Thorn Lily Chapter 17 Part 1
LAST EXAM OF THE YEAR IN 5 HOURS WHEEEE~!!! I should stop distracting myself and go back to studying right? -_- This chapter is so heart-felt, I cried a bit the first time I read it. I hope I do a good job for this one.
There's a really beautiful piece of poetry in this chapter by Rabindranath Tagore, but I'll leave it to the next update ;) Need to find the original first hahahaha some internet-sherlocking to do!
I passed out.
When I struggled to open my eyes, I thought I saw him with tears marring his handsome face. I remembered feeling my feet grow cold as they dangled in the air, but now they feel so warm. He probably brought me down onto the bed. Yunho's gaze was filled with disbelief and hurt, knocking me down from the clouds back to reality.
He held my hands tight and I came back to life... I saw him clasp both his hands together, praying softly and sighing in sorrow. I looked upon him, utterly speechless - did I hurt him again?
Even though he doesn't know why I attempted suicide, he felt the agonizing pain all the same. I don't know what is he thinking and I couldn't take it anymore. He knows how I feel, and yet he did all those things in front of me, including letting me see him touch that woman. If Kim Jaejoong did, will he still be able to care about that unborn child?
"Please don't do this again... When I saw you on the brink of death, I..."
He bit his lips hard and kept crying - the sight of him like this irks me! I inhaled deeply, feeling my head throb with a dull ache, letting my mind wander and lead me towards the black swamp...
"When I was almost gone... I couldn't remember you... My mind was blank... I couldn't remember anything. All I could hear was a rhythmic thunder in my ears, as if my heart was going to burst... it felt as if blood was seeping out from my eyes, but I just couldn't remember your face... I couldn't die like that... I must remember you even at the end... so don't cry, because without your permission, I won't die..."
He lifted his head and wiped away his tears, crawling into the bed next to me and held me tight like a timid little child. Ah, it makes me love and hate him at the same time!
"I tried my best to forget you... but even if I couldn't see you, I still loved you... day after day... I just couldn't forget you at all... It's not that I don't want to return to the past.... My heart kept thinking of those days, thinking of you, unable to forget everything... It confused me... That's why I was so cold to you at one moment and warm the next..."
You and I.... I wonder who brought the most pain to the other?
Could you ever understand how I felt when you abandoned me to get married? That feeling of hatred and betrayal was so intense that I could hardly breath. My tears never ceased to flow; the Jung Yunho who overcame the harsh reality to love me, and the Jung Yunho who chose marriage to escape from this love, are they really the same person? Why are we always crying? Who are we crying for? Will there ever be an end to this pain?
I pushed him away, feeling him stare at me from behind his tears. Even I can be strong on my own! And yet you chose to forget, to be a cowardly Jung Yunho! Let me bear the burden of my own sins! I'm not abnormal, so just let me perish on my own!
"If only I could unearth everything, all those memories including you... then it would've been easy. But I... you're the only thing I have... I can't cut them off at all... the sadness and unforgivable things you did, I can throw all of that away.... but the one thing that I can never get rid of is you, Kim Jaejoong... I really regret it now..."
Hearing his words, I wrapped my arms around him tightly and laid on his shoulders, sobbing uncontrollably. He's pulled me out from the depths. Yunho ah! Why is it that it pains me whenever you smile blissfully, but your tears make me feel so happy?
"Yunho... I..."
"...Mm..."
"I... it hurt like this too when I had my wisdom tooth extracted..."
I felt his warm breath as he chuckled.
"So you never even tried to forget me...?"
How would you expect me to continue living if I forgot you? Ever since I was 17, I could never possibly forget you.
"How could I...?"
My heart would hurt to much. I'd planted you on my heart, so if you're gone, my heart would've been uprooted along with you.
"You're a bad man... always trying to forget me..."
"...Sob..."
He really couldn't stop crying, and suddenly I felt that all the pain, all the hardships I've endured thus far have been fully compensated for at that point. It felt like the clouds have dispersed and I could feel the sun on my face once more. His tears soaked the entire front of my shirt, and he even slapped himself in anger. Seeing him trying to make amends with such sincerity, I couldn't help but forgive him! Please, let's not cry again from now on...
I kissed him gently on the forehead and at once, his tears stopped, though he still sniffled a little. I know how you feel... I really do... I patted his head and he let out a small sob...
"It's been hard on you..."
As long as my man can stop hurting, then that's okay. Even if he turns into a complete coward one day, he doesn't have to apologize to me as long as he can keep loving me. The reason why he's in such great pain is not because of him, but me. Please don't ever overlook my jealousy, got it?
"Don't do something so silly ever again..."
He held onto me for dear life. I know... I suppose I'll have to be strong. But you can't do anything about it! Divorce? I know how much that would hurt you! So you don't have to do anything... my adorable Jung Yunho....
Whenever she wasn't around, he would display his love and affection for me passionately. This morning was no exception?
