From lazy days spring flights of fancy
Poor LJ had a headache most of yesterday, and threw up not long after she got home from school. She spent the afternoon on the couch watching Robin Hood with her doting Pa, then cuddled up with me devouring Muppet Show episodes. Just like the old days, when she was tiny. Today she felt a little better but, rather than chance a relapse, we embraced our inner sloth and had a "hermit day". Fortunately we had a tonne of Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes episodes on the DVR, and watching them as a marathon was tonnes of fun.
My favourite part of the day, though, came during a break in episodes. I started typing out some of our recent adventures and LJ got curious about how I did it. In a moment I'll never forget she pulled a chair up alongside of mine, plopped her head on my shoulder and started dictating scenes to me. It was utterly wonderful, sharing not just the game but the writing with her. Like the lazy day itself, it was the perfect antidote to eight months of work/house/money/family stresses.
Now that she's safely and soundly asleep, let's catch up on all the doings in Super Hero City.
The first adventure was, unusually, one of mine. A few weekends ago LJ desperately wanted to play a game but had, she announced, "run out of ideas for right now". I scanned the room for a moment, reflected back on the canon she's crafted and suggested something. That sparked her right off; she started adding layers to my initial idea and, eventually, we had a game centred on ...
----------
STUFF STUFF STUFF!!!
Written and directed by SF and LJ
Novelisation by SF
In the distant reaches of the universe there is a space station called Waypoint. It is a marketplace at which alien species meet to trade and barter. Waypoint's stalls are filled with unimaginable treasures, delicacies and delights. It is a noisy, yet harmonious place... or at least it was until the day Superman, the Hulk, Flash and Thor robbed it! To the horror of Waypoint's patrons, the famed heroes of Sector 2814 viciously stole their money and wares, then damaged the station so that it plummeted toward the planet below!
Kilowog, Tomar Re, Ch'p and Kyle Rayner - the Green Lantern Corps - knew nothing of this. They went to Waypoint to answer a distress call and save the station from catastrophe. Even their combined willpower, however, could stop Waypoint's descent. Disaster seemed imminent... until, suddenly, their rings super-charged. Saint Walker, the Blue Lantern, had come to lend his power to proceedings and, together, the ring-bearers saved the lives of millions.
Kyle was thrilled to see his old friend Walker. He was also mystified by the witness statements Ch'p gathered - descriptions of the "greedy heroes" and their "horrible orange skin". It made absolutely no sense to him. Tomar, meanwhile, found droplets of an unidentified orange substance in a hidden room. He suggested taking it back to Oa for analysis. Saint Walker joined them, even if Kilowog wondered what they'd talk about ("he likes books, not fighting!").
On Oa, the Lanterns tried to unravel the mystery - and ignore the condescending laughter of Sinestro and Atrocitus. The imprisoned villains mocked their enemies for pinning "hope on orange goop" whereas they, upon their last escaped, did the "sensible thing" and ignored the orange smoke left in their wake. A light went off in Tomar's head, and he raced to the Book of Oa. In its pages the historian found the answer: combining the red light of rage and the yellow light of fear would create the orange light of greed.
Tomar, Kyle, Kilowog and Walker zoomed into space, scanning for traces of the greed energy. Ch'p remained behind the guard the prisoners... and found himself under attack! Superman and Hulk appeared out of nowhere, their whole bodies pulsing with orange light, and made straight for the Central Power Battery. Ch'p could not stop them; he was captured by Superman even as Hulk ripped the Battery from its moorings. The corrupted heroes vanished as quickly as they arrived, leaving Sinestro and Atrocitus gaping in their cells.
In space, each GL's ring alerted them to the theft of the Battery. The situation was grim. They had but a handful of hours to solve the mystery before their rings ran dry. Walker did what he could to boost their flagging power levels until, finally, Kilowog's ring caught a faint trace of the power. The GLs followed the trail to the planet Okaara. There they found something truly revolting: an underground horde, thousands of miles deep, filled with trash and treasure. It was the lair of Larfleeze!
Once he had been a common thief locked in an Oan Sciencell. Thanks to the power of the Orange Light - contained within a battery clasped to his filthy hide - the stinky, snorting, greedy creature had become the ultimate criminal. Kyle noticed an orange cell in which Superman and the others were unconscious. Larfleeze hadn't corrupted the heroes, he'd copied them with his ring! He'd stolen their identities and sent them off to cheat and steal for him! As the GLs watched, the copies returned... and they had Ch'p and the Central Power Battery with them.
