A wedding most wicked
LJ likes to plan her stories well ahead of time, but she's nothing if not flexible. "Dad, I just love my new Villainville castle," she sighed yesterday. "Do you think it would be okay if we played the rest of my time-travel story, so everyone can get home and move into their new rooms?"
We'd not intended on playing a game this weekend (Toy Fair takes up a lot of time, don't you know?) but I could hardly say no to a request like that. And so it was we raced up the stairs to LJ's room. There was no time to waste! We'd been busy all morning, yes, but now we had a truly important task before us - we had to prepare ...
----------
LJ presents:
PUZZLE OF TIME
PART THREE: THE NEFARIOUS NUPTIALS
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
Guinevere had long dreamed of her wedding night. The horror she now endured was worse than any nightmare.
England's new queen and her ally - the time-lost super hero known as the Scarlet Witch - crashed through the forest outside Camelot. Guinevere's heart ached for her noble love, King Arthur, who had been turned to crystal by the odious Morgan le Fay and her consort, Doctor Doom. She longed to rescue him, and the super heroes, from their clutches... but first, she had to stay alive.
Doom's forces - the blonde-haired magician, the archer and the girl jester - were close at their heels and Guinevere was so very tired. She could feel her strength fading even as her sword cut through another clump of brambles. "I'd not intended to spend this evening in such a manner," she panted.
"Then let's both take a break," Scarlet Witch said, raising her arms high. Guinevere was blinded by pink light for a moment. When her sight returned, she could scarcely believe her surrounds. The young woman had twisted the woods around them into a small cottage - rustic, but undeniably comfortable and cozy. "Best of all, it's invisible from the outside," Scarlet Witch smiled.
Guinevere was awestruck. "This is... well, it's highly improbable," she stammered.
"That's what I do best," Scarlet Witch said with a wink.
Safe at last, the women slipped into rough sleeping bags. Seconds later, they were sound asleep. Their hunters - Enchantress, Blue Bowman and Harley Quinn - went straight past the hidden cottage, completely oblivious to its presence. They would spend the rest of the night searching.
Back in Camelot, Guinevere's husband had been restored to his mortal form. But only long enough for his wicked sister to snatch the crown from his head. Arthur had no time to react before Doom turned him to crystal once again. Morgan placed the crown upon her brow and admired herself in her brother's reflective surface.
"Perfect," she hummed. "Arthur's crown, Merlin's staff and a brand-new man by my side. 'Tis a glorious day in Camelot after all." She paused. "Mordred!"
Morgan's snivelling son raced into the room. "Yes, Mummy?"
"Tell my brother's cooks and servants to begin preparations for another banquet." She affectionately took Doom by the arm. "The time has come for your new step-father and I to formalise our alliance and our love."
"New step-father?" Mordred moaned. "Oh, but Mummy, you turned the last one into a toad."
Doom blanched.
"That was different!" the sorceress snapped. "Now get moving! I want the chapel cleaned and made ready for our nuptials." She grinned wickedly. "This day was ever meant to bring forth England's new king and queen. Tomorrow shall be that day, instead, with a more deserving couple upon yon golden thrones." She thought for a moment. "Oh, and have your uncle mounted in the chapel. He chose not to invite me to his wedding, but I have more compassion when it comes to family moments."
Hours passed and, as the sun rose over the forest, Scarlet Witch and Guinevere began to stir. Suddenly their little cottage erupted into flame! By pure chance, the villains had found them - all because Harley tripped over the invisible refuge! The women fought valiantly but were both unprepared and outnumbered. Just as they were about to be over-run, an enormous shadow fell over the combatants.
"Such un-chivalrous behaviour, here in the Arthurian age?" said a familiar voice. "We can't have that, now, can we? Guess I'll have to get medieval on your uncouth butts!"
Iron Man strode into the clearing. Hours of toil over the wrecked Arc Reactor rocket had resulted in armour unlike any other. The larger reactor had jump-started the one in Tony Stark's chest. Solar panels had become wings, rocket boosters had transformed into flame throwers and the heroic visor of a knight shielded his face.
"It's can't be," Enchantress breathed.
