thoughts
i have been thinking about someone i have not thought about in a long time and it kinda pisses me off. cause all that means is that life right now is neither good nor bad, just static. it means i have nothing to look forward to, so the only place i can look is to my past. at opportunities missed, chances not taken, life not lived. the future.
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I get myself so screwed up over everything I should have done, everything I regret--I start missing things that really shouldn't ever be missed because they really sucked...but I can't stop thinking about the time they didn't, and I glorify it to the point of obsessing that my life now is somehow a mistake, a waste, total crap. And the future doesn't console you, because it's completely theoretical.
But the point is, nothing ever stays still. It sucks in the moment, but things do change. It just doesn't happen all at once and it doesn't happen on a grand scale (all the time). They're little changes.
<3. I won't offer you anymore trite condolences. But I understand. Miss you.
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