Comments | dodger_sister: The Long-Awaited Mom Update.

dodger_sister

The Long-Awaited Mom Update.

Mar 24, 2016 17:12

So, I owe you all a Mom update. This is long, I have to go back to, uh, January, I guess it was. There was a Wednesday when my sister went to visit Mom at rehab and her breathing didn’t sound very good. Sis wanted to know what the doctor said. “Oh, I haven’t seen a doctor,” Mom tells her. Then on Sunday, Sis takes Mom to visit a sick friend. ( Read more... )

grumpy-face, burn the world, worrying walrus, family circus, blame canada, furry family, real life, emotional waxing, douchebags, sister oh sister

Comments 16

ceitfianna March 24 2016, 21:48:56 UTC

*hugs* I'm glad you found a balance that works for you as her health needs to be her concern. Its disturbing how she's not getting it but it sounds like that's not something you or anyone else can change for her. I mean if none of this has given her a wake up call, I don't know what will.

dodger_sister March 26 2016, 20:08:06 UTC

I mean if none of this has given her a wake up call, I don't know what will.

Exactly. And if she won't put any effort into herself, then why should I? I actually feel so freed now that I've set down these boundaries for myself. My counselor was working on them with me, but I wasn't ready to go this extreme, until the day she fell of the toilet and wasn't wearing her life alert and then I decided, right then, that I was ready, that extreme was what was needed. I mean, if she calls and says into the machine, "Hey, just wanted to chat," I will call her back, I'm not ignoring her completely, but I'm also not going to make any extra effort. My stress levels are way down already!

shirebound March 24 2016, 22:49:36 UTC

So exhausting for all of you. It must be utterly frustrating that your mom isn't fighting for her life and health as hard as she should be. *sigh*

Lucky, lucky Winston. That pup has nine lives for sure.

*encouraging hugs*

dodger_sister March 26 2016, 20:16:40 UTC

So exhausting for all of you. It must be utterly frustrating that your mom isn't fighting for her life and health as hard as she should be. *sigh*Mom has some mental illnesses that have played into her desire for attention and to be like, "Why does this always happen to me?" so I tried to be understanding at first, because also a lot of the health stuff wasn't anything she did wrong anyways. But you reach a point where she has to get help and help herself and if she won't, I can't be expected to carry the weight that she refuses to carry. I've been reading about dealing with people with mental illnesses and where you should step back for your own sake and one thing it said was when they are active in their own treatment, try to support them as best you can, but when they are refusing treatment or not trying to get help, you don't have to be there. I equate it to an addict, you can say, "When you're ready to get help, I'll be there for you 100%, but until then, I can't do this." So that's kind of where I'm at. Unfortunately, I see ( ... )

vikingprincess March 24 2016, 23:56:29 UTC

I think you're making the best choice you possibly can for where things are right now.

Stay strong! :D

dodger_sister March 26 2016, 20:22:11 UTC

I think you're making the best choice you possibly can for where things are right now.

I was working on boundaries with my counselor, but I wasn't ready to be this hardcore until the day she fell off the toilet, NOT wearing her life alert dammit, and I was like, "Okay, I can't do this anymore." If she calls and wants to chat or whatever, I'll chat with her, but I can't deal with the drama. Once she is able to come over, with more spoons, I thought I do biweekly Racko games with her possibly (an activity is always better) but I have to be strict with myself about staying out of her drama, not answering when she calls about every little drama queen thing, not allowing her to talk about her medical stuff or 'woe is me', steering her from that the way I steer Dad from politics.

I feel so much freer and lighter and less stressed in the last 2 weeks, you have no idea. I'm actually on break from my counselor for 3 months while she's on maternity leave, but I wish I could tell her how good I'm doing, she'd be so proud!

Stay strong! :D ( ... )

vikingprincess March 26 2016, 21:58:37 UTC

Yeah, refusing the life alert was like refusing to meet everyone even 25% of the way. Bad Mom! No biscuit!

I will either bitch slap you around or bury you in blankies and sit on you with the cats and Winston.

dodger_sister March 26 2016, 22:23:01 UTC

or bury you in blankies and sit on you with the cats and Winston.

Also acceptable!

lindahoyland March 25 2016, 03:12:30 UTC

Hugs.

dodger_sister March 26 2016, 20:24:30 UTC

Thank you, your hugs are always welcome!

Honestly, it is sad that Mom is still doing so badly, but I feel so much lighter since I took a step back. Of course, I'll always be her for her, but I can't be here for every little thing all the time and these boundaries have been wonderful for my stress levels. And maybe as she gets to feeling better, I can loosen them a little too. :)

bugeyedmonster March 25 2016, 18:59:31 UTC

Hugs. Sorry to hear that she's not helping herself. (I'm wondering if a psychiatrist or psychologist could go out there, assess her, and maybe some therapy and some anti-depressants would help? It's also got to be frustrating that your body is rebelling against you, and you can't do what you used to.)

Also wondering if there is some way you and your siblings could get together and have her sent to some sort of assisted living facility. That way she'd have someone around to talk to (other residents) and there would be staff to help with her needs.

OTOH, those places can be expensive. Y'all might have to sell her home and such to get her enough funds.

And Medicare sucks. My mom does better when she has psychical therapy, but Medicare doesn't want to pay for much. Or they want to see great improvement, but my mom is never going to be able to get out of a wheelchair on her own.

dodger_sister March 26 2016, 20:43:28 UTC

Hugs. Sorry to hear that she's not helping herself. (I'm wondering if a psychiatrist or psychologist could go out there, assess her, and maybe some therapy and some anti-depressants would help? It's also got to be frustrating that your body is rebelling against you, and you can't do what you used to.)Mom actually has untreated mental illnesses that she has always refused to get diagnosed. Bipolar for sure, but possibly Borderline Personality Disorder. She has told her GP several times that she is depressed and he keeps saying, "Well, of course you are, look at what you're going through!" and then not doing anything. I mean, just because her depression is 'warranted' (whatever that means, all depression is warranted) doesn't mean she shouldn't get treatment for it. Something to take the edge off, and someone to talk to about her frustrations, so she doesn't put it all on us kids. We tried to get her an assessment in the rehab but they said they don't do that kind of thing and since her GP is being uncooperative, we're kind of at a ( ... )