Words

[dokssuri]

Title: Words
Length: One-shot
Pairing: MinSu
Summary: Changmin misses Junsu, but he never uses the words.

A/N: This is for nachan87 for being awesome.



Changmin was never afraid to speak his mind, or so people thought.

“Isn’t it hard, being with someone so brutally honest?” Junsu got this question a lot. He would always shake his head and laugh.

Changmin wasn’t like that at all. You always had to read between the lines with him. And Junsu had learned to. He was good at it, so it wasn’t an issue that caused fights often. But sometimes it did. For example when there were no lines to read between.

Junsu was a musical star, not a very big one, but his company was quite famous. During most of the year, they rehearsed and performed in the city, but sometimes they toured abroad, in America or Europe.

Junsu loved it, but Changmin had a job here, so he couldn't come along. Last year it had only been a week, but this time Junsu would be gone for a month.

The day before Junsu had to leave, Changmin was always a bit grumpy, and Junsu was stressed and packing. That was never a good combination.

The fight started because Changmin hadn’t done the laundry like Junsu asked him to, and Junsu hated when the clothes he’d wanted to pack were dirty.

It wasn’t that bad at first, but Junsu yelled for a bit and Changmin didn’t seem very affected by it - he never did - and that annoyed Junsu more.

At some point he started to sum up Changmin’s flaws. Most of this was nothing new, but then he said something that had been bothering him since the last time he’d been away.

“And you never contact me. You’re a horrible boyfriend.”

Changmin looked up. “What?”

Junsu cut off his rant and stared back at him. “You never once told me you missed me.”

Changmin raised his eyebrows. “You want me to call and text you every day, saying ‘oh, Junsu, I miss you so much’?”

Junsu glared back. “Something like that.”

“That’s stupid,” Changmin said, “telling you I miss you every day.. what would that do?”

It sounded harsh, but Junsu knew that wasn’t how he really felt. What Changmin meant by ‘that’s stupid’ was that he didn’t want to say ‘I miss you’ until he really, really missed him, so much that the emotional pain was about to crush him and he really couldn’t stand it any longer.

He remembered Changmin complaining about it once, that couples used the phrase too carelessly. Also, saying ‘I miss you’ wouldn’t bring him home, so maybe Changmin had a point. But still..

“I would know that you feel the same, that you care about me too. I’d like that.”

“You need me to remind you of my feelings every day?” Changmin asked incredulously.

“You’re hopeless,” Junsu complained, and he went to do the laundry.

They were still fighting when they went to bed, by not talking to each other at all.

Junsu didn’t like it. This was stupid and they were both just sad that he had to leave. But he didn’t want to apologise because he was right. They were both right.

He knew that Changmin cared about him. Changmin just liked to show him, rather than tell him, and when they were so far apart, that became a difficulty.

Changmin hated chatting online, too impersonal. And even with Junsu’s face on his screen, he hated talking to a camera. Calling and hearing his voice was okay, but expensive, so they used Skype when they could.

Junsu sighed. He wouldn’t have much time to talk to Changmin anyway because of his busy schedule, so what was he complaining about?

He wanted to make up with his boyfriend before he had to leave, but his company had booked a very early flight. Changmin was turned away from him and probably sleeping right now. He sighed again.

He should at least try to sleep a little too.

“Min,” Junsu said, touching Changmin’s shoulder “I know it’s early but can you wake up for just a moment?”

Changmin stirred and groaned and Junsu wasn’t sure if it was a response, but he went on anyway.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. Can I get a goodbye kiss?”

Changmin rolled onto his back and stretched a bit, but he still seemed mostly asleep.

Junsu sighed and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I’ll call.”

He stood up and quietly left the bedroom for one more round through the house in case he’d forgotten anything.

His bags and coat and shoes were in the hallway, check, he was sure he hadn’t forgotten his passport and he’d buy breakfast at the airport.

He needed to call a cab.

He’d just put the phone to his ear when it was snatched from his hand. Changmin’s eyes were still half closed, his hair was ruffled and he’d thrown on jeans and a simple t-shirt. “I’ll take you there.”