"Lady, please," Iron Man sighed. "I built my first suit in a cave out of a bunch of scraps - you didn't think I'd do better with a blacksmith around every corner?"
The hastily-constructed Mark 13 armour was a Stark product through-and-through; it took the worst the villains could dish out and kept on ticking. Iron Man's intervention gave Scarlet Witch and Guinevere time to recover and, once they joined the fight, the outcome was never in doubt. The heroes defeated the villains, locked them in a section of the rocket Tony had already converted into a prison ("always be prepared, ladies") and made all speed for Camelot.
The grand castle, however, was all but empty. Its new occupants were engaged in matters of matrimony.
"Deadly and besmirched," the Joker began, resplendent in robes stolen from the chapel's priest. "We are gathered here today to join this jerk," he bowed to Doom, "to this shrill harpy," he bowed to Morgan, "in matrimony so darn evil you'd be struck dead for even suggesting it was holy!" He chuckled. "I've had the misfortune of knowing the groom for years and, well, let's just say I've found more redeeming features in tins of meat by-product. As for the blushing bride: she's new to me but she's grown on me. Like a rash."
Doom glared malevolently.
"But is this a wedding or a roast?" Joker asked nervously, realising his ticket home depended very much on Doom's good graces. "Of course it's a wedding, so let's get on with the love, laughter and tears! Speaking of things that'll make you weep: Morgan's son, Mordred, would like to say a few words."
The black prince stepped up to the lectern and coughed. "My Mummy is the most amazing, wonderful, special, beautiful and great lady in the whole world," he said grandly. "And in honour of her, and how much she loves me more than her silly new husband, I am going to sing a song I wrote."
The din was horrendous. You could have cut a thousand cats with a thousand electric band-saws while running a thousand dentist's drills and still heard more of a tune. Mordred was more off-key than a door with no lock. All those present covered their ears and wailed for mercy. Even the Joker could find nothing to laugh about.
The pain ceased only when Doom noticed Mordred's wince-inducing pitch threatened to shatter Arthur's fragile dorm. He stepped forward and cuffed the prince roughly around the ear. "Be silent, you idiot," he commanded. "Arthur's safety is of paramount concern! We are vastly outmatched by the heroes and knights - only fear for their king keeps them in our dungeon. So cease your mewling!"
Chastened, Mordred slunk back to his seat. "Ooo, domestic tension," Joker quipped. "This is gonna be one of those marriages, am I right fellas?" Again Doom glared; again the Joker quickly got back on point. "Yes, okay then: if anyone knows why this jumped-up waffle iron and this black-souled shrew should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace!"
The chapel doors exploded inward to reveal and angry-looking Iron Man. "Yeah, I know it's a cliche," he said dryly. "But come on: some bits are just too classic to pass up!"
The villains and black knights went immediately on the attack. Tony, Wanda and Guinevere would have been decimated... had their plan been to stand and fight. Instead they weaved between assailants, launching hit-and-run attacks designed to annoy and infuriate. Iron Man's hand-carved wooden bullets ("100 per cent guaranteed to be immune to Magneto!") were especially effective. Finally, Doom could tolerate no more tomfoolery and took aim with his fearsome crystallizer ray.
It was the moment Tony had been waiting for. Doom fired and Tony used the last of his power to rocket out of the way... allowing the radiation to wash all over Arthur's imprisoned form. The king regained both his mobility and his senses, and wasted no time leaping into the fray. Scarlet Witch's hex bolts arced, like guided missiles, through Camelot and threw open the dungeon doors. "Avengers Assemble!" she cried.
The heroes swarmed up and out of the castle and set upon their foes. Robin and Percival brought several knights to heel while Batman put out Owlman's lights. Hawkeye and Galahad routed Mordred's forces with their arrows while Captain America and Lancelot defeated the would-be prince. Magneto and Kang were no match for Guy Gardner and Gawain. Cyborg and Guinevere kept Morgan occupied until Merlin and Wanda devised a spell to trap her. Doom, meanwhile, fell quickly to an enraged Arthur. The legendary king used Excalibur to shatter the despot's nefarious ray gun... and took great delight in doing so.