Before he went off for work, he was changing in his walk-in wardrobe when I suddenly sauntered in. Suh-hee was in the kitchen preparing breakfast, so I locked the door. When he saw me he looked a bit surprised, but his hands promptly stopped button his shirt and snaked themselves around me instead as he kissed me.
"Jung Yunho, you're married! Ugh... and Suh-hee's downstairs!"
He flashed a quick smile at my protests. I tried to push him off but he didn't budge until we could hear her voice calling for us from the kitchen. Even though our bodies moved apart, his hands quickly found their way back to me again. Yunho's eyes were wet with desire and I couldn't look away either. He gently leaned in and whispered into my ears, "I want to 'eat' you so bad..." I forgot that we're in a dangerous place and that now's not the time to do it, plastering myself to his bare chest. If she walks in and sees this, then so be it!
"Why... why is our Yunho always so busy, hm?"
"Not that I can't see you afterwards. I want to be able to see you all the time too, but I need to work... baby... hm? Be good..."
He flashed a mischievous grin and called me 'baby'. I used to dislike that name but he always said it with such an idiotic expression on his face, especially when I'm whining or making ridiculous requests. And it worked every time, just like now...
"Idiot! You haven't changed at all!"
So cute! How I wish nothing would change...
I put my arms around his neck while he held my waist and we stayed like this for a while. I breathed in the scent of his shampoo and felt utterly at ease.
"Remember to eat well, and take a nap if you're tired. If you had a nightmare or if you're bored, give me a call, alright?"
"Mm, Oppa...
"Don't think too much... and stay home like a good boy!"
I nodded, burying my face into his chest, drowning myself in his intoxicating scent. I hate how he has to go to work, but I can't do anything about it.
"If only I could shrink myself so small that I could fit onto your palm... ah! But then we wouldn''t be able to make love... Oppa's too big, like a bear... Or maybe I could turn into a woman... Oppa..."
"Oh... But it's alright.... you're much more beautiful compared to women... look at this pretty face... even your thing looks gorgeous. Isn't that enough?"
"I know... but it drives me crazy sometimes..."
"Then what should Oppa do about it? Being my wife is a pretty sad thing..."
"Mm... I want a kiss..."
We pecked each other lightly on the lips...
"I should be heading off..."
"What time does your work end?"
He lowered his head and looked at me. "Let Oppa see, ah, still so beautiful... and the prettiest part..." As he said it his hands groped me down there and he leaned in and licked my eye lid. I started tearing up again. So this is his love for me...
"I love Kim Jaejoong the most, and everything else doesn't matter anymore..."
Oh dear, he's hopelessly in love with me....
There's a really beautiful piece of poetry in this chapter by Rabindranath Tagore, but I'll leave it to the next update ;) Need to find the original first hahahaha some internet-sherlocking to do!
I passed out.
When I struggled to open my eyes, I thought I saw him with tears marring his handsome face. I remembered feeling my feet grow cold as they dangled in the air, but now they feel so warm. He probably brought me down onto the bed. Yunho's gaze was filled with disbelief and hurt, knocking me down from the clouds back to reality.
He held my hands tight and I came back to life... I saw him clasp both his hands together, praying softly and sighing in sorrow. I looked upon him, utterly speechless - did I hurt him again?
Even though he doesn't know why I attempted suicide, he felt the agonizing pain all the same. I don't know what is he thinking and I couldn't take it anymore. He knows how I feel, and yet he did all those things in front of me, including letting me see him touch that woman. If Kim Jaejoong did, will he still be able to care about that unborn child?
"Please don't do this again... When I saw you on the brink of death, I..."
He bit his lips hard and kept crying - the sight of him like this irks me! I inhaled deeply, feeling my head throb with a dull ache, letting my mind wander and lead me towards the black swamp...
"When I was almost gone... I couldn't remember you... My mind was blank... I couldn't remember anything. All I could hear was a rhythmic thunder in my ears, as if my heart was going to burst... it felt as if blood was seeping out from my eyes, but I just couldn't remember your face... I couldn't die like that... I must remember you even at the end... so don't cry, because without your permission, I won't die..."
He lifted his head and wiped away his tears, crawling into the bed next to me and held me tight like a timid little child. Ah, it makes me love and hate him at the same time!
"I tried my best to forget you... but even if I couldn't see you, I still loved you... day after day... I just couldn't forget you at all... It's not that I don't want to return to the past.... My heart kept thinking of those days, thinking of you, unable to forget everything... It confused me... That's why I was so cold to you at one moment and warm the next..."
You and I.... I wonder who brought the most pain to the other?
Could you ever understand how I felt when you abandoned me to get married? That feeling of hatred and betrayal was so intense that I could hardly breath. My tears never ceased to flow; the Jung Yunho who overcame the harsh reality to love me, and the Jung Yunho who chose marriage to escape from this love, are they really the same person? Why are we always crying? Who are we crying for? Will there ever be an end to this pain?
