Unintended [Chapter 8/10]
Title: Unintended [Chapter 8/10]
Characters/Subjects: Kris & Adam, American Idol S8 and post American Idol
Word Count: Approx. 45,000 for entire story of 10 Chapters.
Rating: IDK! R perhaps.
Warning: Violence, rape and related triggers.
Disclaimer: 100% fiction. Everything is as fake as plastic surgery! I owned nothing.
Beta: NONE! All mistakes are mine i.e. contained all sorts of mistakes i.e. grammar, tenses, timeline, logic, etc.
Author’s Note: This is only my 2nd attempt at a fanfic. Kind of failed miserably the first time.
*WARNING*: English is not my first language. I am trying. Please bear with me. I wanted to post a long time back but was afraid. Then, I told myself - WTH, just do it cause I had this whole story/idea in my head for so long.
Inspiration: Lyrics from The Scientist by Coldplay and Unintended by Muse. I ‘borrowed’ their lyrics for my story here because the lyrics fit freakily well in this fic. I hope I did not get into any copyright infringements trouble.
Special mention: Try to listen to Unintended by Muse and The Scientist by Coldplay to accompany the reading.
Summary: Kris and Adam started their relationship during their days at the mansion. Something bad happened to one of them just before Idol season ended. Post Idol, both tried to move on from the trauma but try as they might, they failed. No one told them it would be that hard.
CHAPTER 8
“Adam, you better pray hard that I will find my CDs in your house! You know I will kick your ass if all my CDs are missing! I know you fucked up a lot of my stuff before; precious stuff!”
“Have anyone told you that you sound like an idiot all the time? I told you I placed that box in the music room. Did you call Kris?” Adam was getting a little irritated with Neil, especially when he was busy packing.
“I did but he didn’t pick up my calls. And I need my CDs urgently, bro! Anyway, I got your house keys from mum. I hope you don’t mind. Even if you did, it’s too late. I’m at your doorstep.”
“Wait! Hold up, hold up! He didn’t answer his phone? When did you call? Why didn’t you tell me, idiot?”
“Adam, stop being such a dick to your brother! And you are being paranoid again. He was probably in the studio when ………………..when I called him! Adam, your house is so ………..”
“So what?”
“So damn clean! What the fuck!?”
“Not everyone is like you, ass! Are you sure Kris is not home? Did you even ring the bell? If he is at home, I don’t like the idea of you walking in the house like that. He might get a shock ………..”
“Adam, shut up! Gosh, all your room doors are closed. Okay, can you hear this? I’m knocking. Kris, if you are in there, I’m coming in………………. Whoops, I think I just walked into your bedroom!”
“Get out then!”
“Damn, you two are neat freaks, like some obsessive compulsive disorder! Hah! So, his guitar ‘sleeps’ on the same bed, huh?”
“What guitar?”
“The blue guitar.”
“That is MY guitar, dude! Kris gave it to me!”
“Bro, you don’t know shit about music instruments! What is the ……. Wait! There is a …………………….”
“Neil?” There was a long pause and Adam checked his phone. He thought he got cut off the line.
“NEIL?”
“Still here!”
“What is it then? NEIL! WHAT? God, you are killing me! You do realized I’m on the phone, I can’t fucking see!”
Adam could hear the sound in the background. He could hear Neil sliding the wardrobe door open. What an idiot, he thought. Moments like these made him wished his mum would just disown his little fucked up brother!
“NEIL! Hey, fucker! What in the fuck are you doing? I could hear you opening my wardrobe!”
“Adam? I think you might want to come home now.”
The tone in his brother’s voice changed. Adam recognized that voice. He felt more nervous by the minute.
“What is it, Neil?”
“I think Kris had left the house.”
“Yeah, I know that but ……………” it took Adam a full minute to realize what Neil was trying to tell him.
“What?”
“I think he left. Your wardrobe is almost empty and…………………… the blue guitar on your bed? There is a letter on it, for you.”
