For once I am trying to gain weight, so I won't get put on medication that causes weight gain. As always though, I do it in a very half-assed way. Yesterday I ate about 1000 calories. I am nowhere near eating the correct amount that I should be. I've gotten so many ultimatums to gain weight and be in my "healthy weight range". I just can't do it. I can't bear to think of myself as "healthy" (which is only fat and chubby in my eyes). Who will I be if I'm not noticably skinnier that everyone else? I get weighed on tuesday at my doctor's. I'm so scared to find out that I probably haven't done enough to keep myself healthy and alive.
i am so lonely. i had gotten used to it but somehow it hurts again and it hurts a lot. also i am about to turn 21 and am feeling very old, like a total fuckup, like i wasted so much time, too much to do anything than kill myself. like i missed the chance and now it's gone forever. i just want to die, and it's not even a scary thought.
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I have no idea
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As always though, I do it in a very half-assed way. Yesterday I ate about 1000 calories. I am nowhere near eating the correct amount that I should be. I've gotten so many ultimatums to gain weight and be in my "healthy weight range". I just can't do it. I can't bear to think of myself as "healthy" (which is only fat and chubby in my eyes). Who will I be if I'm not noticably skinnier that everyone else?
I get weighed on tuesday at my doctor's. I'm so scared to find out that I probably haven't done enough to keep myself healthy and alive.
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i really just wish someone would pick me up and lock me up and take care of me. i'm scared of myself.
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