lap.

"Love you, too," Jensen answers. Jared grabs his bags and blows them a kiss, then he's gone. And Jensen kinda doesn't know what to do with himself. Luckily, Ella provides him with something when she scrunches up her nose and starts wailing. Tucking her under his chin, Jensen scoots off the bed and heads to the kitchen for a bottle.

He has to admit, Ella makes Jared’s absences easier. He's able to keep busy this way, doesn't have the time or energy to dwell on it, on how empty and quiet it is without Jared, especially since he took the dogs with him this time. The first time Jared left for any great length after they really got together, Jensen moped so much he annoyed everyone to the point that they wouldn't answer their phones anymore. It's just that he'd gotten so used to having Jared around, the void was overwhelming. Despite what Jared says, Jensen has definitely mellowed since then. And, yeah, Ella helps. She's definitely the best thing to ever happen to them, hands down, no contest, absolutely no doubt about it. He doesn't care if it's sappy or whatever, but he hardly remembers his life before Ella, before his days were filled with diapers and bottles and cuddling with his family on the couch.

"What's she doing?" Jared asks, drawing his attention back to the present. His voice sounds a bit tinny from the speakerphone.

Jensen resituates the cell by Ella’s ear and laughs. "Totally ignoring you and chewing on her fist. I think she's a little young for phone calls, Jay."

"Whatever," Jared mutters. "You doing okay, Jensen?"

"I’m fine. I miss you, but I’m not crying into my pillow every night, dude."

"You sure?" Jared can't hide the laughter in his voice.

"Oh, shut up, asshole." Ella flings her arm out, nearly knocking the phone to the floor, and Jensen barely catches it. She wiggles, her ears turning red, which Jensen recognizes as a precursor to her crying. "I should go. It's almost Ella’s bedtime."

"All right." He sighs, and Jensen’s heart clenches. He knows how it feels to be away from home like this. "G'night, baby girl. Give her a kiss for me, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Jen."

"G'night, Jared. Love you."

"Love you."

It's okay during the day, but at night, he gets lonely. He shouldn't, all the parenting books Jared bought say so, but sometimes he lets Ella sleep in the bed with him, just for a little while. Not when he’s sleeping, but it's nice to have another body next to him, even if Ella’s so tiny she barely takes up any room, the complete opposite of Jared. She smells good, fresh, like baby powder and formula, and she makes these soft slurping noises as she sucks on her thumb, and whatever else happens during his day, Ella is always the best part, makes him forget everything else.

Ella falls asleep on his chest while he's watching TV, an old movie with Audrey Hepburn that he's not really paying attention to, so he carefully stands to put her in her crib. She wakes a little, but settles down when he rubs her tummy and hums. He shuffles to their room after watching her sleep for God knows how long and crawls under the covers, sleeps like the dead till the sun comes up and a big, warm body slips into the bed behind him, enveloping him in a tight embrace. He startles fully awake, nearly tumbling onto the floor in shock.

“Jared?” His voice shakes, squeaks a bit at the end, but he doesn’t really care.

“Who else would it be?” Jared asks, amused, and kisses the back of his neck.

“Jared?” he repeats dumbly.

“Yeah,” he answers. “I told you I was coming home today.”

“That was today?”

“Uh, yeah.” Jensen can’t see his face, but he’s sure Jared’s rolling his eyes.

Jensen lets out a weird, breathy sob and turns in Jared’s arms, grabbing a double handful of his hair to tug him down into a fierce kiss. Curling a hand on the back on his neck, Jared kisses him back just as hard, opening his mouth wide and ignoring their combined bad breath. Jensen presses close so they touch from chest to thigh. When his head spins from lack of oxygen, he forces himself to pull away and buries his nose in Jared’s neck.

“I missed you,” he admits, his words slightly muffled in the smoothness of Jared’s skin.

“I was barely gone three weeks, Jen.”

“I know. Felt like forever.”

Snorting softly, Jared kisses his temple and gently rubs the back of his neck. “You are so overdramatic.”

“I know.” He snuggles even closer, not willing to let even an inch come between them.

“I missed you, too. I hate these long location shoots away from you and Ella. And next time I’m leaving the dogs here. They were so annoying. I think they missed you more than I did.”

“No next time. Can’t stand it.”

“I’m home now, Jen, and I’m not going anywhere for a long time. I promise.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, you think it’s easy for me to be away from you? That I don’t miss you just as much? That I like watching you go off for weeks without me?”

Jensen shrugs noncommittally and stays quiet.

“It rips my fucking heart out. Every time. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“You are so overdramatic,” Jared repeats, soft laughter vibrating through his chest.

“I know.”

“Good thing I love you despite your flaws.”

Jensen pokes him in the side, tickling along his ribs, and Jared squirms, giggling and snorting. After a minute, Jensen stops his assault, confident he’s gotten his point across. Tilting his chin up, he licks into Jared’s mouth, kissing him lazy and slow and deep. It’s just getting interesting when they hear Ella fussing on the baby monitor.

“Duty calls,” Jared murmurs and rolls off the bed, planting a wet kiss to Jensen’s forehead.

Wiping his face on Jared’s pillow, Jensen grins as Jared’s voice comes over the baby monitor, talking and cooing at Ella. His forehead itches from Jared’s spit and he has to pee and the dogs are whining to go out, but right now, Jensen’s life is perfect.