“Oh Jesus! Shit! I - I don’t want to assume anything now. Maybe - maybe …..”
“Adam, he is not here. The - the bathroom is empty ……”
“Stop, Neil! Just - just lock the house when you leave. I need to make some calls. I’ll talk to you later. Bye!”
Unable to wrap his mind around what Neil had just told him, Adam stood numbly in the middle of the room. He felt disjointed, as if he weren’t really there in his hotel room. Probably his soul had really left his body in Toronto and raced back to LA to prove Neil wrong; to find Kris and hold him tight and never let him go.
Instantly, he brought up his phone and called Kris.
Voicemail. Damn it, Adam cursed.
Adam wanted so much to throw his phone against the wall but thought the better of it. He needed answers now and he could still make a few calls. He scrolled through his contacts and dialed Jen’s number.
Ringing tone. Adam sighed in relief. If he got another voicemail, his phone would definitely end up against the wall and shatters into pieces.
“Pick up the phone! Pick up the phone! Pick up the phone!”
“Hello?”
“JEN!? It’s Adam! I needed to talk to you!”
“Adam, honey! I would love to but I’m pretty busy at this point. I need to rush. Can I just …..”
Adam was determined to not let her end the phone call. He had a tingling feeling that Jen knew exactly why he called.
“No …. No, Jen! Do not hang up on me! I’m serious. Where is Kris?” At this point, he didn’t care what the answer would be. He just needed to know the truth and what the hell happened in LA while he was gone.
“I’m not with him now. I have a meeting in five and I need to find the producer. Adam, could you just …..”
“Jen, I know you had taken a lot of shit from me and I’m sorry. But stop beating around the bush. I just asked you one question and all I want is a straight forward answer. Where is Kris?”
Adam heard a sharp intake of breath and then a long pause. Finally, Jen spoke, voice unsure. “Kris is not in LA.”
“Fuck! He left, didn’t he? …. for good?” Adam said; lips trembling.
“I’m sorry, Adam.”
Adam couldn’t speak anymore. He let his phone slid out of his hand as he dropped onto the edge of his bed. So what if he was already packing and scheduled to fly back to LA tomorrow. He realized that at this point, it didn’t matter anymore because Kris was already gone.
……………………………………………………………………………
“Here, I can take that for you!”
Brad took his backpack and rolled out his luggage from the car.
“Hey, I can manage, Brad. It was already nice enough of you to offer me a ride home from the airport! To be honest with you, I really appreciate it cause I could do without being forced to meet the management peeps for now.” Adam said, genuinely grateful to his best friend.
“It’s really no trouble.”
Adam took out his keys, fumbled a few times before finally wrenching the front door open. The minute he stepped into the house, his entire body felt like led. His heart felt heavy too and he really didn’t think he could walk into the house feeling the same ever again, like how he used to feel when he came home. There was always an assurance that he would never be alone, that a certain someone with a pair of soft brown eyes, messy hair and boyish grin was always there.
“Adam?”
“Uhh - yeah?”
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah - I’m fine. Brad, I’m sorry. I would love to ask you to stay for awhile but I’m a walking zombie now …… think I might just shower and crash.”
“Yeah, you look wrecked. You should get some rest but I could stay. I mean - if you need anything or you might get hungry later.”
“Brad, it is really ok. I’ll be fine.” Adam assured him.
“Yeah, okay….” Adam could sense the hesitation in Brad’s tone. He felt like Brad was acting out of his element; unsure, hesitant and even fidgety.
“What is it, hun?”
“Huh?”
“You looked like you wanna say something to me.”
“I - er - well, just wanna tell you that I’m sorry you had to come home to this - this!”
Adam got what he meant. He lowered his gaze to the floor and said nothing.
“But maybe it’s for the better, for the both of you.”
“I don’t know …….. I - I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Adam, give yourself a break.”
When Adam kept his silence, Brad pressed on. “Look. I want to tell you something. I know you will hate me after that but I want to be honest with you. When you were away, I came by your house and spoke to Kris.”
