Week #76 - Remix 2

Sep 10, 2009 21:12

Title: Cross That Bridge All On Your Own
Rating: PG13/T
Characters: Ms. Mikami, Teru, Takada, Light, Gevanni for a bit, assorted dead criminals
Warnings: Gruesome imagery, violence and threats, and if it's half as heartbreaking as the original it deserves a warning for that too.
Word Count: 3993
A/N: This is a remix of lycoris's Ghosts of the Mind, with ( Read more... )

phoebonica, week #76 - remix 2

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Comments 15

viola_canina September 11 2009, 02:16:20 UTC
Okay, this totally made me cry. Y-you evil person. ;-;

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phoebonica September 11 2009, 10:43:07 UTC
I'm sorry. :'( It made me cry too. As did the original.

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versipellis September 11 2009, 12:02:13 UTC
Oh my gods.

If I were not reading this at work, I would definitely be crying. That was just amazing... you got his mother's desperation and misery across so well and yet I loved it that she never gave up and I also loved the attitude she had to him, horrified at what he'd done but still loving him. Gods. This was incredibly emotionally wrenching but it was also amazing.

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phoebonica September 11 2009, 16:36:18 UTC
Thank you! I'm glad that all came through well - it was hard writing from the point of view of someone who's basically powerless for most of the story, but I think the repetitiveness ended up working to show how desperate she was... And, um, sorry for nearly making you cry at work?

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versipellis September 12 2009, 18:37:54 UTC
I think the determination to break free from the powerlessness really carried the story on - you did it well.

No worries, little outbursts of emotion prompted by DN are always fun ^^

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vashti September 11 2009, 21:50:40 UTC
So I had tears running down my face by the halfway mark, and the last two lines made me sob for real. You did good. This is so, so beautiful.

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phoebonica September 11 2009, 23:45:07 UTC
Thank youuu. Again. <3 (Everyone who's commented on this has said it made them cry. I am responsible for mass flooding. Apparently.)

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darkluna September 11 2009, 21:52:24 UTC
Gah, I was tearing up by the end of the first section, and crying outright by the end. This is beautifully written, and hurty in all the right ways. I love the idea of Teru creating his own heaven or hell. Really amazing work.

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phoebonica September 12 2009, 00:07:57 UTC
Thank you! I like speculating about the different possiblities for 'nothingness'. (It's probably meant to mean just oblivion, but that's depressing... and I may have been slightly influenced by Terry Pratchett, hmm.) And I'm glad it was hurty in the good ways.

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sabriel75 September 15 2009, 11:57:02 UTC
Interesting concept. Detailed but more emotionally impactful than descriptive. Nice touch to an already strangling-ly desperate feel to Teru as well as his mother.

Do love the last three sentences.

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phoebonica September 15 2009, 18:30:33 UTC
Thank you!

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