Junsu smiled at the tone of his voice that said ‘how dare you think you can sneak out and leave without a proper goodbye?’

They carried his things to the car together. Changmin drove and Junsu sat next to him in silence.

Talking now would mean discussing the fact that they’d be apart for a month. Talking about anything else would be a painfully obvious attempt to avoid the subject, and therefore basically the same thing.

Neither of them was a big fan of public display of affection. Not because they cared much what other people thought, but because their relationship was something that only concerned them and they didn’t see the added value of kissing in front of a bunch of strangers.

So, when they arrived, Changmin didn’t park the car but stopped in front of the entrance and turned to him. “I’m sorry I was a bitch yesterday.”

Junsu leaned over the console and forgave him with a kiss. He closed his eyes and, for a moment, didn’t feel anything else.

He focused only on the way their lips moved together slowly, Changmin’s hand brushed his cheek, fingers slid through his hair and moved to his neck and when the kiss deepened, the touch of Changmin’s tongue made his head feel light.

When they broke apart, their foreheads touched and they breathed together for a while.

“You don’t have to tell me that you miss me,” Junsu said when they finally moved back a bit. “I’m not asking you to count the days to my return and call me every day. I just meant it would be nice if you’d let me know that you’re still alive every once in a while, and give me the feeling you still want to be with me when I return.. those are just things I worry about when I’m away from you.”

Changmin looked at him and sighed. “I worry too, I thought you knew. I love you.”

Junsu smiled. Changmin wasn’t often this open about his feelings, but saying goodbye made him emotional. “I know.” He leaned forward for a final, brief kiss, and opened his door.

Just when Changmin was about to protest, he returned the I love you with a smile and got out of the car. When he was about to walk away, the window opened behind him. “And I do count the days.”

Junsu laughed. “Me too.” He didn’t look back until he reached the doors and by then the car was already gone.

Saying goodbye was never fun, but Changmin would be waiting for him when he returned.

The first day was always the most stressful, settling down in a foreign country, figuring out where to get food and how to get to the theatre and how not to get lost inside it. Luckily he wasn’t alone and a lot of his friends had been cast for this musical as well.

They were relaxing and having a few drinks, trying to get used to the new time zone, when Junsu got the first text.

He had called Changmin just after he arrived, but this was probably the first time Changmin initiated contact so soon.

{ Day One. Your cat misses you, it’s annoying. Yunho and Jaejoong are doing well. I made dinner and the house didn’t explode. )

One of the reasons Junsu had fallen in love with Changmin was his ability to make him laugh. He seemed to be a very serious person, he even said he was, but once you got to know him, you discovered his adorable silly side.

This text made Junsu laugh and then smile. Some of the others noticed, but he ignored their looks and thought about what to send back.

Changmin had taken his request to let him know he was still alive seriously. It was cute. This text was just a casual update of Changmin’s life, and probably meant to make him smile and feel better in case he was having a hard time. Junsu decided to reply with something similar.

Junsu’s cat had become their cat when they moved in together, but Changmin never acknowledged it. It was another one of those situations where you had to know him to understand. Their friends thought he just didn’t like animals, but Junsu knew that Changmin’s dog had died when he was seven and he’d never fully recovered from the emotional trauma.

If never calling the cat by its name and referring to it as ‘Junsu’s cat’ made him feel less attached to it and less vulnerable, that was fine. He did feed it and pet it and let it sleep in his lap.

Interestingly enough, Changmin got attached to their plants much easier. Yunho and Jaejoong were a fern and a cactus.

Junsu texted back.

( Tired but excited, first performance tomorrow. The food here is good, but the cooking not as funny as watching you burn eggs. }

He wondered if he’d get updates every day.

The next day a text arrived right before he had to go to hair and make-up, when it would be late at night in Korea.

{ Day Two. Yoochun has a new girlfriend, I dislike her less than the last one. )

Someone called him and he had to rush. He was busy all evening. There was a party because this had been the first performance. By the end of it he was so tired that he fell asleep before he could send a reply.

