The Kindness of Strangers

[dyvinesweetness]

I think that people tend to drastically underestimate the honesty and integrity of people in general, including themselves. I think people are naturally "good" and that social circumstances are what prevents the inherent "goodness" from coming through. And my forgetful oblivious ass is full of great examples that reveal this

Comments

[bellarisa]

I like this post :)

I'm a New Yorker transplanted first to Vermont and then to Ohio. People think like this everywhere, trust me. In my experience, it's not so much that we underestimate the honesty and goodness and integrity of our fellow humans, but that we don't know *which* humans are good and which ones are evil and nuts. I've had total strangers to wonderful, truly giving things for me, then come home and turned on the news to see the sweet little old man down the street was putting rat poison in the Halloween candy and torturing squirrels while wearing a chicken suit. Had my lost wallet returned, with my money still in it (!), and my Walkman stolen on the same damn day (sigh).

i heard a comedian say that there are only like 5 truly evil/crazy people in NY, but you never know which 5 and it changes every day. There's a little truth to that; I think believe the best about each other, but unfortunately we have to assume the worst so we're prepared for the actual villains...

[dyvinesweetness]

"i heard a comedian say that there are only like 5 truly evil/crazy people in NY, but you never know which 5 and it changes every day."

Ha! That's cute. Glad you liked the entry. =)

[toodani]

I think it's a community thing. The same thing that enables one job to have weekly soccer games while at another you don't even know each other's first names even though you share cubicle space. Everyone has that ability to be nice on a daily basis, but do your surroundings bring it out of you?

[dyvinesweetness]

Yeah, that connects to my "external factors" concept. Though I was thinking more systemic when I said that, office environment and general community definitely play a part.

[richirch2]

I grew up being taught not to trust nobody. We couldn't even tell our friends when we were going on vacation, lol.

[dyvinesweetness]

Your father was/is definitely some kind of character. lol

At my mother's place we kept the door ajar almost everyday so folks could just drop in as they wanted to. And we lived in the apartment right in front of the elevator. Granted I think that's prolly very uncommon, but my mother knew EVERYone and we didn't have shit any way. lol Though I grew up in the apartment I'm in now almost as long as my mother's place I'm still not comfortable doing something like that, but I just love that sense of community we had then. I miss it.

[richirch2]

Although, I don't feel comfortable doing that now in Harlem, I feel a little more comfortable doing that than leaving the door of my house (in Detroit) unlocked during the day (while I'm there or not). Probably because 1)the lock on the building door, and 2) so many people so close allows you to put your guard down a little

[captain_brad]

I also think it's a community thing. When I own sunglasses, I have a habit of dropping them or leaving them random places. In Seattle, I've either had to realize on my own what happened or just take the loss. I dropped my sunglasses in Portland once, and 3 people stopped to tell me so.

[dyvinesweetness]

So is Portland smaller than Seatle? Or you have more of a sense of community there?

[captain_brad]

It just seems like Portlanders are nicer in general. I've haven't spent a really substantial amount of time there (maybe a week total over several years), but I get the sense that those who live there feel a stronger sense of community than people up here.

Yep yep...

[i_dreamed_i_was]

On the psych tip, it must be related to the attribution error. And yeah, I think the effect is stronger among folk who feel they have to look after each other 'cause no one else will... Poor folk, POC, etc. In GENERAL, it is the wealthy straight white man who is most likely d!ck you over soon as look at you. He's got nothing to lose...

Actually, this reminds me of something my prof talked about in Asian American Studies. Folk were talking about the stereotype of Filipinos as gossipy, and Will said something very interesting about the way "gossip" functions in many societies as a social control-- DYKWIM? If you know folk will be talking about you, giving you the stink eye, etc., you're less likely to do wrong.

Re: Yep yep...

[dyvinesweetness]

You know, we JUST looked at some articles that mentioned attribution errors and self-serving bias and somehow I didn't make that connection until you said it.

"In GENERAL, it is the wealthy straight white man who is most likely d!ck you over soon as look at you. He's got nothing to lose..."

Pretty much.