There was no time to lose. Kilowog led the charge, grappling with the Thor construct, while Tomar fought the Hulk and Kyle wrestled with the clones of his friends. Walked strolled through the chaos to Larfleeze, who was eating and drinking with his mouth open. For a few moments, the light of Walker's blue ring soothed Larfleeze's ravenous greed... but only for a few moments. Eventually avarice and selfishness overwhelmed the villain again, and he batted Walker aside.
"A pretty blue ring to go with my new green toy," he rasped. "After I copy all of you, I'll send you back to Oa to get me a red ring and a yellow ring. Then my set will be complete!"
One by one, the Lanterns fell. Their wills were unbroken but their rings were running on empty. Tomar was the last man standing. The clones were behind him and Larfleeze was in front of him. Behind Larfleeze, though, was the Central Power Battery... and Tomar had an idea. He raised his depleted ring and recited the Green Lantern oath. In answer to his plea, the Battery lifted off the ground and hurtled toward him. It slammed into Larfleeze, trapping his head between it and Tomar's ring. A blast of pure willpower shot directly through his brain!
The copies dissipated, the cell evaporated and Larfleeze tumbled to the ground, unconscious. The crisis had passed. The Lanterns congratulated Tomar, recharged their rinds and prepared for the long task of returning every stolen item to its owner. Kyle learned Flash and the others had gone into space in search of missing friends, and offered to help look for them. Larfleeze ended up with the worst punishment imaginable: he had to share a prison, and all its food and facilities, with Sinestro and Atrocitus. All three of them were miserable.
Just the way the Lanterns liked it.
----------
LJ's always wanted a castle for her villains and they've long needed a proper home. Last weekend, at Toy Fair, she found one that exceeded her wildest dreams. What better way to celebrate such a nefarious occasion than with a story all about ...
----------
FLAT-PACKED MADNESS
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
Someone knocked on the gates of Villainville at 6am, waking up a slew of bad-tempered bad guys. Answering the gate, MODOK found a delivery crew who wanted to drop off a truck-load of enormous boxes. They looked like flat-packed furniture but, upon opening them, MODOK discovered something much more shocking. "It's Doom's castle," he squeaked. "Doom had his entire Latverian castle flat-packed and shipped to Villainville! We can move out of the ruins and have a real home at last! Except... there are no instructions. Arrgh!"
And so began the great reconstruction. Vandal Savage barked orders while Grodd, Doc Ock, Leader and the other self-proclaimed geniuses argued over design. Konkar and Clayface held the giant slabs in place while Mr Freeze and Captain Cold glued them together with ice. Abomination made sure his master's family crests were straight while eager baddies staked their claims on different corners of the castle. Finally the imposing edifice was finished... just in time for the sky to split open!
The lost heroes and villains tumbled out of the time stream. The Arc Reactor rocket, Iron Man, Captain America, Batman and Robin crash-landed near Super Hero City. They took Owlman, Blue Bowman and Magneto into custody. Unfortunately Dr Doom, the Joker, Enchantress and Kang landed right next to the new castle... along with Cyborg, Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye and Guy Gardner! The four heroes were taken prisoner and locked in the castle's dungeons. Doom ordered they stand trial for their crimes against him. Vandal, meanwhile, asked why Doom hadn't invited his past self to his Camelot wedding.
In the city, the heroes organised a rescue mission. The Batwing and Iron Man would create an aerial distraction while "Green Team" - Martian Manhunter, Vision and Hulk - sneaked inside the castle to free their friends. Hulk was totally against being turned intangible ("Hulk no want to lose pants! Hulk no like being naked!") until he learned what the word "intangible" meant. Then he just worried about losing his lunch as J'onn and Vision walked him through the castle walls.
Meanwhile, the trial had begun. Hoping to curry favour with Doom, the Joker had volunteered to serve as defence counsel... and rapidly sold out his "clients". Guy appeared before the court in shackles, earmuffs and a gag, so great was his fury. Just as Doom was about to pronounce sentence, Iron Man and Batman attacked from the air. The villains returned fire, never noticing the three green heroes walking though their defences and freeing the prisoners. The plan was working perfectly... right up until a nauseated Hulk puked on Abomination!
