"Bingo" Chapter One - Part I -
Title: Bingo
Chapter: One: Part I
Author: El Kitano
Rating: R for ninja language and ninja violence
Summary: In the time directly following the Uchiha massacre, an ANBU team consisting of Kakashi, Gai, and Tenzou is deployed to search for the missing-nin Itachi Uchiha. Unknown to all but a select few, the mission is really a sham in order to provide cover for Danzou's nefarious plot. Led by Shikaku, the team encounters feminist kunoichi tribes, fluffy creatures from lore, and various other shenanigans. This is the tale of those shenanigans...
Previous Chapter: Prologue
Greetings, fair readers! I have brought you the first chapter of BINGO! Finally-my ass wants to move on to the fun stuff. To avoid any confusion, we’re back where we started, in the time immediately following the Uchiha massacre. I think we all could use a little Green Beast action, don’t you?
BTW: This chapter was too EPIC for LJ to handle--it's in two parts.
* Denotes an Author’s Note, to be found at the end. Translations of Japanese and Chinese phrases used can be found at the end as well.
Rated MA for Ninja Language and Ninja Concepts
Bingo
By: El Kitano
Art By: jbadgr
Chapter One:
Gotta Sleep, Gotta Run! Team Kakashi Forms Anew!
That cannot be good for his health. Tenzō thought to himself as he tried his best to keep himself from coughing. The foulness of the Hokage’s pipe smoke was treacherous, but he was an elite jounin: he bore the burning of his throat and eyes with dignity. But seriously, the man must be as old as the monuments-that stuff really affects your stamina. He’s the Hokage: he has duties.
He coughed a little and cursed silently. “You wished to see me, Lord Hokage?”
“Yes, Tenzō; as I’m sure your commander has told you, he has nominated you for a position in the ANBU. I wholeheartedly agree; you are an incredibly adept ninjutsuist, and have displayed an unsurpassed attention to detail.”
“Thank you, sir!”
“Be that as it may, while Commander Yamanaka would be content to go ahead and place you on a squad, there are certain protocols that must be followed. I’ll be blunt with you. We’re short-handed, and because of your spectacular record and the prominence of your recommendations I don’t think it’s completely necessary to put you through all of the protocols.”
“Sir?”
The Third took a deep draw of his pipe and leant back in his chair. Stroking his beard he said, “Yes, I think it will be alright if we skip, say, steps one and two. How does that sound, Tenzō? Are you prepared to become one of the elite, answerable only to myself and your commander?”
Tenzō straightened his posture and placed a gloved hand over his heart.
“I would be honored, sir!”
“Good, good… this is strictly a trial-basis, you understand. You know, I’ve always felt something of a fondness for you, ever since we found you in that lab in the caves-even by the standards of this bloody world we live in, you’ve suffered greatly, and come out all the better for it.” he smiled and gestured toward Tenzō with his pipe, “I’m proud of what a fine shinobi you’ve become.” Sarutobi raised his voice slightly, “Commander, please come in now.”
Tenzō tensed as a chakra-source which before had been non-existent suddenly made its presence known directly behind him. A raspy voice tickled the hairs on the back of his neck. “Yeah, Lord Hokage?”
“This is the jōnin I’ve been telling you about: Tenzō. I want you to place him on whatever squad you see fit.”
Shikaku slid his mask to rest on the side of his head and slipped his hands in his pockets. “Well, I’m not sure who’d want a rookie on their squad who hasn’t even gone through the Fire Trials-move, kid-“he swept Tenzō aside with his pinky and stepped forward, “-they’d see it as an insult and a danger.”
The Hokage waved his pipe dismissively. “Oh, they’ll get over it when they hear you’ve accepted him into the ranks.”
“I have?”
