05 - Sharp-Dressed Villain

[doofenstrudel]

[Action A, 457 Stone Street, Morning]

[It's another marginally beautiful Mayfield morning, and Doofenshmirtz has volunteered to head out front and get the mail. Still half-asleep, he steps over the brown-papered package on the front step, staggers to the mailbox, extracts the bills, and steps back over the package without even noticing it. Click

Comments

B

[myblimpisbigger]

[Guess who just got done doing his own shopping?

Doof actually probably doesn't reocognize him, given that last time they talked it was over the phone and he was a lot more batshit insane. Though anyone who buys this much of what looks like the ingredients for waffle mix can't be entirely mentally sound...

Especially when you consider that in amongst the waffle mix and berries (for topping!), there's a huge chainsaw.]

What flavors of strudel to you have today?

[Mayfield bakery: Always fresh-baked, usually razor free!]

[doofenstrudel]

[Nope, no immediate recognition. The man hasn't got NEARLY enough Large Ham happening right now, for a proper parallel to be drawn. He's even delayed in looking up from his note-making.]

Eh? What?

[Klaus is blinked at blankly, while the words take their sweet time to register in his brain.]

Strudel? Blueberry and apple.... yes, all those fresh apples just appeared today, might as well put them to use....

[Crud, better get back into the customer service mindset for a few moments... he folded the notebook shut.]

Would you like some boxed up? How many?

[Maaaaaybe the voice is familiar. Doofenshmirtz is rather distinct that way.]

[myblimpisbigger]

[Ohhh yes that voice is familiar. It's not really Doofenshmirtz's fault, though; it is rather distinct.]

I plan to do some fairly intensive work tonight so I'd say make it a round dozen. Six of each.

[Despite being here a whole year, it's still kind of odd to be doing transactions like this himself. Odd and awesome. How many times does a Baron get to go to the pastry shop, all alone, and order strudel? NEVER.

Until now.]

By the way, I believe I recognize your voice. I yelled very loudly at you over the phone a few days previously.

[doofenstrudel]

[Doof hops to his feet, setting his notebook down behind the counter. Time to actually earn some of the money that will help support all of his nice plans...]

Ah! An all-nighter. I'd brew up some decent coffee to go along with these. Perfect combination.

[He folds up a paper box with deft fingers. Really, this bakery job isn't so bad, when it's not distracting him from things he'd rather be doing. He starts boxing strudel, but stops when he gets to the blueberry.]

Recognize my voice? Well, that's understandable, I sound like a box of cats with laryngitis most days of the week....

Oh! You were the one shouting at me! With the wet cats and the yodeling!

[This is delightful news! He hadn't gotten any significant information about the man, but he had definitely wanted to get to know him a little better. There was SCIENCE to combine! He hastily fills the rest of the box, and darts over to the counter to bring it to him.]

B

[has_no_plan]

[Bart walks into the bakery and his immediate reaction is to stare longingly and wide-eyed at all of the sweets.

...It takes him a good few minutes to notice Doofenshmirtz.]

...I didn't think bakers wore lab coats...

[doofenstrudel]

[Doof barely even notices the kid. Even when he speaks up, he doesn't immediately look up from his note-making.]

I'm a renaissance man. I wear many hats. Or coats, as the case may be.

[Scribble scribble, furious scribble. He's keeping himself well-distracted.]

[has_no_plan]

[...He barely understood any of that.]

...You're not wearing any hats...

[doofenstrudel]

[He lowers his notebook and glares at the kid. Glaaaaares!]

It's a figure of speech! Yeesh, a saying? You've never heard it? A person who does many jobs "wears many hats"? I weep for the state of this town's educational system.

[Doof snorts, and returns to his scribblings.]

B

[animalhusbandry]

[Have a Red Mage glancing at your notes there, Doof.]

[doofenstrudel]

[Why, it looks like he's devising plans for some sort of underground structure!]

Geh! Hey!

[Doof jolts when he notices that there's someone reading over his shoulder. The notebook is snapped shut, and waved in Red Mage's general direction to shoo him.]

Employees only behind the counter! Get! Get!

[animalhusbandry]

[Such barriers are meaningless to the mighty and knowledgeable Red Mage.]

Building a secret underground bunker, I see!

[doofenstrudel]

[Doof is no longer shooing him with the notebook. He's making a purposeful attempt to hit the guy.]

Shh! It's not secret if you go and tell everyone!

B

[getsciencedone]

[A lab coat huh? Well this woman seems to be wearing one as well as she looks at the cakes.

Looking over at you writing the notes there.]

[doofenstrudel]

[He notes some movement from the corner of his eye and glances to to the woman, half-heartedly checking to see if she's in the market for baked goods. But he does a double-take, realizing that she's in a lab coat.

Aaaand she's eyeing his notes, too.]

What? Is this "Come and Spy on Doctor Doofenshmirtz's Plans" day? Will there be balloons and a parade later?

The balloons are not so bad, but...

[getsciencedone]

Yes and confetti. But not the good stuff, we're running low on that.

[Just smirks and walks over.]

What are you working on that so many people are interested in?

[doofenstrudel]

The good stuff? What, the stuff made out of metallic plastic that gets stuck in the carpets and never quite comes out?

[Hey, she's speaking his language! The language of absurd digression!]

It is absolutely not a hidden underground laboratory, I will say that much.

Really, I'm as surprised about this as you are. Apparently the word of my genius is getting out.

B

[crazyclownwoman]

[There is a woman in a clown costume looking over your shoulder.]

What's all the tarps for?

[doofenstrudel]

[What is it with all the looky-loos today? Doof closes the notebook abruptly, holding it shut with both hands.]

To help carry away the dirt! And also to help keep the dirt from getting in things, and...

Why am I telling you this!? Who are you?! Why are you behind the counter?!

I need to make a sign...

[crazyclownwoman]

I'm Harley! And I was curious!

[doofenstrudel]

[Straightforward, this one.]

Harley. I see.

You're sure you're not here for, say, pie?

[She's a clown, clowns throw pies, it was all coming together in his head so naturally...]