He still got a new message the next morning.

{ Day Three. Scrap that, I can’t stand her, and I’ve only heard her voice from when she was talking to him on the phone. )

There was a new message every day, and they never failed to make him smile.

{ Day Four. New addition to the family, Yoosun. Not sure what she is. Found her in a broken flower pot by the trash. YunJae love her like a sister. )

{ Day Five. I’m afraid I’m not giving Yoosun enough water, but what if I’m actually drowning her? )

{Day Six. It’s raining. Glad you’re not here to yell at me for leaving the laundry out on the balcony. )

Changmin was starting to miss him, Junsu knew. He didn’t need to see or hear the words. Changmin was probably right about people using them too carelessly.

He’d replied to every message so far with a short update about how things were going with the performances and the interesting things he’d seen and the weird food he’d tasted, but after this one, he sent:

( Don’t leave the laundry out on the balcony when it’s raining, you idiot. It’s nice that you want to save the environment but use a dryer when you need to. }

They had a conversation on Skype that day. It was nice to hear Changmin’s voice, but Junsu could hear that he was tired, so he didn’t keep him up too long. They didn’t talk about the messages. It had become a thing separate from their normal conversations. Junsu liked it.

{ Day Seven. Yoochun’s girlfriend is half Japanese and (therefore?) supposedly very good in bed. He won’t shut up about it, please come back now and save me. )

{ Day Eight. Yoosun passed away. Sad you never got to know her. Held modest funeral. )

When he first read this, Junsu was so tired that for a moment he got really worried and wondered which of Changmin’s friends was Yoosun. When he remembered, he cursed his dorky boyfriend before collapsing onto his bed.

How nice would it be to be in Changmin’s arms again?

The updates continued, and Junsu worked so hard that the days flew by. It probably didn’t feel like that to Changmin, but Junsu didn’t have much time to worry about that. Until Changmin sent:

{ Day Twenty-One. I’m still alive. )

That message worried Junsu more than it would have anyone else. Changmin wasn’t trying to be funny, which could mean he wasn’t happy and didn’t even have enough energy to pretend.

It could also be that he was getting tired of coming up with new messages every day, but Junsu’s intuition told him that wasn’t the case. Changmin would give up on something within two days if it didn’t interest him.

( Skype? } he sent back.

{ Home in two hours. )

Junsu was supposed to go out with the rest of the cast, but he said he wasn’t feeling well and stayed by his laptop. What could have happened? Did someone die? Did Changmin lose his job?

He probably worried too much, but his heart almost stopped when Changmin finally came online.

“Hey,”

“Hey,” Changmin replied.

Junsu would have liked to see his face right now.

“What’s wrong?”

There was a short silence. “Nothing’s really wrong.. did I make you worry?”

Junsu took a breath of relief. “Just a little bit.”

“Sorry.. How was your day?”

Junsu smiled and shook his head. Changmin really missed him, that was what bothered him.

“Okay.. normal,” he said, “I’m ready to go home though, a bit tired of not understanding anyone.”

“Yeah, well, your English sucks, you should work on it.”

“...I just almost punched my laptop.”

Changmin laughed. “Come home so I can get you back for virtually punching me.”

“Almost, I said.”

“You should still come home.”

Junsu smiled at the carefully disguised emotion in Changmin’s voice that he was sharp enough to catch.

“I will. Just one more week.”

There were only a few people who understood Changmin almost as well as Junsu did. Yoochun was one of them.

They’d known Yoochun since their college days - which wasn’t a very long time ago, but they liked to pretend to be old and mature. ‘Back in my college days’ sounded much more impressive than ‘that one time, like, two years ago’.

They still met at the same coffee shop almost daily and Changmin had most likely been doing that without him.

When Junsu was abroad and Changmin became very grumpy, not everyone saw the link, but Yoochun would inform Junsu by email.