Adam’s head shot up. He could feel his heart beat gradually picking up in pace.
“What are you trying to tell me?” Adam didn’t even know why he bothered to ask that question. At the back of his mind, he could already sensed what Brad was about to tell him. He felt sick.
“I told him to fix up his mess and - and to let you go.”
Adam brain froze. He couldn’t - or he didn’t want to comprehend his best friend’s confession. He stared at Brad; the face he had known for years and had come to trust even with his life.
“I know you will hate me for life but - but I just wanted the best for you. I’m sorry he left but I’m not sorry for what I had done.”
“Get out! …….. GET. OUT!” Adam didn’t mean to yell but the words left his mouth before he even knew he was speaking.
“I’m sorry, Adam.”
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
The minute Brad had stepped out of the house; Adam slammed the door shut and broke down. He didn’t want to cry but he couldn’t hold it any longer. He had been trying so hard in putting up the ‘I’m alright’ face since yesterday and throughout the flight back home. Now, his best friend had just confessed to him that he had been the one who asked Kris to walk away. He didn’t know how much more heartbreak he could take in.
Between the time Brad left and him crying his eyes out in the hall, Adam had somehow managed to drag himself up to the bedroom. He was still hurt and mad; he could feel his entire body vibrating. He brought his violently shaking hand to the door knob and turned it opened. He felt he had been swept of his feet the minute he inhaled the scent of the room.
He pushed the door wide open and walked in slowly, like as if he was expecting a dreaded monster inside the room.
Then, the blue guitar caught his eyes. And then, there was the letter perched calmly on top of it. He wished that Neil was pulling his legs; that this was just a prank and for once in his life, he would kiss and hug Neil when; if he would reveal the prank.
As he waited for what seemed like forever, the room remained still and the silence was killing him. No one called. And Neil hadn’t jump out of the closet and scream “gotcha!” He lifted his head slightly and stared at the letter with Kris’ obvious handwritten ‘Adam’ on it, remained unmoved on the guitar, on the bed.
Slowly, Adam crossed over to the edge of the bed and took the letter. He turned around and sat on the bed. His hands were shaking furiously; he had difficulty in opening the glued envelope. When he finally took out the piece of paper inside, he had wanted to slot it back in immediately. He didn’t know if he could let himself read the contents; not typed out, not printed but words and words of Kris’ familiar handwriting. Adam had always thought Kris’ handwriting adorable. They were loopy and messy but yet still readable. He decided against putting back the paper. He unfolded it and revealed the familiar loopy and messy yet readable handwriting of Kris.
He started reading.
“Dearest Adam,
I never thought I would ever write a letter …. as in pen and paper kind of letter but Adam, you always make me do things I never thought I would. And I meant that in a good way.
I know by the time you read this, I would be long gone. I am back to where my roots are. Please understand that I needed to do this. I hope you will not hate me for walking away like this. I didn’t mean to do it while you were away but if I ever allow myself to see you again, to be able to touch you and hold you; I could never find the courage to leave.
I didn’t, couldn’t let you go and that was me being selfish. I have been asking you to be patient with me, to wait and give me time and you never once walk out on me. I have been hurt and the memories will forever stay with me but I was so selfish to have pulled you in throughout my ordeal. I never once realized that you were suffering another person’s sufferings; like you were fighting someone else’s war. I am vulnerable and I have unresolved sorrows in my life. I don’t think it is fair for me to continue drowning you in my sorrows. And I am so sorry. I pray and hope that my apology did not come too late. That you would still think of me as a good person and not hate me.
Do you remember one of our conversations back in the days at the mansion; I told you that I wanted you to meet my family; that I couldn’t wait to tell them I am in love with you. Then, you being overwhelmed, asked me, “Why?” and I replied, “Why not?” I remembered your grin and you teased, “What are your intentions?” Do you remember my answer? I told you, “My intention is to marry you, to have a lifetime of love with you, if possible.” I guess it was never possible. There was never going to be a forever. It will always sadden me that I will not get that lifetime with you, Adam.
