fic: let's all pack up and move this year (disney rpf, nick/miley, etc., 2/4)
Title: Let's All Pack Up and Move This Year
Author: empressearwig
Pairing/Fandom: Disney RPF; Nick Jonas/Miley Cyrus, Joe Jonas/Demi Lovato, Kevin Jonas/Danielle Jonas, David Henrie/Selena Gomez, John Mayer/Taylor Swif
Rating: R
Spoilers/Warnings: None.
Word Count:28,709
Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one, this is all for fun. This hasn't happened. Yet. Etc.
Summary: This is a story about finding yourself and then finding your way back. Set six years in the future, it is the story of Nick and Miley's separate struggles with the choices they've made and who they've become, and how the choices they make next will change the rest of their lives. The story deviates from reality somewhere in fall 2009.
Author's Notes: Written for jb_bigbang 2010. Many thanks to my brilliant artist, magic_panic, whose work can be found here and below. Many, many thanks to the people that looked at this in various stages of development, including, but not limited to the following: perfectlystill, leobrat and normative_jean. I am 100% sure that this wouldn't have been finished without your assistance and cheerleading. You can start calling in those favors any time now.
I'm alone but I'm not lonely
I'm with the only person that knows me
I'm armed with my guitar and I'm armed
With emotional scars
And my journey is underway
~ Jason Manns, Journey
In March, Nick goes to visit Joe and Demi in New York. When Joe called to issue the invitiation, Nick assumed it was for some sort of drunken debauchery for St. Patrick's Day, the kind of thing they never got to do when they were teenagers or when they should have been in college. So Nick's more than a little surprised when Joe shows up bright and early at his hotel room and drags him to Tiffany's.
As they wander around the store, Joe peering anxiously into display cases, Nick keeps looking at him and saying, "Now? Really?"
After the fifth or so time, Joe punches him in the arm and says in an exasperated voice, "Yes, now. Really. Why is this so hard to believe?"
"I don't know, because you've been promising Mom and Dad you were going to get married since you moved in together, what, two years ago?" Nick shrugs. "I figured you were going to spend the rest of your lives living in sin."
Joe raises his eyebrows. "Living in sin? Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, Nicky boy."
Nick snorts. "I wish."
Joe stops, looks at him. "Really? Then why haven't you let Demi set you up with anyone for the last few months? Kind of hard to live in sin solo."
"Because Demi and I do not agree on what types of women I should be dating." Nick shrugs uncomfortably. "Shouldn't we be focused on picking out a ring, not my lack of a love life?"
"Yes." Joe steps towards one of the cases and addresses the salesperson. "Excuse me?"
The woman turns towards them, polite smile firmly in place. "Yes, can I help you?"
Joe gives her the smile that lets him get away with murder, and Nick just barely manages to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "I have an appointment to look at rings at ten o'clock. Could you point me in the right direction?"
"Of course," she says. "If I could just get your name?"
"Jonas. Joe Jonas."
"Just a moment, Mr. Jonas."
She turns her back to place a call and Nick rolls his eyes at his brother. "Really, you think you're Bond now?"
"I think I'd be a great Bond," Joe says. "If it weren't for the whole not being British thing." He strokes his chin thoughtfully. "Do you think they'd let me do it if I worked on my accent?"
Nick's saved from answering by the salesperson.
"Mr. Jonas?" she says. "If you could just follow me, please."
She leads them to a private show room in the back of the store, where there's already a manager waiting for them. They shake hands and sit down to begin discussing what exactly Joe's looking for. As Joe launches into a description, Nick zones out. In a million years, he never would have guessed that Joe would get married before him. Somewhere in his head, Joe is still the goofy older brother that was never going to grow up. Nick doesn't know when Joe stopped being that person.
He's left to wonder who he's become without even knowing it.
***
After ring shopping they head to a bar. It's probably too early to be drinking, but if any situation calls for it, Nick figures buying an engagement ring is it.
They have the place mostly to themselves and they sit side by side at the bar in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally Nick looks at his brother and asks, "Why now?"
Joe looks at him and shrugs. "I don't know," he says slowly. "It just feels like now is the right time." He shrugs again. "She's the right girl, she's always been the right girl."
Nick nods and takes a drink. He envies Joe that, the knowing that it's the right girl at the right time. He wants that for himself more than he can say. More than he wants to think about.
He knows who that girl is for him. He doesn't know if it will ever be the right time.
"Nick, what's been going on with you lately?"
He blinks and looks sideways at Joe, who's looking back at him with worry on his face. "I don't know what you mean."
Joe sighs. "Yes, you do. Something, I don't know what, has been going on with you for months. You're not talking to me, you're not talking to Demi, or to Kevin. Talk to me. In a non-girly kind of way."
He knows Joe is right. He does. But he doesn't know how to explain it. So he asks the question that he hasn't let himself ask anyone. "How's Miley?"
Joe blinks. Blinks again. A slow grin spreads across his face. "Miley?" he asks incredulously. "Miley? Is that what this has been about?"
"No," Nick denies.
Joe gives him a look.
"Part of it. Maybe. A very small part."
Joe gives him the look again. "Nicholas."
"I hate you so much," Nick groans, thumping his head down against the cool wood of the bar. He thinks he'll just stay here for the rest of his life. It has to be better than the alternative.
"You're the one that brought it up," Joe points out gleefully.
Nick's head shoots up. "I did not!"
"I asked you what was wrong with you. You are the one that brought Miley into it."
"I didn't mean it -- I didn't mean it like that," Nick protests, with a sigh. He knows he's fighting a losing battle, Joe won't let go of something like this. He tries anyway. "Are you going to answer my question?"
Joe opens his mouth. Closes it. He gives Nick a sheepish look. "What was your question? I may have gotten kind of distracted."
Nick can't help it, he rolls his eyes. "How's Miley?"
"Right," Joe says, nodding his head. "Miley. She's good, man. Better. I mean, she seems happier. Demi says that she and Taylor are writing together."
Now that's interesting, Nick thinks. As far as he knows, Miley hasn't written in years. He'd always wondered why she stopped. He wonders what's changed. "Really?"
Joe nods again. "Yeah, Dem says she sounds really good. More like Miley." He raises his eyebrows at Nick. "Now. You're going to tell me just why you're so interested in our friend Miss Miley."
"I wouldn't call her my friend," Nick hedges, taking another drink. They were never friends, not really. It was just a lie they told to themselves. He shakes his head. "I don't know. I've just been thinking a lot about her lately. About what Demi said back at Thanksgiving, about her not being happy."
"Are you happy?"
Sometimes Nick forgets just how perceptive Joe is. He looks at his brother. "Honestly?"
Joe nods.
"I don't know."
"Well," Joe says slowly. "Let me know when you figure it out."
They finish their drinks in silence and leave, Nick heading back to his hotel and Joe to the apartment he and Demi share. When they all meet up for dinner that night, it's as if none of it was ever said.
Nick figures he owes Joe a pretty huge favor for that.
***
He flies back to Chicago the next day. Now that he's done what he didn't even realize he was there to do, he doesn't much see the point in sticking around. And much as he loves his brother and Demi, being around all that unadulterated happiness isn't what he needs right now.
The first thing he does when he gets home is head to his piano. He thinks it's time to start figuring things out.
###
Once Miley agrees to Taylor's crazy scheme, she learns about a whole other side of her friend. Taylor may wear her heart on her sleeve, but underneath it all is a smart and savvy business woman with an iron will. From there, it's pretty easy to figure out how exactly Taylor took over the music industry before her twentieth birthday.
As far as people to have in your corner, Miley decides there's no one better. That doesn't mean she doesn't learn to avoid Taylor when she's got that look in her eyes. The tire tracks from being run over during one of her moods teaches her that.
But really, it all seems surprisingly easy. So much easier than Miley remembers.
They record in John and Taylor's studio, John producing for them. Taylor calls in favors from her friends in Nashville to get people to sit in for sessions. There's no rush, so a blown take isn't the end of the world, but a chance to see if they can make something better. Miley learns to love the process of making music again; she remembers why before acting or anything else, music was her first love.
Making this record with Taylor is a sort of healing that Miley hadn't even known she needed.
***
Miley's more than willing to turn most of the details over to Taylor, but the one thing she insists on an equal say in is the band's name.
After a month of endless debating and absolutely no progress, Miley thinks that if she'd known how hard making that decision was going to be, she might have turned that decision over to Taylor, too.
Nothing sounds right. They start by trying to come up with ways to combine their names, awful things like Swift Hope or Cyrus & Swift, but quickly realize that nothing good can come of heading in that direction. That way lies portmanteaus and them being called "Maylor" and they'd just rather not open up that particular can of worms. Why give the internet fodder for free? They should at least have to work for it. (Miley's at least sort of looking forward to the rumors that she's responsible for the breakdown of John and Taylor's marriage, though. She hasn't been called a home wrecking slut in ages.)
The name comes to her in the shower. She's rinsing shampoo out of her hair when suddenly she knows exactly what they should call themselves. She freezes; can it really have been this simple all along? The soap drips into her eyes. "Goddammit," she yelps, blinking furiously. She finishes rinsing, turns off the water, wraps herself in a towel. She drips water all over the the floor as she walks into her bedroom to grab her phone.
She dials Taylor's number. Waits.