At last, all was well in Camelot. The defeated villains joined their fellows in the cell while Mordred and his men were clapped in chains. Doom and Morgan exchanged longing looks as they were separated; shockingly, it seemed their affections were genuine. "That is so wrong," Gardner sneered and, for once, everyone agreed with him.
Once again, Merlin and Scarlet Witch readied the Rose Spell that would return the heroes to their own era. Preparations were made for departure, but things hit a small snag when Iron Man refused to disassemble his new armour. "My suits are like my babies," he said. "They're works of art! Individual sparks of genius! You can't just ask me to pull apart this masterpiece and consign it to the rubbish bin of history!"
"Tony," Batman said forcefully, "if you don't disassemble it, history will become a rubbish bin. Do you really want all your inventions, all your hard work, discovered hundreds of years before you actually discovered it? You'd rather 'Stark Industries' be 'Blacksmith Industries' than give up your toy, is that it?"
The billionaire began to speak but thought better of it. "I concede the point," he said lightly. "Bring me some tools!"
As the sun set on Camelot, the heroes were finally ready to leave. The Arc Reactor rocket had been restored to its original shape, and the villains were tied securely to its empty fuel tanks. Guinevere took Cyborg aside for a moment. "Wanda is a most valiant maiden," she said, "and you are, in both mind and physique, a true knight. I bid you look after her, for she is a trusted friend about whom I do care deeply."
"You have my word, your majesty," Cyborg bowed.
The heroes climbed aboard the rocket. Scarlet Witch began voicing the incantation as Merlin stirred his cauldron. Archimedes flew above them all, sprinkling rose petals down over the victorious champions of virtue. The rocket lifted off the ground, settled into a float and began to fade away into the time stream.
"Hey Gawain!" Gardner called.
"What ho, green one?" the knight replied.
"Thank goodness we're leaving - there's no one as ugly as you in my time!"
Gawain seethed, but Arthur merely smiled. "Goodbye, most noble ones," Arthur called. "By your actions have you secured not only my kingdom, but my friendship and admiration. Know that you take the blessings of Camelot with you - even Gardner, you uncouth lout!"
Guy scowled as his friends laughed... all the way back to the 21st Century.
-----THE END-----
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF
We'd not intended on playing a game this weekend (Toy Fair takes up a lot of time, don't you know?) but I could hardly say no to a request like that. And so it was we raced up the stairs to LJ's room. There was no time to waste! We'd been busy all morning, yes, but now we had a truly important task before us - we had to prepare ...
----------
LJ presents:
PUZZLE OF TIME
PART THREE: THE NEFARIOUS NUPTIALS
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
Guinevere had long dreamed of her wedding night. The horror she now endured was worse than any nightmare.
England's new queen and her ally - the time-lost super hero known as the Scarlet Witch - crashed through the forest outside Camelot. Guinevere's heart ached for her noble love, King Arthur, who had been turned to crystal by the odious Morgan le Fay and her consort, Doctor Doom. She longed to rescue him, and the super heroes, from their clutches... but first, she had to stay alive.
Doom's forces - the blonde-haired magician, the archer and the girl jester - were close at their heels and Guinevere was so very tired. She could feel her strength fading even as her sword cut through another clump of brambles. "I'd not intended to spend this evening in such a manner," she panted.
"Then let's both take a break," Scarlet Witch said, raising her arms high. Guinevere was blinded by pink light for a moment. When her sight returned, she could scarcely believe her surrounds. The young woman had twisted the woods around them into a small cottage - rustic, but undeniably comfortable and cozy. "Best of all, it's invisible from the outside," Scarlet Witch smiled.
Guinevere was awestruck. "This is... well, it's highly improbable," she stammered.
"That's what I do best," Scarlet Witch said with a wink.
Safe at last, the women slipped into rough sleeping bags. Seconds later, they were sound asleep. Their hunters - Enchantress, Blue Bowman and Harley Quinn - went straight past the hidden cottage, completely oblivious to its presence. They would spend the rest of the night searching.
Back in Camelot, Guinevere's husband had been restored to his mortal form. But only long enough for his wicked sister to snatch the crown from his head. Arthur had no time to react before Doom turned him to crystal once again. Morgan placed the crown upon her brow and admired herself in her brother's reflective surface.