J'onn and Vision switched off their powers and, together, the rescuers and rescue-ees staged a frantic jailbreak. Villains were tossed aside like bowling pins as Hulk made all speed toward the outer wall. He crashed through it (sending poor Konkar hurtling into space) then threw his friends, one by one, over the giant wall and back into Super Hero City. The Batwing and Iron Man broke off their attack and headed for home, because everyone was finally safe.
Inside the castle the villains tensed, convinced Doom was about to blast them all for their failure. Instead, the despot just laughed. "They know how powerful this castle is," he said evilly, "and they fear it. All is as it should be - for the first time since Unicron, our forces are balanced. Soon, the balance will tip in my favour!"
----------
The morning after Toy Fair, LJ had just one request. "Do you think we can squeeze in one more game, please, Daddy? I want to keep playing with my castle!" Imagination and hunger went to war and, while imagination won out, I think you'll be able to tell breakfast was still well and truly on our minds...
----------
THE JOKER'S UNHAPPY MEAL
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
The first rays of morning sun twinkled over the world's most evil piece of flat-packed furniture. The Joker, however, had already been up for several hours. During his trip through time, the clown prince of crime had been consumed by a good idea: turning his laughing gas canisters into farting gas canisters! "This'll be a scream," he giggled as he worked. "The Dork Knight won't know what to do when his cape keeps flipping over his head thanks to his Bat-powered butt bubbles!"
"Joker!" Kang yelled from atop the drawbridge. "Come inside, it's breakfast time!"
But the harlequin waved him off, saying he'd be there "in a minute". Of course, "genius" knows no timetable and so an hour passed before the Joker went back inside, hungry and eager to eat. Unfortunately for him, all the breakfast was gone! No one had saved him anything good, and all that was left was Flubber. Which the Joker hated. Empty of stomach but full of rage, the clown leaped aboard his Jokermobile and sped toward Super Hero City, looking for a feed.
Lois Lane and Clark Kent were having one last kiss outside the Hero Times (before Jonah could yell at them) when they noticed the Jokermobile zoom past. The white-faced whacko drove straight through Aunt May's door and demanded all of her freshly-baked baguettes! "This looks like a job for Superman," Lois said with a wink, and Clark ducked behind the mailbox to change clothes. Lois, meanwhile, distracted the Joker by pretending to interview him about his favourite breakfast treats.
Superman appeared in a streak of red and blue, demanding the Joker stop troubling Aunt May. The Joker sprayed him with acid and tried to run, wishing he'd brought along his new farting gas, but couldn't escape the Man of Steel. "You're going straight to Arkham Asylum, you green-haired goonie," Superman admonished.
"Arkham?" the Joker said, his spirits lifting. "Quick, Superham, what time is it?"
The hero was confused. "Uh, eight o'clock I think. Why?"
"Eight o'clock," the Joker said happily. "Soupey, I am your willing prisoner! I surrender! I offer no resistance whatsoever and hand my liberty unto you. Take me away in chains and spare society from looking upon my awful, mischievous face anymore!"
"Why?" Superman asked.
"Because breakfast at the Asylum isn't until eight thirty!" the Joker giggled gleefully.
And so it was the Joker returned to Arkham Asylum. And had breakfast. And seconds. And thirds. And Owlman's breakfast. And Blue Bowman's. And Magneto's. And they all lived unhappily ever after... except for the Joker, who asked what time lunch was.
----------
stareyednight finally had a chance, last Sunday, to build her shelves for the comic room (I'd offered; she wanted to do it herself). During the unpacking she found one chibi she no longer wanted, and offered it to LJ. The kidlet had no interest in the character it portrayed... but had one heck of an idea for who it could be instead. All of which led to one heck of a ...
----------
CATFIGHT
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
The Avengers and the Justice League had started patrolling the Super Hero City/Villainville border. Batman had insisted on it and taken many of the trips himself. One day, Wonder Woman went with him in the Batmobile while Scarlet Witch and Cyborg soared above them in the SHIELD hover-car. They noticed someone climbing the enormous wall between the cities, headed toward Villainville. When they drew close enough, Wonder Woman realised it was her oldest enemy: the Cheetah!
The heroes moved in to capture the feisty feline but fell victim to a surprise attack. Enchantress, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy had noted a fellow villain in distress and come to her aid. Hoping to "improve the environment" in the castle, they invited Cheetah to join Doom's forces. Their petition for membership was seconded by Vandal Savage, given their prior dealings. Doom demanded she pass a combat test; poor MODOK and Abomination were soundly trounced and Cheetah was welcomed to Villainville.