Taylor answers. "Hello?"
"The Second."
There's a pause. "Excuse me?"
"The Second," Miley says again.
"I'm still not sure I understand."
"As a band name," Miley explains impatiently. "What do you think?"
"Oh," Taylor says, injecting a wealth of meaning into the one syllable. "Oh."
"Good oh or bad oh?"
"Good oh. That's perfect. I love it."
Miley exhales. "Oh, thank god. Now I have to go. We'll talk later."
She hangs up over Taylor's protests, lets herself flop down on her unmade bed for just a minute. She smiles.
***
Taylor presents their first concert to Miley as a fait accompli. The club is booked, publicity handled, backing band arranged, invitations to friends issued. When Taylor tells her about it, Miley's sure her mouth hangs open for a good five minutes. As furious as she is with Taylor in that moment, she can also see the genius in doing it this way. Miley's sure that if Taylor hadn't done this, she would have found a way to get out of it.
Well, she would have tried to find a way to get out of it. She doesn't actually think Taylor would have let her.
But as they start getting ready for the show, rehearsing with the band, finalizing the set list, the songs themselves, Miley can't help but think about the last time she was onstage. It wasn't anything like this is going to be, a relatively intimate club show with a pretty select guest list and limited ticket sales. It was an arena full of people singing her songs and dancing, and Miley remembers feeling absolutely no fear as she stepped out onto the stage.
Now she's terrified. Terrified that no one will like what they're doing, that she'll freeze up and not remember the words to their songs, that she doesn't remember how to do this. And maybe she doesn't, she's never played a show like this one before. A roomful of people scares her more than a packed arena.
Or maybe it's just one person. Taylor tried to hide the guest list from her, but Miley finagled a copy from John. On a list full of names, Nick's was the only one she could see.
She doesn't know if she's more scared that he will come or if he won't. He shouldn't still make her feel like this, she knows that. She doesn't think about what that means either.
###
Nick gets the invitation in the mail on a Tuesday afternoon. It's in a thick cream colored envelope, the kind he associates with wedding invitations. He dumps the rest of his mail on his kitchen table and looks at it carefully, trying to remember which of his friends is getting married. He decides this one must be from David and Selena and opens it, curious to see if he's right. When he draws the card out of the envelope and reads it, he can't believe his eyes. It is most definitely not an invitation to David and Selena's wedding. He drops the card to the table.
He picks it back up, reads it again, sure that his eyes are playing tricks on him. But the words don't change no matter how many times he reads them.
One Night Only, it reads. The debut of Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus as The Second. There's a date and time and place, but it's the first two lines he cares about.
He has a million questions, but what he most wants to know is this: what does the invitation mean?
Does it mean that Miley is ready to put whatever happened between them in the past? Does she want to start over? Does it even mean that she wants him there or was he invited because it was polite?
There's only one thing to do if he wants answers; he calls Demi.
He dials her number and waits, restlessly tapping the invitation against the edge of the kitchen table. He feels really weird, almost anxious in a way he hasn't been for years. He knows it's because of Miley. She's always been able to make him feel this way. Apparently it doesn't go away with age.
"Nick!" Demi answers loudly. "What's up?"
"Demetria," he says, leaning back in his chair. He sets the invitation down on the table.
"Uh oh," she says. "Am I in trouble?"
"That depends." He picks the invitation back up. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"
"I really don't think so."
"Maybe something about a friend of ours?" he prompts and waits. He can almost hear the penny drop.
"Oh," she says. "Miley and Taylor's thing. You got your invite?"
He nods, even though she can't see him. "I did."
"Isn't it awesome?" Demi asks brightly. Too brightly. Demi doesn't do bright. Which means Nick was right about her knowing what was going on and not telling him. "I think they're going to be amazing, you're going to come, right?"
"I don't know," he says. "Does Miley actually want me there?"
"What?" Demi says, sounding baffled. "Why would you --?"
He cuts her off. "I don't know."
There's a long pause. He doesn't know what he's thinking, what he's feeling, why he's saying any of this. He thought he'd started to figure things out, decided that whatever feelings for Miley that had been dredged up were firmly in the past. That it was just concern for an old friend and his own quarterlife crisis. But now, now, he just doesn't know. He hates not knowing.
"Nick."
He bites back the groan, there's something in her voice that he doesn't like. "Yes?"
"Is it maybe possible -- just maybe, mind you -- that you still have a little thing for Miley?"
He has a second to decide. Tell the truth or tell a lie. He knows Demi will know either way. He takes a deep breath. "Yes."
He hangs up the phone. For now, it's all the honesty he can stand.
***
He goes to Nashville for the show. He argued with himself about it for a few days, but he always knew he was going to go. He's never really been able to say no to anything where Miley's concerned. Why would it be any different now?
Joe picks him up at the airport, since he and Demi flew out a few days earlier. Something about girl time, Nick's not sure. He's been avoiding talking to Demi since the call where she asked him about Miley, and Joe's not always the most reliable of sources.
They don't really talk much on the way to the hotel, just scattered random chatter about the Yankees and the scripts Joe's reading and what they're going to get their mom for her birthday. It's nice, relaxing. Even though he's been tense for days, Nick can actually feel it seeping out of him. Maybe he was nervous for no reason, maybe it will all be fine.
He thinks that for about ten seconds. Then Joe says, clear out of the blue, "So you do still have a thing for Miley."
Nick's jaw actually drops. It's one of those things that he always thought only happens in movies, but nope. It's a real thing. He cuts his eyes sideways at his brother. "What? Where did --"
Joe shakes his head. "Don't even try to deny it, I have an unimpeachable source."
"You mean Demi," Nick says flatly. He's going to kill her for that later. Really, he is.
Joe has the grace to look slightly guilty. "Don't be mad at her. We're almost engaged. We talk. It's what couples do." He gives Nick a pointed look. "Maybe you'd remember that if you actually had a girlfriend once in awhile. Oh wait, you don't want just any girlfriend. You want Miley."
Nick sighs. He could deny it, but what would be the point? One of Joe's more annoying traits is his ability to know when Nick is lying. Nick's always sort of hated that about his brother. "Yes."
"You admitted it," Joe says with surprise. "I didn't think you'd admit it."
Nick shrugs. Maybe if he stops answering questions, Joe will stop asking them.
Of course that doesn't happen. "So when are you going to act like a man and do something about it?"
He snorts. He's not answering that. If he did answer that, it would immediately get back to Demi who would feel the need to share it with Miley and if and when he decides to do something about it, he wants the element of surprise. It might be the only advantage he has.
Joe keeps talking, but Nick tunes him out. He needs to think. And a drink. He really hopes this hotel has a bar. He has a feeling he and the bartender are about to become very good friends.
###
Miley's not really sure how it happened, but somehow she's hosting a grown up version of a sleep over. It's the night before the show and she's stressed beyond belief, but she doesn't even have time to think about it. Which now that she thinks about it, is maybe why Taylor showed up on her doorstep, Demi and Selena in tow. She takes a sip of the fruity drink that Demi shoved into her hand and watches Selena paint Taylor's toenails. She tries to remember the last time she had a night like this. She thinks it might have been around the time she stopped wearing braces. It's been far too long.
Demi looks up from the shelf of movies Miley keeps next to the television. "Miley, you have really crappy taste, you know that?"
"Says you."
"Of course says me," Demi retorts. "I"m the one that said it."
Miley laughs and gets up off the couch to join her. "What are you looking for?"
Demi shrugs and elbows her in the side. "Something with lots of blood. Why don't you have anything like that?"
"No blood," Taylor interjects. "I'm not really in the mood for a slasher movie. It's always the blonde that dies first."
"You're going to make me watch some drippy chick flick, aren't you?" Demi groans.
Selena looks back over her shoulder at Demi. "We are girls."
"That doesn't mean we have to be those kind of girls."
"If anyone should be protesting a chick flick it should be me," Miley points out. She points a finger at Demi. "Boyfriend." She turns the finger on Selena. "Engaged." At Taylor. "Married." She points it back at herself. "Very, very single."
Demi, Selena, and Taylor trade looks.
Miley narrows her eyes. "I saw that."
"Saw what?" Demi asks innocently. She grabs a movie off the shelf, pushes it into Miley's hands. "Let's watch this."
Miley doesn't even look down to see what it is. She knows bad acting when she sees it. "No."
"A movie sounds like a great idea," Taylor pipes up from her spot on the floor. She wiggles her toes in admiration. "Who wants popcorn? I think popcorn sounds like a great idea."
"Me, too," Selena adds, capping the bottle of nail polish.
"You mean you want me to go make popcorn so that you can all get your stories straight," Miley says, crossing her arms over her chest and trying to look threatening. It doesn't work.
Taylor just smiles at her. "Yes. So get out of here, would you?"
Miley blinks. She hadn't actually expected them to admit that's what they were up to. "Fine." She stalks out of the living room and into the kitchen. She doesn't even want to know anwyay.
Except she does. A lot. She hates her friends.
***
When she comes back from the kitchen, large bowls of popcorn in hand, they've already started the movie. Demi's on the couch, feet tucked up underneath her. Taylor and Selena are on the floor, Selena stretched out on her stomach, Taylor leaning back against the couch. They look far too pleased with themselves.
Miley dumps the bowls of popcorn on the coffee table and grabs the remote. She presses pause. "Talk."
