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[dosidella]

It's almost six in the morning. I haven't slept. I can't sleep. I'm not even sure if I want to sleep. I'd been doing well managing my insomnia/wacky sleep cycles for a while, but it's been slowly creeping up on me again. It's exhausting, funnily enough, to keep up on trying to get enough sleep. So, here we are

Comments

[rachg82]

I don't even want to write about it, because it ends up sending me into a panic attack whenever I give it that much thought

Sometimes, when I get that way, I'll tell myself to start by only writing about a small bit of it at a time. Or that I only need to cover the gist of things & not go into detail if I don't want to. What usually happens then is I still end up going on & on, and I DO cover details, but for some reason then it's easier because it just happens on its own and I know I can stop at any point.

I said earlier today that I'm upset because of this knowledge that my life is never, ever going to turn out the way I always wanted it toI know that feeling. Like, even if you didn't think certain things would happen/weren't pining all the time for them, you might've even had one moment where a dream came into your head and you realize later it encapsulated everything you really DID want underneath it all. It's like that moment last year when I remembered the daydream I had as a kid about my mom and I washing dishes together