I pushed him away, feeling him stare at me from behind his tears. Even I can be strong on my own! And yet you chose to forget, to be a cowardly Jung Yunho! Let me bear the burden of my own sins! I'm not abnormal, so just let me perish on my own!
"If only I could unearth everything, all those memories including you... then it would've been easy. But I... you're the only thing I have... I can't cut them off at all... the sadness and unforgivable things you did, I can throw all of that away.... but the one thing that I can never get rid of is you, Kim Jaejoong... I really regret it now..."
Hearing his words, I wrapped my arms around him tightly and laid on his shoulders, sobbing uncontrollably. He's pulled me out from the depths. Yunho ah! Why is it that it pains me whenever you smile blissfully, but your tears make me feel so happy?
"Yunho... I..."
"...Mm..."
"I... it hurt like this too when I had my wisdom tooth extracted..."
I felt his warm breath as he chuckled.
"So you never even tried to forget me...?"
How would you expect me to continue living if I forgot you? Ever since I was 17, I could never possibly forget you.
"How could I...?"
My heart would hurt to much. I'd planted you on my heart, so if you're gone, my heart would've been uprooted along with you.
"You're a bad man... always trying to forget me..."
"...Sob..."
He really couldn't stop crying, and suddenly I felt that all the pain, all the hardships I've endured thus far have been fully compensated for at that point. It felt like the clouds have dispersed and I could feel the sun on my face once more. His tears soaked the entire front of my shirt, and he even slapped himself in anger. Seeing him trying to make amends with such sincerity, I couldn't help but forgive him! Please, let's not cry again from now on...
I kissed him gently on the forehead and at once, his tears stopped, though he still sniffled a little. I know how you feel... I really do... I patted his head and he let out a small sob...
"It's been hard on you..."
As long as my man can stop hurting, then that's okay. Even if he turns into a complete coward one day, he doesn't have to apologize to me as long as he can keep loving me. The reason why he's in such great pain is not because of him, but me. Please don't ever overlook my jealousy, got it?
"Don't do something so silly ever again..."
He held onto me for dear life. I know... I suppose I'll have to be strong. But you can't do anything about it! Divorce? I know how much that would hurt you! So you don't have to do anything... my adorable Jung Yunho....
Whenever she wasn't around, he would display his love and affection for me passionately. This morning was no exception?
Before he went off for work, he was changing in his walk-in wardrobe when I suddenly sauntered in. Suh-hee was in the kitchen preparing breakfast, so I locked the door. When he saw me he looked a bit surprised, but his hands promptly stopped button his shirt and snaked themselves around me instead as he kissed me.
"Jung Yunho, you're married! Ugh... and Suh-hee's downstairs!"
He flashed a quick smile at my protests. I tried to push him off but he didn't budge until we could hear her voice calling for us from the kitchen. Even though our bodies moved apart, his hands quickly found their way back to me again. Yunho's eyes were wet with desire and I couldn't look away either. He gently leaned in and whispered into my ears, "I want to 'eat' you so bad..." I forgot that we're in a dangerous place and that now's not the time to do it, plastering myself to his bare chest. If she walks in and sees this, then so be it!
"Why... why is our Yunho always so busy, hm?"
"Not that I can't see you afterwards. I want to be able to see you all the time too, but I need to work... baby... hm? Be good..."
He flashed a mischievous grin and called me 'baby'. I used to dislike that name but he always said it with such an idiotic expression on his face, especially when I'm whining or making ridiculous requests. And it worked every time, just like now...
"Idiot! You haven't changed at all!"
So cute! How I wish nothing would change...
I put my arms around his neck while he held my waist and we stayed like this for a while. I breathed in the scent of his shampoo and felt utterly at ease.
"Remember to eat well, and take a nap if you're tired. If you had a nightmare or if you're bored, give me a call, alright?"
"Mm, Oppa...
"Don't think too much... and stay home like a good boy!"
I nodded, burying my face into his chest, drowning myself in his intoxicating scent. I hate how he has to go to work, but I can't do anything about it.
"If only I could shrink myself so small that I could fit onto your palm... ah! But then we wouldn''t be able to make love... Oppa's too big, like a bear... Or maybe I could turn into a woman... Oppa..."
"Oh... But it's alright.... you're much more beautiful compared to women... look at this pretty face... even your thing looks gorgeous. Isn't that enough?"
"I know... but it drives me crazy sometimes..."
"Then what should Oppa do about it? Being my wife is a pretty sad thing..."
"Mm... I want a kiss..."
We pecked each other lightly on the lips...
"I should be heading off..."
"What time does your work end?"
He lowered his head and looked at me. "Let Oppa see, ah, still so beautiful... and the prettiest part..." As he said it his hands groped me down there and he leaned in and licked my eye lid. I started tearing up again. So this is his love for me...
"I love Kim Jaejoong the most, and everything else doesn't matter anymore..."
Oh dear, he's hopelessly in love with me....