Selena rolls over with a sigh, sits up. She draws her knees up against her chest and rests her chin on them. "I told you."
"Shhhhhhh," Demi hisses. She gives Miley a bright smile. "There's nothing to talk about. Unless it's how much better this movie would be with some zombies. Why don't they make romantic comedies with zombies? Isn't that like, the perfect crossover appeal? You'd get both guys and girls and --"
"Demi," Taylor says, patting her on the knee. "Take a breath."
Demi does.
Taylor looks up at Miley. "It's not what you think."
"How do you know what I'm thinking?" Miley counters. She's not actually sure what she thinks they're keeping from her, so how could they? But they don't need to know that. She tries to look menacing. "Talk."
"It's about Nick," Selena says from her spot on the floor. At Demi and Taylor's incredulous looks, she shrugs. "What? We're not teenagers anymore. I have a fiance. I can't say Nick's name?"
"You can say his name," Miley says, distraction in her voice. She fixes her stare on Demi and Taylor. "Nick?"
The two of them trade glances, and Demi sighs. "I wasn't sure if I should tell you."
"Tell me what?"
"That I sort of maybe kind of tricked Nick into admitting that he still has feelings for you," Demi says quickly, running the words together so they all sound like one. "Are you mad?"
Miley sinks down onto the couch next to Demi. There's a strange sort of buzzing in her ears and she can't quite catch her breath. She's not mad -- she knows that. But she doesn't know what she is beyond that. She certainly didn't think that's what they were talking about, keeping from her. If she'd known, she doesn't think she would have asked. Or maybe she would have. She can't think.
"Miley?" Taylor says worriedly, resting her hand on Miley's ankle. "Are you okay?" She looks back at Demi. "See, this is why I didn't want to tell her."
"I didn't want to tell her either," Demi squeaks. She points a finger at Selena. "She's the one that actually said it. Blame her."
Selena holds up her hands. "Don't even think about blaming me. I am an innocent bystander. A morbidly fascinated one, mind you, but totally innocent."
"Innocent, my ass," Demi snorts. She scoots closer to Miley on the couch, waving a hand in front of her face. "Miley? Are you okay?"
Miley grabs her hand. "I can hear you, you know." She shakes her head. "I am -- I am not okay." She shakes her head again. "I don't understand."
"What don't you understand?" Demi asks.
Miley shrugs helplessly. "Any of it. All of it. Nick still has -- why were you even -- did everyone --"
"One question at a time, sweetie," Taylor says. "Now. Was the first one, Nick still has feelings for me?"
Miley nods. It's all she can really do. She concentrates on making sure she's still breathing.
"I think that one is all yours," Taylor says, looking up at Demi. "Try not to make her catatonic, okay? I need her onstage tomorrow night."
"Nice priorities there, Taylor," Selena says, grabbing handful of popcorn.
"Anyway," Demi says loudly. She takes Miley's hand and looks at her with the closest thing Miley's ever seen to an earnest expression on her face. "This isn't some huge conspiracy or anything, I swear. It's just -- Nick's been mopey for months. Since around the time you started making plans to move back here, actually. And not that long ago, when he called to see if you actually wanted him to come to the concert --"
"I didn't even know he'd been invited," Miley tries to interject, but Demi just blows past her.
"-- and I finally called him on it."
"Called him on what, exactly?"
"Still being in love with you, silly."
Miley sits up straighter. There's no way she heard Demi right. Nick wouldn't just say that. He wouldn't. "He said that?"
Demi bites her lip. "Well, not in so many words. But it was implied. Strongly implied. Also, he hung up right after he said it and has been avoiding my calls ever since. So I'm pretty sure that's what he meant."
"Is anyone else getting flashbacks to what high school might have been like if we'd actually gone?" Selena asks. Three blank faces look back at her. She shrugs and takes more popcorn. "Just me then."
The buzzing noise is back in Miley's ears and this time she's pretty sure that she's actually going to pass out. She most definitely did not expect this. She doesn't believe this. Nick's not still in love with her. She would know if Nick were still in love with her. She would know, even if they haven't spoken in over two years. Haven't been together in six. She would know. It's Nick. She would know. She believes this, absolutely.
She's afraid of how much she wants to believe this.
She shakes her head, tries to clear it. "You're wrong," she says, looking at Demi. "I appreciate it, what you're trying to do, really I do, but you're wrong. Nick's not still in love with me."
"Can I say something?" Selena asks.
"No," Taylor and Demi say in unison. They look at each other and frown.
"That was creepy," Taylor says.
"And I'm going to say it anyway," Selena says. She looks directly at Miley. "Nick has never, in his life, stopped being in love with you. Nobody knows that better than me."
Miley shakes her head again. "You're wrong."
Selena raises an eyebrow. "About the cause of every break up I ever had with Nick? I don't really think so, but I'd like to hear you try to convince me otherwise."
"No," Miley says, flustered. "I mean, I hope that's not true, but I mean about now. Do you guys even know how long it's been?"
They all nod.
Miley frowns. She really doesn't appreciate being ganged up on like this. Especially not in her own home. "I can still make you all go back to the hotel."
"We'll stop," Taylor says. "Demi, get her another drink." She takes Miley's hand. Squeezes it. "Just think about what we said, okay? Just think about it. We just want you to be happy, Miles."
"I was happier not thinking about that," Miley counters. She was. Maybe. Probably. She's not going to sleep at all tonight, she knows that.
"Mmhm," Taylor says knowingly, squeezing her hand one more time and then letting go. "Demi, that drink?"
Another drink is pressed into Miley's hand and someone starts the movie again. Miley sips her drink and tries to focus on the screen in front of her, but she's fighting a losing battle. The same four words keep echoing through her mind, and she's helpless to stop them.
Nick still loves me.
She's never wanted something to be true so badly before in her entire life. She wishes she could believe that it was.
She just doesn't have that kind of luck.
###
The club is packed for the show. Nick's not quite sure what he expected, but it wasn't this. Maybe it should have been, though, he doesn't know. He's looking around for Joe and Demi, but it's impossible to spot them in the crowd. He knew he should have left with them. This is what he gets for acting like a teenage girl getting ready for her first date. Well, what he assumes a teenage girl getting ready for her first date is like. He doesn't actually have any experience with that.
Someone claps him on the shoulder. "Upstairs," Joe says into Nick's ear.
He turns his head just a fraction and Joe jerks his head towards a staircase Nick hadn't seen. Nick nods and follows Joe out of the crowd and up the stairs. It's only a little less crowded and a little less quiet, but Nick will take it. He nods hello to John as he joins the group clustered around a tall table, shaking David's hand and pressing a quick kiss to Selena's cheek. "Where's Demi?" he asks, taking the beer that Joe passes him.
"Backstage," Joe answers, pouring another glass and handing it to David. "Miley was nervous, I think."
"It's been a long time," Nick says as neutrally as he can. "I can't blame her." He doesn't miss the 'I told you so' look that Selena gives David, but he decides to let it pass. It's too early for that. He takes a drink.
"She'll be fine," Selena says breezily. "It's Miley. She's always fine." An impish grin breaks out on her face. "I'd rather talk about Nick."
Nick chokes a little on his beer. "Me?" he splutters, coughing. "What about me?"
"Oh, you know. The usual. What you've been up to, stuff like that. I haven't seen you in ages."
That's true. But it feels like she's asking something else. Nick's just not sure what that something else is. "Nothing that exciting." He tries to change the subject. "How about the two of you? How are the wedding plans going?"
"Well done," David says. He wraps an arm around Selena's shoulders. "Leave Nick alone. You can play spy another time."
Selena's lower lip slides out into a pout. "That's not what I was going."
David just looks at her.
"Well, okay, maybe I was, but --" She's cut off when David kisses her. Nick's always liked David.
When the kiss edges past the limits of acceptable public display of affection, Nick turns his attention to John. "So are they ready for this?"
John nods. "They should be good, man. They both know what they're doing." He laughs a little, almost to himself. "I think you'll be very, well, interested."
There's most definitely something in his tone of voice that Nick doesn't like. "Interested, how?"
The lights start to dim. Nick doesn't get his answer.
###
Miley stands in the wings, guitar in hand, totally oblivious to the chaos around her. She can't do this. She doesn't know what she was thinking. This was a terrible idea, why did she let Taylor talk her into it? She doesn't remember the words to the songs, how to sing, how to play guitar, any of it. She's going to get on stage and have hundreds of people laugh at her.
She never should have agreed to this. She wonders if it's too late to back out. Even Taylor wouldn't make her sing if she threw up, right?
"Yes, I would," Taylor says from behind her.
Miley almost jumps out of her skin. "What the --" she starts, snapping her head around to see Taylor's laughing face. "Was I talking outloud?"
"Yes," Taylor confirms. She pats Miley on the shoulder. "You aren't getting out of this, even if you puke. And you can do this. Really, you can."
"No, I can't," Miley says, shaking her head. Now she really does feel like she's going to be sick. Or pass out. She's not really sure which. "I just can't."
"You can."
"Can't."
"Can." Taylor grabs her hand. "Look at me."
Miley does what she says, because she really doen't have a choice in the matter. Taylor's got a deathgrip on her hand and somehow Miley doesn't think that if she manages to break her fingers she'll get out of going on stage either.
