Ficlet: Scribbled and Erased a Thousand Times (Everwood, Amy POV)
Title: Scribbled and Erased a Thousand Times
Author: empressearwig
Rating: G
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Berlanti, damn him.
Authors Notes: Written for sugarpromises. Hope it's what you wanted.
The floor was Amy’s favorite part of her room. It’s where she sat when she wanted to dream, to think, to mourn, to celebrate, and it seemed right that she sit there while she tried not to write to Ephram.
She knew she was just prolonging her pain, but it wasn’t something that she could help. For three years, he had been so much of her life, filled up so much space, and there was a hole where he’d once been. She didn’t remember how to not have him there, how to be Amy without him. Even when they’d barely been speaking or when he’d been in New York for the summer, she knew that if she needed him he’d be there, without question or hesitation.
And now, though she wanted to lean on him more than anything else, it was impossible. She didn’t know where to find him, and even if she did, she wasn’t sure she’d have the strength to not to throw herself into his arms and never let go.
With a sigh, she slid the notebook and pen out from underneath her bed. It was her own private compromise, the one comfort she allowed herself amidst her pain of losing him and her mother’s struggle to beat her cancer back. She flipped it open to the first blank page, and started writing once more.
Dear Ephram, she wrote. I miss you again today. I wish that I knew how to stop, but it seems I haven’t gotten to that point yet. I don’t know if I ever will. I wanted you to hold my hand as I took my mom to another doctor’s appointment, for you to lend me your strength, because I don’t feel as though I have any of my own.
From behind her, Brights’s voice suddenly appeared. “Amy!” he called out, as he threw herself on the bed behind where Amy sat.
Quickly Amy capped the pen and shoved it and the notebook back to their secret hiding place. The letters were for her, and maybe someday, if something changed for Ephram. To let anyone else see them felt like an invasion, even if that someone was her brother.
“What were you doing?” he asked curiously. He started to reach under the bed, but she slapped his arm and he withdrew it. “Ow, no need to get violent there. Keeping a diary are you?”
“Something like that,” she murmured. Amy turned to face her brother. “What do you want, Bright?”
“I miss them,” he confessed. “Ephram, Hannah, it just seems so boring without them.”
She smiled wistfully, and thought of the notebook buried under her bed. “I miss them, too.”
Author: empressearwig
Rating: G
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Berlanti, damn him.
Authors Notes: Written for sugarpromises. Hope it's what you wanted.
The floor was Amy’s favorite part of her room. It’s where she sat when she wanted to dream, to think, to mourn, to celebrate, and it seemed right that she sit there while she tried not to write to Ephram.
She knew she was just prolonging her pain, but it wasn’t something that she could help. For three years, he had been so much of her life, filled up so much space, and there was a hole where he’d once been. She didn’t remember how to not have him there, how to be Amy without him. Even when they’d barely been speaking or when he’d been in New York for the summer, she knew that if she needed him he’d be there, without question or hesitation.
And now, though she wanted to lean on him more than anything else, it was impossible. She didn’t know where to find him, and even if she did, she wasn’t sure she’d have the strength to not to throw herself into his arms and never let go.
With a sigh, she slid the notebook and pen out from underneath her bed. It was her own private compromise, the one comfort she allowed herself amidst her pain of losing him and her mother’s struggle to beat her cancer back. She flipped it open to the first blank page, and started writing once more.
Dear Ephram, she wrote. I miss you again today. I wish that I knew how to stop, but it seems I haven’t gotten to that point yet. I don’t know if I ever will. I wanted you to hold my hand as I took my mom to another doctor’s appointment, for you to lend me your strength, because I don’t feel as though I have any of my own.
From behind her, Brights’s voice suddenly appeared. “Amy!” he called out, as he threw herself on the bed behind where Amy sat.
Quickly Amy capped the pen and shoved it and the notebook back to their secret hiding place. The letters were for her, and maybe someday, if something changed for Ephram. To let anyone else see them felt like an invasion, even if that someone was her brother.
“What were you doing?” he asked curiously. He started to reach under the bed, but she slapped his arm and he withdrew it. “Ow, no need to get violent there. Keeping a diary are you?”
“Something like that,” she murmured. Amy turned to face her brother. “What do you want, Bright?”
“I miss them,” he confessed. “Ephram, Hannah, it just seems so boring without them.”
She smiled wistfully, and thought of the notebook buried under her bed. “I miss them, too.”