My Very Own Snape - courtesy of laurelwood

[donnaimmaculata]

Right. First I'll have some fun with My Very Own Snape, then I'll answer my emails and comments, and then I'll do some work... Oops, it'll be lunch time by then. Shame.

Comments

[donnaimmaculata]

OK, how about this one for Sirius (my choices are bolded):

1. Physique:
a. six-pack abs, broad shoulders, and the arse of a god originally, but
b. thin by nature
c. emaciated and
d. tattood
e. scarred after Azkaban

2. His Accessories
a. long hair by choice
b. long hair as sign of depressions
d. leather collar
e. eyeliner
e. I. plus glitter shirt
e. II. topless
f. leather trousers

3. His Bits
a. huge and powerful - it's SexGod!Sirius, baby
b. average
c. small - the motorbike's serves as compensation
d. no longer functioning after Azkaban

4. His Sexual History
a. virgin
b. former Hogwarts whore
c. Remus/Sirius 4EVAH!!!11
d. rapes everything within reach (Snape, Peter, Harry, Remus, Kreacher...)
e. Azkaban prisoner? Hello? Raped by
e. I. Dementors
e. II. Aurors
f. going wild pre-Azkaban, reduced to grudge-fucks post-Azkaban
g. Blackcest all the way, baby!

5. His Sexual Prowess
a. completely inexperienced
b. formerly very experienced, but lost all memories of it in Azkaban
c. an amazing sex god, then and now

6. His Private Quarters

[donnaimmaculata]

Aw, I love this *hugs Remus* He's lovely. This really is good fun. I might be doing it for Harry, too.

[cherusha]

shags Sirius

But of course!

[What do you mean "dead"? Isn't Snape a Death Eater?]

Hee! Suddenly it all becomes clear!

excellent adequate, but relucant dancer

Yes, but what kind of dancer is he? I hear he's got killer breakdance moves.

[donnaimmaculata]

Suddenly it all becomes clear

Well, yes. Snape simply needs to execute some kick-ass death-eating skillz to bring back Sirius. Possibly with some dark rituals, involving lots of sex and blood.

killer breakdance moves

Now, there's an idea. I'm pretty sure this is something Snape wants to keep secret at all costs, though.

[swatkat24]

uses all his leisure time to stalk miscreants in the hallways, or else drinks till he passes out over a pile of 4th year essays

*sporfle*

Yes, I'm sure he loves chasing the poor kids.

Also, abused by Bellatrix? More on this?

Swatkat

[donnaimmaculata]

Chasing students is the greatest joy of his otherwise quite miserable existence.

abused by Bellatrix

EvilSexmonster!Bellatrix made her younger cousin her bitch. I'm sure there is a fic out there, even though I haven't read it (because my Bellatrix lusts after Remus like just about anybody else in my universe).

[swatkat24]

EvilSexmonster!Bellatrix made her younger cousin her bitch.

I've read some good Sirius/Bellatrix, but I haven't read this one, either. *g*

because my Bellatrix lusts after Remus like just about anybody else in my universe

Dude, there just isn't enough Remus/Bellatrix out there. Or Remus/Andromeda. Or Remus/Narcissa. Do you see a pattern there?

Swatkat

[donnaimmaculata]

Off the top of my head, I can think of three Remus/Bellatrix fics (by copperbadge, ellensmithee and myself), none of which is pretty. I think Ellen also wrote Remus/Narcissa - for a pervy_werewolf challenge an in Chaucerian couplets. Can't think of a Remus/Andromeda one, though.