What is the worst that could happen? (crackfic)
The very loosely related companion piece to the " AIBA WAS A FORCE OF CHAOS, AND EVERYONE KNEW THAT" crackfic.
This may or may not have been inspired by my doing something similar at work.
Title: What is the worst that could happen?
Pairing: Matsumiya, Aimatsumiya
Warning: Science is dangerous, folks, trust me on this one.
In spite of knowing better, Jun sometimes, most of the time really found himself to be a willing participant in Aiba’s experimental schemes. Despite the fact that somehow he had gotten a ‘cool’ image, he was a geek at heart, and loved the experiments as much as Aiba did. It was a shame that they didn’t have more 'lets to random things to see what happenes' opportunities, but it was probably safer for all of them. It was nice though, Jun had commented, and Nino had agreed one night, to see Aiba happy, and smiling and beaming when he got to conduct some of his experiments, but it was not always worth the hazard to their health. But they were Arashi, and had been thought a LOT worse than Aiba’s schemes, so it was not like it was that hazardous, really. At least that was what Jun told their managers when it was Aiba experimentation day again, in order to try out a segment for a show, and in spite of the logic that said otherwise, their managers had to agree. Arashi had done a lot of dangerous things, what was the worst that a little bit of liquid nitrogen could do?
“What is the worst that it can do?” Was exactly what Nino was grumbling to himself as he watched Aiba, and Jun, run their experiments. It was rare to see Jun so happy and open and smiling, an ear to ear smile that rivaled Aiba’s. It was a Jun that reminded Nino of their beginnings, who was just so happy to be there, and to be with them, and honestly, Jun with a smile that wide was disarming. Aiba and Jun together with those smiles was deadly. It was the only reason that Nino was sitting here, 'supervising' this entire dry run.
It started out normal enough. What happens is we add hot soup (block of soup). Boiling tea (tea ice cubes that Nino refused to try despite Aiba’s assurance that they were edible (of course Jun had made him wait until they warmed up some as to ‘not freeze you tongue off, moron’). Dry ice (surprisingly boring). Fruits (lame). Mabo Tofu (gross looking (and nasty freezer burned taste after the fact, Jun assured Nino as he looked nauseated). A tea cup (did not break, until Aiba dropped it and Jun and the staff had to clean up the glass fragments before they continued). Things like that. Nothing out of the ordinary, and while Jun and Aiba were laughing and smiling and brainstorming, Nino was a bit bored. Alright that was a lie. He was distracted, and instead of staring at Jun, and Aiba, in open admiration, as Jun did not need the boost to his ego (which we all also know is a lie, as sometimes, despite the numerous images to the contrary, all he could see was the junior that he was, not the man that he had grown into) but it was more that Nino didn’t like letting Jun know that he was staring, even though Jun knew, he always knew, just like Nino knew when Jun was looking. Aiba, Aiba always looked, so there was nothing to hide there.
“How about we try something different?” Aiba asked, and Nino paused his game, glancing up at the pair with downcast eyes. This was never a good suggestion.
Aiba + experiments + new = usually a disaster.
Nino could hear the buzzing of the staff in the background, and he was certain that someone had been sent off for medical. Jun usually knew better than this, and Nino would have to have a talk with him later. They were supposed to be the voice of reason, to keep Aiba from accidentally killing himself for the sake of science.
Defiantly need to talk to Jun about this later. In detail.
“Depends, what are you considering?” Jun looked to Aiba, a hand on his hip, his head cocked sideways in thought. Today he had on his glasses as well as the lab coat, and it was quite striking. Far too striking. Striking in the I want to pin you to the wall and do bad things to you, or bend you over the lab bench but the staff are around kind of way. Though Nino was sure that real scientists didn’t stand with just that cock to the hip, and look through the glasses with that much intensity, and from the look that Jun shot Nino, before returning his attention to Aiba, Nino knew that Jun knew that he was looking, and was doing in on purpose. Bastard.
“Soda!” was Aiba’s reply and Jun ran a hand through his hair, mussing it slightly, and glancing to Nino with a smirk.
“Soda, sounds fascinating.” Jun drawled, lazily, and Nino’s eyes narrowed. He was definitely doing this on purpose. Jerk.
“I am not sure that it will do anything though, since the dry ice didn’t do much and its just carbon dioxide, and that’s what makes soda bubble, but I am not sure what we should expect.” Aiba rambled on, grabbing a bottle of soda off of a nearby cart with a smile, and Jun shot Nino a look, one that promised a great many things and one that Nino could not help but return, before turning his attention back to the matter at hand.
Sadly, adding the soda bottle into the liquid nitrogen did not seem to do much of anything. At all. The soda was added. Jun waited, as did Aiba, as did Nino, though he did not really show it, playing at pushing buttons on his game, but it was obviously watching.
With a sigh Aiba moved back to the cart. “I guess we will just have to try something else, that was disappointing.