"Take a deep breath."
She does.
"Now let it out -- slowly."
She does.
"Repeat after me."
Miley looks at her skeptically. Breathing is one thing, but this isn't really her kind of thing.
"Miley," Taylor warns. "Do it."
"Fine, fine."
"Good. Now, repeat after me. I can do this."
"I can do this."
"I am going to knock everyone's socks off."
Miley groans, but obeys. "I am going to knock everyone's socks off."
"I believe I am going to knock everyone's socks off."
"Honestly, Taylor?" Miley groans. "Enough."
Taylor opens her mouth and Miley gives her a look, a look that very clearly means that she's done, and Taylor's mouth snaps shut. She nods. "Okay. So. Are you ready?"
Miley sighs, steels herself. "As ready as I'm going to be."
"In that case..." Taylor drawls. She gives someone the high sign and the lights dim. "This is it!" She starts to drag Miley towards the stage, but Miley digs her heels in.
"Before we go out there," she says in a rush. "I just -- I just --"
Taylor's eyebrows go up.
"Thank you," Miley says finally. "I know I'm being ridiculous and a nut case right now, but thank you."
Taylor grins. "It was my pleasure. Now come on!"
In the dark, they make their way onto the stage. Miley takes the stool on the left, Taylor the one on the right. Miley takes another deep breath, looks at Taylor. Nods. Taylor signals the band. The drummer starts, playing a steady beat. Then the piano comes in. Taylor starts to play her guitar. The lights come up.
This is it. Miley leans forward and starts to sing.
###
They're good. Nick's not really sure why he's surprised by this. He's always thought Miley was one of the most talented people he knows and Taylor, much as he hasn't always liked Taylor as a person, he's always respected her talent. Nick's always thought that was more important. So he doesn't know why he's surprised.
But he is and it seems like everyone else is, too, from the way everyone around the table is half grinning, half staring at the stage with mouths hanging open. Selena's almost dancing in David's arms and Demi's doing the same thing, except Joe's dancing with her, and Nick's not even sure where Demi came from. The only one that doesn't look in the least bit surprised is John and he's had a front row seat to all of this, and Nick's pretty sure that was an unfair advantage.
The first break is three songs into their set. Everyone on stage guzzles water and Taylor leans forward to the microphone. "How're y'all doing tonight?" she asks.
The cheers are almost deafening. Nick lets himself smile. He's really happy for Miley that this is going so well. She deserves this.
On stage, Taylor continues charming the audience. "I'm Taylor," she says. "And this is my friend, Miley. We're so glad you all came out to see us tonight. Now, if you all don't mind, we were hoping to play a cover. Is that okay?"
More cheers. Taylor has really gotten good at this over the years, Nick muses to himself. It's impressive.
"That's good," she says. "Because we were going to do it anyway." She laughs and nods, and a guitar starts to play. It's a slower, almost dreamier song than what came before. It's definitely more country, twangier. Taylor sings the first lines and there's scattered cheering. Clearly someone in the audience knows the song. Nick doesn't recognize it, though. It's another thing that doesn't surprise him.
Miley joins Taylor for the chorus, singing about strawberry wine and first love and being seventeen and there's a pang in Nick's chest. They fell in love long before they were seventeen, but he knows that feeling. Misses that feeling. He tries to read the look on Miley's face. He wants her to miss that feeling, too.
She sings the next verse. When she gets to the words, "we drifted away like leaves in the fall," Nick sees what he's looking for. There's a longing there that he knows has to be written all over his own face. He makes his way to the railing to get a better look.
There's another chorus. Taylor joins in and sings harmony.
Then the band falls away and it's just Miley singing the bridge, a guitar softly strumming in the background. "The fields have grown over now," she sings. "Years since they've seen a plow. There's nothing time hasn't touched."
Nick wills her to look up. To see him, in this moment. For them to see each other. She looks up.
Their eyes meet, catch. She sings the next lines, looking straight up at him. "Is it really him or the loss of my innocence, I've been missing so much?"
The words hang there for just a split second before the drums kick back in and Taylor adds her voice to the words of the chorus. Miley looks away. Nick clutches the railing in front of him.
The song ends. The audience cheers some more. Nick tries to stop his heart from beating out of his chest. He knows he didn't imagine that. That was what a stupid romantic comedy would call a moment. He knows he's not supposed to take those for granted.
He doesn't want to take it for granted. He just doesn't know what to do next. So for now, he'll listen to them sing.
###
They segue straight into the next song, but it's one that Taylor mostly sings lead on and Miley's suddenly really grateful for that. She can't quite catch her breath and she knows it's not from all the singing.
It's Nick. It's the way Nick was looking at her, with regret and wonder and god, she thinks it might have been longing, all rolled into one and now she can't breathe. If there was a worse time to not be able to breathe, Miley's not sure what it could possibly be.
She leans towards the microphone to sing a harmony on the chorus, and it's all muscle memory. If someone asked her the lyrics to the song right now, she wouldn't know them, but somehow she doesn't miss a word. The hours and hours of rehearsal that Taylor insisted on were worth it after all.
Now she just has to hope she can make it through the rest of the show by doing the exact same thing. That's not impossible, is it? She doesn't actually let herself answer that question.
For the rest of the night, she doesn't look up toward the balcony.
***
When they've played their last song, encore and all, Miley bolts for backstage. Even without looking at him, she could feel Nick's eyes on her for the rest of the night. She hasn't been that hyper aware of anyone else in forever, probably since the last time she and Nick were together. Hyper awareness was always part of their relationship.
She leans back against a wall and tries to catch her breath. Just because they had a moment while she was on stage, doesn't mean anything, she tells herself. Maybe it wasn't even a moment. Maybe it was all in her head. Nick probably didn't even realize what was going on.
Her attempts at rationalization are cut off by Taylor wrapping her up in a hug and squealing in her ear.
"We did it!" she exclaims. Miley can feel the happiness radiating through her limbs. She can't help but smile and hug Taylor back. Taylor's joy is infectious and Miley knows better than to resist.
Taylor draws back, looks at Miley critically. "You're happy, right? Just listen to them, Miles. They loved us." She shakes Miley's shoulders. "Be happy!"
Miley laughs, nods. "I'm happy, I promise." She's just a lot of other things, too, confused being first on the list.
"Good," Taylor says. "I'd have to get rough with you otherwise."
Miley arches an eyebrow, looking at her speculatively. "Really?" she drawls. "Does your husband know you're into that sort of thing?"
Taylor winks. "Wouldn't you like to know." She grabs Miley's hand. "Come on, let's go change and by then, the place should have emptied out enough for us to go see our adoring public."
"This is one of those things I don't really have a choice in, isn't it?" Miley asks as she trails along behind Taylor.
Taylor doesn't break stride as she nods and Miley laughs and trails in her wake. She'll worry about the rest of it later. It's not like Taylor's going to let her do anything else.
She'll never tell Taylor, but Miley's pretty grateful for that.
###
Once the show is over and the lights come up, the crowd on the main level starts to thin out. Nick watches the people head toward the exits for a few minutes and then makes his way back toward the table where everyone else is drinking and laughing.
"Nick!" Joe says. "So nice you could join us." He waggles his eyebrows. "Did you enjoy the show?"
Nick rolls his eyes. There's really nothing else he can do, not when Joe is in this kind of mood.
Demi elbows Joe in the ribs for him. "Shut up," she orders. She turns to focus on Nick. "But did you?"
He nods cautiously. "They were -- they were really good."
Selena raises her eyebrows at him. "Really good? That's it?"
"They were excellent," he amends. He's not really sure when Selena became Miley's biggest fan. It's kind of creeping him out. He looks at John. "You were right."
John nods. "I know." He looks around the table at the half full drinks. "I'm going to go order champagne for when they get up here."
"Oh, that's an awesome idea," Selena says. She tilts her head up to look at David. "How come you never have ideas like that?"
"You threaten to hurt me when I have ideas like that," David points out. "You remember how I proposed, right?"
Even in the half dark, Nick can see Selena's cheeks turn pink. "Good point," she says quickly. "John, do you need any help with the champagne?"
"No, that's --" John starts to say, but Selena interrupts.
"Great!" She takes David's hand and starts dragging him toward the bar. David shrugs silently at them as Selena leads him away.
Nick laughs. Then he realizes something. "Did he say they're coming up here?"
Demi nods. "Duh."
He can't help it, he panics. He's not quite ready to see Miley, to talk to her. Maybe that makes him a chicken. He's okay with that. "I should go."
"What? No, you shouldn't," Demi says. She elbows Joe again. "Tell Nick he's not allowed to leave."
"You're not allowed to leave," Joe parrots, rolling his eyes at Demi as he says it. He looks at Nick. "But really, you can't leave."
Nick shakes his head. "I can't see --"
"Can't see who?" a new voice says from behind them.
Nick freezes. He'd know that voice anywhere. He hears that voice in his head, in his dreams. He makes himself count to three before he turns around, hoping it will help steady himself.
It doesn't work.
When he turns around and looks, the rest of the room fades away. There's no noise, no crowd, just them. Miley's standing there in front of him, looking like something out of one of his best dreams. Her blue eyes shine like a light that's burning just for him. He's lost.
Someone coughs, he blinks the room back into focus. Miley's still standing there, looking at him expectantly. He takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly.