Sarutobi choked on his pipe-smoke. “You did! Just yesterday you were standing there,” he gestured accordingly, “Inoichi was standing there, and he told you all about how wonderful Tenzō was, and you said, ‘he sounds like a pain in the ass but I guess I can find a place for him,’ and don’t tell me you didn’t, I may be old but I’m still Hokage!” the inkpot trembled upon the desk with the force of his slamming fist.
Shikaku rolled his eyes and raised a placating hand, “Fine, fine don’t get your robes in a twist, I’ll put him with me. I can keep an eye on him-all hazing will be kept to a minimum.” Shikaku pulled out a cigarette and lit it, “Sheesh, you’re already making me rearrange all of the ANBU squads, and now I’ve got an extra kid I have to figure out a place for.”
“Nara, stop complaining and do your job. You’re an ANBU commander, for heaven’s sake-set an example, you sound like one of those old rustlers that crowd the bars on weekdays.”
“If you’d seen as many rookie ANBU shit their armor during their first S-rank as I have, you wouldn’t be so critical of us laid-back-types.” Shikaku turned toward the startled jōnin behind him. “Hey kid, you got a uniform yet?”
“Um-I-no sir!” Tenzō shrunk back as much as he could without giving the appearance of fear.
“Do I have to do everything around here?” Shikaku blew smoke in the young man’s face and walked out the door. Tenzō turned to the Hokage, his mouth moving silently.
“Come on, kid-you wanna be an ANBU, keep up!”
“Yes, sir!”
“And stop calling me ‘sir’ it’s annoying. Out of mask, just call me ‘Shikaku,’ in-mask you’ll refer to me as
‘Tom Cat.’” *
“Yes, Shikaku.”
Shikaku stopped their stroll through the Hokage building at a random section of wall. “This is where the uniforms are kept. For security reasons, only I and the Hokage have access. That’s just in theory: the seal is ‘Doubutsuen,’* remember it-I don’t wanna have to drag my ass up here every time your shit gets a little scuffed.” He placed a hand on the wall and muttered the seal. The wall opened in the shape of his fingers, forming a narrow doorway into a black hall. Shikaku bowed his head and entered, gesturing for Tenzō to follow.
“We call this place ‘the Zoo.’ If you need a place to relax between missions-and you will-you can come here. Genma set up a TV and Kakashi usually leaves some books lying around, though, I wouldn’t advise borrowing one. He gets touchy. Only-child and all-can’t share properly. I can never find the bloody switch in this place… ah…” a click echoed in the hall and a lamp flickered and buzzed before basking the room in its soft glow, revealing a worn sofa, television, refrigerator, and scattered books.
Shikaku walked past all of this toward a closet. He opened it and pulled out a mask. “Here-I think it’s never been used… not sure what it is…” he narrowed his eyes and twisted his face, “looks like a… like a hamster, or a… beaver. Could go either way, you pick.”
Tenzō appeared less than enthusiastic. “Er… ‘Beaver’ works, I suppose.”
“Good. Here’s your armor-it adjusts.” He passed him a bundle of white leather and continued to rummage in the closet. “What are you, a small?” Shikaku’s voice was muffled from behind the hanging cotton and leather.
“Actually, I usually wear a mediu-“
“Great, here’re some smalls. Five should be enough to get you started.” He added a number of black garments to the pile building in Tenzō’s arms. “Blood comes out easily enough, but it tears easy-the Hokage likes it if we get a new uniform instead of trying to mend it ourselves. Apparently, spiffy is equal to deadly these days.”
The distinctive sound of the seal being opened came from behind them.
“I don’t know why we can’t wear black armor. You know, I’ll bet half the K.I.A. ANBU would have lived if they’d had some freakin’ black armor, instead of this reflective white shit. Oh, hey, Commander.” Two ANBU entered side-by-side. The one who had spoken plopped himself on the couch, while the other, a woman with purple hair, began rummaging in the refrigerator. “Alright, what asshole ate my yogurt?”
The ANBU on the couch fidgeted nervously. He turned toward Shikaku, ignoring Tenzō’s presence entirely. “How’s it going, commander?”