“We need to get it out first.” Jun commented, moving towards the table, and that was when it happened.
Nino heard a boom, and he could see vapors, and liquid flying everywhere, and Jun was jumping back, his hands brushing frantically at his pants, and his cry of “owowowowowowo. Coldcoldcoldcoldcold.” had Nino on edge. His DS was discarded in the chair and he was at Jun’s side, scanning him for damage, trying to figure out what the heck had just happened, and Aiba was frantically talking with the staff, who was sending for a clean up crew, and the medics, just to make sure.
“It-he got-“ Jun managed to gasp out, his hands still moving across the front of his pants before he sighed, and looked to Nino.
“He got?” Nino promoted, glad to see Jun relaxing, and there did not appear to be any blood.
“Liquid nitrogen, across the front of my pants. On the important parts. But everything appears to be fine.” Jun’s voice was soft. “I can at least feel that it is cold, which means it probably is not damaged.
“Damanged would be bad MatsuJun.” Aiba commented from where he was squatting beside them, watching Nino fuss over Jun.
“Bad? You tried to freeze his bits off, Masaki.” Nino’s voice was low. Scathing. “He needs those bits.”
Jun nodded. “I do like them as they are.”
“We all do, MatsuJun!” Aiba chimed and Jun could not help but smile. Which Nino felt was not appropriate.
“You tried to burn his dick off, Masaki.” Nino repeated, and he could feel Jun grab his hand.
“He did not try to, it was an accident, and I am fine.” Jun’s voice was low, soothing, and Nino could hear the running steps in the hallway, and he was sure that managers and medics, and probably Ohno and Sho had been alerted to the disaster.
“If nothing else, Nino-chan, it will be fun to play with Jun later, to make sure that everything is working as it should. I think it will be a lot of fun, huh Jun?” Aiba’s voice was soft and he patted Jun’s crotch, gently rubbing a hand across it as he watched the door. He did not lift his hand, but Nino could see a smile growing on his lips.
“it seems that it is working just fine.” Aiba added and moved his hand and grinned at Nino. “It is rare for you to show concern though, were you worried?” He was serious and Nino knew that both Jun and Nino were looking at him.
“Of course I was. I like Jun’s-“ Nino stopped as Jun chuckled.
“Jun’s… Not me, just my bits? Really Nino, I thought we were out of the denial phase.”
"Stop being an idiot. You know that I care." Nino growled, and Jun smiled, nodding as he stood, offering Nino a hand, pulling him to his feet as well.
“You can have first dibs tonight, to make sure it was working. That was the plan anyways, since I know how much you love me in the lab coat.” Jun’s voice was low in Nino’s ear, and Nino could hear Aiba at the door, delaying the people trying to come in enough to let Jun and Nino step away from each other, and Nino just shook his head, though he could not keep the slight smile from his lips.
They were a pair of idiots, to be sure, but they were his idiots, and he would make sure that they both recalled that by the end of the day.
EPILOGUE:
Jun should have known from the moment that Aiba bound into the room, all smiles and humming that it was going to be a bad day. When Aiba plopped down next to him on the couch, arm to arm and thigh to thigh he was certain that it was a bad day. From the day that Nino was hiding his face in Ohno's shoulder Jun knew that he was easily readable with those thoughts, but of course this did not phase Aiba.
"As you all know," Aiba started, and Sho and Ohno paused what they were doing to look up. "There was an incident yesterday with liquid nitrogen and Jun--" Aiba stopped as Sho's eyes bugged out.
"An accident? You tried to freeze his... his...." Sho stammered and Aiba nodded.
"It was not on purpose, but I can assure you that I made quite certain that everything was perfectly alright with MatsuJunior last ni--"
SMACK
Aiba stopped speaking and instead moved to rub his head as Jun stood, growling at him.
"Moron." Jun stalked away, and he stopped to glare at Nino who was cackling madly, Ohno himself was chuckling and Sho, sitting beside them, had his hands buried in his hands, making what sounded like sobs.
"Matsu--jun--ior!" Nino managed to get out between laughs, and when, as Jun stalked by, his cheeks burning in embarrassment he tried to swing at Nino, who ducked behind leader, and there was no way that Jun would hit Ohno with his ring. "You know Jun-pon--" Nino leered from behind the safety of Ohno as Jun stalked to the door, trying to take what was left of his pride with him (though as a Johnny's and being in Arashi, the pride had been beaten out of them long ago). "I am willing to make sure that Junior is still working tonight. Multiple sample sets you know."
Jun could hear Aiba agreeing, and Ohno's chuckling getting louder, and Sho's sobs drowning out everything.
"Not if I have anything to say about it." Jun growled, and as the door slammed he was certain that he heard Nino say something about rope, and Aiba as a secret weapon.
This would not be good, unless it was. But he would not go down without a fight.