"Perfect," she hummed. "Arthur's crown, Merlin's staff and a brand-new man by my side. 'Tis a glorious day in Camelot after all." She paused. "Mordred!"
Morgan's snivelling son raced into the room. "Yes, Mummy?"
"Tell my brother's cooks and servants to begin preparations for another banquet." She affectionately took Doom by the arm. "The time has come for your new step-father and I to formalise our alliance and our love."
"New step-father?" Mordred moaned. "Oh, but Mummy, you turned the last one into a toad."
Doom blanched.
"That was different!" the sorceress snapped. "Now get moving! I want the chapel cleaned and made ready for our nuptials." She grinned wickedly. "This day was ever meant to bring forth England's new king and queen. Tomorrow shall be that day, instead, with a more deserving couple upon yon golden thrones." She thought for a moment. "Oh, and have your uncle mounted in the chapel. He chose not to invite me to his wedding, but I have more compassion when it comes to family moments."
Hours passed and, as the sun rose over the forest, Scarlet Witch and Guinevere began to stir. Suddenly their little cottage erupted into flame! By pure chance, the villains had found them - all because Harley tripped over the invisible refuge! The women fought valiantly but were both unprepared and outnumbered. Just as they were about to be over-run, an enormous shadow fell over the combatants.
"Such un-chivalrous behaviour, here in the Arthurian age?" said a familiar voice. "We can't have that, now, can we? Guess I'll have to get medieval on your uncouth butts!"
Iron Man strode into the clearing. Hours of toil over the wrecked Arc Reactor rocket had resulted in armour unlike any other. The larger reactor had jump-started the one in Tony Stark's chest. Solar panels had become wings, rocket boosters had transformed into flame throwers and the heroic visor of a knight shielded his face.
"It's can't be," Enchantress breathed.
"Lady, please," Iron Man sighed. "I built my first suit in a cave out of a bunch of scraps - you didn't think I'd do better with a blacksmith around every corner?"
The hastily-constructed Mark 13 armour was a Stark product through-and-through; it took the worst the villains could dish out and kept on ticking. Iron Man's intervention gave Scarlet Witch and Guinevere time to recover and, once they joined the fight, the outcome was never in doubt. The heroes defeated the villains, locked them in a section of the rocket Tony had already converted into a prison ("always be prepared, ladies") and made all speed for Camelot.
The grand castle, however, was all but empty. Its new occupants were engaged in matters of matrimony.
"Deadly and besmirched," the Joker began, resplendent in robes stolen from the chapel's priest. "We are gathered here today to join this jerk," he bowed to Doom, "to this shrill harpy," he bowed to Morgan, "in matrimony so darn evil you'd be struck dead for even suggesting it was holy!" He chuckled. "I've had the misfortune of knowing the groom for years and, well, let's just say I've found more redeeming features in tins of meat by-product. As for the blushing bride: she's new to me but she's grown on me. Like a rash."
Doom glared malevolently.
"But is this a wedding or a roast?" Joker asked nervously, realising his ticket home depended very much on Doom's good graces. "Of course it's a wedding, so let's get on with the love, laughter and tears! Speaking of things that'll make you weep: Morgan's son, Mordred, would like to say a few words."
The black prince stepped up to the lectern and coughed. "My Mummy is the most amazing, wonderful, special, beautiful and great lady in the whole world," he said grandly. "And in honour of her, and how much she loves me more than her silly new husband, I am going to sing a song I wrote."
The din was horrendous. You could have cut a thousand cats with a thousand electric band-saws while running a thousand dentist's drills and still heard more of a tune. Mordred was more off-key than a door with no lock. All those present covered their ears and wailed for mercy. Even the Joker could find nothing to laugh about.
The pain ceased only when Doom noticed Mordred's wince-inducing pitch threatened to shatter Arthur's fragile dorm. He stepped forward and cuffed the prince roughly around the ear. "Be silent, you idiot," he commanded. "Arthur's safety is of paramount concern! We are vastly outmatched by the heroes and knights - only fear for their king keeps them in our dungeon. So cease your mewling!"
