05 - Sharp-Dressed Villain
[Action A, 457 Stone Street, Morning]
[It's another marginally beautiful Mayfield morning, and Doofenshmirtz has volunteered to head out front and get the mail. Still half-asleep, he steps over the brown-papered package on the front step, staggers to the mailbox, extracts the bills, and steps back over the package without even noticing it. Click ( Read more... )
[It's another marginally beautiful Mayfield morning, and Doofenshmirtz has volunteered to head out front and get the mail. Still half-asleep, he steps over the brown-papered package on the front step, staggers to the mailbox, extracts the bills, and steps back over the package without even noticing it. Click ( Read more... )
Doof actually probably doesn't reocognize him, given that last time they talked it was over the phone and he was a lot more batshit insane. Though anyone who buys this much of what looks like the ingredients for waffle mix can't be entirely mentally sound...
Especially when you consider that in amongst the waffle mix and berries (for topping!), there's a huge chainsaw.]
What flavors of strudel to you have today?
[Mayfield bakery: Always fresh-baked, usually razor free!]
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Eh? What?
[Klaus is blinked at blankly, while the words take their sweet time to register in his brain.]
Strudel? Blueberry and apple.... yes, all those fresh apples just appeared today, might as well put them to use....
[Crud, better get back into the customer service mindset for a few moments... he folded the notebook shut.]
Would you like some boxed up? How many?
[Maaaaaybe the voice is familiar. Doofenshmirtz is rather distinct that way.]
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I plan to do some fairly intensive work tonight so I'd say make it a round dozen. Six of each.
[Despite being here a whole year, it's still kind of odd to be doing transactions like this himself. Odd and awesome. How many times does a Baron get to go to the pastry shop, all alone, and order strudel? NEVER.
Until now.]
By the way, I believe I recognize your voice. I yelled very loudly at you over the phone a few days previously.
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Ah! An all-nighter. I'd brew up some decent coffee to go along with these. Perfect combination.
[He folds up a paper box with deft fingers. Really, this bakery job isn't so bad, when it's not distracting him from things he'd rather be doing. He starts boxing strudel, but stops when he gets to the blueberry.]
Recognize my voice? Well, that's understandable, I sound like a box of cats with laryngitis most days of the week....
Oh! You were the one shouting at me! With the wet cats and the yodeling!
[This is delightful news! He hadn't gotten any significant information about the man, but he had definitely wanted to get to know him a little better. There was SCIENCE to combine! He hastily fills the rest of the box, and darts over to the counter to bring it to him.]
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[He was hoping he didn't actually say that. Damnation.]
Usually I'm slightly more eloquent, I assure you. Even if it was an apt description.
And yes, I do plan on all-nighter if all goes well. A good friend of mine has a sword with a rotating sawblade and I aim to recreate the design for my own.
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[He rings up the strudel idly.]
A rotating saw-sword? That sounds dangerous and fantastic. You'll make sure to wear goggles, yes? I'd ask just what you are planning to do with it, but some things are worth doing just for the joy of it!
...although I really do hope that the town doesn't have one of those 'flip out and kill everyone' weeks once you've got that thing constructed.
[That's some genuine discomfort on his face. Not the usual theoretical musing about horrible things, no. There's a tightness to his jaw and some distance to his gaze.]
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Of course, when there's nothing else to do in this town...
[LE DRAMATIC SIGH]
I take it this recent one was your first experience of one of Mayfield's games? As disturbances go, you were lucky: it was actually fairly tame. There is a pamphlet detailing those of up to a year ago, I believe, if you haven't been told already.
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[...he has how much weaponry? He's not sure if he should flinch, or be impressed. Maybe being understanding would work. If he had a workshop and nothing he could safely sic an -inator on, he'd likely have the same problem...]
Nothing else to do other than handle this occasional fits of... torment. Yes, yes, I've read the pamphlet. I don't think it was quite enough to prepare me for the... reality of this place. Some things only become clear once you witness them in person.
