A crisis of conscience

[guenievre]

Dear well-meaning door-holders,

I know we all find my cane awkward.  I'm sure it would be much better for everyone if my condition did not often necessitate my use of such a device.  It really is incredible that a young-looking lady such as myself might need such a thing, isn't it?  Especially since The Powers That Be, with their grand sense of

Comments

[leora]

Hmm, it seems like it might be appropriate for you to say, "Please let go of the door, you are creating a safety hazard for me by holding it the way you are holding it" before trying to go through the door.

If you practice that and get used to it, it might be a better overall result.

[guenievre]

I've tried that. It works pretty well if the person is facing me and if there's not a lot of noise or people behind me. Unfortunately, I live in a fairly crowded city and attend a very crowded college campus. I should probably be more assertive but I hate drawing attention to myself preemptively... sigh.

[leora]

Oh, yeah... that is an issue.

Meh... I solve a lot of my problems with people reacting annoyingly to my disabilities by being partially housebound and not going out too often and thus having fewer interactions, but it's not exactly a solution I'd ~recommend~.

[guenievre]

Yeah, I can see that. I actually am in a hurry a lot of the time, which makes this more difficult. And I actually have a fair bit of social anxiety, which means that I am really *really* bad about confronting people when they present me with an expectation. So if someone nonverbally goes, "Here, walk through this door," my instinct is to walk without really questioning it. Even if it's happened a gazillion times before. Because at that very moment, confronting them seems so much more stressful... and then I wonder for the next 30 seconds why I never seem to handle it better...

[nokidsdammit]

They do that with chairs and scooters, too. I've resorted to giving them instructions thusly:

"I'm afraid if you stand there I'll have to run over you to get through and you might hurt yourself with your arm stretched out like that. It's much safer for both of us if you come back and hold the door from the inside edge. Thank you so much!"

I always hope it clues them in next time.

Now, the people in the store who start grabbing stuff from my basket and putting it on the belt without asking......

[kittenmommy]

Now, the people in the store who start grabbing stuff from my basket and putting it on the belt without asking......

Seriously??? D:

[chorus_of_chaos]

yeah, they do that to some degree at one of the two stores here, although generally they do ask first or the person at the register will say "so and so can help you unload your things..." keep in mind, part of it is they need to keep stuff moving, I don't know if your stores are as crowded as ours are but ours are TERRIBLE, two stores (walmart and kroger) in a mid sized to small town. ALWAYS BUSY. I've got them trained though on the "put all the cold stuff on first because I'll take it into the house, and leave the papergoods and canned stuff in other bags last because i leave them in the car until I need them, i can't get them all in at once." Took a while to train them but now they have it down pretty well.

[kittenmommy]

Well, that's slightly better than what I was imagining, which was random people in line with you deciding to "help" by grabbing your stuff and putting it on the belt. Though that wouldn't surprise me; people can be so rude, even people who are trying to "help".

[kittenmommy]

It's always seemed obvious enough to me that the only way to give someone enough room to get through the door, regardless of their size since doors aren't usually built to accommodate two, is to stand clear of the door instead of having half your body in it to hold it open!

IDK, I thought this was just common sense! Evidently, it's not. D:

[wombathouse]

Common Sense: So Rare It's A SuperPower!

:-D

[kittenmommy]

I'm starting to think so, seriously!

[nightengalesknd]

I'm a small, right handed cane user, and I have the same problem. Having someone hold the door open makes it harder, not easier for me to go through the door. The only thing worse are people who press automatic door buttons while I am already manually opening the door. I keep thinking that wanting to help, in the absense of providing actual help, is in fact, not help at all.

[chem_nerd]

Seeing as I picked up the habit on a college campus with auto-locking dorms where it was customary to hold the door open for anyone coming in behind you, disabled or otherwise - is it in fact helpful if you hold the door open while standing behind it, so that you're out of its arc?

[nightengalesknd]

Neutral?

I occasionally encounter a door I cannot open myself easily, and ask for help and appreciate it once given. But for many doors, I use the door for stability while walking though it. Also, once someone else is involved I worry about rushing to not inconvenience them, and have to hope the door holder stays out of the way and and and. . . It's a nice gesture, and I appreciate that. But it generally isn't all that helpful.

[anjak_j]

They should give courses in school regarding this kind of thing, including why reaching over to hold a door open, expecting a wheelchair user to go under your arms is probably not going to end well for your toes. Especially when the combined weight of powerchair and user is around 280lb (127kg).

"...please try to understand that you are helping your own conscience, not me."

I try not to be cynical but this is so damned true most of the time.

[teal_cuttlefish]

I tend to say "I'm afraid for your toes!" They eventually realize that my chair is so wide that I will drive over their feet if they stand in the door. And my combined weight of me and my power chair is significantly higher than yours.

[anjak_j]

I've said that - and most of the time people just take a step back and stretch themselves a bit more. I mean, honestly, how much easier is it to step to the side of the door and hold it? Yet people still persist on making life harder for themselves - and me. (Though I do get some vague amusement out of the antics of ABs in their attempts to help.)

I'm fortunate that my powerchair is quite small compared with most - it's about the same width as my self-propelled chair.

[0xmahliax0]

Oh, I love it when they flatten themselves against the door and/or stretch their arm farther. Because at that point, they *still* think they know better than you what works.

If they still insist on standing in the doorway after I've already told them there's not enough room, then I go ahead and roll through. And when I graze or straight up run over their toes, I don't apologize. Give 'em a steep learning curve.

Yeah, I've been using this chair for ten years now, and at this point I'd rather spend my time and energy on other things. So, if you insist on standing in the door, it's no skin off my back -- but it might be skin off your toes!