SGA: This isn't a real fic yet

[dragojustine]

Untitled Ronon fic, NC-17, 2300 words, Warning: AMTDI (with the dub-con that implies).
Unbeta'd, so please do tell me if I have spinach in my teeth.
AN:There are a couple things I've wanted to see done in a AMTDI for a long time. One of them is a guy who really is straight, in an experience that isn't total porntastic awesomeness. (The other

Comments

[fakymcfakerson]

This is good. The thing that catches me the most is the outsider's perspective of the McShep. It seems almost that you fit more of them into a couple of brief sentences than you learn about Ronon in the whole story, which feels odd, but is consistent with what I know of Ronon (having not gotten to Ronon yet in my own watching of sga, but having read him in several things- his "thing" seems limited to being a big warrior, yes?). Actually, I almost retract that; Ronon's noticing of the McShep- the *conscious acknowledgment* of it at the end says something about it. However, there's a sort of clinical detachment to him- Ronon seems value-free, here. Uncomfortable with it, because it's new and not how he swings, but driven to it by the whole soldier-protecting-the-civilian thing. Beyond that slight discomfort, and the natural discomfort of the AMTDI trope, there's not a lot of conflict here. McKay is a buzzing fly, there to be protected. John seems merely a compatriot. Teyla warrants a bit of knee-jerk protecting from him, but beyond that- Ronon doesn't really... feel anything, here. He's not angry. He's not really resigned, in the connotative sense I usually have of the word. Here he seems more... bored. 'Another day, another dollar' sort of thing. Maybe stoic, for levels of stoicism I've yet to encounter. Is that him? The writing is excellent, the plotting is good, the concepts are excellent, the pacing is excellent, the McShep is good; the only thing I'm unsure of here is the Ronon-voice. And, as I said, I don't know Ronon, so take that for what you will. :)

[dragojustine]

My God, woman- you give the most incredibly, smashingly excellent feedback. Wow.

First: The McShep came through! *happy*

Second: All the things you say about Ronon's voice are useful, here- some of it was a conscious choice for the character or for the situation (I meant him to be intensely observant, but not feel the need to consciously articulate a lot of it, or examine his own feelings too closely- and yeah, his reaction to this is pretty damn blank) but some bits are obviously me missing a mark (the idea that John is *merely* compatriot, your impression of more bored than stoic)

Mostly that was just really the most helpful comment I could have asked for, is all. And you REALLY should watch SGA far enough to see the character integrated into the SGA team- he's damn interesting (and damn hot)