“Things are shit. The Hokage wants a complete over-haul of all squads, and I have to figure out all that shit plus keep this one-“he jerked a thumb behind him, “-from getting killed. And--” he slammed the closet shut, “-we’re out of swords.”
“You mean we’re all going to have new squads? That sucks all kinds of Kyuubi-balls.”
The girl muttered from within the refrigerator, “Good-maybe I won’t be stuck with captain-spandex and the yogurt-thief this time.”
“Hey!” the accused shouted, pointing an angry finger, “Watch whose honor you’re soiling with these wild accusations of yours!”
“You smell like blueberries, asshole.”
“It’s a new shampoo!”
“Well, aren’t we in touch with our feminine side? Eat any more of my yogurt and you die, you pansy!”
“Step off, psycho-bitch!”
“ C’mon, kid.” Shikaku grabbed Tenzō’s shoulder and shoved him out of the Zoo. “This is heat you’re not prepared for.”
By the sound of it, the argument had evolved to a sword fight as they made their leave. What sounded
suspiciously like a string of explosions followed.
“They were squad six-Tactical Demolitions and Sabotage-very annoying…. I should have an old tanto fucking around my house somewhere you can use.”
---
The walk to the Nara compound was made in silence. Tenzō felt like an idiot. He was trailing behind his new commander, carrying a bag of clothes like some infant tagging along after his mother. He had not felt this small and undervalued since he was a test-subject. Tenzō was about to say so when something hard and painful found its way into his ass. With wide eyes, he spun around and pulled out a kunai, poised for attack.
A large buck snorted and continued to nudge at his pants. Tenzō had never been to the Nara compound, but he was aware of their deer’s medicinal value. Slaying it was not an option.
“Relax, kid-it just wants the food in your pockets.” Shikaku called from the porch of his house.
Tenzō kept his hands clutched at his chest. Must suppress shinobi instincts. Must not punch the deer in the face. Said creature continued to nuzzle his crotch. “Er…I don’t have any food.”
Shikaku tilted his head, “Well that’s weird.”
“What do I do? Do I… flick it or something?” experimentally, he gave the buck a swift poke on the nose. It snorted into his pants.
“Donguri! What did I tell you about personal space, go on! Get!” Shikaku pointed angrily at the woods and the deer scampered off to join its fellows. Tenzō still stood on the path, immobile save his head, which was surveying the area for more inappropriately inquisitive woodland creatures.
“Alright, I’ll see if I can’t dig up my old tanto blade. Be careful-the wife’s on a rampage.”
“Why?” Tenzō asked as he hopped onto the porch.
“Never know, but she usually is.”
“NARA SHIKAKU YOU USELESS DRUNK, DISCIPLINE YOUR SON!” a raging shriek echoed from within the house.
“See?”
“I’ll just wait outside.”
Shikaku rolled his eyes and shoved Tenzō through the door. “Wait here-help yourself to some dinner, I’m gonna try and soothe the demon and find that sword for you.”
Tenzō stood awkwardly in the kitchen and watched Shikaku wander off. A little boy, around seven or eight years old, was slouched at the table; chin perched on his hand, a plate of food untouched before him. His spiky brown ponytail and sharp grey eyes identified him instantly as Shikaku’s son.
Tenzō fingered his mask fitfully and offered, “Er… hello, there-I’m Tenzō. What’s your name?”
The boy huffed. “You know you’re not s’posed to give away your real name when you’re in uniform, right?”
“Well, I’m not in uniform.”
“You’re holding it, aren’t you? Still kinda obvious that you’re an ANBU. You’re prob’ly gonna get fired. Or since you’re an ANBU, they prob’ly make you commit seppuku.”
Tenzō pointed his mask angrily at Shikamaru, and opened his mouth, “Listen, you little-“
“Whatever. Like I’d tell anyone.”
