thurs ... a few thought processes to document as my meds kick in....
so the first one i have that i want remembered is this... i have pretty much been about as sedentary as a human being can be without melding into their bedsheets for almost 2 years now, as a result of that i have to remember that between that fact, my back problems and tearing the ACL in my right knee in the not so distant past that it is going to take just as much time and effort to recover as decaying to this point over the last years has taken. I cant let this stop me from doing, feeling, enjoying, experiencing, or otherwise living life, but i also cant let this become an unknown fact that affects my life no matter how badly i wish otherwise.... still working on really digesting the fact that i am human and have limitations physically when i feel so damn good mentally all of a sudden.
the second... (prolly should have been first.. but oh well)
adderal can cause you to ramble.. try to remember this when talking to the people closest to you so that you dont annoy them with your newly and suddenly regained feelings of happiness... now i need to make myself read that one more time before i move on.
three...
while yes the initial shift/change/improvement/rewiring/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit was very very fast and sudden after the initial dose, remember that you will develop tolerance, the effectiveness will die down, and you wont feel THIS good once it does, but if you ever start to think it hasnt completely changed and most likely saved your life, go back and read the first post in this filter and remember what you have been through.
and at least for tonight what i am going to consider the most important thing to remember in all of this....
yes jon, you have fought through things you should have never had to feel and think and made yourself try to function anyways at times for no reason other than jenn's wellbeing. No matter what happens and no matter what you may think at times, do not let yourself forget the fact that through all of this and most of all through every single thing you have experienced since you were a teenage kid, she has been right there with you, and in her way doing everything she knows how to do to love you. Dont ever let yourself turn on her and start believing that you only suffered because of her and dont ever hold the fact that you fought to be there for her make you bitter, you did it cause you love her, and you know that even if you wind up back in that same place, you will do it all over again.you need her and she needs you.
ok i think i am now to where i need to be for today, probably another post tomorrow since i am taking a day and letting myself get some relaxation and not push my legs any harder. gnight my friends.
the second... (prolly should have been first.. but oh well)
adderal can cause you to ramble.. try to remember this when talking to the people closest to you so that you dont annoy them with your newly and suddenly regained feelings of happiness... now i need to make myself read that one more time before i move on.
three...
while yes the initial shift/change/improvement/rewiring/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit was very very fast and sudden after the initial dose, remember that you will develop tolerance, the effectiveness will die down, and you wont feel THIS good once it does, but if you ever start to think it hasnt completely changed and most likely saved your life, go back and read the first post in this filter and remember what you have been through.
and at least for tonight what i am going to consider the most important thing to remember in all of this....
yes jon, you have fought through things you should have never had to feel and think and made yourself try to function anyways at times for no reason other than jenn's wellbeing. No matter what happens and no matter what you may think at times, do not let yourself forget the fact that through all of this and most of all through every single thing you have experienced since you were a teenage kid, she has been right there with you, and in her way doing everything she knows how to do to love you. Dont ever let yourself turn on her and start believing that you only suffered because of her and dont ever hold the fact that you fought to be there for her make you bitter, you did it cause you love her, and you know that even if you wind up back in that same place, you will do it all over again.you need her and she needs you.
ok i think i am now to where i need to be for today, probably another post tomorrow since i am taking a day and letting myself get some relaxation and not push my legs any harder. gnight my friends.