"Hi."
[Part Three]
Author: empressearwig
Pairing/Fandom: Disney RPF; Nick Jonas/Miley Cyrus, Joe Jonas/Demi Lovato, Kevin Jonas/Danielle Jonas, David Henrie/Selena Gomez, John Mayer/Taylor Swif
Rating: R
Spoilers/Warnings: None.
Word Count:28,709
Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one, this is all for fun. This hasn't happened. Yet. Etc.
Summary: This is a story about finding yourself and then finding your way back. Set six years in the future, it is the story of Nick and Miley's separate struggles with the choices they've made and who they've become, and how the choices they make next will change the rest of their lives. The story deviates from reality somewhere in fall 2009.
Author's Notes: Written for jb_bigbang 2010. Many thanks to my brilliant artist, magic_panic, whose work can be found here and below. Many, many thanks to the people that looked at this in various stages of development, including, but not limited to the following: perfectlystill, leobrat and normative_jean. I am 100% sure that this wouldn't have been finished without your assistance and cheerleading. You can start calling in those favors any time now.
I'm alone but I'm not lonely
I'm with the only person that knows me
I'm armed with my guitar and I'm armed
With emotional scars
And my journey is underway
~ Jason Manns, Journey
In March, Nick goes to visit Joe and Demi in New York. When Joe called to issue the invitiation, Nick assumed it was for some sort of drunken debauchery for St. Patrick's Day, the kind of thing they never got to do when they were teenagers or when they should have been in college. So Nick's more than a little surprised when Joe shows up bright and early at his hotel room and drags him to Tiffany's.
As they wander around the store, Joe peering anxiously into display cases, Nick keeps looking at him and saying, "Now? Really?"
After the fifth or so time, Joe punches him in the arm and says in an exasperated voice, "Yes, now. Really. Why is this so hard to believe?"
"I don't know, because you've been promising Mom and Dad you were going to get married since you moved in together, what, two years ago?" Nick shrugs. "I figured you were going to spend the rest of your lives living in sin."
Joe raises his eyebrows. "Living in sin? Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, Nicky boy."
Nick snorts. "I wish."
Joe stops, looks at him. "Really? Then why haven't you let Demi set you up with anyone for the last few months? Kind of hard to live in sin solo."
"Because Demi and I do not agree on what types of women I should be dating." Nick shrugs uncomfortably. "Shouldn't we be focused on picking out a ring, not my lack of a love life?"
"Yes." Joe steps towards one of the cases and addresses the salesperson. "Excuse me?"
The woman turns towards them, polite smile firmly in place. "Yes, can I help you?"
Joe gives her the smile that lets him get away with murder, and Nick just barely manages to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "I have an appointment to look at rings at ten o'clock. Could you point me in the right direction?"
"Of course," she says. "If I could just get your name?"
"Jonas. Joe Jonas."
"Just a moment, Mr. Jonas."
She turns her back to place a call and Nick rolls his eyes at his brother. "Really, you think you're Bond now?"
"I think I'd be a great Bond," Joe says. "If it weren't for the whole not being British thing." He strokes his chin thoughtfully. "Do you think they'd let me do it if I worked on my accent?"
Nick's saved from answering by the salesperson.
"Mr. Jonas?" she says. "If you could just follow me, please."
She leads them to a private show room in the back of the store, where there's already a manager waiting for them. They shake hands and sit down to begin discussing what exactly Joe's looking for. As Joe launches into a description, Nick zones out. In a million years, he never would have guessed that Joe would get married before him. Somewhere in his head, Joe is still the goofy older brother that was never going to grow up. Nick doesn't know when Joe stopped being that person.
He's left to wonder who he's become without even knowing it.
***
After ring shopping they head to a bar. It's probably too early to be drinking, but if any situation calls for it, Nick figures buying an engagement ring is it.
They have the place mostly to themselves and they sit side by side at the bar in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally Nick looks at his brother and asks, "Why now?"
Joe looks at him and shrugs. "I don't know," he says slowly. "It just feels like now is the right time." He shrugs again. "She's the right girl, she's always been the right girl."
Nick nods and takes a drink. He envies Joe that, the knowing that it's the right girl at the right time. He wants that for himself more than he can say. More than he wants to think about.
He knows who that girl is for him. He doesn't know if it will ever be the right time.
"Nick, what's been going on with you lately?"
He blinks and looks sideways at Joe, who's looking back at him with worry on his face. "I don't know what you mean."
Joe sighs. "Yes, you do. Something, I don't know what, has been going on with you for months. You're not talking to me, you're not talking to Demi, or to Kevin. Talk to me. In a non-girly kind of way."
He knows Joe is right. He does. But he doesn't know how to explain it. So he asks the question that he hasn't let himself ask anyone. "How's Miley?"
Joe blinks. Blinks again. A slow grin spreads across his face. "Miley?" he asks incredulously. "Miley? Is that what this has been about?"
"No," Nick denies.
Joe gives him a look.
"Part of it. Maybe. A very small part."
Joe gives him the look again. "Nicholas."
"I hate you so much," Nick groans, thumping his head down against the cool wood of the bar. He thinks he'll just stay here for the rest of his life. It has to be better than the alternative.
"You're the one that brought it up," Joe points out gleefully.
Nick's head shoots up. "I did not!"
"I asked you what was wrong with you. You are the one that brought Miley into it."
"I didn't mean it -- I didn't mean it like that," Nick protests, with a sigh. He knows he's fighting a losing battle, Joe won't let go of something like this. He tries anyway. "Are you going to answer my question?"
Joe opens his mouth. Closes it. He gives Nick a sheepish look. "What was your question? I may have gotten kind of distracted."
Nick can't help it, he rolls his eyes. "How's Miley?"
"Right," Joe says, nodding his head. "Miley. She's good, man. Better. I mean, she seems happier. Demi says that she and Taylor are writing together."
Now that's interesting, Nick thinks. As far as he knows, Miley hasn't written in years. He'd always wondered why she stopped. He wonders what's changed. "Really?"
Joe nods again. "Yeah, Dem says she sounds really good. More like Miley." He raises his eyebrows at Nick. "Now. You're going to tell me just why you're so interested in our friend Miss Miley."
"I wouldn't call her my friend," Nick hedges, taking another drink. They were never friends, not really. It was just a lie they told to themselves. He shakes his head. "I don't know. I've just been thinking a lot about her lately. About what Demi said back at Thanksgiving, about her not being happy."
"Are you happy?"
Sometimes Nick forgets just how perceptive Joe is. He looks at his brother. "Honestly?"
Joe nods.
"I don't know."
"Well," Joe says slowly. "Let me know when you figure it out."
They finish their drinks in silence and leave, Nick heading back to his hotel and Joe to the apartment he and Demi share. When they all meet up for dinner that night, it's as if none of it was ever said.
Nick figures he owes Joe a pretty huge favor for that.
***
He flies back to Chicago the next day. Now that he's done what he didn't even realize he was there to do, he doesn't much see the point in sticking around. And much as he loves his brother and Demi, being around all that unadulterated happiness isn't what he needs right now.
The first thing he does when he gets home is head to his piano. He thinks it's time to start figuring things out.
###
Once Miley agrees to Taylor's crazy scheme, she learns about a whole other side of her friend. Taylor may wear her heart on her sleeve, but underneath it all is a smart and savvy business woman with an iron will. From there, it's pretty easy to figure out how exactly Taylor took over the music industry before her twentieth birthday.
As far as people to have in your corner, Miley decides there's no one better. That doesn't mean she doesn't learn to avoid Taylor when she's got that look in her eyes. The tire tracks from being run over during one of her moods teaches her that.
But really, it all seems surprisingly easy. So much easier than Miley remembers.
They record in John and Taylor's studio, John producing for them. Taylor calls in favors from her friends in Nashville to get people to sit in for sessions. There's no rush, so a blown take isn't the end of the world, but a chance to see if they can make something better. Miley learns to love the process of making music again; she remembers why before acting or anything else, music was her first love.
Making this record with Taylor is a sort of healing that Miley hadn't even known she needed.
***
Miley's more than willing to turn most of the details over to Taylor, but the one thing she insists on an equal say in is the band's name.
After a month of endless debating and absolutely no progress, Miley thinks that if she'd known how hard making that decision was going to be, she might have turned that decision over to Taylor, too.
Nothing sounds right. They start by trying to come up with ways to combine their names, awful things like Swift Hope or Cyrus & Swift, but quickly realize that nothing good can come of heading in that direction. That way lies portmanteaus and them being called "Maylor" and they'd just rather not open up that particular can of worms. Why give the internet fodder for free? They should at least have to work for it. (Miley's at least sort of looking forward to the rumors that she's responsible for the breakdown of John and Taylor's marriage, though. She hasn't been called a home wrecking slut in ages.)
The name comes to her in the shower. She's rinsing shampoo out of her hair when suddenly she knows exactly what they should call themselves. She freezes; can it really have been this simple all along? The soap drips into her eyes. "Goddammit," she yelps, blinking furiously. She finishes rinsing, turns off the water, wraps herself in a towel. She drips water all over the the floor as she walks into her bedroom to grab her phone.
She dials Taylor's number. Waits.
Taylor answers. "Hello?"
"The Second."
There's a pause. "Excuse me?"