There Tenzō stood, the hand bearing his porcelain mask still pointing at the kid, mouth gaping.
“What’s your mask s’posed to be, anyway? A hamster?”
“For your information, it’s a beaver.”
Shikamaru scoffed. “A beaver, huh? What’s your specialty, wood jutsu?”
Tenzō blushed.
“Oh, you are not for real. You don’t think that’s a little obvious? That’s a really rare jutsu, you know-they’ll
prob’ly try and kill you first or capture you for experiments as soon as they find out-which’ll be pretty quick since you have such an imaginative code-name.”
“You-you-I-wha-it-just-!” Tenzō, on his better judgment, decided to forfeit the battle of wits with the adolescent, and called to his commander. “Shikaku! How’s it going back there?”
“Oh…okay. I found my missing vest, but still no sword. I can’t remember where I put anything-good time to retire. I’d like to live to see my son become a genin-“
“WHICH HE NEVER WILL IF HE DOESN’T EAT HIS DINNER!” the shrieking interrupted.
“Woman? What do we need Shika’s baby clothes for? They’re just gathering dust and taking up room back here.”
“We might need them some day!”
“Like hell, we will. Found the sword.” Shikaku lazed back into the kitchen, tanto on his back. “Shikamaru! Eat your dinner so your mother’ll be happy. It’s mackerel and kelp-you like kelp. Lord knows your lazy ass could use some more B-12.”
“I’m not hungry. This is troublesome. You’re troublesome.”
Shikaku sighed and passed the sword to Tenzō. “Fine. Deal with the she-demon’s fury. I’ll be home later tonight.” He threw a wave over his shoulder with one hand, and grabbed Tenzō (who was currently engaging Shikamaru in staring contest and losing, because the child prodigy was too lazy to blink or look away) with the other.
“Go meet me in the Zoo in twenty, kid. I’ve got one last mission before I retire, and I’m two scamps short of a squad. I need an assassin.”
Click here to continue reading chapter one: part II
Chapter: One: Part I
Author: El Kitano
Rating: R for ninja language and ninja violence
Summary: In the time directly following the Uchiha massacre, an ANBU team consisting of Kakashi, Gai, and Tenzou is deployed to search for the missing-nin Itachi Uchiha. Unknown to all but a select few, the mission is really a sham in order to provide cover for Danzou's nefarious plot. Led by Shikaku, the team encounters feminist kunoichi tribes, fluffy creatures from lore, and various other shenanigans. This is the tale of those shenanigans...
Previous Chapter: Prologue
Greetings, fair readers! I have brought you the first chapter of BINGO! Finally-my ass wants to move on to the fun stuff. To avoid any confusion, we’re back where we started, in the time immediately following the Uchiha massacre. I think we all could use a little Green Beast action, don’t you?
BTW: This chapter was too EPIC for LJ to handle--it's in two parts.
* Denotes an Author’s Note, to be found at the end. Translations of Japanese and Chinese phrases used can be found at the end as well.
Rated MA for Ninja Language and Ninja Concepts
Bingo
By: El Kitano
Art By: jbadgr
Chapter One:
Gotta Sleep, Gotta Run! Team Kakashi Forms Anew!
That cannot be good for his health. Tenzō thought to himself as he tried his best to keep himself from coughing. The foulness of the Hokage’s pipe smoke was treacherous, but he was an elite jounin: he bore the burning of his throat and eyes with dignity. But seriously, the man must be as old as the monuments-that stuff really affects your stamina. He’s the Hokage: he has duties.
He coughed a little and cursed silently. “You wished to see me, Lord Hokage?”
“Yes, Tenzō; as I’m sure your commander has told you, he has nominated you for a position in the ANBU. I wholeheartedly agree; you are an incredibly adept ninjutsuist, and have displayed an unsurpassed attention to detail.”
“Thank you, sir!”
