All in the same day I outwardly lied to my boyfriend, mother and sister, I threw up for the first time, and i called out of work that day with a blatant, childish lie.
Not extreme or exciting, but after having lost some weight and dabbling, on that day, it went from dabbling to an obsession.
When I swore up and down that I "just wasn't hungry" and was "just training for next season," (cross country and track) but then when I decided to "show that I didn't have a problem" and drank an Boost after a dinner of a limp salad, I pretty much gulped it down and was horrified to discover that I had been hungry... very, very hungry. My mom had bought me a pineapple pie from McDonalds earlier and I realized that if I really "didn't have a problem and just wasn't hungry," I would have been able to eat that pineapple pie instead of drinking a nasty Boost. I was online at the time and started looking at sites about the female athlete triad, realized that was what I was dealing with, and was scared to death because then that meant that yes, I had anorexia.
I realized i had a problem, two times. First: When i realized that this isnt being on a diet anymore, cause hell yes i CANT just stop and do "normal people stuff" like eating icecream or pizza anymore. Second: When i realized that i should have applied for uni or any job around the globe, but i realized that i couldnt cause the illness wouldnt stop, it just would continue and i would possibly kill myself. Thats when i realized that i really need help. (Shortly after that i asked for help, and right now i am waiting to go inpatient. Some of you might think "less competition", i say "I cant continue like this, no matter how scary the other side might be.".)
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All in the same day I outwardly lied to my boyfriend, mother and sister, I threw up for the first time, and i called out of work that day with a blatant, childish lie.
Not extreme or exciting, but after having lost some weight and dabbling, on that day, it went from dabbling to an obsession.
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First: When i realized that this isnt being on a diet anymore, cause hell yes i CANT just stop and do "normal people stuff" like eating icecream or pizza anymore.
Second: When i realized that i should have applied for uni or any job around the globe, but i realized that i couldnt cause the illness wouldnt stop, it just would continue and i would possibly kill myself.
Thats when i realized that i really need help. (Shortly after that i asked for help, and right now i am waiting to go inpatient. Some of you might think "less competition", i say "I cant continue like this, no matter how scary the other side might be.".)
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