"The Second," Miley says again.
"I'm still not sure I understand."
"As a band name," Miley explains impatiently. "What do you think?"
"Oh," Taylor says, injecting a wealth of meaning into the one syllable. "Oh."
"Good oh or bad oh?"
"Good oh. That's perfect. I love it."
Miley exhales. "Oh, thank god. Now I have to go. We'll talk later."
She hangs up over Taylor's protests, lets herself flop down on her unmade bed for just a minute. She smiles.
***
Taylor presents their first concert to Miley as a fait accompli. The club is booked, publicity handled, backing band arranged, invitations to friends issued. When Taylor tells her about it, Miley's sure her mouth hangs open for a good five minutes. As furious as she is with Taylor in that moment, she can also see the genius in doing it this way. Miley's sure that if Taylor hadn't done this, she would have found a way to get out of it.
Well, she would have tried to find a way to get out of it. She doesn't actually think Taylor would have let her.
But as they start getting ready for the show, rehearsing with the band, finalizing the set list, the songs themselves, Miley can't help but think about the last time she was onstage. It wasn't anything like this is going to be, a relatively intimate club show with a pretty select guest list and limited ticket sales. It was an arena full of people singing her songs and dancing, and Miley remembers feeling absolutely no fear as she stepped out onto the stage.
Now she's terrified. Terrified that no one will like what they're doing, that she'll freeze up and not remember the words to their songs, that she doesn't remember how to do this. And maybe she doesn't, she's never played a show like this one before. A roomful of people scares her more than a packed arena.
Or maybe it's just one person. Taylor tried to hide the guest list from her, but Miley finagled a copy from John. On a list full of names, Nick's was the only one she could see.
She doesn't know if she's more scared that he will come or if he won't. He shouldn't still make her feel like this, she knows that. She doesn't think about what that means either.
###
Nick gets the invitation in the mail on a Tuesday afternoon. It's in a thick cream colored envelope, the kind he associates with wedding invitations. He dumps the rest of his mail on his kitchen table and looks at it carefully, trying to remember which of his friends is getting married. He decides this one must be from David and Selena and opens it, curious to see if he's right. When he draws the card out of the envelope and reads it, he can't believe his eyes. It is most definitely not an invitation to David and Selena's wedding. He drops the card to the table.
He picks it back up, reads it again, sure that his eyes are playing tricks on him. But the words don't change no matter how many times he reads them.
One Night Only, it reads. The debut of Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus as The Second. There's a date and time and place, but it's the first two lines he cares about.
He has a million questions, but what he most wants to know is this: what does the invitation mean?
Does it mean that Miley is ready to put whatever happened between them in the past? Does she want to start over? Does it even mean that she wants him there or was he invited because it was polite?
There's only one thing to do if he wants answers; he calls Demi.
He dials her number and waits, restlessly tapping the invitation against the edge of the kitchen table. He feels really weird, almost anxious in a way he hasn't been for years. He knows it's because of Miley. She's always been able to make him feel this way. Apparently it doesn't go away with age.
"Nick!" Demi answers loudly. "What's up?"
"Demetria," he says, leaning back in his chair. He sets the invitation down on the table.
"Uh oh," she says. "Am I in trouble?"
"That depends." He picks the invitation back up. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"
"I really don't think so."
"Maybe something about a friend of ours?" he prompts and waits. He can almost hear the penny drop.
"Oh," she says. "Miley and Taylor's thing. You got your invite?"
He nods, even though she can't see him. "I did."
"Isn't it awesome?" Demi asks brightly. Too brightly. Demi doesn't do bright. Which means Nick was right about her knowing what was going on and not telling him. "I think they're going to be amazing, you're going to come, right?"
"I don't know," he says. "Does Miley actually want me there?"
"What?" Demi says, sounding baffled. "Why would you --?"
He cuts her off. "I don't know."
There's a long pause. He doesn't know what he's thinking, what he's feeling, why he's saying any of this. He thought he'd started to figure things out, decided that whatever feelings for Miley that had been dredged up were firmly in the past. That it was just concern for an old friend and his own quarterlife crisis. But now, now, he just doesn't know. He hates not knowing.
"Nick."
He bites back the groan, there's something in her voice that he doesn't like. "Yes?"
"Is it maybe possible -- just maybe, mind you -- that you still have a little thing for Miley?"
He has a second to decide. Tell the truth or tell a lie. He knows Demi will know either way. He takes a deep breath. "Yes."
He hangs up the phone. For now, it's all the honesty he can stand.
***
He goes to Nashville for the show. He argued with himself about it for a few days, but he always knew he was going to go. He's never really been able to say no to anything where Miley's concerned. Why would it be any different now?
Joe picks him up at the airport, since he and Demi flew out a few days earlier. Something about girl time, Nick's not sure. He's been avoiding talking to Demi since the call where she asked him about Miley, and Joe's not always the most reliable of sources.
They don't really talk much on the way to the hotel, just scattered random chatter about the Yankees and the scripts Joe's reading and what they're going to get their mom for her birthday. It's nice, relaxing. Even though he's been tense for days, Nick can actually feel it seeping out of him. Maybe he was nervous for no reason, maybe it will all be fine.
He thinks that for about ten seconds. Then Joe says, clear out of the blue, "So you do still have a thing for Miley."
Nick's jaw actually drops. It's one of those things that he always thought only happens in movies, but nope. It's a real thing. He cuts his eyes sideways at his brother. "What? Where did --"
Joe shakes his head. "Don't even try to deny it, I have an unimpeachable source."
"You mean Demi," Nick says flatly. He's going to kill her for that later. Really, he is.
Joe has the grace to look slightly guilty. "Don't be mad at her. We're almost engaged. We talk. It's what couples do." He gives Nick a pointed look. "Maybe you'd remember that if you actually had a girlfriend once in awhile. Oh wait, you don't want just any girlfriend. You want Miley."
Nick sighs. He could deny it, but what would be the point? One of Joe's more annoying traits is his ability to know when Nick is lying. Nick's always sort of hated that about his brother. "Yes."
"You admitted it," Joe says with surprise. "I didn't think you'd admit it."
Nick shrugs. Maybe if he stops answering questions, Joe will stop asking them.
Of course that doesn't happen. "So when are you going to act like a man and do something about it?"
He snorts. He's not answering that. If he did answer that, it would immediately get back to Demi who would feel the need to share it with Miley and if and when he decides to do something about it, he wants the element of surprise. It might be the only advantage he has.
Joe keeps talking, but Nick tunes him out. He needs to think. And a drink. He really hopes this hotel has a bar. He has a feeling he and the bartender are about to become very good friends.
###
Miley's not really sure how it happened, but somehow she's hosting a grown up version of a sleep over. It's the night before the show and she's stressed beyond belief, but she doesn't even have time to think about it. Which now that she thinks about it, is maybe why Taylor showed up on her doorstep, Demi and Selena in tow. She takes a sip of the fruity drink that Demi shoved into her hand and watches Selena paint Taylor's toenails. She tries to remember the last time she had a night like this. She thinks it might have been around the time she stopped wearing braces. It's been far too long.
Demi looks up from the shelf of movies Miley keeps next to the television. "Miley, you have really crappy taste, you know that?"
"Says you."
"Of course says me," Demi retorts. "I"m the one that said it."
Miley laughs and gets up off the couch to join her. "What are you looking for?"
Demi shrugs and elbows her in the side. "Something with lots of blood. Why don't you have anything like that?"
"No blood," Taylor interjects. "I'm not really in the mood for a slasher movie. It's always the blonde that dies first."
"You're going to make me watch some drippy chick flick, aren't you?" Demi groans.
Selena looks back over her shoulder at Demi. "We are girls."
"That doesn't mean we have to be those kind of girls."
"If anyone should be protesting a chick flick it should be me," Miley points out. She points a finger at Demi. "Boyfriend." She turns the finger on Selena. "Engaged." At Taylor. "Married." She points it back at herself. "Very, very single."
Demi, Selena, and Taylor trade looks.
Miley narrows her eyes. "I saw that."
"Saw what?" Demi asks innocently. She grabs a movie off the shelf, pushes it into Miley's hands. "Let's watch this."
Miley doesn't even look down to see what it is. She knows bad acting when she sees it. "No."
"A movie sounds like a great idea," Taylor pipes up from her spot on the floor. She wiggles her toes in admiration. "Who wants popcorn? I think popcorn sounds like a great idea."
"Me, too," Selena adds, capping the bottle of nail polish.
"You mean you want me to go make popcorn so that you can all get your stories straight," Miley says, crossing her arms over her chest and trying to look threatening. It doesn't work.
Taylor just smiles at her. "Yes. So get out of here, would you?"
Miley blinks. She hadn't actually expected them to admit that's what they were up to. "Fine." She stalks out of the living room and into the kitchen. She doesn't even want to know anwyay.
Except she does. A lot. She hates her friends.
***
When she comes back from the kitchen, large bowls of popcorn in hand, they've already started the movie. Demi's on the couch, feet tucked up underneath her. Taylor and Selena are on the floor, Selena stretched out on her stomach, Taylor leaning back against the couch. They look far too pleased with themselves.
Miley dumps the bowls of popcorn on the coffee table and grabs the remote. She presses pause. "Talk."