“Be that as it may, while Commander Yamanaka would be content to go ahead and place you on a squad, there are certain protocols that must be followed. I’ll be blunt with you. We’re short-handed, and because of your spectacular record and the prominence of your recommendations I don’t think it’s completely necessary to put you through all of the protocols.”
“Sir?”
The Third took a deep draw of his pipe and leant back in his chair. Stroking his beard he said, “Yes, I think it will be alright if we skip, say, steps one and two. How does that sound, Tenzō? Are you prepared to become one of the elite, answerable only to myself and your commander?”
Tenzō straightened his posture and placed a gloved hand over his heart.
“I would be honored, sir!”
“Good, good… this is strictly a trial-basis, you understand. You know, I’ve always felt something of a fondness for you, ever since we found you in that lab in the caves-even by the standards of this bloody world we live in, you’ve suffered greatly, and come out all the better for it.” he smiled and gestured toward Tenzō with his pipe, “I’m proud of what a fine shinobi you’ve become.” Sarutobi raised his voice slightly, “Commander, please come in now.”
Tenzō tensed as a chakra-source which before had been non-existent suddenly made its presence known directly behind him. A raspy voice tickled the hairs on the back of his neck. “Yeah, Lord Hokage?”
“This is the jōnin I’ve been telling you about: Tenzō. I want you to place him on whatever squad you see fit.”
Shikaku slid his mask to rest on the side of his head and slipped his hands in his pockets. “Well, I’m not sure who’d want a rookie on their squad who hasn’t even gone through the Fire Trials-move, kid-“he swept Tenzō aside with his pinky and stepped forward, “-they’d see it as an insult and a danger.”
The Hokage waved his pipe dismissively. “Oh, they’ll get over it when they hear you’ve accepted him into the ranks.”
“I have?”
Sarutobi choked on his pipe-smoke. “You did! Just yesterday you were standing there,” he gestured accordingly, “Inoichi was standing there, and he told you all about how wonderful Tenzō was, and you said, ‘he sounds like a pain in the ass but I guess I can find a place for him,’ and don’t tell me you didn’t, I may be old but I’m still Hokage!” the inkpot trembled upon the desk with the force of his slamming fist.
Shikaku rolled his eyes and raised a placating hand, “Fine, fine don’t get your robes in a twist, I’ll put him with me. I can keep an eye on him-all hazing will be kept to a minimum.” Shikaku pulled out a cigarette and lit it, “Sheesh, you’re already making me rearrange all of the ANBU squads, and now I’ve got an extra kid I have to figure out a place for.”
“Nara, stop complaining and do your job. You’re an ANBU commander, for heaven’s sake-set an example, you sound like one of those old rustlers that crowd the bars on weekdays.”
“If you’d seen as many rookie ANBU shit their armor during their first S-rank as I have, you wouldn’t be so critical of us laid-back-types.” Shikaku turned toward the startled jōnin behind him. “Hey kid, you got a uniform yet?”
“Um-I-no sir!” Tenzō shrunk back as much as he could without giving the appearance of fear.
“Do I have to do everything around here?” Shikaku blew smoke in the young man’s face and walked out the door. Tenzō turned to the Hokage, his mouth moving silently.
“Come on, kid-you wanna be an ANBU, keep up!”
“Yes, sir!”
“And stop calling me ‘sir’ it’s annoying. Out of mask, just call me ‘Shikaku,’ in-mask you’ll refer to me as
‘Tom Cat.’” *
“Yes, Shikaku.”
Shikaku stopped their stroll through the Hokage building at a random section of wall. “This is where the uniforms are kept. For security reasons, only I and the Hokage have access. That’s just in theory: the seal is ‘Doubutsuen,’* remember it-I don’t wanna have to drag my ass up here every time your shit gets a little scuffed.” He placed a hand on the wall and muttered the seal. The wall opened in the shape of his fingers, forming a narrow doorway into a black hall. Shikaku bowed his head and entered, gesturing for Tenzō to follow.