Her arrival gave Kang an idea: the women could distract the border patrol while he, Two-Face, Venom, Red Skull and some goons launched a direct assault on Hero Headquarters itself! Doom gave his blessing and the group departed, taking the Doom Walker for good measure. They rolled right over the still-dazed Batman, Wonder Woman, Scarlet Witch and Cyborg. Enchantress wove a spell to turn the male villains invisible then rejoined her friends for a "shopping trip of evil" to Super Hero City.
Kang's plan wasn't the greatest. Supremely arrogant, he failed to recognise how strong the heroes would be with a "home-field advantage". Green Lantern John Stewart led B'wana Beast, Plastic Man, Blue Beetle, Martian Manhunter and Green Arrow in an utter rout of the villains. Only Two-Face's van driver managed to escape, dragging the Doom Walker along behind him at the radio-ed urging of Vandal Savage (who eagerly anticipated moving up the ranks in Kang's absence).
In the city, Cheetah's disruptive influence ruined the usually-cohesive Ivy/Harley/Enchantress team. Each wanted to hit a different target for reasons of their own. Cheetah wanted to attack J Jonah Jameson for writing nice articles about Wonder Woman. Ivy wanted to tear down the Arc Reactor because it blocked her view of the park. Enchantress wanted all the gold in the bank. Harley wanted revenge on Aunt May's bakery for refusing her "puddin" breakfast. They bickered then split up in a huff.
It was a big mistake. Spider-Man and Captain America rescued Jonah from the Cheetah's claws. Iron Fist and Vision caught Enchantress off-guard. Hawkeye's aim was straighter than Ivy's, while poor Harley fainted the moment Wolverine popped his claws. The girls were added to Green Lanterns big, glowing emerald bag of bad guys ready to be delivered to Arkham. Batman and the others arrived just in time to see they weren't needed. The Dark Knight was extremely unimpressed at the day being saved without him.
The Joker, by comparison, was delighted. Unlike his arch enemy, he found the "total cluster failure" of Kang's plan to be utterly hilarious. He laughed at each and every villain that joined him in Arkham's recreation room. He was a little disconcerted when they started laughing back at him. Then Harley leaped enthusiastically into his arms and the Joker knew, with all certainty, his all-too brief run of good luck had already ended.
-----THE END-----
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF
My favourite part of the day, though, came during a break in episodes. I started typing out some of our recent adventures and LJ got curious about how I did it. In a moment I'll never forget she pulled a chair up alongside of mine, plopped her head on my shoulder and started dictating scenes to me. It was utterly wonderful, sharing not just the game but the writing with her. Like the lazy day itself, it was the perfect antidote to eight months of work/house/money/family stresses.
Now that she's safely and soundly asleep, let's catch up on all the doings in Super Hero City.
The first adventure was, unusually, one of mine. A few weekends ago LJ desperately wanted to play a game but had, she announced, "run out of ideas for right now". I scanned the room for a moment, reflected back on the canon she's crafted and suggested something. That sparked her right off; she started adding layers to my initial idea and, eventually, we had a game centred on ...
----------
STUFF STUFF STUFF!!!
Written and directed by SF and LJ
Novelisation by SF
In the distant reaches of the universe there is a space station called Waypoint. It is a marketplace at which alien species meet to trade and barter. Waypoint's stalls are filled with unimaginable treasures, delicacies and delights. It is a noisy, yet harmonious place... or at least it was until the day Superman, the Hulk, Flash and Thor robbed it! To the horror of Waypoint's patrons, the famed heroes of Sector 2814 viciously stole their money and wares, then damaged the station so that it plummeted toward the planet below!
Kilowog, Tomar Re, Ch'p and Kyle Rayner - the Green Lantern Corps - knew nothing of this. They went to Waypoint to answer a distress call and save the station from catastrophe. Even their combined willpower, however, could stop Waypoint's descent. Disaster seemed imminent... until, suddenly, their rings super-charged. Saint Walker, the Blue Lantern, had come to lend his power to proceedings and, together, the ring-bearers saved the lives of millions.
Kyle was thrilled to see his old friend Walker. He was also mystified by the witness statements Ch'p gathered - descriptions of the "greedy heroes" and their "horrible orange skin". It made absolutely no sense to him. Tomar, meanwhile, found droplets of an unidentified orange substance in a hidden room. He suggested taking it back to Oa for analysis. Saint Walker joined them, even if Kilowog wondered what they'd talk about ("he likes books, not fighting!").
On Oa, the Lanterns tried to unravel the mystery - and ignore the condescending laughter of Sinestro and Atrocitus. The imprisoned villains mocked their enemies for pinning "hope on orange goop" whereas they, upon their last escaped, did the "sensible thing" and ignored the orange smoke left in their wake. A light went off in Tomar's head, and he raced to the Book of Oa. In its pages the historian found the answer: combining the red light of rage and the yellow light of fear would create the orange light of greed.
Tomar, Kyle, Kilowog and Walker zoomed into space, scanning for traces of the greed energy. Ch'p remained behind the guard the prisoners... and found himself under attack! Superman and Hulk appeared out of nowhere, their whole bodies pulsing with orange light, and made straight for the Central Power Battery. Ch'p could not stop them; he was captured by Superman even as Hulk ripped the Battery from its moorings. The corrupted heroes vanished as quickly as they arrived, leaving Sinestro and Atrocitus gaping in their cells.
In space, each GL's ring alerted them to the theft of the Battery. The situation was grim. They had but a handful of hours to solve the mystery before their rings ran dry. Walker did what he could to boost their flagging power levels until, finally, Kilowog's ring caught a faint trace of the power. The GLs followed the trail to the planet Okaara. There they found something truly revolting: an underground horde, thousands of miles deep, filled with trash and treasure. It was the lair of Larfleeze!
Once he had been a common thief locked in an Oan Sciencell. Thanks to the power of the Orange Light - contained within a battery clasped to his filthy hide - the stinky, snorting, greedy creature had become the ultimate criminal. Kyle noticed an orange cell in which Superman and the others were unconscious. Larfleeze hadn't corrupted the heroes, he'd copied them with his ring! He'd stolen their identities and sent them off to cheat and steal for him! As the GLs watched, the copies returned... and they had Ch'p and the Central Power Battery with them.
There was no time to lose. Kilowog led the charge, grappling with the Thor construct, while Tomar fought the Hulk and Kyle wrestled with the clones of his friends. Walked strolled through the chaos to Larfleeze, who was eating and drinking with his mouth open. For a few moments, the light of Walker's blue ring soothed Larfleeze's ravenous greed... but only for a few moments. Eventually avarice and selfishness overwhelmed the villain again, and he batted Walker aside.
"A pretty blue ring to go with my new green toy," he rasped. "After I copy all of you, I'll send you back to Oa to get me a red ring and a yellow ring. Then my set will be complete!"
One by one, the Lanterns fell. Their wills were unbroken but their rings were running on empty. Tomar was the last man standing. The clones were behind him and Larfleeze was in front of him. Behind Larfleeze, though, was the Central Power Battery... and Tomar had an idea. He raised his depleted ring and recited the Green Lantern oath. In answer to his plea, the Battery lifted off the ground and hurtled toward him. It slammed into Larfleeze, trapping his head between it and Tomar's ring. A blast of pure willpower shot directly through his brain!
The copies dissipated, the cell evaporated and Larfleeze tumbled to the ground, unconscious. The crisis had passed. The Lanterns congratulated Tomar, recharged their rinds and prepared for the long task of returning every stolen item to its owner. Kyle learned Flash and the others had gone into space in search of missing friends, and offered to help look for them. Larfleeze ended up with the worst punishment imaginable: he had to share a prison, and all its food and facilities, with Sinestro and Atrocitus. All three of them were miserable.
Just the way the Lanterns liked it.
----------
LJ's always wanted a castle for her villains and they've long needed a proper home. Last weekend, at Toy Fair, she found one that exceeded her wildest dreams. What better way to celebrate such a nefarious occasion than with a story all about ...
----------
FLAT-PACKED MADNESS
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
Someone knocked on the gates of Villainville at 6am, waking up a slew of bad-tempered bad guys. Answering the gate, MODOK found a delivery crew who wanted to drop off a truck-load of enormous boxes. They looked like flat-packed furniture but, upon opening them, MODOK discovered something much more shocking. "It's Doom's castle," he squeaked. "Doom had his entire Latverian castle flat-packed and shipped to Villainville! We can move out of the ruins and have a real home at last! Except... there are no instructions. Arrgh!"
And so began the great reconstruction. Vandal Savage barked orders while Grodd, Doc Ock, Leader and the other self-proclaimed geniuses argued over design. Konkar and Clayface held the giant slabs in place while Mr Freeze and Captain Cold glued them together with ice. Abomination made sure his master's family crests were straight while eager baddies staked their claims on different corners of the castle. Finally the imposing edifice was finished... just in time for the sky to split open!
The lost heroes and villains tumbled out of the time stream. The Arc Reactor rocket, Iron Man, Captain America, Batman and Robin crash-landed near Super Hero City. They took Owlman, Blue Bowman and Magneto into custody. Unfortunately Dr Doom, the Joker, Enchantress and Kang landed right next to the new castle... along with Cyborg, Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye and Guy Gardner! The four heroes were taken prisoner and locked in the castle's dungeons. Doom ordered they stand trial for their crimes against him. Vandal, meanwhile, asked why Doom hadn't invited his past self to his Camelot wedding.
In the city, the heroes organised a rescue mission. The Batwing and Iron Man would create an aerial distraction while "Green Team" - Martian Manhunter, Vision and Hulk - sneaked inside the castle to free their friends. Hulk was totally against being turned intangible ("Hulk no want to lose pants! Hulk no like being naked!") until he learned what the word "intangible" meant. Then he just worried about losing his lunch as J'onn and Vision walked him through the castle walls.
Meanwhile, the trial had begun. Hoping to curry favour with Doom, the Joker had volunteered to serve as defence counsel... and rapidly sold out his "clients". Guy appeared before the court in shackles, earmuffs and a gag, so great was his fury. Just as Doom was about to pronounce sentence, Iron Man and Batman attacked from the air. The villains returned fire, never noticing the three green heroes walking though their defences and freeing the prisoners. The plan was working perfectly... right up until a nauseated Hulk puked on Abomination!
J'onn and Vision switched off their powers and, together, the rescuers and rescue-ees staged a frantic jailbreak. Villains were tossed aside like bowling pins as Hulk made all speed toward the outer wall. He crashed through it (sending poor Konkar hurtling into space) then threw his friends, one by one, over the giant wall and back into Super Hero City. The Batwing and Iron Man broke off their attack and headed for home, because everyone was finally safe.
Inside the castle the villains tensed, convinced Doom was about to blast them all for their failure. Instead, the despot just laughed. "They know how powerful this castle is," he said evilly, "and they fear it. All is as it should be - for the first time since Unicron, our forces are balanced. Soon, the balance will tip in my favour!"
----------
The morning after Toy Fair, LJ had just one request. "Do you think we can squeeze in one more game, please, Daddy? I want to keep playing with my castle!" Imagination and hunger went to war and, while imagination won out, I think you'll be able to tell breakfast was still well and truly on our minds...
----------
THE JOKER'S UNHAPPY MEAL
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
The first rays of morning sun twinkled over the world's most evil piece of flat-packed furniture. The Joker, however, had already been up for several hours. During his trip through time, the clown prince of crime had been consumed by a good idea: turning his laughing gas canisters into farting gas canisters! "This'll be a scream," he giggled as he worked. "The Dork Knight won't know what to do when his cape keeps flipping over his head thanks to his Bat-powered butt bubbles!"
"Joker!" Kang yelled from atop the drawbridge. "Come inside, it's breakfast time!"
But the harlequin waved him off, saying he'd be there "in a minute". Of course, "genius" knows no timetable and so an hour passed before the Joker went back inside, hungry and eager to eat. Unfortunately for him, all the breakfast was gone! No one had saved him anything good, and all that was left was Flubber. Which the Joker hated. Empty of stomach but full of rage, the clown leaped aboard his Jokermobile and sped toward Super Hero City, looking for a feed.
Lois Lane and Clark Kent were having one last kiss outside the Hero Times (before Jonah could yell at them) when they noticed the Jokermobile zoom past. The white-faced whacko drove straight through Aunt May's door and demanded all of her freshly-baked baguettes! "This looks like a job for Superman," Lois said with a wink, and Clark ducked behind the mailbox to change clothes. Lois, meanwhile, distracted the Joker by pretending to interview him about his favourite breakfast treats.
Superman appeared in a streak of red and blue, demanding the Joker stop troubling Aunt May. The Joker sprayed him with acid and tried to run, wishing he'd brought along his new farting gas, but couldn't escape the Man of Steel. "You're going straight to Arkham Asylum, you green-haired goonie," Superman admonished.
