Triggering :(

[ellengirl]

I hate myself. Why am I not only incapable of eating normally, but also of restricting? Today...as i commonly do...I had exercised and not eaten by 3 PM. (with the exception of one sugar-free popsicle) For dinner I had 2,fairly small burritos/taco shells with refried black beans (mmm) cheese (unnecessary...esp bc i want to try veganism to one-up my

Comments

[laskdfj]

Hey I am back and while I think you look great (in you lj icon) remember you need to eat 3500 calories on top of your calories that you need to eat just to stay alive and thats like a thousand something.

so breath, its not about being skinny and its not about the food.

[ellengirl]

thankssss.:)youre very helpful..ill try.

How was mirasol? I know someone there,like I said, Kimberly Andersson? I hope youre doing/feeling much better! Although, i know its not a 'quick fix', or easy by any means!

[laskdfj]

It was a dream. Nothing like real life, but at least I didn't binge or purge the whole time I was there. I met Kimberly I wish I had known that she knew you...what a small world. Kimberly is such a character, I loved her! HA!

I;m struggling with my thoughts but I am not behaving out on food so that's great. My weight freaks me out but all I can do is stick to my food plan because it's not about the food or weight. ***sigh***

One day one hour at a time.

[ellengirl]

Awe, thats just how it was at Renfrew. And while I do think treatment centers can be very helpful, I think it's flawed that they are TOO comfortable..and the real world is a shock upon leaving the safe haven..lol. Yeah, Kimberly was crazy...I didnt get to know her all that well in Philadelphia, but we talk on IM frequently.:)

I can understand the thought struggle...it's an everyday battle! Props for not b/p. I didnt my first time in treatment but had trouble with purging last summer, during my second IP stay. Every day is a struggle and the longest consecutive period I have gone recently without b/p is one day! ick. im not giving up though. you're right, it's really NOT about the food or weight...just how it manifests, i suppose. Welcome home and feel free to reach out for support. I know how hard it is coming right out of tx.