Chastened, Mordred slunk back to his seat. "Ooo, domestic tension," Joker quipped. "This is gonna be one of those marriages, am I right fellas?" Again Doom glared; again the Joker quickly got back on point. "Yes, okay then: if anyone knows why this jumped-up waffle iron and this black-souled shrew should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace!"
The chapel doors exploded inward to reveal and angry-looking Iron Man. "Yeah, I know it's a cliche," he said dryly. "But come on: some bits are just too classic to pass up!"
The villains and black knights went immediately on the attack. Tony, Wanda and Guinevere would have been decimated... had their plan been to stand and fight. Instead they weaved between assailants, launching hit-and-run attacks designed to annoy and infuriate. Iron Man's hand-carved wooden bullets ("100 per cent guaranteed to be immune to Magneto!") were especially effective. Finally, Doom could tolerate no more tomfoolery and took aim with his fearsome crystallizer ray.
It was the moment Tony had been waiting for. Doom fired and Tony used the last of his power to rocket out of the way... allowing the radiation to wash all over Arthur's imprisoned form. The king regained both his mobility and his senses, and wasted no time leaping into the fray. Scarlet Witch's hex bolts arced, like guided missiles, through Camelot and threw open the dungeon doors. "Avengers Assemble!" she cried.
The heroes swarmed up and out of the castle and set upon their foes. Robin and Percival brought several knights to heel while Batman put out Owlman's lights. Hawkeye and Galahad routed Mordred's forces with their arrows while Captain America and Lancelot defeated the would-be prince. Magneto and Kang were no match for Guy Gardner and Gawain. Cyborg and Guinevere kept Morgan occupied until Merlin and Wanda devised a spell to trap her. Doom, meanwhile, fell quickly to an enraged Arthur. The legendary king used Excalibur to shatter the despot's nefarious ray gun... and took great delight in doing so.
At last, all was well in Camelot. The defeated villains joined their fellows in the cell while Mordred and his men were clapped in chains. Doom and Morgan exchanged longing looks as they were separated; shockingly, it seemed their affections were genuine. "That is so wrong," Gardner sneered and, for once, everyone agreed with him.
Once again, Merlin and Scarlet Witch readied the Rose Spell that would return the heroes to their own era. Preparations were made for departure, but things hit a small snag when Iron Man refused to disassemble his new armour. "My suits are like my babies," he said. "They're works of art! Individual sparks of genius! You can't just ask me to pull apart this masterpiece and consign it to the rubbish bin of history!"
"Tony," Batman said forcefully, "if you don't disassemble it, history will become a rubbish bin. Do you really want all your inventions, all your hard work, discovered hundreds of years before you actually discovered it? You'd rather 'Stark Industries' be 'Blacksmith Industries' than give up your toy, is that it?"
The billionaire began to speak but thought better of it. "I concede the point," he said lightly. "Bring me some tools!"
As the sun set on Camelot, the heroes were finally ready to leave. The Arc Reactor rocket had been restored to its original shape, and the villains were tied securely to its empty fuel tanks. Guinevere took Cyborg aside for a moment. "Wanda is a most valiant maiden," she said, "and you are, in both mind and physique, a true knight. I bid you look after her, for she is a trusted friend about whom I do care deeply."
"You have my word, your majesty," Cyborg bowed.
The heroes climbed aboard the rocket. Scarlet Witch began voicing the incantation as Merlin stirred his cauldron. Archimedes flew above them all, sprinkling rose petals down over the victorious champions of virtue. The rocket lifted off the ground, settled into a float and began to fade away into the time stream.
"Hey Gawain!" Gardner called.
"What ho, green one?" the knight replied.
"Thank goodness we're leaving - there's no one as ugly as you in my time!"
Gawain seethed, but Arthur merely smiled. "Goodbye, most noble ones," Arthur called. "By your actions have you secured not only my kingdom, but my friendship and admiration. Know that you take the blessings of Camelot with you - even Gardner, you uncouth lout!"
Guy scowled as his friends laughed... all the way back to the 21st Century.
-----THE END-----
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF