SGA: This isn't a real fic yet

[dragojustine]

Untitled Ronon fic, NC-17, 2300 words, Warning: AMTDI (with the dub-con that implies).
Unbeta'd, so please do tell me if I have spinach in my teeth.
AN:There are a couple things I've wanted to see done in a AMTDI for a long time. One of them is a guy who really is straight, in an experience that isn't total porntastic awesomeness. (The other

Comments

[fakymcfakerson]

This is good. The thing that catches me the most is the outsider's perspective of the McShep. It seems almost that you fit more of them into a couple of brief sentences than you learn about Ronon in the whole story, which feels odd, but is consistent with what I know of Ronon (having not gotten to Ronon yet in my own watching of sga, but having read him in several things- his "thing" seems limited to being a big warrior, yes?). Actually, I almost retract that; Ronon's noticing of the McShep- the *conscious acknowledgment* of it at the end says something about it. However, there's a sort of clinical detachment to him- Ronon seems value-free, here. Uncomfortable with it, because it's new and not how he swings, but driven to it by the whole soldier-protecting-the-civilian thing. Beyond that slight discomfort, and the natural discomfort of the AMTDI trope, there's not a lot of conflict here. McKay is a buzzing fly, there to be protected. John seems merely a compatriot. Teyla warrants a bit of knee-jerk protecting from him, but

[dragojustine]

My God, woman- you give the most incredibly, smashingly excellent feedback. Wow.

First: The McShep came through! *happy*

Second: All the things you say about Ronon's voice are useful, here- some of it was a conscious choice for the character or for the situation (I meant him to be intensely observant, but not feel the need to consciously articulate a lot of it, or examine his own feelings too closely- and yeah, his reaction to this is pretty damn blank) but some bits are obviously me missing a mark (the idea that John is *merely* compatriot, your impression of more bored than stoic)

Mostly that was just really the most helpful comment I could have asked for, is all. And you REALLY should watch SGA far enough to see the character integrated into the SGA team- he's damn interesting (and damn hot)

[desertport]

Ooh, is this a snippet, or is it finished? Because it works incredibly well as-is. I love the way the important emotional and psychological stuff is hidden between the lines, leaving the reader to deduce relationships for herself. That's where most of the tension comes from, and there's a lot of tension here. Ronon's actions come off as more detached than blase--the way he clinically goes about what he has to do reads to me as a defense mechanism. It's true we never do get to find out what he thinks of the whole thing, but as a snapshot in time, framed the way it is, it just works.

Also, I really like John's "such-as-it-is career." Hee.

[dragojustine]

Not a snipped precisely, though I do have this idea for the one where Keller thinks John and Ronon are together because they're so blithely unconcerned about the fact that aliens made them, and so she's obviously misreading it when it seems like Ronon keeps asking her out, and she would love to be his fag-hag if he wanted, she just wants some clear signals! (heh. Oh, Keller) But this was mostly an effort to pull together some kind of character voice for him.

My ISSUE with Ronon (and I love him SO MUCH, I might love him more than McKay at this point) is that after what he went through, he ought to be a completely non-functioning psychological WRECK, you know? There's no way he's as stable as he is. And the only way I can even half-believe he came through SEVEN YEARS running is if he's just so utterly focused on survival and necessity and completely unconcerned about his own interior life and emotions. And then trying to write that character voice without making it sound like he's just a lump.

I'm so glad it worked for you!

[dragojustine]

Hm... *interested noises* Cries? Really? I didn't even think it was sad. Do you mean John/Ronon is the pairing you would read? Interesting, because I didn't really write this to be John/Ronon at all (it's, you know, John/Rodney plus Ronon character study, because that's the type of BIZARRE writer I am). Hm... Looking at it as John/Ronon first is interesting.

Thanks for the feedback!

[dragojustine]

*happy noises*

Yes, exactly, thank you. I'm being talky about this fic because it was really experimental- so thanks again.

So interesting, the way pairing assumptions change what seems like the surface reading of a fic.

[aryas_zehral]

I'm not sure what to say/feel about this one. Ronon's inner voice here sounds so bleak, so detatched. *frowns* Don't know. Just really wanted to say I'd read it and it was interesting.