thurs ... a few thought processes to document as my meds kick in....

[doombuggie]

so the first one i have that i want remembered is this... i have pretty much been about as sedentary as a human being can be without melding into their bedsheets for almost 2 years now, as a result of that i have to remember that between that fact, my back problems and tearing the ACL in my right knee in the not so distant past that it is going to

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[lorigrrl]

Even with all the crazy shit I went through as a kid I somehow came out of it having this faerytale idea that love was going to be hard at first and then it would get easy... it never really is easy. it's just work that's worth doing.

i'm glad you're doing better. you deserve to live without mental and physical pain.

[doombuggie]

i can honestly say that thanks to both of us having mental illness and/or personality disorders to some degree over the years our relationship has been a ride i have barely been able to hold on to and it looks like another fucked up section is coming with me getting better and her refusing to seek help and being so detached that i know i cant use leaving her to pressure her into getting care and eventually recovering.. i am going to have to wait until something happens that makes her decide she wants the change. much like dealing with a junkie, only her drug of choice is whatever mmorpg she is playing. but yeah i've made a literal 180 degree turn around.. a week ago i wouldnt have been out of bed long enough to make these posts to record this, much less have enough clarity of thought to do so in any fashion that would have been meaningful and not full of omissions and lacking things i wasnt able to admit to.