Relationships: Reasoning and such

[eclecticmichi]

I recently read an article in the New York Magazine by Philip Weiss, entitled "The Affairs of Men: The Trouble with Sex and Marriage". The piece discusses impulses that drive seemingly happy married men to the arms of infidelity, either because of heightened sexual curiosity, voracity, or a taste for 20-something luscious waitresses with tatoos. I'

Comments

[locke61dv]

> one of you will have to come around and shoot me for being a compromising doormat

I'll schedule that in right after bodychecking said unfortunate dude through a window, if that's okay. :-)

I'd like to think that I'm better off in that, while I was brought up with and enjoy a pretty traditional set of expectations, I'm pretty comfortable with other people's choices and have seen very functional open relationships. I understand that this is a valid thing, and it can exist entirely separate from "infidelity", which is an entirely invalid thing. (But I've met folks who cannot separate those at all.)

[mister_wolf]

I've been married guy for five years, and exclusive with my wife for many years before that.

On the one hand, monogamy isn't easy. Sexual opportunities don't tend to fall into one's lap, so to speak, but I have had to make a few tough choices to stay faithful to my wife.

On the other hand, if she cheated on me, I'd be devastated. It is only fair that I treat her as I would like to be treated.

Though honestly, I'm very much a one-woman man. I'm not saying I don't have fantasies, but all in all, I love my girl so much, even after 11 years, that other women sort of pale by comparison.

However, do I feel men need sexual outlets. A lot of women feel threatened and get angry if men look at other women or at pornography. My wife doesn't, for which I am forever grateful - it is much easier to keep a reign on your body if your not trying to hold your imagination in check, too.

[little_e_]

IMO, what works in a relationship is what the two people involved agree on. That is, if you want monogamy, marry someone who also wants monogamy--there are plenty of people who do. And if you don't want monogamy, marry someone who also doesn't want monogamy

[spacehawk]

Do you spend much time in the poly community? I learned quite a bit about how to frame, reframe, think about and then rethink my views on monogamy from spending time with poly people. I fully expect to "end up" in a monogamous relationship someday. but if you stay in the monogamous world and only interact with monogamous people with monogamous norms (following them or breaking them), you don't ever get exposed to other systems of thinking. You never question your assumptions and learn to see other possibilities

[anonymous]

New York magazine is not the New York Times magazine.

[eclecticmichi]

Ah, my mistake. It's now corrected.

Who is this?