“We call this place ‘the Zoo.’ If you need a place to relax between missions-and you will-you can come here. Genma set up a TV and Kakashi usually leaves some books lying around, though, I wouldn’t advise borrowing one. He gets touchy. Only-child and all-can’t share properly. I can never find the bloody switch in this place… ah…” a click echoed in the hall and a lamp flickered and buzzed before basking the room in its soft glow, revealing a worn sofa, television, refrigerator, and scattered books.
Shikaku walked past all of this toward a closet. He opened it and pulled out a mask. “Here-I think it’s never been used… not sure what it is…” he narrowed his eyes and twisted his face, “looks like a… like a hamster, or a… beaver. Could go either way, you pick.”
Tenzō appeared less than enthusiastic. “Er… ‘Beaver’ works, I suppose.”
“Good. Here’s your armor-it adjusts.” He passed him a bundle of white leather and continued to rummage in the closet. “What are you, a small?” Shikaku’s voice was muffled from behind the hanging cotton and leather.
“Actually, I usually wear a mediu-“
“Great, here’re some smalls. Five should be enough to get you started.” He added a number of black garments to the pile building in Tenzō’s arms. “Blood comes out easily enough, but it tears easy-the Hokage likes it if we get a new uniform instead of trying to mend it ourselves. Apparently, spiffy is equal to deadly these days.”
The distinctive sound of the seal being opened came from behind them.
“I don’t know why we can’t wear black armor. You know, I’ll bet half the K.I.A. ANBU would have lived if they’d had some freakin’ black armor, instead of this reflective white shit. Oh, hey, Commander.” Two ANBU entered side-by-side. The one who had spoken plopped himself on the couch, while the other, a woman with purple hair, began rummaging in the refrigerator. “Alright, what asshole ate my yogurt?”
The ANBU on the couch fidgeted nervously. He turned toward Shikaku, ignoring Tenzō’s presence entirely. “How’s it going, commander?”
“Things are shit. The Hokage wants a complete over-haul of all squads, and I have to figure out all that shit plus keep this one-“he jerked a thumb behind him, “-from getting killed. And--” he slammed the closet shut, “-we’re out of swords.”
“You mean we’re all going to have new squads? That sucks all kinds of Kyuubi-balls.”
The girl muttered from within the refrigerator, “Good-maybe I won’t be stuck with captain-spandex and the yogurt-thief this time.”
“Hey!” the accused shouted, pointing an angry finger, “Watch whose honor you’re soiling with these wild accusations of yours!”
“You smell like blueberries, asshole.”
“It’s a new shampoo!”
“Well, aren’t we in touch with our feminine side? Eat any more of my yogurt and you die, you pansy!”
“Step off, psycho-bitch!”
“ C’mon, kid.” Shikaku grabbed Tenzō’s shoulder and shoved him out of the Zoo. “This is heat you’re not prepared for.”
By the sound of it, the argument had evolved to a sword fight as they made their leave. What sounded
suspiciously like a string of explosions followed.
“They were squad six-Tactical Demolitions and Sabotage-very annoying…. I should have an old tanto fucking around my house somewhere you can use.”
---
The walk to the Nara compound was made in silence. Tenzō felt like an idiot. He was trailing behind his new commander, carrying a bag of clothes like some infant tagging along after his mother. He had not felt this small and undervalued since he was a test-subject. Tenzō was about to say so when something hard and painful found its way into his ass. With wide eyes, he spun around and pulled out a kunai, poised for attack.
A large buck snorted and continued to nudge at his pants. Tenzō had never been to the Nara compound, but he was aware of their deer’s medicinal value. Slaying it was not an option.
“Relax, kid-it just wants the food in your pockets.” Shikaku called from the porch of his house.
Tenzō kept his hands clutched at his chest. Must suppress shinobi instincts. Must not punch the deer in the face. Said creature continued to nuzzle his crotch. “Er…I don’t have any food.”
