They were not from Caldonia, what need had they to learn the tongue? Petra had the quick wit of the young and clever, and Odette’s family made their with their words.
Odette's family made their what with their words? Fortune? Livelihood? Some sort of noun would be good. ;)
The sun worshipers are mixing dogma with politics and the moon worshi-pers are mixing manipulation with revolution, and who can tell what Sundabar's exiled gods are up to. Probably egging Isis on while they poke their fingers into the Eater of World's different jail cells.”
You need another p rather than a dash
Also, maybe I missed it, but why was Tae good at swordwork?
I edited that section of the sentence so many times I completely removed it. Sigh.
The dashes are actually from Livejournal. They're not in my text, so meh, you'll have to deal.
Tae good with the sword is plot-stuff. She's a priestess of a warrior god, remember? Of protection, even. Put a sword in Tae's hands and set her to protect something and she becomes a master swordswoman. (Partially I wanted a reason for her use of the spiked chain beyond you thought it was cool. =P So it's her way of having independence. Because she's not really a fighter, so without her god's boon, she's kind of crap with a sword. The chain means she's always in control of herself, not dependent on whether her god thinks her cause worthy.) It'll be explained at some later point.
The hyphens were added by livejournal. I'd noticed it in another entry and fixed it, but meh, it's still readable and who knows if it'll change it right back. My text file has no hyphens. Maybe it dislikes the lengthy copy/paste.
I've read these latest additions to the story a half dozen times now to make sure I'm not missing anything...yet, I still feel as clueless as Crunch at certain parts :P
But you Isadors gave them the idea about using the Hekatonkheires because you wanted Tae and Odette. I understand using a group of meddling outsiders as pawns to appear innocent. I'm missing the importance of Tae and Odette specifically.
You needed the Jadens to use the Hekatonkheir to get Crunch here I thought it was the other way around: Crunch's rage is a conduit to control the Hekatonkheir.
And are these Hekatonkheir based off the Greek hundred headed, hundred armed Titans?
That is the problem with reading it in the works. I've got another 4 or 5k that refuses to link together, and I've rewritten a couple scenes a good three or four times trying to get it to work. Thus the art break, because I was just irritating myself by the end of it. (Maybe I should just skip it and leave Tae as narrator until they get to the jail and see them. Except that wouldn't work because common sense says get the hell out of dodge when angry people want words with you... Bleh, I don't even know
( ... )
I try to go back and make certain the information is there. But since I already *know* the information, I sometimes forget the reader doesn't have a cheat sheet to keep track of things. Thus me needing feedback for where more clues would be helpful. (Of course, there's also the fact this is probably only half of part 4, so there's going to be some unanswered questions.)
You told him yourself we had sailed over here in search of a friend. (Did this come up on the walk with Teilomere to Redbrook? I couldn't find it here or in the prologue.)
“Precisely.” There was a quiet click as the manacle unlocked. (But she didn't unlock the wrist ones, just pried them off.)
The walk to Redbrook, obviously. (Maybe I should add it to the Edric section I'm adding to give the reader the idea they mention it to everyone who asks... (Edric section, btw, currently at 700 words. Am currently having fun using a can opener on Tae.)
Yet another reason why not to go back and make edits while still trying to write a scene. *goes to change unlocked to opened*
A few young apprentices were fighting with wooden practice swords, supervised by a dark-skinned gray-haired man in a somewhat stained tunic. (Aw, yay! Thanks!!)
The dusky-skinned little boy had the sharp features and faintly-tipped ears of a half-elf, and was likely the same age as the boy he so nimbly held onto. Half-elves’ fey blood slowed their aging. (Also cool! First non-human Caldonian, awesome. (Not counting Teilomere.))
unlike the Brygean the women regularly spoke (Oooh. Nice pick!)
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Odette's family made their what with their words? Fortune? Livelihood? Some sort of noun would be good. ;)
The sun worshipers are mixing dogma with politics and the moon worshi-pers are mixing manipulation with revolution, and who can tell what Sundabar's exiled gods are up to. Probably egging Isis on while they poke their fingers into the Eater of World's different jail cells.”
You need another p rather than a dash
Also, maybe I missed it, but why was Tae good at swordwork?
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The dashes are actually from Livejournal. They're not in my text, so meh, you'll have to deal.
Tae good with the sword is plot-stuff. She's a priestess of a warrior god, remember? Of protection, even. Put a sword in Tae's hands and set her to protect something and she becomes a master swordswoman. (Partially I wanted a reason for her use of the spiked chain beyond you thought it was cool. =P So it's her way of having independence. Because she's not really a fighter, so without her god's boon, she's kind of crap with a sword. The chain means she's always in control of herself, not dependent on whether her god thinks her cause worthy.) It'll be explained at some later point.
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("had to be"!)
They had been wea-kened by his exertions
The Ja-dens were obviously inexperienced at keeping captives
(Oddly, these were left hyphenated too.)
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But you Isadors gave them the idea about using the Hekatonkheires because you wanted Tae and Odette.
I understand using a group of meddling outsiders as pawns to appear innocent. I'm missing the importance of Tae and Odette specifically.
You needed the Jadens to use the Hekatonkheir to get Crunch here
I thought it was the other way around: Crunch's rage is a conduit to control the Hekatonkheir.
And are these Hekatonkheir based off the Greek hundred headed, hundred armed Titans?
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(Did this come up on the walk with Teilomere to Redbrook? I couldn't find it here or in the prologue.)
“Precisely.” There was a quiet click as the manacle unlocked.
(But she didn't unlock the wrist ones, just pried them off.)
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Yet another reason why not to go back and make edits while still trying to write a scene. *goes to change unlocked to opened*
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(Aw, yay! Thanks!!)
The dusky-skinned little boy had the sharp features and faintly-tipped ears of a half-elf, and was likely the same age as the boy he so nimbly held onto. Half-elves’ fey blood slowed their aging.
(Also cool! First non-human Caldonian, awesome. (Not counting Teilomere.))
unlike the Brygean the women regularly spoke
(Oooh. Nice pick!)
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