What's In A Name?

[dramaqueen_23]

I've been thinking a lot lately about married people and our last names. A significant portion of my friends are married, engaged or headed in that direction. I asked my mother why she chose to take my father's last name when they married. "I didn't really chose it," she replied, "it never occured to me to do anything else

Comments

[starfishchick]

Am I that bad name in usertag? Because I know one man who took his wife's name - she took his, too - and they were Mr. and Mrs. Smith Jones. No hyphen. He had been Bob Smith, she was Jane Jones.

It caused NO END OF HASSLES, and he had to PAY to officially change his name; he couldn't do it as a result of getting married.

It's a complicated question, with no clear answer.

[dramaqueen_23]

Bad tag fixed to indicate that yes it was you who told me this tale of double names.

[pauliatchy]

Girliatchy's brother and his wife both did the hyphenated thing. It actually sounds pretty neat. Apparently, one of his Great Uncles, who was sort of the family patriarch took great issue with this and wasn't going to come to the wedding, and wrote an angry letter etc. This was resolved with a family sit down, reminiscent of the Sopranos meeting at the Deli to settle something.

I'm generally not a fan of hyphens, but unlike many who are against them because they think that the wife should take the husband's name, I'm more from the school of thought that each should keep their name, after all, it's been theirs for a long time, presumably.

Besides, to me, Mrs. Iatchy is my mother, and that would just be too weird. ;)

With kids, it becomes more difficult. I definitely don't personally believe that one should saddle a kid with a hyphenated name (that's just me, nothing against anyone who does).

At any rate, I think, as you say, that it's a personal choice. There's no wrong or right, just what you personally prefer.

[dramaqueen_23]

As you say, children complicate the name thing. Although I wonder how much of the confusion is due to fact that most people still pressume a single name per nuclear family. Perhaps in another generation or two, if seperate last names are common, people will just ask for surnames.

[dramaqueen_23]

2) On a theoretical level I object to name-changing because its origin is in the concept of ownership. The father stops owning the daughter so he no longer gets to label her with his patrilineal name. This is rather objectionable in my mind. That said, women who recognize this objectionable point and decide to make their own decision about naming seem rather empowered to me. Empowerment lies in informed choice, after all. I guess I oppose taking the husband's name without putting any thought into it.

As a child, the thought that I would have to give up my surname when I got married was reason enough for me to declare emphatically that I would never, ever, EVER get married. I didn't have any social or historical context, it just struck me as unfair that I had to change my name just 'cause I was a girl.
As an adult, knowing that the tradition of a wife taking her husband's name is rooted in ownership makes me uncomfortable. For that reason I don't think I'd ever be happy with a last name other than the one I was born with.

[jits]

My sister (who was born 'Fiona') had a real thing about her name and her ownership of it. She'd never liked her name. In her... late 20s, she went through a process, and reclaimed it for herself.

So now she spells it 'Ffyona', but says it the same.

Part of her reasoning is because she's an artist and I guess a unique name wouldn't hurt there, but also because Fiona was a name chosen for her by other people, and I think she wanted her own choice, while still paying respect to what everyone knew her as.

I've subverted the whole process by getting my son, who is the oldest of the next generation, to call her 'Aunty Fuffa' (she used to call herself Fuffa when she was a child before she could say her own name). Now she has two nieces it's become a family trend and she's stuck with it :-)

[hardcormier]

Brainslie and I discussed it when we were about to get married. For me, my connection to my family is very important to me. It symbolises my connection to my gigantic family, certain places and my cultural background. I would never give that up. Since there was no question of Brainslie taking my name, we just left it at that. I find hyphenated names clunky and awkward. Plus there is the problem of what your hyphenated kids are supposed to do when they get married. Soon your last name is boiled down to an acronym and all identity is lost.

[dramaqueen_23]

I think certain hyphenated names are awkward. Mine was. Others sound classy and sophisticated, at least to my ears.
My parents know a couple who gave their daughter a hypenated last name and she subsequently went on the hyphenate her last name when she married. She was Jane Motherslastname-Fatherslastname now goes by Jane Fatherslastname-Husbandslastname. Admittedly, if one's reason for compounding names is to counteract strictly patrilineal nomenclature, this system defeats the purpose.

[dismay_]

My mother was very disappointed in me when she found out I was willing to take a man's last name. This surprised me. I know I was raised as a strong, independent woman, but I don't feel the need to hold onto my last name. Of course I also switched to my middle name in university, then switched back after graduation. Perhaps I'm a little odd