Dude, you need to come home.
He’s unbearable, yelling at his friends and complaining about strangers that walk past because their outfits don’t match the colour of the weather or something. I haven’t even dared to introduce him to my girlfriend yet. Imagine me going “oh, and this socially retarded raging beast is one of my best friends, he’s quite nice once you get to know him, I swear.”

Junsu knew that when Changmin’s cool facade crumbled in public, he was really very frustrated.

He was hiding it from him though. Junsu reread the message that Changmin had sent him not an hour ago.

{ Day Twenty-Six. Wondering if Jaejoong will bloom if I make him to listen to Super Junior. )

So stubborn, Junsu thought. He went to find his manager and ask if he could leave a little early, if he could find a plane.

Junsu arrived six hours before Changmin thought he would. It wasn’t much, but to him, every minute counted.

He headed to the coffee shop, because he suspected Changmin was too wound up to wait at home and needed Yoochun to calm him down. Yoochun had always deeply hated those moments. It was quite amusing.

Junsu was so excited to see Changmin again that when he spotted him by a small table in a corner, he forgot all his original plans to surprise him and just walked right up to him and hugged him from behind.

That was enough surprise in itself, and Changmin froze and then quickly turned around. Junsu laughed at the expression on his face.

“I came back because I missed you,” he said.

Changmin opened his mouth to say something back, but Junsu kissed it shut, uncaring about the eyes he felt on his back.

Someone slapped his shoulder, which made an uncomfortable end to their kiss.

“Su! you’re back!”

Junsu turned to glare at Yoochun and noticed the pretty girl behind him. He heard Changmin sigh in annoyance.

“Perfect timing,” Yoochun exclaimed. “I thought we’d have to go pick you up together, but now that you’re both here already.. this is Miu.”

“Oh my god, Chunnie, you didn’t tell me your friends were so hot!”

Somehow they let Yoochun drag them to a bigger table and order drinks. Junsu wanted nothing more than to be alone with Changmin, but he didn’t want to be impolite.

If he’d waited the six hours, he would have met Changmin in his car and they probably would have made out until someone knocked on the window and told them to move it.

Instead, they were facing this girl while Yoochun placed their order. She stared at them and Junsu smiled awkwardly. Changmin found his hand under the table.

“Do you follow the ‘never date the ex of a friend’ rule?” the girl asked. “Please say you don’t.”

Junsu smiled awkwardly and looked at Changmin, but Changmin kept her gaze.

Yoochun returned, saw the way she was looking at them and chuckled. “They’re already taken, Miu”

She pouted a cute perfected pout. “Both? Really?”

Changmin cleared his throat and lay his arm on the back of the couch behind Junsu’s shoulders. Junsu put a hand on Changmin’s knee.

“Ah..” Her eyes widened in understanding. She sighed. “Such a shame, the cutest guys are always-”

“Yah,” Yoochun said.

She giggled and lay her head on his shoulder for a moment. “You know I’m just teasing, Chun-ah.”

Yoochun claimed most of their afternoon, asking about Junsu's performances and Changmin's job and not so subtly boasting to his girlfriend about his talented friends, throwing in little comments on their relationship to remind her that they were gay.

When they finally got home after a quick meal, Junsu was exhausted. He hadn’t been able to sleep much on the plane.

They usually had the most passionate sex after they’d been apart for so long, but Junsu didn’t think he was up for that right now.

They left his bags in the car and Changmin almost carried him through the door. “I’m sorry,” Junsu said when Changmin kissed him softly and moved them to the bedroom, “I’m a bit-”

“Tired. I can see,” Changmin smiled. “That’s why I’m putting you to bed.”

“Tomorrow though..” Junsu said.

“Tomorrow I’m showing you how happy I am that you’re back.”

Junsu smiled when Changmin kissed him again. “You already are. You’re so easy to read.”

Changmin chuckled. “You’re the only one who reads me right.”

“I loved the texts,” Junsu mumbled.

He drifted off with a smile on his face, in Changmin’s arms.

I wrote an epilogue to his fic, but it made me cry and I won't make you read it. But if you do want to: here