Shikaku tilted his head, “Well that’s weird.”
“What do I do? Do I… flick it or something?” experimentally, he gave the buck a swift poke on the nose. It snorted into his pants.
“Donguri! What did I tell you about personal space, go on! Get!” Shikaku pointed angrily at the woods and the deer scampered off to join its fellows. Tenzō still stood on the path, immobile save his head, which was surveying the area for more inappropriately inquisitive woodland creatures.
“Alright, I’ll see if I can’t dig up my old tanto blade. Be careful-the wife’s on a rampage.”
“Why?” Tenzō asked as he hopped onto the porch.
“Never know, but she usually is.”
“NARA SHIKAKU YOU USELESS DRUNK, DISCIPLINE YOUR SON!” a raging shriek echoed from within the house.
“See?”
“I’ll just wait outside.”
Shikaku rolled his eyes and shoved Tenzō through the door. “Wait here-help yourself to some dinner, I’m gonna try and soothe the demon and find that sword for you.”
Tenzō stood awkwardly in the kitchen and watched Shikaku wander off. A little boy, around seven or eight years old, was slouched at the table; chin perched on his hand, a plate of food untouched before him. His spiky brown ponytail and sharp grey eyes identified him instantly as Shikaku’s son.
Tenzō fingered his mask fitfully and offered, “Er… hello, there-I’m Tenzō. What’s your name?”
The boy huffed. “You know you’re not s’posed to give away your real name when you’re in uniform, right?”
“Well, I’m not in uniform.”
“You’re holding it, aren’t you? Still kinda obvious that you’re an ANBU. You’re prob’ly gonna get fired. Or since you’re an ANBU, they prob’ly make you commit seppuku.”
Tenzō pointed his mask angrily at Shikamaru, and opened his mouth, “Listen, you little-“
“Whatever. Like I’d tell anyone.”
There Tenzō stood, the hand bearing his porcelain mask still pointing at the kid, mouth gaping.
“What’s your mask s’posed to be, anyway? A hamster?”
“For your information, it’s a beaver.”
Shikamaru scoffed. “A beaver, huh? What’s your specialty, wood jutsu?”
Tenzō blushed.
“Oh, you are not for real. You don’t think that’s a little obvious? That’s a really rare jutsu, you know-they’ll
prob’ly try and kill you first or capture you for experiments as soon as they find out-which’ll be pretty quick since you have such an imaginative code-name.”
“You-you-I-wha-it-just-!” Tenzō, on his better judgment, decided to forfeit the battle of wits with the adolescent, and called to his commander. “Shikaku! How’s it going back there?”
“Oh…okay. I found my missing vest, but still no sword. I can’t remember where I put anything-good time to retire. I’d like to live to see my son become a genin-“
“WHICH HE NEVER WILL IF HE DOESN’T EAT HIS DINNER!” the shrieking interrupted.
“Woman? What do we need Shika’s baby clothes for? They’re just gathering dust and taking up room back here.”
“We might need them some day!”
“Like hell, we will. Found the sword.” Shikaku lazed back into the kitchen, tanto on his back. “Shikamaru! Eat your dinner so your mother’ll be happy. It’s mackerel and kelp-you like kelp. Lord knows your lazy ass could use some more B-12.”
“I’m not hungry. This is troublesome. You’re troublesome.”
Shikaku sighed and passed the sword to Tenzō. “Fine. Deal with the she-demon’s fury. I’ll be home later tonight.” He threw a wave over his shoulder with one hand, and grabbed Tenzō (who was currently engaging Shikamaru in staring contest and losing, because the child prodigy was too lazy to blink or look away) with the other.
“Go meet me in the Zoo in twenty, kid. I’ve got one last mission before I retire, and I’m two scamps short of a squad. I need an assassin.”
Click here to continue reading chapter one: part II