"Arkham?" the Joker said, his spirits lifting. "Quick, Superham, what time is it?"
The hero was confused. "Uh, eight o'clock I think. Why?"
"Eight o'clock," the Joker said happily. "Soupey, I am your willing prisoner! I surrender! I offer no resistance whatsoever and hand my liberty unto you. Take me away in chains and spare society from looking upon my awful, mischievous face anymore!"
"Why?" Superman asked.
"Because breakfast at the Asylum isn't until eight thirty!" the Joker giggled gleefully.
And so it was the Joker returned to Arkham Asylum. And had breakfast. And seconds. And thirds. And Owlman's breakfast. And Blue Bowman's. And Magneto's. And they all lived unhappily ever after... except for the Joker, who asked what time lunch was.
----------
stareyednight finally had a chance, last Sunday, to build her shelves for the comic room (I'd offered; she wanted to do it herself). During the unpacking she found one chibi she no longer wanted, and offered it to LJ. The kidlet had no interest in the character it portrayed... but had one heck of an idea for who it could be instead. All of which led to one heck of a ...
----------
CATFIGHT
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
The Avengers and the Justice League had started patrolling the Super Hero City/Villainville border. Batman had insisted on it and taken many of the trips himself. One day, Wonder Woman went with him in the Batmobile while Scarlet Witch and Cyborg soared above them in the SHIELD hover-car. They noticed someone climbing the enormous wall between the cities, headed toward Villainville. When they drew close enough, Wonder Woman realised it was her oldest enemy: the Cheetah!
The heroes moved in to capture the feisty feline but fell victim to a surprise attack. Enchantress, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy had noted a fellow villain in distress and come to her aid. Hoping to "improve the environment" in the castle, they invited Cheetah to join Doom's forces. Their petition for membership was seconded by Vandal Savage, given their prior dealings. Doom demanded she pass a combat test; poor MODOK and Abomination were soundly trounced and Cheetah was welcomed to Villainville.
Her arrival gave Kang an idea: the women could distract the border patrol while he, Two-Face, Venom, Red Skull and some goons launched a direct assault on Hero Headquarters itself! Doom gave his blessing and the group departed, taking the Doom Walker for good measure. They rolled right over the still-dazed Batman, Wonder Woman, Scarlet Witch and Cyborg. Enchantress wove a spell to turn the male villains invisible then rejoined her friends for a "shopping trip of evil" to Super Hero City.
Kang's plan wasn't the greatest. Supremely arrogant, he failed to recognise how strong the heroes would be with a "home-field advantage". Green Lantern John Stewart led B'wana Beast, Plastic Man, Blue Beetle, Martian Manhunter and Green Arrow in an utter rout of the villains. Only Two-Face's van driver managed to escape, dragging the Doom Walker along behind him at the radio-ed urging of Vandal Savage (who eagerly anticipated moving up the ranks in Kang's absence).
In the city, Cheetah's disruptive influence ruined the usually-cohesive Ivy/Harley/Enchantress team. Each wanted to hit a different target for reasons of their own. Cheetah wanted to attack J Jonah Jameson for writing nice articles about Wonder Woman. Ivy wanted to tear down the Arc Reactor because it blocked her view of the park. Enchantress wanted all the gold in the bank. Harley wanted revenge on Aunt May's bakery for refusing her "puddin" breakfast. They bickered then split up in a huff.
It was a big mistake. Spider-Man and Captain America rescued Jonah from the Cheetah's claws. Iron Fist and Vision caught Enchantress off-guard. Hawkeye's aim was straighter than Ivy's, while poor Harley fainted the moment Wolverine popped his claws. The girls were added to Green Lanterns big, glowing emerald bag of bad guys ready to be delivered to Arkham. Batman and the others arrived just in time to see they weren't needed. The Dark Knight was extremely unimpressed at the day being saved without him.
The Joker, by comparison, was delighted. Unlike his arch enemy, he found the "total cluster failure" of Kang's plan to be utterly hilarious. He laughed at each and every villain that joined him in Arkham's recreation room. He was a little disconcerted when they started laughing back at him. Then Harley leaped enthusiastically into his arms and the Joker knew, with all certainty, his all-too brief run of good luck had already ended.
-----THE END-----
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF