Thorn Lily Chapter 17 Part 2
An update to mark the end of my exams ^^; I really love that short excerpt from Tagore's Gitanjali. Mad love. Gashiyeon is really the most beautifully-written fanfic I've ever read.
I have to bear with this, even though I hate her to the core. But she's really irritating! Always looking for trouble with me...
"Did something happen?"
I was sitting at the dining table when she asked me curiously. That little bit of appetite that I regained was gone in an instant. Such a nauseating feeling. You can't wait to send me to the hospital, right? Despicable woman! I kept it in and slowly ate my food.
"After I went back to my home, Yunho came to look for me and we went to chat over drinks."
"Really?"
"Yep. He usually won't answer if you ask him but just ask me and I'll tell you what happened, alright?"
Stupid woman! If you really knew what happened you'd have gone mad. We were fucking like rabbits in heat - if you found out, you'd probably want to kill me right? Before that, I'd probably have done something about it first. Troublesome things like this has to be settled by me, but for the sake of Yunho's child, I'll bide my time.
"Mm, thank you I'll keep that in mind."
No, thanks to you. Stupid Suh-hee! Thanks for helping me regain my appetite!
I swallowed my food slowly. It's been such a long time since I ate a proper meal; I've been starving myself without realizing it. She handed me a glass of water and I took it as if it were only natural. Is it tiring? Sustaining this marriage devoid of love? Yunho's heart was never with you!
"Suh-hee..."
Has Yunho ever went down on his knees for you?
When she turned to look at me, I bursted out in laughter. She stared at me, clearly confused. There's just so many things that you're unaware of! Feeling superior to her makes me so happy.
"Nothing..."
Yunho has knelt twice for me! Even if I made a mistake, he still loves me whole-heartedly. 6 years since the first time, he went down on his knees again in front of my family. This is his way of proposing to me, and his way of pleading for mercy for me. Doesn't this mean that I've already won? I don't need to care about how you feel, because everything I want to do must be right...
"Why did you laugh?"
"Oh, nothing... I just felt like laughing."
I left the table with a silly grin plastered on my face, sitting down on the sofa. She was utterly bewildered by my actions, as if she finally understood that 'this person here's mentally unsound'. I feel great now, even if that's what you think of me, I don't care at all... Everything I've done is for Yunho.
----------------------------------------------------------
"That I want thee, only thee - let my heart repeat without end.
All desires that distract me, day and night, are false and empty to the core.
As the night keeps hidden in its gloom the petition for light,
Even thus in the depths of my unconsciousness rings the cry -
'I want thee, only thee.'
As the storm still seeks its end in peace when it strikes against peace with all its might,
Even thus my rebellion strikes against thy love and still its cry is -
'I want thee, only thee."
-Rabindranath Tagore, Gitanjali
-----------------------------------------------------------
After dinner, I'd planned to eat some fruits and watch the television, then try to get some rest. But she decided to disrupt my plans.
"Actually, Jaejoong ah did you know..."
She seemed hesitant, stumbling over her words, looking thoroughly frustrated. If it's nothing serious then just say it! She's really so different from me! Her hands instinctively went to her belly as she walked closer to me. What's wrong with her?
"This child... is really a girl!"
"Oh..."
I wasn't too surprised at her dismay that it wasn't a boy. No wonder she's been so dazed ever since a few days ago, and after returning from her check-up, the way she looked at Yunho and I seemed different too...
"Because of what Jaejoong said, I grew really curious... but now that I've found out, I'm starting to regret my decision."
"Oh... mm, did your parents say anything? The elders have their own mindset but you don't need to be affected by that."
"No, actually I have the same mindset as well, though this is my child. Somehow I feel that my expectation is very unfair to my baby, like I've let her down..."
"Even so, you still have to bring her to this world! Yunho prefers girls anyway."
"...Ah... Really?"
"......"