Selena rolls over with a sigh, sits up. She draws her knees up against her chest and rests her chin on them. "I told you."
"Shhhhhhh," Demi hisses. She gives Miley a bright smile. "There's nothing to talk about. Unless it's how much better this movie would be with some zombies. Why don't they make romantic comedies with zombies? Isn't that like, the perfect crossover appeal? You'd get both guys and girls and --"
"Demi," Taylor says, patting her on the knee. "Take a breath."
Demi does.
Taylor looks up at Miley. "It's not what you think."
"How do you know what I'm thinking?" Miley counters. She's not actually sure what she thinks they're keeping from her, so how could they? But they don't need to know that. She tries to look menacing. "Talk."
"It's about Nick," Selena says from her spot on the floor. At Demi and Taylor's incredulous looks, she shrugs. "What? We're not teenagers anymore. I have a fiance. I can't say Nick's name?"
"You can say his name," Miley says, distraction in her voice. She fixes her stare on Demi and Taylor. "Nick?"
The two of them trade glances, and Demi sighs. "I wasn't sure if I should tell you."
"Tell me what?"
"That I sort of maybe kind of tricked Nick into admitting that he still has feelings for you," Demi says quickly, running the words together so they all sound like one. "Are you mad?"
Miley sinks down onto the couch next to Demi. There's a strange sort of buzzing in her ears and she can't quite catch her breath. She's not mad -- she knows that. But she doesn't know what she is beyond that. She certainly didn't think that's what they were talking about, keeping from her. If she'd known, she doesn't think she would have asked. Or maybe she would have. She can't think.
"Miley?" Taylor says worriedly, resting her hand on Miley's ankle. "Are you okay?" She looks back at Demi. "See, this is why I didn't want to tell her."
"I didn't want to tell her either," Demi squeaks. She points a finger at Selena. "She's the one that actually said it. Blame her."
Selena holds up her hands. "Don't even think about blaming me. I am an innocent bystander. A morbidly fascinated one, mind you, but totally innocent."
"Innocent, my ass," Demi snorts. She scoots closer to Miley on the couch, waving a hand in front of her face. "Miley? Are you okay?"
Miley grabs her hand. "I can hear you, you know." She shakes her head. "I am -- I am not okay." She shakes her head again. "I don't understand."
"What don't you understand?" Demi asks.
Miley shrugs helplessly. "Any of it. All of it. Nick still has -- why were you even -- did everyone --"
"One question at a time, sweetie," Taylor says. "Now. Was the first one, Nick still has feelings for me?"
Miley nods. It's all she can really do. She concentrates on making sure she's still breathing.
"I think that one is all yours," Taylor says, looking up at Demi. "Try not to make her catatonic, okay? I need her onstage tomorrow night."
"Nice priorities there, Taylor," Selena says, grabbing handful of popcorn.
"Anyway," Demi says loudly. She takes Miley's hand and looks at her with the closest thing Miley's ever seen to an earnest expression on her face. "This isn't some huge conspiracy or anything, I swear. It's just -- Nick's been mopey for months. Since around the time you started making plans to move back here, actually. And not that long ago, when he called to see if you actually wanted him to come to the concert --"
"I didn't even know he'd been invited," Miley tries to interject, but Demi just blows past her.
"-- and I finally called him on it."
"Called him on what, exactly?"
"Still being in love with you, silly."
Miley sits up straighter. There's no way she heard Demi right. Nick wouldn't just say that. He wouldn't. "He said that?"
Demi bites her lip. "Well, not in so many words. But it was implied. Strongly implied. Also, he hung up right after he said it and has been avoiding my calls ever since. So I'm pretty sure that's what he meant."
"Is anyone else getting flashbacks to what high school might have been like if we'd actually gone?" Selena asks. Three blank faces look back at her. She shrugs and takes more popcorn. "Just me then."
The buzzing noise is back in Miley's ears and this time she's pretty sure that she's actually going to pass out. She most definitely did not expect this. She doesn't believe this. Nick's not still in love with her. She would know if Nick were still in love with her. She would know, even if they haven't spoken in over two years. Haven't been together in six. She would know. It's Nick. She would know. She believes this, absolutely.
She's afraid of how much she wants to believe this.
She shakes her head, tries to clear it. "You're wrong," she says, looking at Demi. "I appreciate it, what you're trying to do, really I do, but you're wrong. Nick's not still in love with me."
"Can I say something?" Selena asks.
"No," Taylor and Demi say in unison. They look at each other and frown.
"That was creepy," Taylor says.
"And I'm going to say it anyway," Selena says. She looks directly at Miley. "Nick has never, in his life, stopped being in love with you. Nobody knows that better than me."
Miley shakes her head again. "You're wrong."
Selena raises an eyebrow. "About the cause of every break up I ever had with Nick? I don't really think so, but I'd like to hear you try to convince me otherwise."
"No," Miley says, flustered. "I mean, I hope that's not true, but I mean about now. Do you guys even know how long it's been?"
They all nod.
Miley frowns. She really doesn't appreciate being ganged up on like this. Especially not in her own home. "I can still make you all go back to the hotel."
"We'll stop," Taylor says. "Demi, get her another drink." She takes Miley's hand. Squeezes it. "Just think about what we said, okay? Just think about it. We just want you to be happy, Miles."
"I was happier not thinking about that," Miley counters. She was. Maybe. Probably. She's not going to sleep at all tonight, she knows that.
"Mmhm," Taylor says knowingly, squeezing her hand one more time and then letting go. "Demi, that drink?"
Another drink is pressed into Miley's hand and someone starts the movie again. Miley sips her drink and tries to focus on the screen in front of her, but she's fighting a losing battle. The same four words keep echoing through her mind, and she's helpless to stop them.
Nick still loves me.
She's never wanted something to be true so badly before in her entire life. She wishes she could believe that it was.
She just doesn't have that kind of luck.
###
The club is packed for the show. Nick's not quite sure what he expected, but it wasn't this. Maybe it should have been, though, he doesn't know. He's looking around for Joe and Demi, but it's impossible to spot them in the crowd. He knew he should have left with them. This is what he gets for acting like a teenage girl getting ready for her first date. Well, what he assumes a teenage girl getting ready for her first date is like. He doesn't actually have any experience with that.
Someone claps him on the shoulder. "Upstairs," Joe says into Nick's ear.
He turns his head just a fraction and Joe jerks his head towards a staircase Nick hadn't seen. Nick nods and follows Joe out of the crowd and up the stairs. It's only a little less crowded and a little less quiet, but Nick will take it. He nods hello to John as he joins the group clustered around a tall table, shaking David's hand and pressing a quick kiss to Selena's cheek. "Where's Demi?" he asks, taking the beer that Joe passes him.
"Backstage," Joe answers, pouring another glass and handing it to David. "Miley was nervous, I think."
"It's been a long time," Nick says as neutrally as he can. "I can't blame her." He doesn't miss the 'I told you so' look that Selena gives David, but he decides to let it pass. It's too early for that. He takes a drink.
"She'll be fine," Selena says breezily. "It's Miley. She's always fine." An impish grin breaks out on her face. "I'd rather talk about Nick."
Nick chokes a little on his beer. "Me?" he splutters, coughing. "What about me?"
"Oh, you know. The usual. What you've been up to, stuff like that. I haven't seen you in ages."
That's true. But it feels like she's asking something else. Nick's just not sure what that something else is. "Nothing that exciting." He tries to change the subject. "How about the two of you? How are the wedding plans going?"
"Well done," David says. He wraps an arm around Selena's shoulders. "Leave Nick alone. You can play spy another time."
Selena's lower lip slides out into a pout. "That's not what I was going."
David just looks at her.
"Well, okay, maybe I was, but --" She's cut off when David kisses her. Nick's always liked David.
When the kiss edges past the limits of acceptable public display of affection, Nick turns his attention to John. "So are they ready for this?"
John nods. "They should be good, man. They both know what they're doing." He laughs a little, almost to himself. "I think you'll be very, well, interested."
There's most definitely something in his tone of voice that Nick doesn't like. "Interested, how?"
The lights start to dim. Nick doesn't get his answer.
###
Miley stands in the wings, guitar in hand, totally oblivious to the chaos around her. She can't do this. She doesn't know what she was thinking. This was a terrible idea, why did she let Taylor talk her into it? She doesn't remember the words to the songs, how to sing, how to play guitar, any of it. She's going to get on stage and have hundreds of people laugh at her.
She never should have agreed to this. She wonders if it's too late to back out. Even Taylor wouldn't make her sing if she threw up, right?
"Yes, I would," Taylor says from behind her.
Miley almost jumps out of her skin. "What the --" she starts, snapping her head around to see Taylor's laughing face. "Was I talking outloud?"
"Yes," Taylor confirms. She pats Miley on the shoulder. "You aren't getting out of this, even if you puke. And you can do this. Really, you can."
"No, I can't," Miley says, shaking her head. Now she really does feel like she's going to be sick. Or pass out. She's not really sure which. "I just can't."
"You can."
"Can't."
"Can." Taylor grabs her hand. "Look at me."
Miley does what she says, because she really doen't have a choice in the matter. Taylor's got a deathgrip on her hand and somehow Miley doesn't think that if she manages to break her fingers she'll get out of going on stage either.
"Take a deep breath."
She does.
