I think being a good leader and being a good follower are two sides of the same coin. If you're a good follower, you know what kind of support your leader needs, and if you're a good leader, you know how to be responsible for your followers. The skill sets are complementary. I think Jack has a strongly hierarchical mindset, able to take any role in that hierarchy as the situation calls for it, and that this mindset follows logically from his background. He became a soldier at a very young age when aliens invaded his planet. Being in the military means living in a strong hierarchy. That was a formative stage in his life, and some part of him remained a soldier ever since. I don't see how his behavior in Doctor Who and Torchwood is at all contradictory. When he got to know the Doctor, he recognized him as a good leader that it would do him credit to follow and support. In Torchwood, when Alex committed murder-suicide, Jack recognized that he needed to step up and fill that role. It's the soldier's mindset at work.
I wouldn't say Jack became a soldier, but then again, his father did give him orders, he did become, like a soldier responsible for his younger brother. However, I very much agree with your analysis of Jack. When he comes to Earth, he becomes a soldier for Torchwood and works with the Red Cross and fights in both World Wars, so he does look at things rather like a soilder.
No, he did become a soldier. He said in the Torchwood episode "Captain Jack Harkness" that he joined the military to fight the alien invaders that tore his family apart. It's implied that he was very young then. I infer that he joined very soon after losing Gray.
Jack knew he was immortal--or at least that he couldn't die before he joined Torchwood. He went to America first. I think he said the first time he died was on Ellis Island.
However: Instead of leaping at the chance to see the Doctor again, he makes the choice that he can be more valuable working alongside him. The scene where he tells Gwen and Ianto "I'm coming back." is where we see that Jack has really changed. He's treating this like a job he has to do and when it's done, he'll return to his family.
He helps the Doctor again, but there's no puppy love left in Jack. He sees the Doctor as an equal and acts accordingly. When he leaves the TARDIS with Martha and Mickey, I see him returning to his team as fast as he can. He doesn't look back. Yes, indeed. Very much THIS.
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However:
Instead of leaping at the chance to see the Doctor again, he makes the choice that he can be more valuable working alongside him. The scene where he tells Gwen and Ianto "I'm coming back." is where we see that Jack has really changed. He's treating this like a job he has to do and when it's done, he'll return to his family.
He helps the Doctor again, but there's no puppy love left in Jack. He sees the Doctor as an equal and acts accordingly. When he leaves the TARDIS with Martha and Mickey, I see him returning to his team as fast as he can. He doesn't look back.
Yes, indeed. Very much THIS.
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