Comments | ellakite: THE REAL LIVEJOURNAL IDOL "FRIENDS AND RIVALS" -- WEEK 10.0

ellakite

THE REAL LIVEJOURNAL IDOL "FRIENDS AND RIVALS" -- WEEK 10.0

Feb 19, 2016 07:39

( TWO LEFT FEET )

real lj idol, realljidol, regret, embarrasment, memories, relationships, embarrassing situations

Comments 29

tonithegreat February 20 2016, 14:28:34 UTC

Dayum. I did not know that diabetes could do that. There is some seriously biting insight in this. And also, "Way to take the Biological Coward prompt as far as it can go!" And also, I think maybe nobody else is as great at the horizontal dancing as your POV dude seems to think, either. And also, I'm not a hugger, but it seems this post calls for virtual hugs and hopes that you aren't actually having to deal with every last bit of that.

rayaso February 20 2016, 18:06:32 UTC

I loved the way this morphed from dancing to "dancing," the difficulty in finding a "dancing" partner, the difficulty in reading "dancing" cues to the advantages of being single. It was a great survey. I wasn't sure if this was fact or fiction -- if it was fact, you have my sympathy for your health problems.

ellakite February 22 2016, 01:15:37 UTC

Well, as stated I refuse to comment on how much of this is non-fiction... but I appreciate your comments and feedback. I will also say that I like surprising my readers, and so I put a lot of effort into figuring out how to go from talking about how I never could dance to how I can no longer "dance". As such, I am very glad to hear that you "loved" that specific aspect of the piece.

Thanks for the feedback!

ellakite February 22 2016, 01:09:35 UTC

Well, as stated I refuse to comment on how much of this is non-fiction... but I appreciate your comments and feedback, as well as the offer of a "hug".

eternal_ot February 20 2016, 18:04:18 UTC

Ha! This was funny...and I am hoping its non-fic throughout. Well written..poor protagonist...I like his sense of humour ;) Good use of the prompt..:)

I think you meant to say you hope this was fiction. ellakite February 21 2016, 01:19:23 UTC

Fiction is false. Non-fiction is true.

Otherwise, I thank you for the comment.

Re: I think you meant to say you hope this was fiction. eternal_ot February 22 2016, 08:44:40 UTC

Opps..my bad..I meant Fiction there..(this is what happens when you read through a phone and have other things going on at home..:P)

halfshellvenus February 20 2016, 20:31:05 UTC

I hope at least some of this is non-fiction, and I'll admit-- I had never heard that about diabetes. Poor circulation, yes-- head to (especially) foot. But not the dying of nerves.

ut due to a number of factors she had almost no free time outside of work to pursue her own personal interests, so she did it vicariously by listening to the exploits of others.
If this was a real person, she is an unusual character. It's so weird I assume that she's definitely real. :O She's probably addicted to the Internet, these days. Less travel time to find out about others' real life exploits.

The girl back in school... I'd never heard of such a ruse, and it is SO rude on the face of it that I can't imagine thinking it was anything other than exactly what it purported to be. I wouldn't feel bad about possibly hurting the girl's feelings. Sometimes honesty is SO much better than manipulation. :(

I think you meant to say "I hope at least some of this is fiction" ellakite February 21 2016, 01:20:46 UTC

Fiction is false. Non-fiction is true.

Otherwise, I thank you for the comment.

Re: I think you meant to say "I hope at least some of this is fiction" halfshellvenus February 21 2016, 01:23:50 UTC

D'OH! Yes, I meant exactly the opposite of what I actually wrote.

I hope some of this (much, if possible), is not actually true.

witchwife February 20 2016, 22:29:09 UTC

Love the additions you made since the last time I read this!

Especially the bit about the woman not smiling at you, but at the stories that let her live vicariously through you. Makes me wonder how often people do that with me!

Also loved this bit: it is only now, decades after the incident, that I realize what that young lady was actually saying: In that era girls were never supposed to ask boys out on dates, but one of the ways that ladies would communicate their interest was by proposing this exact sort of “pretend” dating scenario to the young man they were truly interested in.

While I'm glad that you/your narrator realized that the girl was interested (even if it was too late) this was still so sad. Put a lot of feeling into the entry - this was probably a tough one to write. Well done and welcome back!

ellakite February 22 2016, 01:21:42 UTC

I refuse to comment on how much of the piece is non-fiction... but is sounds like it achieved the emotional impact I was hoping for,

I'm glad to learn the bits of detail I added enhanced the piece for you. I also cut out some details from my first draft that I realized were unnecessary... and the fact that you didn't notice their removal proves that they truly weren't needed.

Thanks so much for your feedback... and I'm glad to be back!

fodschwazzle February 20 2016, 23:00:17 UTC

There is a whole lot of power in this for what it's willing to say. Without deliberately being patronizing, I'd like to say that this is a brave piece. That last line is a phenomenal way to wrap it up, too.

I do think that people suffer more from the idea that they should be dancing than they suffer from the power of some musical rhythm. Gendered mores are quite an imposition. Excellent piece.

ellakite February 22 2016, 01:30:49 UTC

It sounds like my piece rendered the emotional impact I was hoping for... and perhaps even more than I thought.

Again, without commenting on how much of this piece was non-fiction, it elegantly and subtly examines the issue of how a culture pressures individuals to conform to a set of standards... and anyone who does not fall in step is considered to be "eccentric" at best and possibly flawed. I'm rather proud of how nicely I did that..

Thanks for the feedback!