I leave you now to embark on my journey to find myself; a journey which I have to take without the burden of those memories in LA. Please don't drop everything you are doing and come looking for me. Adam, I might not even be where you thought I would be. I had to leave you because I have to let you go to find yourself as well. I want you to live a fuller life than what you had before Idols. I want you to have an amazing career because you deserve it more than anyone else. I want you to be loved deservingly, something which I had failed to do. Adam, I just want you to be happy again. And I know it might be too much for me to ask a favor of you but I want you to promise me that you will live your life happily no matter what.
So, this is goodbye, Adam. I will miss you so much baby, just as I have in every moment in the last 22 days that you have been away from me. I have loved loving you and being loved by you. I will always remember you, your touch against my skin and just the way you looked at me with your piercing blue eyes. I will always remember your face. I hope that I am not too naïve to think that the clear image of you would last forever in my memory. Even if I do forget, I will always have a piece of you with me forever on my wrist.
And Adam, please don’t be angry at Brad. Only a true friend would do what’s right for their friends, even if it meant hurting the friendship. And I am glad that you have someone like Brad to look out for you.
Until the day we ever meet again, take care of yourself. Adam, please know that I will always love you.
Love,
Kristopher”
……………………………………………………………………………………
It was close to midnight and here he was, pressing on someone house’s doorbell.
When the door yanked open, he immediately jerked his head up and blinked at Brad.
“Adam? What the ………… fuck! Adam, are you alright?”
“No. Can I uh - can I come in, please?” Adam pleaded.
“Yeah, babe. Of course. Of course. Come on.”
Adam walked in and turned around to look at Brad. He reached up to scratch the back of his head.
“I, uh …….. I’m sorry I shouted at you this morning. I didn’t - “
Brad closed the distance between them and put a comforting hand on his broad shoulder.
“Hey, babe. There is no need to apologize. I understand that you were upset with my actions. I didn’t mean to drive him away. I didn’t mean to cause you hurt like that.”
There was a moment of silence, as Adam needed to collect himself before saying, “He left me a letter and - I, uh ….. I didn’t want to stay home alone tonight. I couldn’t …………….” Adam’s voice broke. He was about to break down and cry a fucking mess in front of Brad.
“C’mere. It’s alright. It’s going to be alright.” Brad pulled Adam in and held him tight.
“Kris is really gone. He is gone. I missed him …… I missed him so much ……….” Adam didn’t hold back; didn’t want to anymore. He cried and cried and cried while Brad continued to whisper comforting words to him.
He didn’t know how long he was standing there with Brad’s warm hands running soothing circles on his back. He felt bad and so, he pulled away.
As he wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, he said sheepishly, “I’m sorry. I - I think I almost drenched your pajamas.” Adam was surprised that he actually managed to joke, given the situation.
“Yeah but it doesn’t matter because you are gonna get me a brand new set of pajamas tomorrow …………. Adam, listen. I’m here for you whenever you need me, okay. I’m your best friend and I promise that I will look out for you.”
“I know. That’s what Kris said ….. wrote.”
“He did, huh.”
Adam nodded slightly. “Brad, I’m sorry I shouted at you. I mean - I shouldn’t because I should be the one to take the blame for driving Kris away. I had given him the cold treatment for the past week or so and - and just basically being such an idiot.”
“I didn’t know what happened between you two but I think you are anything but an idiot, babe. Maybe it’s for the best - for now.”
“Uhh, yeah. Maybe, for now. I really don’t know. But uh, Brad? Can I crash here for the night?”
“Fuck yeah. You can crash here every night if you want to. But remember to fuck off whenever I bring my smoking hot date home. Got it?” Brad winked at Adam.
Adam laughed a little, he couldn’t help it. He thought to himself, Kris was right. Brad is indeed a true friend.