I bit my lips and didn't answer her. I've said the wrong thing! That child's been messing with my mood so much, it would've been great if I could let her tear her hair out for a bit. I'd wanted to tease her and laugh at her predicament, but in the end I screwed up and ended up comforting her! She looks like she believed every word I saw, that idiot. I was on the verge of spewing fire, so what's so funny!? Careful that you don't smile too much, lest your face cracks! At the moment, the phone rang and she picked it up. Yoboseyo? I toyed with my fork as I listened to her...
It seems like she's talking to someone she knows. She motioned for me to take the phone from her, so I dropped the fork and walked over. She covered the phone and mouthed, "It's Yunho's big brother..."
The fork I'd carelessly thrown on the plate fell to the floor, just like the way my heart dropped at that moment. She passed me the phone merrily as I tried to steel myself...
"How are you? Jaejoong ah!"
"Uhm..."
Such an old-fashioned greeting! I suddenly remembered the first time I met him. He was always dressed in a suit, looking like a well-seasoned white-collar worker. The most outstanding amongst Yunho's brothers, he got married when he was 30 and had 2 children so he's probably 40 by now?
"I'm fine, Jinho-hyung!"
"Really..? That's good to hear!"
He was always very fond of me. We're 13 years apart, so he thinks of me as a little brother. When that incident happened, he still continued protecting me. Even though he couldn't calm me down the way Yunho could, he still placed a hand on my shoulder to comfort me. Just that once... on the day Yunho's mother passed away.
He asked me to go out and meet him over coffee. To think he'd still be willing to talk to me like this - it's unbelievable. 'Inviting' me to go out? I agreed in the end, since he bothered calling to ask. I should go and meet him, since he's the most sensible person out of us all.
"Ah it's fine... Let's go. We'll talk over a meal."
After promising him that I would show up, I hung the phone, feeling as if I was floating in the air. Suh-hee had gone up to the second floor. What should I wear? Decisions, decisions!
Maybe he can help me. Rather than torturing us in this living hell, he'd rather make his own little brother happy, right? Looks like I have to leave him with a good impression, so I took extra care in choosing my clothes. When I was sure that I looked immaculate, I stood in front of the mirror.
Standing before me in the spotless mirror was the 27-year-old pretty boy, the Kim Jaejoong who loves Jung Yunho with all his heart...
This time, I'll be strong. After all, Yunho is my man!
I have to bear with this, even though I hate her to the core. But she's really irritating! Always looking for trouble with me...
"Did something happen?"
I was sitting at the dining table when she asked me curiously. That little bit of appetite that I regained was gone in an instant. Such a nauseating feeling. You can't wait to send me to the hospital, right? Despicable woman! I kept it in and slowly ate my food.
"After I went back to my home, Yunho came to look for me and we went to chat over drinks."
"Really?"
"Yep. He usually won't answer if you ask him but just ask me and I'll tell you what happened, alright?"
Stupid woman! If you really knew what happened you'd have gone mad. We were fucking like rabbits in heat - if you found out, you'd probably want to kill me right? Before that, I'd probably have done something about it first. Troublesome things like this has to be settled by me, but for the sake of Yunho's child, I'll bide my time.
"Mm, thank you I'll keep that in mind."
No, thanks to you. Stupid Suh-hee! Thanks for helping me regain my appetite!
I swallowed my food slowly. It's been such a long time since I ate a proper meal; I've been starving myself without realizing it. She handed me a glass of water and I took it as if it were only natural. Is it tiring? Sustaining this marriage devoid of love? Yunho's heart was never with you!
"Suh-hee..."
Has Yunho ever went down on his knees for you?
When she turned to look at me, I bursted out in laughter. She stared at me, clearly confused. There's just so many things that you're unaware of! Feeling superior to her makes me so happy.
"Nothing..."
Yunho has knelt twice for me! Even if I made a mistake, he still loves me whole-heartedly. 6 years since the first time, he went down on his knees again in front of my family. This is his way of proposing to me, and his way of pleading for mercy for me. Doesn't this mean that I've already won? I don't need to care about how you feel, because everything I want to do must be right...
"Why did you laugh?"
"Oh, nothing... I just felt like laughing."