[He absently rubs at his midsection.]
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Ah, how true. I suppose I never had that problem. My very first week here I saw children gunned down in the streets and people hunted like dogs, or assigned impossible tasks and then punished for not completing them. I came in with the knowledge of how brutal this place could be.
[Oh right, he was buying strudel. Better pay for that. Yep.]
And it isn't like it's much different from where I come from, so all-told, I adjusted much better than some.
You died, then. It is very unsettling the first time. My sympathies. I have died more times than I can count and thus sometimes forget how traumatizing it can be to a newcomer.
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That's... yes, that was in the pamphlet. And... I don't want to ponder it. I can have people tell me, I can read it, hear about it, but...
[Taking his money and providing change is a welcome distraction.]
This place pulls from far and wide, yes? Glad to hear that you've adjusted. The bakery, the random family, the strange neighbors... that, that's not so bad. That, I can handle. It's a familiar sort of abuse. That makes sense. The rest...
[Such a sigh.]
You. Your name. I don't think I ever got your name. And I don't think that I've introduced myself... I am Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
[Grinning, he extends a hand.]
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Your mad science must be very different from my mad science, if your home is so relatively peaceful. Either that or you are the only one and thus no wars have had a chance to start.
[... Oh right introductions. He's so used to people just KNOWING who he is.]
Baron Klaus Wulfenbach, Tyrant of Europa. It is always a pleasure to meet another scientifically minded man, Doctor.
[Shaking hands, yes. And oh my his hands are big Y E P]
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[And this guy has riiiiight skinny little arms, he does. He shakes Klaus's hand firmly but gingerly.]
Tyrant of Europa! Impressive and another reason we need to compare our worlds! ...ahem, but yes! It's a pleasure to meet you, as well! Do you mind if I call you Klaus?
[There's a undercurrent of anxiety, here. Maybe this will go well for a change. Maybe they'll get along, in the long run. Maybe it won't come down to competition and mockery and being ostracized like back when he was earning his PHd in Evil. Please please please.]
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Fascinating. We really must compare notes, yes.
[SO SKINNY. Doof, you could probably use this box of strudel more than Klaus could.]
Ah... I suppose you may. After all, my title is worthless here. There's no one I particularly need to intimidate with it. Why, I don't think anyone has called me 'Herr Baron' since I arrived, with the possible exception of Higgs. And he's one of my airmen, he hardly counts.
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[No, no, he didn't actually want to know which continent was obliterated. There would be time for that later. Possibly.]
I would hardly call some of what goes on to be civil, but no. As a group? There has been... limited success in taking over the world. Or even the Tri-State area. Curse you, Perry the Platypus...
[Mmm, strudel. It's only a matter of time before he's got a gut, working here.]
"Herr Baron" has a nice ring to it, if you're looking to intimidate! An airman? You were lucky enough to have an employee land here with you?
[He's impressed! And jealous.]
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[Y E P Europa is a special place to live.]
I could give you tips on taking over at some point, if you would like. I unfortunately have far too much experience in the subject. It isn't truly the taking over that's difficult, it's the holding on to what you conquer. But I digress-- you were asking about employees.
He didn't quite land with me, no. He arrived later. There has been an almost constant cycle of people from my world coming and going. Currently I am once again the only one. Even Lucrezia...
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And I don't know, even the taking over is a terribly complicated thing.... I wouldn't mind the advice, maybe then I could tackle the new problems that come with ruling... but yes! Employees.
[Is that... upset that Klaus is showing? It's some sort of sore spot, pretty sure.]
I've heard other people tell the same story, just with different faces and names. One of my co-workers here has seen friends of his go drone, and stay that way. It's... unpleasant to consider. As far as I'm aware, no one else from Danville or Druelselstein or anywhere else that I recognize has come here. I think I would rather be alone than have someone I know...
[Vanessa. No. May whatever malicious force that brought him here ignore his daughter.]
Alone. Alone is better. Hah, I've always operated alone, anyway!
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