Do you ever get so sick of yourself that you want to throw away your entire personality and history and start all over again? Do you ever make yourself sick to your stomach telling yourself how much you suck
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Mostly I get angry at myself for not taking as much initiative as I might have. Like, oh I wanted to be that person but I'm this other person instead, boo, hiss!
Yah--Womzilla got a bumper-sticker on this theme for our car: "I used to be an honor student. I wonder what happened?"
Usually I try to look at what I do have in life rather than what I don't, which is usually enough to keep me out of the Slough of Despond. When I can't, I do what I can to turn that nasty-talking brain off until it's ready to treat me better--not drugs, but napping or reading or movies-- Other narratives to take the place of my life-narrative for a while!
I have days like that, yes. My favorite broken record is how much everyone else sucks, though. I genuinely bust my ass in advance to prevent myself from sucking and yet I still get an ass load of buttsuck. Most of my personal suck stems from being weak to the trauma of the suck of others and the joys of a kernel filled childhood.
Thanks to you though, in the dim suck of a of a migraine, I didn't have to spend it wishin', Lord, that I had some tramadol.
I don't even know either. Hope yours takes a turn upwards.
Yeah. When that Black Dog has moved in for a spell... hate myself, hate my life, feel that there's no way out and that, even if by some miracle there *were* a way to fix things, I'd be undeserving of that miracle.
Nor do I. But maybe the way they say things differently from other things are similar. Hell if I know.
And identity-wise, yes. I'm going to be visiting my girlfriends in the Bay Area and Kentucky, and taking a break from quakeytown for a month. While I know it won't work that way, there's a part of me that does want to leave and not come back.
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I hope tomorrow is better! <3
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Usually I try to look at what I do have in life rather than what I don't, which is usually enough to keep me out of the Slough of Despond. When I can't, I do what I can to turn that nasty-talking brain off until it's ready to treat me better--not drugs, but napping or reading or movies-- Other narratives to take the place of my life-narrative for a while!
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I have days like that, yes. My favorite broken record is how much everyone else sucks, though. I genuinely bust my ass in advance to prevent myself from sucking and yet I still get an ass load of buttsuck. Most of my personal suck stems from being weak to the trauma of the suck of others and the joys of a kernel filled childhood.
Thanks to you though, in the dim suck of a of a migraine, I didn't have to spend it wishin', Lord, that I had some tramadol.
I don't even know either. Hope yours takes a turn upwards.
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At least there are felines.
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The short version: I hear ya'.
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Do I have days where I hate myself? Oh, you bet I do. Thing is, I give myself a chance to leave that shit behind and sometimes it even works.
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And identity-wise, yes. I'm going to be visiting my girlfriends in the Bay Area and Kentucky, and taking a break from quakeytown for a month. While I know it won't work that way, there's a part of me that does want to leave and not come back.
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