I left the table with a silly grin plastered on my face, sitting down on the sofa. She was utterly bewildered by my actions, as if she finally understood that 'this person here's mentally unsound'. I feel great now, even if that's what you think of me, I don't care at all... Everything I've done is for Yunho.
----------------------------------------------------------
"That I want thee, only thee - let my heart repeat without end.
All desires that distract me, day and night, are false and empty to the core.
As the night keeps hidden in its gloom the petition for light,
Even thus in the depths of my unconsciousness rings the cry -
'I want thee, only thee.'
As the storm still seeks its end in peace when it strikes against peace with all its might,
Even thus my rebellion strikes against thy love and still its cry is -
'I want thee, only thee."
-Rabindranath Tagore, Gitanjali
-----------------------------------------------------------
After dinner, I'd planned to eat some fruits and watch the television, then try to get some rest. But she decided to disrupt my plans.
"Actually, Jaejoong ah did you know..."
She seemed hesitant, stumbling over her words, looking thoroughly frustrated. If it's nothing serious then just say it! She's really so different from me! Her hands instinctively went to her belly as she walked closer to me. What's wrong with her?
"This child... is really a girl!"
"Oh..."
I wasn't too surprised at her dismay that it wasn't a boy. No wonder she's been so dazed ever since a few days ago, and after returning from her check-up, the way she looked at Yunho and I seemed different too...
"Because of what Jaejoong said, I grew really curious... but now that I've found out, I'm starting to regret my decision."
"Oh... mm, did your parents say anything? The elders have their own mindset but you don't need to be affected by that."
"No, actually I have the same mindset as well, though this is my child. Somehow I feel that my expectation is very unfair to my baby, like I've let her down..."
"Even so, you still have to bring her to this world! Yunho prefers girls anyway."
"...Ah... Really?"
"......"
I bit my lips and didn't answer her. I've said the wrong thing! That child's been messing with my mood so much, it would've been great if I could let her tear her hair out for a bit. I'd wanted to tease her and laugh at her predicament, but in the end I screwed up and ended up comforting her! She looks like she believed every word I saw, that idiot. I was on the verge of spewing fire, so what's so funny!? Careful that you don't smile too much, lest your face cracks! At the moment, the phone rang and she picked it up. Yoboseyo? I toyed with my fork as I listened to her...
It seems like she's talking to someone she knows. She motioned for me to take the phone from her, so I dropped the fork and walked over. She covered the phone and mouthed, "It's Yunho's big brother..."
The fork I'd carelessly thrown on the plate fell to the floor, just like the way my heart dropped at that moment. She passed me the phone merrily as I tried to steel myself...
"How are you? Jaejoong ah!"
"Uhm..."
Such an old-fashioned greeting! I suddenly remembered the first time I met him. He was always dressed in a suit, looking like a well-seasoned white-collar worker. The most outstanding amongst Yunho's brothers, he got married when he was 30 and had 2 children so he's probably 40 by now?
"I'm fine, Jinho-hyung!"
"Really..? That's good to hear!"
He was always very fond of me. We're 13 years apart, so he thinks of me as a little brother. When that incident happened, he still continued protecting me. Even though he couldn't calm me down the way Yunho could, he still placed a hand on my shoulder to comfort me. Just that once... on the day Yunho's mother passed away.
He asked me to go out and meet him over coffee. To think he'd still be willing to talk to me like this - it's unbelievable. 'Inviting' me to go out? I agreed in the end, since he bothered calling to ask. I should go and meet him, since he's the most sensible person out of us all.
"Ah it's fine... Let's go. We'll talk over a meal."
After promising him that I would show up, I hung the phone, feeling as if I was floating in the air. Suh-hee had gone up to the second floor. What should I wear? Decisions, decisions!
Maybe he can help me. Rather than torturing us in this living hell, he'd rather make his own little brother happy, right? Looks like I have to leave him with a good impression, so I took extra care in choosing my clothes. When I was sure that I looked immaculate, I stood in front of the mirror.
Standing before me in the spotless mirror was the 27-year-old pretty boy, the Kim Jaejoong who loves Jung Yunho with all his heart...
This time, I'll be strong. After all, Yunho is my man!