"Now let it out -- slowly."
She does.
"Repeat after me."
Miley looks at her skeptically. Breathing is one thing, but this isn't really her kind of thing.
"Miley," Taylor warns. "Do it."
"Fine, fine."
"Good. Now, repeat after me. I can do this."
"I can do this."
"I am going to knock everyone's socks off."
Miley groans, but obeys. "I am going to knock everyone's socks off."
"I believe I am going to knock everyone's socks off."
"Honestly, Taylor?" Miley groans. "Enough."
Taylor opens her mouth and Miley gives her a look, a look that very clearly means that she's done, and Taylor's mouth snaps shut. She nods. "Okay. So. Are you ready?"
Miley sighs, steels herself. "As ready as I'm going to be."
"In that case..." Taylor drawls. She gives someone the high sign and the lights dim. "This is it!" She starts to drag Miley towards the stage, but Miley digs her heels in.
"Before we go out there," she says in a rush. "I just -- I just --"
Taylor's eyebrows go up.
"Thank you," Miley says finally. "I know I'm being ridiculous and a nut case right now, but thank you."
Taylor grins. "It was my pleasure. Now come on!"
In the dark, they make their way onto the stage. Miley takes the stool on the left, Taylor the one on the right. Miley takes another deep breath, looks at Taylor. Nods. Taylor signals the band. The drummer starts, playing a steady beat. Then the piano comes in. Taylor starts to play her guitar. The lights come up.
This is it. Miley leans forward and starts to sing.
###
They're good. Nick's not really sure why he's surprised by this. He's always thought Miley was one of the most talented people he knows and Taylor, much as he hasn't always liked Taylor as a person, he's always respected her talent. Nick's always thought that was more important. So he doesn't know why he's surprised.
But he is and it seems like everyone else is, too, from the way everyone around the table is half grinning, half staring at the stage with mouths hanging open. Selena's almost dancing in David's arms and Demi's doing the same thing, except Joe's dancing with her, and Nick's not even sure where Demi came from. The only one that doesn't look in the least bit surprised is John and he's had a front row seat to all of this, and Nick's pretty sure that was an unfair advantage.
The first break is three songs into their set. Everyone on stage guzzles water and Taylor leans forward to the microphone. "How're y'all doing tonight?" she asks.
The cheers are almost deafening. Nick lets himself smile. He's really happy for Miley that this is going so well. She deserves this.
On stage, Taylor continues charming the audience. "I'm Taylor," she says. "And this is my friend, Miley. We're so glad you all came out to see us tonight. Now, if you all don't mind, we were hoping to play a cover. Is that okay?"
More cheers. Taylor has really gotten good at this over the years, Nick muses to himself. It's impressive.
"That's good," she says. "Because we were going to do it anyway." She laughs and nods, and a guitar starts to play. It's a slower, almost dreamier song than what came before. It's definitely more country, twangier. Taylor sings the first lines and there's scattered cheering. Clearly someone in the audience knows the song. Nick doesn't recognize it, though. It's another thing that doesn't surprise him.
Miley joins Taylor for the chorus, singing about strawberry wine and first love and being seventeen and there's a pang in Nick's chest. They fell in love long before they were seventeen, but he knows that feeling. Misses that feeling. He tries to read the look on Miley's face. He wants her to miss that feeling, too.
She sings the next verse. When she gets to the words, "we drifted away like leaves in the fall," Nick sees what he's looking for. There's a longing there that he knows has to be written all over his own face. He makes his way to the railing to get a better look.
There's another chorus. Taylor joins in and sings harmony.
Then the band falls away and it's just Miley singing the bridge, a guitar softly strumming in the background. "The fields have grown over now," she sings. "Years since they've seen a plow. There's nothing time hasn't touched."
Nick wills her to look up. To see him, in this moment. For them to see each other. She looks up.
Their eyes meet, catch. She sings the next lines, looking straight up at him. "Is it really him or the loss of my innocence, I've been missing so much?"
The words hang there for just a split second before the drums kick back in and Taylor adds her voice to the words of the chorus. Miley looks away. Nick clutches the railing in front of him.
The song ends. The audience cheers some more. Nick tries to stop his heart from beating out of his chest. He knows he didn't imagine that. That was what a stupid romantic comedy would call a moment. He knows he's not supposed to take those for granted.
He doesn't want to take it for granted. He just doesn't know what to do next. So for now, he'll listen to them sing.
###
They segue straight into the next song, but it's one that Taylor mostly sings lead on and Miley's suddenly really grateful for that. She can't quite catch her breath and she knows it's not from all the singing.
It's Nick. It's the way Nick was looking at her, with regret and wonder and god, she thinks it might have been longing, all rolled into one and now she can't breathe. If there was a worse time to not be able to breathe, Miley's not sure what it could possibly be.
She leans towards the microphone to sing a harmony on the chorus, and it's all muscle memory. If someone asked her the lyrics to the song right now, she wouldn't know them, but somehow she doesn't miss a word. The hours and hours of rehearsal that Taylor insisted on were worth it after all.
Now she just has to hope she can make it through the rest of the show by doing the exact same thing. That's not impossible, is it? She doesn't actually let herself answer that question.
For the rest of the night, she doesn't look up toward the balcony.
***
When they've played their last song, encore and all, Miley bolts for backstage. Even without looking at him, she could feel Nick's eyes on her for the rest of the night. She hasn't been that hyper aware of anyone else in forever, probably since the last time she and Nick were together. Hyper awareness was always part of their relationship.
She leans back against a wall and tries to catch her breath. Just because they had a moment while she was on stage, doesn't mean anything, she tells herself. Maybe it wasn't even a moment. Maybe it was all in her head. Nick probably didn't even realize what was going on.
Her attempts at rationalization are cut off by Taylor wrapping her up in a hug and squealing in her ear.
"We did it!" she exclaims. Miley can feel the happiness radiating through her limbs. She can't help but smile and hug Taylor back. Taylor's joy is infectious and Miley knows better than to resist.
Taylor draws back, looks at Miley critically. "You're happy, right? Just listen to them, Miles. They loved us." She shakes Miley's shoulders. "Be happy!"
Miley laughs, nods. "I'm happy, I promise." She's just a lot of other things, too, confused being first on the list.
"Good," Taylor says. "I'd have to get rough with you otherwise."
Miley arches an eyebrow, looking at her speculatively. "Really?" she drawls. "Does your husband know you're into that sort of thing?"
Taylor winks. "Wouldn't you like to know." She grabs Miley's hand. "Come on, let's go change and by then, the place should have emptied out enough for us to go see our adoring public."
"This is one of those things I don't really have a choice in, isn't it?" Miley asks as she trails along behind Taylor.
Taylor doesn't break stride as she nods and Miley laughs and trails in her wake. She'll worry about the rest of it later. It's not like Taylor's going to let her do anything else.
She'll never tell Taylor, but Miley's pretty grateful for that.
###
Once the show is over and the lights come up, the crowd on the main level starts to thin out. Nick watches the people head toward the exits for a few minutes and then makes his way back toward the table where everyone else is drinking and laughing.
"Nick!" Joe says. "So nice you could join us." He waggles his eyebrows. "Did you enjoy the show?"
Nick rolls his eyes. There's really nothing else he can do, not when Joe is in this kind of mood.
Demi elbows Joe in the ribs for him. "Shut up," she orders. She turns to focus on Nick. "But did you?"
He nods cautiously. "They were -- they were really good."
Selena raises her eyebrows at him. "Really good? That's it?"
"They were excellent," he amends. He's not really sure when Selena became Miley's biggest fan. It's kind of creeping him out. He looks at John. "You were right."
John nods. "I know." He looks around the table at the half full drinks. "I'm going to go order champagne for when they get up here."
"Oh, that's an awesome idea," Selena says. She tilts her head up to look at David. "How come you never have ideas like that?"
"You threaten to hurt me when I have ideas like that," David points out. "You remember how I proposed, right?"
Even in the half dark, Nick can see Selena's cheeks turn pink. "Good point," she says quickly. "John, do you need any help with the champagne?"
"No, that's --" John starts to say, but Selena interrupts.
"Great!" She takes David's hand and starts dragging him toward the bar. David shrugs silently at them as Selena leads him away.
Nick laughs. Then he realizes something. "Did he say they're coming up here?"
Demi nods. "Duh."
He can't help it, he panics. He's not quite ready to see Miley, to talk to her. Maybe that makes him a chicken. He's okay with that. "I should go."
"What? No, you shouldn't," Demi says. She elbows Joe again. "Tell Nick he's not allowed to leave."
"You're not allowed to leave," Joe parrots, rolling his eyes at Demi as he says it. He looks at Nick. "But really, you can't leave."
Nick shakes his head. "I can't see --"
"Can't see who?" a new voice says from behind them.
Nick freezes. He'd know that voice anywhere. He hears that voice in his head, in his dreams. He makes himself count to three before he turns around, hoping it will help steady himself.
It doesn't work.
When he turns around and looks, the rest of the room fades away. There's no noise, no crowd, just them. Miley's standing there in front of him, looking like something out of one of his best dreams. Her blue eyes shine like a light that's burning just for him. He's lost.
Someone coughs, he blinks the room back into focus. Miley's still standing there, looking at him expectantly. He takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly.
"Hi."
[Part Three]